Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I am not that lucky.
AN: I hope all of you had a happy Thanksgiving and got to spend time with your families. My family got an early Christmas present this year and we got to see my nephew that we hadn't seen since July so that was really special.
Bella quickly learned that Paul celebrated the holidays a bit differently than she did. Meaning that he didn't celebrate them at all, as in he never had. His dad was always out to sea and his mother wasn't the type to exude holiday spirit. It had taken some coaxing but Bella had talked Paul into buying a tree; a real one, just like her dad bought every year.
She didn't want to go all out the way her mom tended to do because it would be not only Paul's first time celebrating Christmas but it would be their first and only Christmas that they would be spending alone. She kept the house decorations simple and opted for a small christmas tree with minimal decorations and popcorn garland since bringing in a seven foot Fir would probably scare Paul off from celebrating Christmas ever again.
They had made the decision not to buy each other anything so that the money they had saved could go towards the baby. Paul had paid Sam the last installment for building the addition the week before Christmas and Bella was looking forward to decorating it. Even though she was only four months along and she wasn't showing yet she felt better than she had in her first trimester which meant that Paul wasn't as on edge.
Paul had finally come to grips with the fact that he was going to be a father. It was hard to comprehend that someone thought that he was responsible enough to take care of a child. Was it God's idea of a joke? What if he screwed up or couldn't hack it as a father? He was over reacting and he knew that he had no reason to worry but that didn't make the voice that sounded like his mom's in the back of his mind go away. He couldn't talk to Bella or anyone else about what he was going through.
Bella knew that something was wrong with Paul. He had started to become more interested in the baby and they spent hours talking about what it would like when he or she came then all of the sudden Paul had slammed on the breaks. Bella had tried to talk to him but hadn't gotten anywhere. She felt that they had taken three leaps forward only to take two steps back. She didn't want to force him into doing something that he wasn't ready for but she couldn't help him if he didn't tell her what was going on.
Bella was waiting up for Paul when he got home from work one night. She could see how tired and worn out he was and if he went to sleep now he would be lucky to get five hours of sleep before heading off to work with Sam. She worried about him every time he left for work, not knowing if that would be the night that some drunk would push things far enough to send Paul over the edge.
He shed his clothes silently and she watched him with caution. She didn't want to have this conversation with him now but if she didn't she would loose her nerve. He climbed between the sheets and placed his hands behind his head.
"If you have something to say than just say it," he said, his eyes closed, his face void of emotion.
"I can tell that something is the matter with you. The more you push me away the more I worry," she said wearily.
"It doesn't have anything to do with you. I love you and want to be with you, isn't that enough?" he asked with a sigh.
"No it isn't, whatever is the matter with you is hindering you from being happy. Is it so wrong that I want to help you?" she asked, her voice laced with grief.
"It's hard for me to open up, okay? I can't explain it any better than that," he said with a shake of his head, his mouth a hard line.
"Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think that it was easy dealing with my mom growing up? Not only did I have to be the adult but I had to be her therapist. She told me things that a mother should never tell her very young, very impressionable child," she argued.
He tended to forget that she'd had a childhood almost as messed up as his. How did some parents manage to give their children more love than anyone could need or want while some parents scarred their children for life?
XXXX
Jacob had been left in the dark about Bella and Paul's troubles due to his mixed feelings towards Paul. So that meant that Leah bared the brunt of Bella's anger and frustration and she was also her voice of reason. No one knew Paul better than Sam and Leah so Leah was determined to help Bella work through her issues.
Leah felt that Bella was trying as hard as she could but that Paul wasn't giving her much in return in the emotions department. Paul had proved to everyone that he could rise above his childhood trauma but that didn't mean that he was dealing with it. He was living in denial and he was dragging Bella down with him. The last thing she needed was added stress.
Leah was going to take matters into her own hands since Sam had chosen to stay out of it. She pulled her car into the parking lot seeing Paul behind the bar through the open door. She paused at the door, taking in the smoky, sparsely lit room. There weren't that many people there due to the early hour so Paul didn't have that much to do. She sat at the end of the bar and waited for him to notice her.
Three minutes after Leah walked in Paul's eyes met hers. She gave him an even look and he matched it with an uneasy one.
"I'm taking a break Bobby," Paul announced to the guy at the other end of the bar.
Bobby noticed in response, not taking his focus off serving someone. Leah led the way out and sat on her car facing Paul who chose to lean against the building.
"You know that I don't like to butt in your life but when it comes to Bella I'm going to have to put my foot down because I've known her longer. I don't know what's going on with the two you because she's refusing to tell me but I can see that she's hurting. It's not like she's trying to change you, she only wants to help," Leah broached as gently as possible, the last thing she wanted to do was piss him off.
"Does Jake know that you're here?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.
"I thought that this would be best kept between the two of us," she said with a shake of her head.
"What do you think I should do?"
"Obviously counseling is out of the question because you would never agree to go so I think that you should just lay out what's going on to Bella and let her help you, also you can stop being such a knucklehead."
"I can't tell her," he argued.
"She's surprisingly understanding and nonjudgmental. She was the only person who knew that I was pregnant until I called my mom when I was eight months along. She was only fifteen at the time and she gave me a lot of sound advice. I'm pretty sure that she won't think any less of you," she said sincerely.
"I know that already Lee, what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to tell her? Help me," he pleaded.
Her heart broke at the sight of him pleading for her help. Paul wasn't the type of person to ask for help and he didn't like having his life turned upside down. She sighed before hopping off of her car. She put a hand on his arm and smiled gently.
"All that I can tell you is to be honest with her," she offered.
He nodded knowing that she had a point. He needed to be honest with Bella and accept the help that she would be more than willing to give.
XXXX
Bella had been touched that Emily had asked her to help her plan this years pack christmas party. Last year she'd had it easy since there had only been Sam, Paul and Jared. This year there had been twelve new pack members alone. She couldn't be expected to do it on her own. Bella had arrived early on Christmas Eve morning and Emily had already been up for hours.
Sam had been quick on his feet when he pulled Paul out of the house, calling over his shoulder that they would take care of hanging the lights on the house. He didn't want to be roped into helping with whatever Emily and Bella had in mind and he knew Paul didn't either.
By nightfall the house smelled of pumpkin and clove and presents were spilling out from underneath the tree. All that was missing was the pack. Bella didn't mind that this would be the first Christmas Eve that she wouldn't be spending with her dad, he understood and was looking forward to seeing her and Paul tomorrow.
Leah and Jacob were the first one's to show up and Paul laughed mockingly when Leah was pulled into the house by Emily to help. Sam, Paul and Jacob sought refuge in the garage where Emily would never come looking for them; the garage was the only place Sam could go that she wouldn't bother him, it was hallowed ground.
Inside the house Emily showed Leah how to make apple cider and set Leah with the task of making two more batches. By the time Leah was done her hands reeked of orange rind and were stained brown from the cinnamon. She would not complain because Emily would just find something else for her to do. At least she didn't have to peel two hundred eggs like poor, sweet, innocent Kim who had offered her services instead of being forced into it.
Bella sat at the table mashing the potatoes with an electric mixer. She was the only one allowed to sit since she was pregnant and she recently realized that her ankles were starting to swell, her baby bump wouldn't be far behind. Emily leaned into the oven to pull out the ham and she announced that it was finally done.
More people showed up in the next hour and the house was full of noise and happiness. Paul found Bella sitting in the glider that only Emily was allowed to sit in with her feet perched on the matching ottoman. He sat on the edge of the ottoman holding out a plate of food to her. She smiled her thanks and he gave her a half smile in answer.
"Have you eaten yet?" she asked, shoving food around on her plate.
"I wanted to make sure that you ate first."
She smiled again before lifting a fork full of green bean casserole to her mouth. She ate silently then when Paul was satisfied that she wouldn't discard the food once he turned his back he went to get himself something to eat.
Now that Bella knew the truth about what was going on with him she felt bad for not noticing it sooner. Everyone felt like they were turning into their parents at some point but for Paul it wasn't for the best. She listened to his fears and realized that they went deeper than she thought. She had yet to make him see that he was nothing like his mother but she would stop at nothing until she made him see that he wasn't.
Paul was coming to grips with the fact that he couldn't do everything himself. It was hard to hand over the reigns after being in control for the past eleven years. Bella was patient and understanding and he didn't see how he had gotten so lucky. He thanked God for stepping in to force her into his life the way he had.
Being in a relationship with Bella was like speeding down the highway doing eighty with the windows down. Everything had happened so fast that he felt like his heart had leaped into his throat and decided to stay there. It was the most intense feeling that he had ever known and he couldn't put it into words if he tried.
XXXX
Bo woke Bella at dawn to be let outside. Instead of going back to bed she made the pies that she planned on taking to her dad's. Once that was done she made breakfast and a pot of coffee. Paul stumbled out of the bedroom scratching his head half an hour later. He sat at the island and she made him a cup of coffee along with a plate of cinnamon rolls with orange and cream cheese glaze.
Paul watched her as he ate while she cleaned the kitchen. Her ankles weren't the only thing that had doubled in size recently. Her breasts were threatening to spill out of her tank top but he would be the last person to complain. Her stomach was starting to take on a more round shape and soon a bump would be unmistakable.
Her libido hadn't slowed down either. His mouth quirked up at the corner thinking of what they had done under the mistletoe last night. He still hadn't figured out how she had hung it over their bed.
"What?" she asked breaking his reverie.
"Nothing," he said still smiling.
"Right," she said slowly.
"Fell like taking a shower with me? We could go for round three, or would it be four?" he pondered.
"It would be four but I can't go another round; so you can take a shower by yourself...a cold one," she said with a teasing smile.
She waited until she heard the shower start before going into the babies room to retrieve the gift for him that she had hidden there. She froze at the door when she saw the oak glider and ottoman next to the window with a red bow attached to the back. Tears welled up in her eyes as she sat in the glider, Paul's present momentarily forgotten.
When Paul opened the bathroom door he was almost knocked off his balance by Bella who threw herself at him. She wrapped her legs and arms around him not caring that her top was now wet.
"Thank you," she said against his neck.
"For what?" he asked innocently.
"I'm just glad that we both went against the no present rule. I would have felt terrible for getting you what's in the box on the bed."
He sat her down gently before crossing to the bed in one stride. He tore through the paper and the lid was tossed to the side and he pulled out the contents of the box. Bella stood back watching him with a content smile.
"This is signed by Deion Sanders," he said holding up the football for her to see.
"I know."
"How did you get it?"
"It was my Grandpa Turners. My mom was an only child so it was passed down to her when he died. She was going to give it to the Salvation Army and I stopped her. I just wish that I had actually spent money on you. That rocker is really nice."
"Seth made that for practically nothing."
"Maybe I can get him to make a case for the ball."
"Thank you," he said turning to face her.
He pulled her to him and his lips were on hers before she could respond. He pulled away to caress her cheek and she leaned into his touch.
"Merry Christmas," she whispered.
"Merry Christmas," he murmured.
"I think that I'm ready for round four now," she said with a playful gleam in her eye.
He turned her quickly and she landed the bed with a silent thump he tugged his towel free from his waist before climbing on top of her. They were going to be late getting to her dad's, they might not even go at all. It didn't bother either of them.