Chapter 1: The Human Emotion Of Grief/em/span/p

Castiel knew he should have come sooner to the bunker. But he just didn't want to be confronted with the fact that Dean was dead, Dean who had always managed to come back, but not this time.

At least that was what Metatron had implied. He remembered sitting in that chair, with Metatron telling him that the one human that he had actually come to care about, was dead. That the one human he had risked everything for, was gone. He had hoped that Dean would make it, that he would hold on a little longer. But as he sat in that cursed chair, while Metatron was stupidly talking about his plan, all he could think of was that Dean was dead. The only thing that mattered now was that Metatron died, and screaming while he did.

It was weird that while Dean would not live forever, Castiel had always supposed that he would always die first, not Dean. Dean had always seemed so grounded, he would last forever. He had of course masked his feelings quickly so Metatron wouldn't see his grief, his disbelief. Metatron didn't see it but then he had always been so adept at hiding his true feelings.

But now all he wanted to do was break something, he wanted to scream until his throat was raw. He wanted to find a way back to Dean Winchester, and tell him what he had always wanted to say. He had never understood why humans would resort to violence when in grieving, but now he felt he understood all too well.

All these thoughts ran through his mind while Metatron spoke in that annoying whiney voice of his. He was looking so smug like he didn't care like he hadn't destroyed, no obliviated Castiel's whole world. Yes, Dean was Castiel's whole world and now he wouldn't ever be able to tell him.

He paused outside the entrance to the bunker, thinking of how in the end he hadn't killed or done any of the things he had wanted to to Metatron probably since he knew it wasn't right. He had once pretended to be God and it had ended disastrously, he wouldn't make that mistake again. He wasn't God, nor would he ever be. So instead of killing Metatron he had decided to lock him up, that way Metatron would be alone with his thoughts, with what he almost done. Castiel had been in that place once, and he knew how it could destroy you.

Castiel walked in the bunker and was surprised by what he saw, but by now he shouldn't be that surprised. After all it was the Winchesters, and nothing was ever simple with them, actually there was no plural anymore, there was only one Winchester now. Castiel never thought he would ever be that sad, by the removal of one "s", but one "s" had changed his life, it had taken Dean Winchester away from him. Shaking away those grim thoughts he walked further into the bunker, everything was wrecked, the entire place looked like it had been to Purgatory and back. Sam was lying on the ground, bloody and beaten. Castiel quickly walked over to Sam and healed him with a touch of his fingers, feeling the stolen grace's energy slowly leak away. He tried not to show how much it hurt.

"Thanks Cas." he said

"What happened here?" And more importantly to Castiel was Dean really dead?

"Dean happened." Sam said shortly

"What do you mean, I heard Metatron say Dean was dead!" Castiel's heart leaped thinking maybe that Dean was still alive, that he could see him alive once more.

"He was dead, but the Mark of Cain did something to him. It brought him back, but not as Dean." Sam quickly explained what had happened, including Dean dying and coming back as a demon.

"Not a demon." Cas interjected "A knight of hell, if what you say is true, then Dean wouldn't have come back as any old demon, the Mark of Cain would have made him a knight of hell."

"Will human blood still work on him then?" Sam asked "Will it still be possible to change him back with human blood?"

"No, it won't. Cain hated being a demon, I suppose he would have found a way to change himself back to a human if he could have."

"Are you saying its hopeless?" Sam asked angrily " 'Cause it can't be, after all we've been through you're not saying its-" Cas held his hand

"No I do not consider it hopeless Sam, do you really think that after all thats happened that I would give up on Dean?" Castiel's eyes blazed fire, as if he an angel of the lord would ever do that! Dean had given up so much for him, and even if he hadn't, Castiel would still do whatever it took to help him become the man he once was. Cas never had understood the phrase "move heaven and earth to find you", but it seemed Dean had helped him understand many things. If it indeed took Castiel moving heaven and earth to find him he would do it in a heartbeat.

"Ok then, we have a lot of research to do." Sam said interrupting Castiel from his thoughts. But would all the books in this bunker be enough. Would it really be enough to complete the impossible. But what was impossible, was it what human perceive to be hard or-

"Cas, come on we have work to do." Sam strode out the door, and towards the bunker's library. Cas would have to save thinking about impossibility for another time, right now Dean needed him.