Chapter 39 - For Better or Worse
Saturday morning Howard got up early to go to the airport and pick up Penny's mom, he wanted to get her all settled in before him and Bernadette had to leave, later that day. He was doing all this because he wanted to help Penny and he didn't want her left alone, the extreme guilt he felt over what happened to Leonard was something that would not go away and he felt as bad as his wife about leaving today. That was the other reason he was making sure everything with Penny's mom was taken care of, he knew his wife would be worried if everything was not taken care of to support Penny before they left.
Howard barely got Bernadette to stay in bed that morning, for a few hours more sleep, she had tried a couple times to get up to go with him to the airport. They had stayed late with Penny last night and with everything that had happened, Bernadette hadn't been sleeping well, so Howard wanted her to get all the sleep she could get. He finally got her to rest some more, when he convinced her that it was better she sleep for a little while longer then go visit Penny before her mother got there. So with this little win, Howard headed out to get Penny's mom.
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Howard watched as a woman that looked like a 25 year older version of Penny came out the arrival area, she was the only one that fit the description Howard had of Penny's mother so he approached her. "Hi, are you Penny's mom."
"Are you Howard." Meryl watched Howard nod. "Oh good, I'm her. Call me Meryl."
"Okay….well….Meryl, lets get your bags."
Howard retrieved Meryl's bags and walked out to the parking garage with her, they didn't talk much, just what they needed to say to get to and into the car. Finally, after Meryl was strapped in and Howard was driving out of the garage, the real conversation began. "Howard, how is my daughter?"
"She loves him."
"I know, I never saw her so happy about her life, until she called me to tell me she was married, a few weeks ago. Her father said Leonard was a great guy and he was really happy Penny was married to him. My husband is a good judge of character, so I am guessing Leonard is really something and my daughter is devastated."
Howard nodded, "Yeah, she is not herself."
"How is Leonard?"
"He is alive and I think now he is going to survive, but he is a coma and we don't know when he will wake up." Howard sighed.
"My daughter has been strong willed all her life, so she tends keep her guard up with people and keeps her true feelings to herself. So you can understand my surprise when she told me she not only loved Leonard but she was crazy about him. I never have seen her like this before, not even with that Kurt fellow she went off with and told me she loved. So you can understand my worry about how she is handling this thing with the man she loves."
Howard nodded, "She doesn't act like she'll ever leave him. We can barely get her out of his room. She has been living there, in his room, since she got here."
Meryl nodded, "Is she eating?"
Howard looked over at Meryl, she really knew her daughter, "We had to force her a few times." Again Meryl nodded. The rest of the trip, Howard caught Meryl up on everything that happened with her daughter.
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Penny started another day, it was a little bit different for her than before, a tiny bit better than before, because she could now touch him and feel he was okay each morning. Penny got out of bed and walked to him, gently touching his arm, she was still scared every time she touched him, afraid he would be cold and lifeless. She then kissed his exposed cheek, "Good morning Honey. I read where sometimes people in comas can hear people, I really hope you can, because I want you to hear how much I love you. Leonard, I am so happy to be your wife and I promise I will never leave you, never. But Honey, if you could come back to me, I promise you, you won't be sorry. I will make sure you'll never be sorry, so Honey if you can hear me, please come back to me."
Penny stood back up and looked at him for a few minutes, she knew she was being silly, but she couldn't help hope that he would open his eyes and smile at her, with that goofy smile she loved. But like every morning since this happened, he just laid there, and she just took stock in how lucky she was he was even alive and his brain still worked, even though he was still asleep. Penny leaned down and kissed him again, then went to get a shower and change into clean underwear and hospital scrubs.
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Meryl followed Howard into the room, to see her daughter and another woman, she knew would be Howard's wife Bernadette. The last hour had been a little bit of a surprise to her, Howard had got her a temporary paperwork for her access to the Army Post and had got her permission to use Leonard's/Penny's room in the Officers quarters. He also got her a rental car, so she was now all set for the week, he did this, he told her, to make sure she didn't have anything to worry about except Penny. Seeing her daughter now, made her understand why he was so concerned, Penny looked absolutely gaunt, Meryl had never seen her daughter look so hopeless looking. Meryl couldn't help her mothering instincts from coming to the top of her mind. "Baby girl." she said as she walked quickly to her daughter.
Penny eyes shot to her mother, suddenly the overwhelming urge to be held by her mother taking over her as she stood up and met her mother half way. "Mommy."
Howard and Bernadette quietly left the room as the Penny and her mother held each other both with tears coming from their eyes. Meryl knew her daughter was broken, she hadn't needed her like this since she was a teenager, after the first boy she ever loved broke up with her to be with another girl, only this was worse. Wyatt was right, this man must really be something to do this to her daughter, she was really in love with him. It was almost 15 minutes later before Meryl could talk to her daughter.
"Sweetie, how are you doing?"
"Mom, I don't know…..I really don't know. I feel so empty, I need him Mom, I miss him so much. What am I going to do? They told me they don't know when he will wake up." New tears started to form in her eyes again, "I love him so much." Penny started to cry again, hugging her mother all over again.
"I know Baby Girl, I know." Meryl just held her daughter and rubbed her back to comfort her.
A half hour later, Meryl, Penny, Bernadette and Howard had lunch in the hospital cafeteria, then Howard and Bernadette said their good-byes to Penny. Howard was concerned his wife was going to refuse to go, she had become very close to Penny, those weeks they lived together. Howard knew how she felt, him and Leonard had become closer friends too over the weeks and the thought of leaving him was also bothering Howard. But Howard had to be the rationale one, Leonard was getting better and there was nothing they could do for him, that Penny wasn't, plus being here was having a detrimental effect on his pregnant wife, which was not good. He had to help who could be helped and that right now was Bernadette, he had to take care of her, he knew it was selfish, but if there had been something he could do for Leonard, he would gladly do it. Bringing Meryl there was what he could do and he did it, now it was time for him and Bernadette to go home for a while. If anything changed with Leonard, they would be back as soon as they could.
- TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN - TIN MAN -
Meryl sat in the room with Penny and listened to her daughter, it had been a long time since her youngest poured her heart out to her, it made Meryl proud her daughter could do that, she just wished it was because of happy events instead of this. Meryl listened closely and Penny described her life in California and how Leonard came into it and for the first time she realized how hard Penny had had it and again she was proud her daughter was such a strong woman. Penny had never been so open and honest to her or her husband about her life before, Meryl figured it was because now Penny was married and felt her mother would understand she was taken care of, even though she was going through this with Leonard. "Sweetie, didn't Kurt take care of you when you got here?"
"No Mom, I would pay most of the bills and he would just keep me around as his girlfriend." Penny then looked down at her hands, "His plaything." Penny then looked at her mother, "He cheated on me several times and I just ignored it because I really didn't have anyone else I trusted here. It is not like back home, people here are ready to take advantage of you if you give them half a chance."
"I'm so sorry Sweetie. If it was that bad, you should have come home."
Penny shook her head, "No Mom, I needed to try and if I came home I would have never met Leonard."
Meryl now nodded to her daughter, "I see your point. How did you meet Leonard."
A small smile formed on Penny's face, the first one Meryl saw that day. "He was so sweet and shy, the first day I met him, Mom, and he first day I met him he stood up to Kurt."
Meryl's eyes went wide, she knew Kurt and she could now see Leonard, "Did Kurt hurt him."
"His pride a little, but not physically. He was so brave, Mom, I knew then he was special right then and I wanted to know him better."
Meryl nodded again, "So that is what led up to you dating him, breaking up with him and dating him again, you loved him from the beginning."
Penny sat there a few seconds just staring at her mother, she had a far off stare and quietly she mumbled "The heart wants what the heart wants."
Meryl heard her though. "You haven't said that for a while, Sweetie and I never heard you say that about Kurt."
Penny now focused on her mother, and nodded sadly, "He's the one, mom. I can't explain it, but he is definitely the one." Penny sighed, "He's my Ernie."
Meryl gave her daughter a little smile, she remembered how as a little girl, Penny told her she wanted to grow up and marry Ernie. "I know Baby Girl, it is written all over you face." Meryl then took her daughter into her arms as Penny started crying again.
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The flight home for Bernadette and Howard was probably one of the most depressing things they ever did. The guilt between them was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, both of them having a hard time trying to get over the feeling of abandoning their friends. They hardly said anything to each other, and Howard was really happy when Bernadette finally fell asleep, an hour into the flight. There was no sleep for Howard though, even though he knew they needed to do this, it left a bitter feeling in him and he was ashamed that he knew he was putting his wife before his friends.
Amy picked them up at the airport, the trip back to Howard and Bernadette's apartment probably the quietest drive Amy ever made, even when with Sheldon. However Sheldon was the first to make a comment, one of compassion, that surprised everyone, "Howard, how is Leonard doing? Will he be Okay. Is Penny doing okay?"
Howard just stared at Sheldon, unable to believe the concern in his voice, it made him feel that he and Bernadette were not alone in their grief for their friends. "Well, Sheldon, Leonard is…" Howard then caught Sheldon and Amy on everything that had happened the last couple of weeks, leaving everything out specifically about Tin Man. When they were finally dropped off at their apartment, Howard and Bernadette were feeling a little better, it was like their friends had taken some of the emotional weight, off their souls.
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The rest of the weekend actually passed quickly and it was Monday, when another good thing happened to Leonard, the doctors decided Leonard's oxygen levels were so good and his brain seemed pretty much healed, so they decided to see if he could be unhooked from the respirator. Penny didn't even really realize she was holding her breath while they turned it off and unhooked him, taking the breathing tube out of his throat, but without a hitch, Leonard commenced breathing on his own, making the doctor look at Penny to nod and smile. It was a good moment for Leonard's recovery, but seeing his now bare face, with only a small oxygen tube under his nose made Penny both happy and sad. She loved seeing his handsome cute face, but watching him peacefully sleep, made her scared he would never wake up.
Penny just watched until they were done and the doctor told her everything looked good. Penny then asked her mother to get them some sandwiches to eat, to get her out of the room, she wanted to be alone with her husband. So no sooner then her mother left, Penny got up and walked to Leonard, bending over to give him a quick kiss on his lips, resisting the urge to kiss him longer, afraid she would hurt him. Penny leaned close to his face and whispered, "Honey, you are doing so much better. I'm so glad you decided to stay with me. I know I just wanted you to live before and I would accept that, but I'm not that strong Sweetie, I need you. My mom is here and she also wants to meet you Honey." a sad chuckle left Penny's throat at that statement, "I know that is a lame request to make you wake up, but the only other reason I have is I don't think I can make it without you anymore, I'm sort of stuck on you now, my darling." Tears were coming down Penny's face now.
Meryl stood in the doorway watching her daughter, she had come back to ask Penny what she wanted to drink, when she came upon Penny talking to Leonard. She saw the tears on her daughter's face and wanted to run to her and hold her, but she knew this was a personal moment, so she gave a silent sigh and slipped back out of the room so her daughter wouldn't see her. Meryl walked down the hall to the cafeteria, having a little trouble seeing because her eyes were filled with tears too.
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Howard and Bernadette got all Leonard's and Penny's mail and started to pay all their bills that week. They also came to Sheldon's a couple of days to eat takeout with their friends. Bernadette and Meryl shared text messages every day, so she told everyone that Leonard was breathing on his own now, but otherwise nothing had changed. However, the mood around the coffee table was more subdued then anyone of them ever experienced before, it seemed like the soul of their group was missing, now. It was Sheldon who asked the question that they were all thinking. "Amy you work with brains, is Leonard going to get better and wake up?"
Amy looked at Sheldon with surprise, Sheldon was asking her professional opinion, deferring to her as a scientist who knew something he didn't. She looked at her friends too as they all stared at her, pleading eyes begging her to tell them something that would make things better. She hated that she couldn't help them, but she had to tell them the truth, "They can do brain scans to tell if there is a working brain in him, but there is really no way to really wake him up. Most people that are recovering from brain injury wake up in 2 to 4 weeks, so he is still in the zone, but besides that, we just don't know much why people stay in comas unless we can see it in scans or they die so we can look at their brains to find damage." Amy's heart felt heavy as she watched her friends slowly nod then go quiet again as they pushed their food around on their plates.
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After that Monday the rest of week was the same day after day for Penny and her mom. The doctor had a little discussion with them and told them Leonard would remain in the hospital until his bones completely healed, however after that he would have to be moved to a long term medical facility. It was around Thursday when, Penny after looking on the tablet, Bernadette left, decided to read to Leonard and had her mom buy her some Star Wars books. So that Friday she began reading the books to him, her mind enjoying the distraction of the books and her heart feeling like at least she was doing something for him. Meryl would spend the day with her daughter, making sure she ate, listening to the stories she read and just trying to support her anyway she could.
The only way to tell what day it was in the hospital was by what nurses were on duty, so when Penny realized it was Saturday, she looked at her mother strangely. "Mom I thought you were only staying the week?"
Meryl smiled, "Your friend Howard, made arrangements for me to stay another week and daddy, said he could live with me being gone another week too. So you are stuck with me another week sweetie."
Penny nodded, a tiny smile trying to come to her lips, "Thanks Mom." Penny opened her book again and started reading again, a sense of relief came over her knowing she was going to be with her mother another week.
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Monday rolled around again, and Penny, with her mother waited in the room for Leonard to come back from his tests. Again it was the same, he had brain activity, he was healing and he wouldn't wake up, sometimes Penny just wanted to scream, but she was realizing this may be her life from now on, with Leonard ,so she just decided to try an accept everything as it was. She had no plans on leaving his side, ever, and she had to get use to her new life, no matter how bad the future looked. It was less than a half hour after Leonard returned that Penny started to read to him again, trying to finish the book she had started reading to him a couple of days ago.
Meryl watched her daughter as she read to Leonard, the words the doctor said still in her head, they didn't know when he would wake up and nothing seemed to be changing for him. As Meryl watched Penny, she couldn't help feeling that her daughter was already planning to spend her life with him, the devotion she saw in her was something she could not ignore. Along with that devotion, Meryl saw something else, she saw her daughter slowly dying inside, she was already different, the brightness of her personality was gone and a sort of sad acceptance had filled its place. It was hard to watch your child facing such grief alone, and not being able to do anything about it, she was truly afraid Penny would stay with him, if he failed to wake up, till it destroyed her.
Penny finally finished the book several hours later, it had been actually interesting to her, it was one of those books written about the Star Wars universe but wasn't one of the movies, so it was all new and that made her like it. There was even a little love story between Hans and Leia which made Penny enjoy the story a little better. She closed the book and looked at her mother, "I guess I will become a better reader the more books I read."
Meryl smiled at her, "Your reading got better just reading that story. Are you hungry Sweetie."
"Thirsty mostly, but I could probably eat something."
Meryl nodded and got up to get something, they were serving dinner in the cafeteria, so if she left now she would be able to get them both something hot. "Okay, I'll be right back."
Penny gave her a small smile, "Thanks Mom." and watched her mother leave the room.
Penny looked at the book in her lap, "Well Honey, that book wasn't too bad. I guess if I read enough of them I will become a nerd like you. But that is okay, I hope you like them, I have another one here to read to you tomorrow. I hope there is another little love story in this one too. It is sort of cute how Hans and Leia act around each other. Hans really loves her."
"Not as much as I love you."
Penny froze, the words were so softly said she thought she didn't hear them, just dreamed them. She slowly turned her head to see Leonard's head tilted toward her and his eyes half open, looking at her, a barely noticeable smile on his face. "Hey Beautiful." he barely whispered.
Meryl was at the nurses station asking them if they wanted anything, like she always did, they were all so nice she checked with them every time she went to the cafeteria. They were quietly talking when the scream traveled down the hall, "LEONARD!" Meryl and the nurses all ran down the hall to Leonard's room as fast as they could.