Chapter 31 - Improvements
That weekend the new equipment came, in the morning, making Howard and Leonard look at each other as each piece was unpacked and put on the tables of the lab. The new suit fuel cells were expected, but the new weapon systems were not, and the new chemical reaction bags, for the weapons, where something Leonard had never seen before. Howard found he was a little bit concerned, because it was equipment he was not familiar with, Tim Man had always been something he knew everything about, now things were becoming different, the suit was becoming different and Howard wasn't sure he liked that. However they had a job to do, so Howard dug in, emptying the boxes with Leonard, Major Lee and the technicians. They would be spending the morning and afternoon just learning about this stuff, so he figured they better begin.
Some of the equipment, Howard was given, he never seen before, like a new helmet display system that looked like something out of a jet fighter's pilot helmet, it was incredibly sophisticated, yet incredibly small. There were updated movement servos, hardened computer processor packs and many other new devices, some Howard had only heard about and some he never knew existed. It would take him the next week just understanding these new pieces and like any engineer, Howard smiled as he opened up one of the specification sheets and began his studying.
Leonard was also quite busy with new equipment, it seemed it was expected for him to take care of the weapon systems, because of his Tin Man laser. So Leonard spent the day like Howard, studying the new equipment and trying to understand hardware he never saw before. The first thing that Leonard looked at was the new laser, and got a big surprise, it was completely different than anything he had worked with, so he put it off to the side, he would have to study it later. There was also a new discharge system that acted like a huge taser for the suit, to prevent anyone from directly attacking the wearer. Then finally there was a sensor system, that Leonard didn't even understand, so he put it with the laser, again he would have to learn more about it later.
Howard and Leonard spent the whole afternoon like two scientists at Christmas, opening boxes and marveling at what was inside. They had actually had have sandwiches pushed in front of their faces, or they would have not eaten, their curiosity now having complete control of their thoughts and actions. Howard soon was powering up the new computer equipment, and running diagnostics, oblivious to the world. Leonard was drawn back to the laser, it was his enigma and he had to learn more.
It was late afternoon, when Leonard got off the telecom with the Army research center, their briefing on the new laser, necessary for Leonard to make it work. It was a new experimental system made for tanks, a radar system on the tanks detecting smart shells coming at the tank, and this new laser, directed by the computer, pulsed them and destroy their guidance. It came as a unit, the laser and turret, and it was half the size Leonard and Howard had installed in Tin Man. Leonard slowly ate his sandwich as he looked at it, he was impressed at its small size and awed by its power, but even more, he was frightened something like it actually existed. A little chill passed through him, the particular unit they had supplied him was enhanced to handle more power, Tin Man was to become stronger and deadlier.
- TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN -
Saturday was Bernadette's day of reckoning, like Thursday had been Penny's. She was home that day because she had actually been told to take the weekend off by her boss, who had told her he was worried about her. She was way ahead on her projects and the lab was still trying to catch up with her work, management even said they were going to give her a bonus, but none of it made up for what she felt. It was 10 AM in the morning and she was still in the bed, she was not sleepy, but couldn't find the energy to move and her friend, Penny, had left an hour ago to work. At the moment she felt incredible and unreasonable jealousy towards Penny, she had someplace to go and something to do, something Bernadette desperately wanted and needed. However, those thoughts only made Bernadette feel worse as she knew, if it wasn't for Penny, she would have not have been able to do as well as she had been.
Bernadette and Penny had become such good friends the last two weeks, she even felt like Penny was her sister, they had confided in each other so much. Even though they both were working long hours, when they found themselves together in the apartment, they couldn't stop talking, it was like a relief they both wanted and needed. Bernadette had told Penny almost all her secrets and Penny hers, even one about a "B" movie she had done when she first came to Pasadena, that she was so ashamed of, she never told anyone else. However none of that was doing any good now, it only made her feel worse and she pulled the covers over her head groaning, she just wished this day would end. She was completely surprised at her phone ringing, she almost hurt herself leaping to nightstand to get it, and the contact information on the screen made her want to scream.
"HOWIE!"
"Hey Punkin, everything alright?" Howard asked with a little concern.
"Honey, everything is alright now. I missed you so much Honey. Are you okay, no one is picking on you are they? Oh, Howie, I miss you so much." She then started to cry.
Howard had been standing outside the building door drinking the last of his soda, getting some sun, his lunch break almost over, when he called, he just wanted to say 'HI' to his wife. However the woman on the other end of the phone was upset and Howard was now happy he called and extremely worried about her. "Bernie, what's wrong Honey?" he said gently.
"Sniff, I miss you so much. I don't know, it just hurts." Now as her mind was catching up to her grief, Bernadette knew she was worrying him and that was never her intent. "Howie, don't mind me, I'm just a little lonely, Penny is at work and I am here alone, it just makes the apartment seem more empty."
"Bernie, you don't have to be brave for me, I love you remember, you can tell me anything, I love you." he whispered.
It was like a dam broke in Bernadette's mind, she started to fall apart, the feelings she suppressed from even before he went to space came poring out. "Howie, I love you so much…." her sobs then began.
Howard leaned against the wall as he tried to understand her words between the crying, not knowing what to say. How could he possibly make her feel better, when what she needed most was just a shoulder to cry on, it made him feel helpless. He didn't even notice Leonard walk out the door to joint him, until he saw his concerned face in front of him, mouthing the words 'What's wrong?'
It was forty minutes later before Howard could hang up, Leonard had called Amy and she now was with Bernadette, comforting her. It was all Howard could do to hit end on his phone, his worry was so great, only Amy's comforting words that she would stay there and Bernadette would be alright, making it possible for him to disconnect. Even then he looked at Leonard helpless as the phone went dead.
"Howard, she will be okay, Amy said she'll stay there at least till Penny comes home, and all night if she has too. You know she loves Bernadette too, as a friend."
Howard just nodded, then looked at Leonard with pain in his eyes. "Am I a bad husband?"
"NO! What makes you think that?" Leonard was surprised at the question.
"If I am not a bad husband, why am I hurting my wife so bad?"
"It is not you Howard, it is this situation. Amy told me that both the girls are lonely and Penny is having problems too. Penny told me she moved some of my stuff to her apartment Thursday, but Amy said her and Sheldon, found Penny sleeping in my bed with some of my clothes on that evening when they got there. So just like you, I am not making this happen to Penny, and you are not doing anything to Bernadette, it is just this situation." Leonard then gave him a small sad smile, "I love Penny so much, I hate to say it, but it is sort of nice to know she feels the same way. I can't still believe we are really married, it seems like some kind of dream."
Howard nodded returning the small smile, "Thanks Pal."
That night Penny came home with some wine for an impromptu girls night, they were going to drink wine, watch movies and just comfort each other. They were all good friends, more like sisters, and tonight they were going to spend the night together, Amy more than happy to spend the night. Since Bernadette was still in pajamas, Penny quickly changed while Amy pored the wine, before she changed too. Penny had just brought out pajamas for Amy when she proposed a toast, 'To good friends forever, besties to the end.'
The girls clicked glasses, Penny and Amy quickly sipping their drinks, however Bernadette took a sip and then turned green, suddenly running to the bathroom. Amy stared at Penny and she stared back in return, both of them thinking the same thing and it was Penny who spoke first. "It has been two weeks."
"For some people the symptoms show up as soon as the hormones start appearing."
Penny just nodded, "I'll go check on her, could you….."
"I know an all night pharmacy near by, I'll be right back." Amy grabbed her purse and jacket, then quickly left.
Penny made Bernadette drink a couple of glasses of juice while Amy was gone, explaining what they needed to do, to a now worried Bernadette, who just stared at Penny and nodded. If seemed like it was only a few moments later that she was in the bathroom, as Penny waited outside, peeing on the three different pregnancy tests Amy got her that night, the other two girls nervously excited on what the results could be. Bernadette however felt like she was in a trance, she felt she was watching someone else do this than her and she felt like a zombie as she moved through the actions without will.
It never seemed to fail, time went by so slow, when you were waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. Penny, Amy and Bernadette just sat there quietly not knowing what to say to each other as they all stared at the turned over tests on Bernadette's nightstand. Since Bernadette had cried on Amy's shoulder that afternoon she naturally leaned against her as her friend put her arm around her, trying to comfort the trembling small woman. Penny sat on the other side just as close, one hand on her phone the other gently rubbing Bernadette's back, trying like Amy to comfort her nervous friend. The phone timer made them all jump, when it went off, and Bernadette looked at Penny, then Amy, with pleading eyes, Penny hadn't seen Bernadette this scared since Howard left.
"Do you want us to look at them?" Penny also felt very nervous as she looked at her friend.
Bernadette just nodded and closed her eyes.
Penny slowly turned the first test over, then looked to Amy, her friend looking down to Bernadette, then just nodding for Penny to continue. Each test was the same, Penny and Amy looking at each other after each result was displayed, all three positive, and a sudden sense of joy for their friend came over them. But for Penny along with the joy came a pang of jealously, she couldn't really understand because she suddenly felt a deep regret that they were not her tests. There was a tightness in her gut as she realized that she wished Leonard's baby was in her, too, like Howard's was in Bernadette's, even though they had only had been married for such a sort time. It was scary to her how much she wanted that, right now, and it was only Bernadette's voice that broke her from her thoughts.
"Penny…Amy?" Bernadette almost whispered, afraid to open her eyes.
Penny and Amy immediately hugged their friend, "Positive, they are all positive." Amy told her as both girls now started to cry.
"Really!" Bernadette was trying to process her feelings and the only thing she could feel was joy, so much joy, happy tears immediately started to leave her eyes just like her friends. As Bernadette hugged Amy and Penny back, the thought of Howard's baby in her, made Bernadette feel both warm and tingly at the same time and any previous thought of not having children, with him, was washed away with her sudden happiness. Another thing even more important happened to Bernadette as the realization came to her she was not alone anymore, she wouldn't be alone now while Howard was gone, they were a family and two of the family were with her, she would be okay now, mommy and baby would be fine till daddy came home.
The girls hugged each other for a long time, the emotion of this event deeply touching them all, plus what made this even more special was that this was the first baby of their group. Finally after while, they cried themselves out and as they pulled away from each other, then all laughed because their messed up hair and tear stained faces made them all look like clowns. They needed to celebrate so they all got a drink of juice and clinked their glasses together again, 'To the first baby, and best wishes to the new parents', it made Bernadette smile, her first truly happy smile since Howard left.
- TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN -
Later after they all went asleep Penny lay on the sofa-bed feeling better that Bernadette was better and happy, she was so happy about being pregnant. Penny was also confused, because when she first found out, she had actually been jealous that Bernadette was pregnant and she was not. She didn't want children yet, yes she wanted Leonard's children, but just not yet, but the thought about being pregnant with Leonard's child, was something she couldn't get out of her mind. She sort of knew why, too, she was so worried about Leonard, she just wanted to have a piece of him inside her. She was scared, she had watched him almost die twice, they were the most horrible events ever in her life, and it had made her seriously realize she didn't want to spend her life without him. That what was making these weeks so hard, not knowing if he was really safe, if she would really see him again and the more she dwelled on those thoughts the more upset she got.
Penny rolled over and sighed, hugging her pillow even harder, since Leonard left she couldn't sleep without holding it, she knew it was a poor substitute for him, but she needed it anyway. She had been rolling back and forth, trying so hard to get comfortable, but was having no luck. She laid there not being able to sleep, she had too much on her mind now, she hated when she was like this, because she knew there was only one person that could help, Leonard.
Eventually she worked her self up so much, she couldn't stand it anymore, so Penny reached over to the arm of the chair where she had her cell phone. She felt do guilty, but she really couldn't help herself, finally pushing the speed dial on her phone, and so the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sorry Sweetie."
"Penny is everything alright." his voice sounding like someone coming out of a deep sleep.
Penny was not surprised his first words were concern about her well being, that was just the way he was and why she loved him. "Yes, everything is alright, I'm…I miss you Leonard and I can't sleep thinking about you and I just needed to talk you a couple of minutes. I'm such a mess, I keep calling you in the middle of the night, I'm so sorry."
It was so cute and adorable hearing how much she missed him, Leonard chuckled a little to himself, "Honey, you can call me anytime at night you want, you don't have to be sorry."
They talked for about ten minutes, his voice so soothing Penny, it gradually made her relax, as she laid in the bed, her eyes partially closed, just listening to him. Finally she felt her eyelids getting very heavy, she started yawning and in this now relaxed state she started to get sleepy. "Honey, I probably should let you get some sleep."
Leonard chucked again, he knew how she sounded when she was tired, she wasn't fooling him, "Oh, I guess somebody is tired now."
"I know, I am terrible, you always make me feel better, if you were holding me, I would be asleep already." Penny squeezed her pillow tighter as she thought about holding him.
"Well I am happy you called me to make you feel better. Like I said you can call me anytime you want…..okay."
"Okay…..I love you Sweetie…..I really, really love you."
"You know I feel the same way Honey, I love you."
"I know, well I really better let you sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, right?"
"Of course, goodnight Love Bug."
Penny softly giggled, "Good night my homunculus." She heard him chuckle at that, as she prepared to hang up, However it took them about 5 'I love you's' each before they were able to finally hang up on each other. Both of them going to sleep with smiles on their faces.
- TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN -
As Sunday began, Howard worked less with Leonard as the physicist started to work with more on the new laser, it had a new turret, discharge capacitor and power regulator. Leonard was going to need to understand it's particular operation, assemble it, then do test firings before he integrated into the suit computers. It was actually a challenge and Leonard liked challenges so the rest of the day went quickly for him.
Howard started Sunday by studying the new safety systems in the new equipment
provided to him by the Army. It was all different and he hated having to look at lines of computer code, someone else wrote, and try to figure out what they did. Also, this Sunday things had become different, the two weeks of working on Tin Man, had now made Major Lee, and the two Army technicians that were helping them, confident to work on Tin Man themselves. Howard knew with this added help they would have the suit ready by the Army's deadline, but he worried that with all the people helping now, he was loosing complete knowledge of the workings of the suit, as the Army personnel performed repairs and upgrades with limited supervision by him. He promised himself he would watch them closely, so he knew everything they did, but deep down inside he wondered if that was even possible.