Chapter 46

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other" – Audrey Hepburn

Hotch was busy making certain he hadn't overlooked anything. He had packed the get well cards. And not really knowing why, he opened the top drawer of the night table, and noticed Betsy, the little troll he had stuffed inside to hide from everybody.

Reaching inside, he picked up the little troll and smiled. He fondly recalled the day Garcia visited. She had left the little figure to keep him company. At the time, he was annoyed having something so embarrassing sitting on his bed. But as he now stared at the troll, he discovered he had become fond of Betsy. He packed it into his go bag, promising when he returned to work, Betsy would have a place of honor in his office. Next was the bear sitting in the chair. What was he to do with Hotch the Second? He was unable to pack it in his go bag; it was too big. Then, the telephone rang, and he picked up the receiver.

"Hotchner."

"Hey, Hotch. It's Will. How you doin'?"

"Hey, Will. I'm doing okay. How are you?"

"Henry, JJ and I are fine. I'm callin' 'cause Henry wants to come for a visit today."

"I won't be here, Will. I'm going home today."

"Hey, that's great news! Congratulations."

"Thanks. Haley and Dave are coming to pick me up soon."

"That's great. Hold on, Hotch. Henry is tuggin' on my pants leg. I think he wants to talk to you."

Hotch chuckled hearing muffled voices between Will and who he assumed was Henry. After a few minutes, Henry got on the phone.

"Hey, Unca Awron. It's Henree."

"How are you, Henry?"

"Fine. Daddy says yous gonna go home today."

"Yes, I am."

"Does that mean we can't come see yous today?"

"Afraid so. But that doesn't mean you, your mom and dad can't visit me at home. I'm sure Jack will love to see you."

"Yay! Jack my bestest friend!" Henry declared excitedly.

Hotch found himself laughing. "I know he is. Henry, have you thought of a name for the bear yet?"

"Yeth, Unca Awron. I wanna call him Awron after yous."

Hotch rolled his eyes. "Why call him Aaron?"

"Cuz he look like yous, Unca Awron. Do you like it?"

"It's a great name, Henry. Thank you."

"Yous welcome."

"Henry, how would you like to have Aaron?"

"Weally, Unca Awron? You gonna gif him to me?"

"If it's all right with your dad."

"Okay. Daddy, Unca Awron wanna ask yous a question?"

Hotch waited through several seconds of silence before Will came back on the phone.

"Hey, Aaron. Henry says you wanna give him your bear?"

"I do. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all." He chuckled. "I guess that's one way to make sure Garcia don't get mad at you."

Hotch smirked. "You heard, huh. Let me guess…JJ?"

"JJ. She found out 'bout the bear from Garcia. We figured you wouldn't wanna keep it. Looks like we were right."

Hotch chuckled. "Listen, I'll bring the bear home with me. You or JJ can pick it up at my house."

"Thanks, Hotch. Henry, you wanna say goodbye to Uncle Aaron?"

"Bye, Unca Awron!" Henry shouted in the background causing Hotch to laugh.

"Tell Henry goodbye for me."

"Sure will. Bye Hotch."

"Bye Will." Hotch hung up the phone. He picked up the bear and sat it next to his go bag on the bed. He eyes took in all the multicolored trolls around the room. Suddenly, a slow grin appeared as an idea came to him.

Hotch was becoming impatient. During the past hour, he had a nurse come and pick up the shaving and grooming supplies. And he asked to have somebody collect all the colorful trolls in the room, and give them to patients who didn't have anything bright in their room. Shortly after that had been accomplished, Doctor Maynard had stopped by with discharge papers for himself and Doctor Markus, and instructions for the care of the catheter. Hotch had read and signed the discharge papers. He was about to phone Rossi and ask where he was, when the door opened, and a nurse walked in pushing a wheelchair; Rossi was right behind her. The wheelchair was positioned beside the bed and its wheels locked.

"I don't need that," Hotch informed the nurse eying the wheelchair.

"I'm sorry, Agent Hotchner. But it's mandatory."

"I don't care. I don't need or want it. Take it away."

"Aaron, don't be a spoiled brat," Rossi informed him. "Get in the damned chair. If you don't, after I put you over my knee, I'll make sure you stay here another couple of weeks. And with my charm, I'm positive I can make it happen."

"You're a conniving bastard, David," Hotch glared at his friend as he sat in the wheelchair.

"I'll take it from here, nurse," Rossi said. He looked at Hotch. "You ready to leave this place, Aaron?"

"Where's Haley? I thought she was coming with you?" he asked as the nurse left the room.

"She's speaking with Doctor Markus," Rossi explained. "The doctor's explaining how to keep the catheter clean, and to empty the urine bag. And she's going to be given a three week supply of waterproof bandages and disposable urine bags. Doctor Markus is also scheduling an appointment for you to come back in three weeks and have the catheter removed." He saw Hotch breathe a sigh of relief.

"Need help with the shoes?" Rossi asked looking down at the slippers on his friend's feet.

Hotch let out a deep breath. "Please," he said averting his face from Rossi's. He felt like a helpless child who needed mom or dad's help to tie his own laces. Rossi knew Hotch hated needing help with something as basic as putting on socks and shoes. But the man was not permitted to bend over because of the catheter.

Rossi rested a hand on Hotch's shoulder. "Don't sweat it, Aaron. It won't be forever. Just until you get rid of the catheter. Now, where are your shoes and socks?"

"They're in my go bag."

Rossi nodded. He unzipped the bag, and rummaged through it until he found a pair of black socks and instead of shoes, found a pair of sneakers. He crouched in front of the wheelchair, and removed both slippers. After he put the socks and sneakers on Hotch's feet, he tied the laces of one sneaker. He then worked on tying the laces of the other when the door opened again. Haley walked into the room, her arms full of supplies. She lay them on the bed, and glanced at her husband.

"Hi, honey," she said as she kissed his cheek. "Are you ready to leave here and return home?"

Hotch didn't respond right away. He waited until Rossi had finished tying his sneaker. He looked at the wrapped packages of waterproof bandages and urine bags with dismay.

"I guess so," he replied weakly.

Concerned, Haley and Rossi exchanged looks and then looked at Hotch.

"Honey, Jack was so excited when I told him you were coming home today. He begged to stay home from school so he could be there when you came home. I didn't have the heart to deny him." She paused for a moment. "I understand if you're scared, Aaron. But I know you don't want to disappoint our son. Please, Aaron."

Hotch looked up this time and could see the worry in his wife's eyes. He hadn't meant to worry her or let her believe he didn't want to come home with her. And what of his son? Jack was waiting to give his dad a big hug. Could he really disappoint his son? He let out a deep breath.

"I just don't want you and Jack to expect too much from me at first."

"I understand, sweetie. And so does Jack." She glanced at Rossi who had packed away the slippers. "Dave, could you please get Aaron's go bag for me."

"Sure thing." Rossi quickly unzipped the go bad and packed up the urine bags and waterproof bandages before he zipped the bag and grabbed the handles. "Aaron, what about your namesake here?" He gestured to the bear.

"He's coming with us. I promised to give him to Henry."

With a smirk, Rossi picked up the bear in his free arm while Haley unlocked the wheels on the wheelchair. Then with Haley pushing the wheelchair, she, Hotch, and Rossi left the hospital.

"They're here! They're here!" Jack shouted excitedly from in front of the window through which he had been keeping watch. He jumped down from the chair he had been kneeling on and raced to the living room door. His aunt hurried to catch up with him before he reached the door.

"Jack honey, wait for me," Jessica told him. "Let me open the door for you."

"It's daddy! He's come home! It's daddy!" Jack reached the door first. He reached up and turned the lock on the door and opened it. He ran out the door as fast as his short legs could carry him. "Daddy!" he shouted seeing his mother, father, and Rossi climb out of the SUV.

"Jack!" Hotch called out, a wide smile appearing. He braced himself as his son threw himself against his legs and wrapped his arms around them, looking up into his father's face. There were tears running down Jack's face.

"Jack!" Jessica called out as she caught up with her nephew and the others. "I told you to wait for me. Be careful of your father's knee. You were told he injured his knee."

Hotch had tears running down his own cheeks as he looked down at his son. He wanted more than anything to be able to pick the boy up in his arms and hug him tightly. But he wasn't allowed to pick up anything too heavy at the moment.

"It's okay, Jess," Hotch replied looking at his sister-in-law. "He's not hurting my knee. I just wish I could pick him up and hold him."

Haley leaned over and kissed her son on the top of his head. "Jack, honey, I know you missed your daddy. But he just got out of the hospital. Why don't you let him sit down and rest, okay?"

"Okay, mommy."

Jack released his father and reached up and took his large hand in his small one. "C'mon, daddy. I gotta make sure you gets some rest like mommy says." He pulled Hotch into the house. Haley, Jessica, and Rossi followed them trying not to laugh.

Once inside, Jack led Hotch to the sofa. Hotch sat down and Jack snuggled against his father. Hotch wrapped an arm around his son and pulled him close. It felt so good.

"Jack, what do you say to Uncle Dave?"

Jack lifted his head and looked at Rossi. "Hello, Uncle Dave." He then buried his face back into his father's side.

"Hey, kiddo," Rossi replied.

"Who's this?" Jessica asked gesturing to the bear in Rossi's arm.

"It's a gift from Penelope Garcia to Aaron," Rossi explained. "Hotch decided to give it to Henry. I'll take this and Aaron's go bag upstairs and put them in his bedroom if it's okay."

Jessica smiled. "I'll show you where the bedroom is, Dave." She and Rossi headed upstairs leaving her sister, Hotch and Jack alone.

Hotch leaned over and kissed his son on the head. He smiled at Jack and then smiled at his wife. She cupped the side of his face with one hand and smiled.

"Welcome home, darling," she said with tears in her eyes.

It was nearly eleven p.m. in the Hotchner household and all was quiet. Jessica and Rossi had both gone home promising to stop by in a few days to see how Hotch was adjusting. Jack, after much persuasion, and a promise from Hotch to tuck him in and read to him, relented and went to bed.

After making sure his son was asleep, Hotch reluctantly crawled into bed beside Haley who was still awake. Because of the catheter, he was forced to lay on his back. The catheter was hanging from a plastic coat hanger hanging between the mattress and box springs. She snuggled against him and rested her head on his chest listening to the beating of his heart. But he moved away from her.

"Aaron?" she asked raising her head and looking at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's fine. Go to sleep, Haley." Hotch didn't face at his wife.

Haley touched his shoulder. "Something's wrong, honey. Please tell me. Is it because I'm so close to you right now? Would you prefer I sleep in the guest room until you're more comfortable?"

Hotch looked at his wife this time. A single tear rolled down his cheek. "That isn't necessary, Haley. I told you it's nothing. I'm fine." He didn't want her to leave the bed. For her to leave would be a definite sign, to him, that he was broken.

Haley cupped the side of his face with one hand. "You're not fine, Aaron. You're crying. Please tell me what's bothering you. Maybe I can help."

Hotch sighed. "You can't help me. Nobody can help me right now. Please go to sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

Haley bit her lower lip and lay back down turning on her side, her back to her husband. She had a suspicion of what the problem was. She and Aaron had always made love. And having his wife this close when he couldn't make love was murder for him.

Hotch closed his eyes and silently sobbed when he sensed Haley move away from him. He wanted more than anything to be able to hold her in his arms and show how much he loved her. But he didn't know how that could be possible. His heart broke realizing he had hurt her like this as it was not what he wanted. If anything, he wanted her. He turned his head toward her.

"I don't want you to leave me alone," he said. "Please don't leave me."

"I promise you I won't leave. You have my word, sweetie. But you're right. We'll talk in the morning." She turned away from him again.

Hotch ran a hand over his face. "Haley, please look at me," he said in a husky voice. He saw his wife turn back and face him. He also noticed the wet streaks on her cheeks in the dim light coming through the window. "I'm sorry. It isn't you. I swear. It's me."

Haley leaned upward on one elbow. "Aaron…"

"Please, let me finish. I…I can't stand having you this close and not be able to make love to you. I want to make love to you. I do, Haley. But I can't. I'm sorry."

Haley leaned over Hotch and kissed his lips. "Honey, I wasn't late getting to your hospital room just for the reasons you believed today. I also spoke with Doctor Markus about…things. I also did a little research on my own. I discovered a few things we can do instead of having sex until you get the feeling back."

Hotch's eyebrows arched upward. "Things? What things?"

With a smile on her face, Haley pressed her husband back down on the bed gently. "Aaron, let me show you a new way to love without sex." She pressed her lips against his.