Chapter 37 - Not Knowing

Penny opened her eyes, at first disoriented at seeing her surroundings, but suddenly everything coming back to her as she realized she was looking at Leonard. The room they were in, had no windows, so it looked exactly the same, which meant she had no idea what time it was. The last thing she remembered, she had been laying there staring at Leonard and now she was opening her eyes, did she fall asleep? She immediately became fully awake and pushed herself up so she could see the machines around Leonard, especially looking for the heart monitor, slightly relaxing as she saw the steady blips across the screen. Penny then listened to the machines, the respirator still pumping air into him and the rest of the machines the same as they were when she last was awake.

"Nothing has changed, Penny." Penny turned her head to see Bernadette standing up from the chair next to her bed.

"Didn't you leave?" Penny was now confused, "How long?"

"I left last night with Howard." Bernadette now moved close to Penny, "I came back over here at 11 AM and you were still asleep, so I didn't want to wake you."

Penny looked at her aghast, "How long did I sleep?"

"The nurse said at least 10 hours. Penny you were wore out, you needed to sleep."

Tears started to fall from Penny's eyes, "What if Leonard…" She tried hard not to start sobbing, only succeeding when Bernadette pulled her into a hug.

"Penny, if anything would have happened, they would have woke you up, they told me that. They said sleep was the best thing for you, but they would have woke you up, if anything changed. They come in here about every 10-15 minutes to check on Leonard, the machines and you."

"Okay…sniff."

"Penny, I brought you clean underwear, do you want to shower and get something to eat?"

"I can't leave Leonard."

"Penny, Leonard is the same, we'll just go to the cafeteria, they can page you if anything changes, which it won't. Penny, you know Leonard would want you take care of yourself, he would be upset if you didn't eat and just stayed here getting yourself sick over him. You know that don't you."

Penny just nodded. "Yeah…"

Penny, showered, put her clean underwear on and a fresh set of hospital scrubs, pinning the badge they gave her on the front of her scrubs. She checked on Leonard again, then reluctantly went to the cafeteria with Bernadette, after telling the nurses where she was going, in case anything changed. Though lunch was done with very little conversation, Bernadette was happy at least Penny ate some food, and got some calories in her. However when they headed back up into the intensive care unit, a doctor was waiting for them, making Penny immediately tense up and a scared look taking over her features.

"Mrs. Hofstadter, I'm Doctor Nelson, I have been treating Lieutenant Colonel Hofstadter."

"Is….is he okay?" Penny barely got out, looking over at Leonard's room, ready to bolt any second.

"He has been the same." the doctor looked at Penny realizing that him catching her unexpectedly may have scared her. "Mrs. Hofstadter, your husband's condition has not changed, that is not the reason I want to talk to you. I want to go over your husband's injuries and discuss treatments and what you want done."

Penny nodded, she was holding Bernadette's hand ever since she saw the doctor. "Can my friend stay with me."

Nelson nodded and smiled, "Of course."

The doctor lead them to a small waiting room and they all sat at a table, before he began talking. "You husband was in an explosion, and has suffered injuries from the rapid accelerations, I understand blown through a wall and tossed a long way from the explosion site. His left side probably was in contact with the wall when he went through, his leg, arm and hip are broken, plus he had some cracked ribs. Really those are minor, we have set them all and now all it will take is time to heal. The more serious items are his internal organs and brain, which were exposed to rapid accelerations and decelerations, causing damage. His kidneys were bruised, and his liver was bleeding, plus his other organs were bounced around, but we have seemed to gotten all that under control in the operating room, so that is good. The big problem right now is his brain, it is swollen, due to it getting beat around in his skull due to the explosion." The doctor stopped as he watched Penny start to breath heavily, almost hyperventilating.

"Penny, are you okay?" Bernadette was now concerned and started to rub Penny's back.

The doctor looked at Bernadette then Penny, "Do you want to stop for now Mrs. Hofstadter?"

Penny forced herself to control her breathing, "No…No"

The doctor looked at Bernadette again and she just nodded for him to continue. "Okay, we are very concerned about the brain swelling, and we were ready to go into surgery to relive it yesterday, but surprisingly it seemed too stop before it got bad enough to do surgery. However it is still swollen and we are watching it. I have some forms here for you to sign, in case the pressure increases to unacceptable levels again, so we can operate." The doctor laid the papers in front of Penny, who just looked at them, then back at him, who took it as a cue to continue talking. "Mrs. Hofstadter the brain swelling is why he is in a coma, the trauma his brain experienced made it shut down and go into survival mode, to save itself and his body. We won't know if he has any brain damage until he wakes up, but we are getting brain activity from your husband, so that means that his brain is still there."

Penny just stared at him, it sounded like Leonard had almost every part of him broken and that thought made her stomach feel sick. "Will he live?"

The doctor, caught himself from saying 'I don't think so.' and just looked at her and said. "Everyday he is alive means his body has another day to repair itself and heal. We will just have to watch and take care of him and see what happens."

Penny nodded, then took the pen and signed the consent form. "Can I go back to Leonard now?"

The doctor nodded, "Yes, I think that is enough for now."

Penny spend the next two hours sitting in the chair in Leonard's room, just staring at her husband, never saying a word. Bernadette just watched her, wondering what was going on in her mind and wondering if there was anything she could do to help. It was a short time later that Bernadette was surprised, when Howard walked into the room and sat down next to her, taking her hand into his, giving her a little squeeze. They both sat quietly for another hour with Penny, taking occasional glances at her, before Bernadette got up the nerve to speak to her friend.

"Penny, would you like to get something to eat?"

Penny just slowly shook her heard and with a soft voice that sounded like she was on the verge of crying, "No."

Bernadette looked at Howard, a helpless look on her face, Penny had been just sitting there now for almost three hours just staring at Leonard, obviously upset from what the doctor told her. Bernadette was more then concerned about her. "Penny you need to eat something, remember how we talked about Leonard would want you to take care of yourself."

"I can't…I can't leave him." Penny's voice again sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

A nurse, who was in the room, couldn't help listening to the exchange, her heart going out to the young blonde woman who couldn't leave her husband. The nurse had been briefed when she came on shift, no one expected her husband to live, it seemed that they were just delaying the inevitable end for him and her. The nurse just wanted to help, so she walked over to the three people, after she did her vitals and machine check. "I can get her something to eat, so she doesn't have to leave."

Bernadette looked at the nurse, her eyes saying a silent thank you. "Penny will you eat if we get you some food?" Penny slowly nodded.

A short time later, the nurse brought in a tray of food for Penny and Bernadette made sure she ate most of it and had a bottle of water. She was happy Penny ate, but that happiness soon slowly dissipated when Penny resumed her silent vigil with Leonard. There wasn't much more Bernadette could do, she had made sure Penny had cleaned up and ate, it was time for her to go with Howard, she would see Penny again tomorrow.

"Penny, Howard and I are going to get something to eat. Are you going to be alright?"

Penny looked at her and nodded, "I think so."

Bernadette looked at Howard and got up to leave, until she felt Penny's hand grab her arm. It scared and worried Bernadette who quickly looked back at her friend, to see what was wrong. Bernadette had to hold back the tears, when Penny looked directly into her eyes, a pleading look in them and said, 'Please say a prayer for Leonard.' Bernadette took a breath to calm herself, "I will, I promise." Howard had to guide Bernadette out of the room, her legs didn't seem able to move by themselves.

Penny was now alone with Leonard, at least for a few minutes, until a nurse came by again to check him. She understood the doctor, that afternoon, all too well when he talked to her, he did not expect Leonard to live. Now as Penny thought about it, all the people around her, since she got there, were being extremely nice to her, because they didn't think Leonard was going to live. She even saw it in Bernadette's and Howard's eyes, they thought Leonard was going to die. She was so afraid, she didn't want to go on without him anymore, she didn't want him to leave her alone, but all these people expected him to die and there was nothing she could do.

Penny stood up and walked half way to her husband, she wasn't allowed to touch him without a medical person around so she stopped and bent slightly down, "Honey, please don't leave me. I need you Leonard. I love you so much. Please don't leave me." Tears dripped down her cheeks as she looked at him, standing there until she felt her legs start to get weak, so she went back to her chair. Penny sat there looking at him, quietly mumbling to herself, 'I love you, Please don't leave me.' over and over the whole evening.