A/N: So this chapter and story is longer than I expected, it's now three parts instead of two. It also took me a little bit longer because I realized I had a little too much Elena, but what can I say it's so much easier for me to write the "women scorn". This is one of my first forays on the other side. The italics are flashbacks.
She finds him in the living room sitting on the couch staring blankly at the fireplace. She pays him no mind as she walks over to the decanter of bourbon and pours two glasses. When she hands him the glass he finally speaks.
"Didn't you get the memo, I want to be left alone right now."
"Didn't you get memo, I'm your best friend and not easily deterred." She raises her eyebrow to challenge him, but he doesn't accept. He just takes the glass from her hand as she sits right next to him.
"I don't want to talk about it." She flops back on the couch taking a drink.
"I didn't ask you to."
"Then why are you here." He looks to her curiously.
Bonnie stares at her glass somberly. "Because I knew you'd need some company."
Damon pats her thigh and leaves it there. "Thank you, BonBon."
"I'm just being a good friend."
"I know and I'm thanking you for that."
Bonnie pulls into herself in tepidness—she's not used to compliments from him. She then gulps down her glass and scrunches her face at the burning in her throat. "So how about a drinking game?"
Elena walks into her door room slamming the door behind her startling Caroline in the process.
"I take it things didn't go well," Caroline says sympathetically.
Elena scoffs and starts pacing around the doom. "Understatement, big, big understatement."
"What happened?"
She stops in her tracks. "I don't even know how to describe what happened! Things went from bad to worse to complete shit. Ugh! I've never been so angry!" She starts pacing again.
"Alright sweetie, let's start from the beginning. What happened when you talked to him?"
"Nothing, as usual, he avoided my questions and when I confronted him about that the doorbell rang." She lets out a growl thinking about who was at the door.
"Alright who was at the door?" Caroline asks cautiously.
Elena laughs humorlessly. "Ah yes, who was at the door? None other than our estranged and backstabbing best friend Bonnie Bennett."
Caroline gasps. "Are you sure? She hasn't talked to us in six months and the first place she goes to is Damon's? That doesn't sound like her."
"Well, neither does getting pregnant at 19."
"What?"
"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either and she was standing right there."
"Wow." Caroline stares at her wide-eyed in shock. "But that still doesn't explain why she went to Damon's"
"I'll give you one guess."
Caroline furrows her brow in confusion as she mulls over the information she was just given. Bonnie was back, not only was she back, but she was apparently pregnant. Her mind was having issues processing that information, but then she cleared her mind and thought of it logically and the conclusion she came to was even harder to believe…backstabbing best friend. She looks up at Elena shaking her head.
"No, it can't be. Damon, yes, but Bonnie? She would never do something like that."
"Or so I thought." Elena throws her arms in the air and then pulls them to head raking her hands through her hair. "I mean Damon doesn't have the greatest track record, but I thought he loved me..." tears start forming "…and Bonnie…" she starts breaking into uncontrollable sobs "…Bonnie was supposed to be better than this." She flops down on the bed next to Caroline. "How could this happen?"
Caroline holds her while she cries. "I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine."
"I mean I was happy when they finally started to get along, but this? God, I wonder how long they were going behind my back?"
"At this point anything's possible." They sit in silence for a moment processing everything that just happened. "What did you say to them?"
"Nothing. I was too angry to say anything really I just remember hitting Damon a lot and I didn't get a chance to say anything to Bonnie because she was in labor and we had to get her to the hospital."
"So you're telling me that you just came back from the birth of your cheating boyfriend and ex-best friend?"
"God no I let him take care of that. I don't even know if she's had the baby yet."
"Good, for a second there I thought you lost your mind." They both giggle at Caroline's statement.
We can't…
Just one night…
Yes…
Bonnie groans as she wakes up from her hazy slumber due to a contraction. Damon sits up immediately ready to attend to whatever's wrong.
"Are you alright?"
Bonnie looks at her surroundings until her eyes land on the clock in the corner. She surmises that she's only been asleep for two hours and in the hospital for two and a half. The epidural made her numb from the waist down but also was making her brain a little foggy. She groans again grabbing ahold of her swollen middle.
"Are you in pain?" Damon asks with a concerned look on his face.
"Nah, no, it's just…weird. I can feel my muscles pulling, but I can't feel the pain."
"Well that's good," Damon says unsure of himself.
"It's very good," Bonnie tries to say with conviction, but voice is a little slurred. Damon sits back in his chair and goes back to watching the TV.
"You know karma really is real." Bonnie's mind is fuzzy making her control over her what she says low.
"Huh."
"I mean seriously, the universe decided to give Damon "womanizer" Salvatore a daughter and from cheating no less."
He snorts. "Well, what about you? Where does your karma come in? I'm not the only guilty one here."
"I had to carry your daughter for nine months trust me it wasn't easy!" She's near shouting right now speech still slurred.
He smiles at her amused. "Oh please tell me about how hard that was."
"Very, I haven't seen my feet in months."
"You know if it wasn't for way tonight went I'd probably be making fun of you more. You have no idea how funny your tiny body looks with that giant belly of yours."
Bonnie smacks him across the chest. "Oh trust me I know." They both dissolve into a fit of laughter which then turns to a comfortable silence. They both go back to avoiding the elephant in the room.
Bonnie's mind is going to a million things at once thinking about how she's spent her time away in Atlanta, but it keeps landing on the same thing. "I'm such a bad friend." She whines.
Damon snorts, "No you're not."
She looks at him with annoyance. "Really?" She motions to her pregnant belly.
"Okay, maybe you're not the greatest friend in the world, but you're the best one I've ever had."
"How can you say that? I was going to give your child away without telling you and I messed up things with you and Elena."
"Yeah I'm still pissed at that, but now isn't the time. However, I screwed everything up between me and Elena. You weren't her boyfriend, you didn't commit to her."
"Yeah, but I'm her best friend, was her best friend, that's life commitment." Her voice breaks into sobs. "God a drinking game, what the hell was I thinking?"
"You were trying to help like you always do."
"And that worked out great for both of us."
They were playing "never have I ever" and both were thoroughly sloshed. Bonnie had surprised him during the game, she had done a lot more than he had expected like that she shoplifted or that she had had sex in a public place.
She doesn't quite know when the game turned into just talking, but he was opening up about Giuseppe.
"I didn't even like the bastard! I don't understand why it matters to me that he's dead."
"Because he's still your dad. He was a big part of your life and now he suddenly isn't. Change good or bad is hard to deal with." She looks at him with understanding and then puts her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to have emotions. You're not weak for feeling sad about your father's death."
He looks at her with tears forming in his eyes and then something snaps. Before she can protest his mouth is on hers and he's pushing her down so that she's lying flat on the floor with him on top of her.
They kiss for a good thirty seconds before Bonnie gains her sense and pushes him away. "Damon we can't."
"Says who?" He dips down to try and kiss her again but she ducks away.
"Me, your my best friend's boyfriend. I can't do that to Elena." She looks into his eyes imploring him to understand.
He lets out a long sigh and bows his head in exhaustion. "Just one night," he whispers and the looks into her eyes. "Can we have one night where you're not Bonnie Bennett and I'm not the sulking idiot whose father just died? We're just two people with a lot of chemistry and explosive fire that we can finally explore." He runs his fingers down her cheek. "Aren't you curious?"
He's looking at her intensely and she can't help but feel the electricity between them—and electricity that she always felt but his personality always got in the way. There's turmoil in her head because in this moment she wants to, she can feel the heat between their bodies and she wants to do something about it, but she knows it's wrong on so many levels. But then he grinds his crotch against her throbbing middle and all logic goes out the window. "Yes," she sighs as she pulls his mouth down on hers. She's curious, very curious and her alcohol-fueled brain wasn't going to deny her. She knows she'll regret it later, but there's a part of her that will regret it if she doesn't. As the saying goes curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
Bonnie feels another contraction waking her up again, but this time with the urge to push accompanying it. They're coming more frequently causing it to be harder for her to go back to sleep. She concedes to staying awake because she knows soon she'll have to push. She looks over to Damon who hasn't moved from his spot and shifts to relieve the uncomfortable feeling.
"Did you call my mom?"
"Yeah, she said she'll be here by tomorrow or today depending how you look at it." It was a little past midnight. They had been in the hospital for five hours and sitting around waiting was getting to be boring.
"Good. Did you call Stefan?" She say timidly.
"That would be a no."
"I get it." Bonnie looks down slightly dejected.
"I just didn't know what to tell him. Hey, I'm having a kid right now with Bonnie who I cheated on my girlfriend with about nine months ago. And blah, blah, blah. There was a lecture surely to come that can wait."
"I said I get it. It's all a little much."
"You can say that again." Things go silent again. They stare mindlessly in different directions.
"So what's been going on since I left?" Bonnie decides to break the silence with that.
"Umm nothing much, at least that I know of. I've pretty much just spent the last six months drunk so my brother could have ran off to Vegas to become a drag queen and came back married to a stripper and I wouldn't know." Bonnie gives him a confused look. "The point is I'm not really the best person for that question."
"Why have you been drunk for six months?"
"Because there was nothing else to do."
She snorts, "Really, nothing else to do? Not hang out with your girlfriend, go to class, parties, you know all the things you could find to do before I left."
"I don't know…they just…didn't seem like something I wanted to do anymore."
"Wow, your dad dying really affected you."
"Huh?"
"Your dad, I mean you were different when he died but you weren't that close so I assumed you'd get over it."
"I did get over it."
"Then why haven't done anything but drink."
"Can we talk about something else like how you ran off pregnant with my child and no intentions of telling me she even existed?"
"There you go deflecting, as usual, can't even handle a simple question."
"I don't see you answering my question."
"Because I asked first and I already explained that to you." Her voice rises.
"Except you didn't, you just told me what you planned to do, you never told me why."
There's a heavy silence in the air of unspoken truths. They let it sit there permeating the air with guilt and feeling neither were ready to face.
"How are we doing?" Dr. Fell comes in with Bonnie's chart in hand breaking their silence. Both Bonnie and Damon sit up.
"I'm fine though the contractions are coming more frequently it's a little uncomfortable."
"I'm glad to hear that epidural is doing wonders." She shifts her attention to the monitors and jots something down in the chart. She then puts on gloves and walks over to the end of the bed. "Alright, Bonnie I'm going to check to see how far along you are." She doesn't know why she explaining this, it's the same thing every time she checks on her.
Dr. Fell lifts the blanket over her legs and puts her hand in checking her cervix. "It looks like you're going to the delivery room." She says with a smile. "Ready to have your baby?"
It's a loaded question for both of them and panic starts to rise in Bonnie, and Damon just stares at her in shock. "We don't really have much of a choice," Damon says.
"Will dad be joining us in the delivery room?" she says as she gets the orderlies to release the breaks on Bonnie's bed to take her to the delivery room. They seemed young and unmarried so she didn't want to assume anything.
Bonnie opens her mouth unsure of what to say thinking about their fight just before the doctor came in, but then Damon speaks up for himself, "Yes!"
Bonnie looks over to him, "Really?"
"Yes really. I may be scared and this is definitely unexpected, but you only get to watch your first child be born once." Bonnie smile's at his answer.
It had been a few weeks since what she was now dubbing the incident happened and Bonnie couldn't have felt worse. She couldn't look Elena or even Caroline in the eye, so she spent her time in the library. It became her sanctuary when the guilt was just too much to handle. She considered telling her just to sate the guilt but felt that was too selfish. It would do nothing but hurt Elena and if she could avoid that at all costs she would. She had already done the worst thing a best friend could do and it was up to her to live with that.
Things with Damon got progressively worse. Without any real effort she steered clear of him. She was his friend, but that had blurred beyond repair. Avoiding him wasn't as hard as she thought it would be until she came home one night and found him and Elena going at it in her bed.
"Don't you two have a giant house with rooms with privacy to do that in? You could have at least put a sock on the door."
She knew she didn't have the right but her anger flared.
"Sorry Bon, we got a little carried away." She gives them both a tight lipped smile and leaves slamming the door.
Being angry at Damon wasn't a foreign concept for her, but being angry at him for simply being with his girlfriend was. From then on she avoided the dorm room completely. She still lived there, but she made sure only to be home when no one else was.
Weeks passed by and her guilt at her to the point that it was affecting her health. She was tired all the time, had been throwing up and didn't have much of an appetite. To top it all off she had started to look like death—her skin had started to look pale with a sheen of ghostly white that alarmed even her. Seeing the visible changes in her friend Caroline dragged her to the doctors. There she got the most disturbing news she could have imagined. She was pregnant with her best friend's baby. When she got out Caroline asked her how it went. Bonnie promptly lied and said she was just stress.
She thought about aborting it. Went to the clinic and everything but sitting there in the waiting room she realized that that wasn't what she wanted at all. She wasn't sure about being a mother, but she knew with absolute certainty that she didn't want to get rid of it. It already felt like it was a part of her, the only person there to keep her company during the time she felt so alone in the library.
She doesn't know how she's going to tell anyone. She was trying to avoid hurting Elena but life had slipped her this curveball. She decides to tell Damon first. That seemed like the best first step. When she's knocks on the door of the house she hadn't visited in months Elena is the one that answers.
She doesn't know why she feels surprised by this she was his girlfriend after all and it's not like Bonnie called ahead of time, but it does. She walks in and finds that Elena's making dinner. She wanted Damon to help but it seemed like he was content just watching her flutter about while her drank himself into an early grave.
The scene was an eye opener watching them smiling and laughing—she was going to shatter both of them. She couldn't do it so she packed up her things, left a note and ran away to Atlanta where her mother who she hadn't seen in quite some time lived. She figured she owed it to her.
In the months preceding Abby all but smothers Bonnie in unwanted affection. She appreciates it, but it's all a little too little too late. She watches as her stomach grows and gets accustomed to never being alone. She finds an adoption agency and even finds the perfect couple, but every time she tries to set up a meeting with them something holds her back. Anxiety takes over and she immediately puts the phone down.
Abby finds her crying on the bathroom floor papers in front of her phone by her side. "What's wrong baby?"
Bonnie just shakes her head back and forth teary-eyed. "I can't do it mom."
Abby gets down on the floor with her and hugs her to her side rubbing Bonnie's arms gently. "I know sweetie and that's why you're giving her up."
"No, I can't give her up," she turns her head into her mother's shoulder crying more.
"Do you really think you can be a mom? Trust me it's not easy. What do you know about being someone's mother?" she says as gently as possible, but it still angers her daughter.
"What do you know about being a mother?" she all but shouts.
Abby sighs "Alright I earned that but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. Do you really think you're ready for this?"
Bonnie shakes her head. "No," she whispers. "But I have to be."
"You don't have to be anything unless you want to. You don't have to do this. You can go back to college, back to your life and do this when you're ready."
"But I do. I want my baby. She's a part of me and I can't just give that away. I tried but I can't do it"
I can't do it…
It wasn't as dramatic or painful as television made it out to be. She felt pressure and a burning sensation when she crowned and the shoulders came out, but most of her exhaustion and pain came from pushing itself. She made a note that if she had any more kids definitely go with the drugs.
Damon stayed right by her side encouraging her as she went along. He only looked once and that was enough for him to know not to look down there again. He was surprised that he didn't faint through the entire thing because he was definitely not prepared for his day to go like this.
But one thing did remain as expected. The love both of them felt when they saw their daughter. Everything locked in place and all the humiliation and shame she felt was suddenly worth it. And all of the sulking he spent months doing finally had a purpose. The missing piece came back.
"Oh my God she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Bonnie says with tears in her eyes.
"I know," he whispers in awe.
"It's so weird that came out of me, she's so much smaller than I imagined."
"Well at six pounds seven ounces she is a little on the small side, but otherwise perfectly healthy," a nurse who walks in says. They both look to her with curious eyes. "Hi I'm Nurse Heather and I'm here to help you with breastfeeding. Have you thought much about it? It's great for bonding."
Bonnie is taken a little off guard. "Yeah I wanted to try, but I heard it hurts."
"It can at first, but after you get used to it it'll be like nothing." The nurse proceeds in and walks over to Bonnie. "Awe, she's so beautiful."
"Thanks" they say in unison. If there was one thing they could agree on by the end of today it was that.
"Does this little one have a name?" Both Damon and Bonnie look at her with guilty looks. Truth was neither of them really had enough time to think about a name, but it was on their long list of to-dos. "I'll take that as a no."
The nurse then proceeds to instruct Bonnie on how to get her baby to latch. It's the first time Damon has ever looked at a woman's breast with rapt attention and not been aroused by it. No, he was in fact fascinated with his daughter and watching her learn simple things such as eating. The feeling takes him by surprise—babies never much interested him ever. They were tiny being that he made sure to steer clear of, but now that he had one he still felt like he should steer clear of her but for different reasons. He was sure that someone like him should never be near a baby—he'd corrupt it. He thought he was doing better with his ways while he was with Elena, but then he cheated on her and he realized nothing had changed. He was still his old self and that person should be anywhere near a kid. But he looks over to them both mother and child and feels something stronger that causes more fear in him at the idea of leaving them.
When the baby's fed and both mother and child are napping he decides to step out for fresh air. There was just too much to process and so little sleep. He decides coffee is what he needs.
Elena and Caroline walk into the maternity ward. It was time for them to face the consequences. She had wallowed and now it was time for answers, real answers. She was still pissed but now had enough control over her anger to have a conversation with them with attacking one or both, but there were no guarantees.
She gets the room number from a nurse that used to know her father. She has to sit through idle small talk, but it gets her where she wants without suspicion. Just as she gets to the hallway to their room she sees him standing right outside the room she assumes is Bonnie's. All of the anger comes rushing back and she stomps over to him. Smack! She slaps him right across the face.
"What the fuck!" he screeches before her see who just hit him. "Elena?"
"Yeah did you forget about me? Girl who's been there through all your bullshit only to have you knock up my best friend." She takes a step toward him which causes Damon to immediately take a step back. She's about to take another step but Caroline stops her.
Elena looks at her quizzically. "Trust me, I would love nothing more than to watch Damon get his ass kicked, but that's not what we came here for."
"You're right." She takes a deep breath before turning back to him. If looks could kill runs through his brain. "Can we talk?"
"Depends? Are you going to hit me again?"
"Depends, are you going to piss me off some more?"
"I'm not getting out of this am I?"
"No." Both Caroline and Elena say in unison.
"Alright lead the way."
They end up in the cafeteria. They could still end up making a scene but at least it was away from the halls.
"How long?" She couldn't hold off on that one any longer.
"How long what?" Elena goes to hit him again but he quickly interrupts. "Alright, alright…it was only the one night. We didn't sneak around behind your back."
"Except for the one night," she says anger radiating in her tone.
"Except for the one night."
"Alright, if it was just one night why didn't you tell me? If you knew why she left and that she was pregnant, why didn't you tell me? How the hell did you expect to hide that?"
"I didn't want to hurt you."
"Well you did a great job of that."
"You think I meant for this to happen? You think I meant for you to find out that way? If I could have prevented that trust me I would have, but I didn't even know. I didn't know she was pregnant. I didn't know why she left. And I for damn sure didn't plan on hiding my kid from you. I made a mistake I just didn't realize how much bigger the mistake was."
Elena snorts. "You made a mistake…" she says silently to herself. She snorts again repeating the words in her head until it turns to full on laughter. "You made a mistake." Her tone is sterner now. "Damon a mistake is accidentally putting metal in the microwave and it blows up. A mistake is accidentally leaving you coat at home so you're cold when it gets chilly at night. A mistake is accidentally locking you keys in the car so you can't get in. You made a choice. You chose to sleep with my best friend. You chose to hide from me. And you chose to shut me out for months lying to me. Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a choice that leads to a series of choice all of which hurt me. You didn't accidentally do anything so don't sit there and tell me you made a mistake."
They've caught the attention of the patrons of the cafeteria. Damon tries to awkwardly smile his way out of it, but no one is having it. Elena then gets up from her seat glaring at him. "Goodbye Damon,we're done." She throws a key at him. "Here's your house key back, I got my stuff last night." She turns to storm off, but then remembers something. "Oh and tell Bonnie don't bother coming back to the dorm. She's not welcome any more."
Caroline decided to wait for Elena she was only there for moral support, but then her curiosity gets the best of her. She doesn't even bother knocking before she goes in. She finds Bonnie curled up on her side asleep. She notices the bassinet right next to the bed and decides to take a peek.
She honestly couldn't believe any of this was happening. She felt as though they were in a different dimension or something, but there it was wrapped up in pink blanket with cute chubby cheeks and button nose and steady even breathing. Caroline's face softens at the sight, but then hardens immediately when she sees Bonnie's eyes on her.
"You're awake."
"And you're in my room."
"Yeah well I had to see it with my own eyes." Caroline walks away from the bassinette. "I still can't believe you did this."
"But I did." Bonnie says lowly not looking her in the eye.
"I suspected something was wrong before you left. I thought maybe you were dying and pregnant even crossed my mind, but this. You would never do something like this—betray your best friend. You're Bonnie Bennett, you're loyal to a fault."
Tears start forming in her eyes. "Yeah, well I'm not as perfect as that picture you painted."
"Oh I know, I got that when you left without saying a word to anyone."
"I'm sorry."
"It's too late for that."
"I know, but it still needs to be said." There's a heavy silence between them. "Why'd you come here?"
"Because I want to know why. What is it about Damon Salvatore that just causes girls to throw away their principles? You had those Bonnie. What could he have possible said to get you to betray Elena?" Caroline knew it was ridiculous to be this upset, but it was truly disheartening to see the one person that could always be counted on do something like this with Damon no less.
Bonnie thinks about it and that night and why she truly did it and came up with nothing sufficient. "The best answer I can give you is curiosity."
"Curiosity? Seriously? That's all it took to lower your standards."
"Well that and bourbon, but for the most part, yes."
"Of course alcohol was involved. At least some things make sense. But why didn't you tell me? When we at the doctors. I remember how sick you looked how terrible you felt. I'm your friend too, I would have been here for you."
"I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror let alone you or anyone for that matter! I couldn't let anyone know what I had done. It was too horrible."
"And now?"
"It's still horrible, but I have other things to worry about." Bonnie smiles affectionately at the bassinet filled with her daughter who surprisingly hadn't woken up.
"I honestly don't know what to tell you Bonnie. Part of me gets it, all of it but that doesn't make it any better. I don't think I can be friends with you anymore." Caroline's voice breaks at the end.
Tears start steaming down Bonnie's face. "I understand." She whispers.
"Goodbye Bonnie." Caroline silently leaves the room as Bonnie turns over on her side and sobs. She expected this, but that didn't make it hurt any less. She couldn't just go back as though nothing had happened, she knew there would be consequences and that there would be more to come.
A/N: So that end conversation was originally going to be between Elena and Bonnie, I mean it makes the most logical sense, but my muse said Caroline, so I went with her instead of logic. Lol. Expect the next part soon which is going to be the last part.