Sorry is Never Enough
Disclaimer: I don't own the 100 or its characters.
Author's Note: I sincerely apologize for the long delay, life got a bit crazy and I was a little stuck over where to take this story. Bear with me as I work through writer's block. I love that you guys are enjoying it and really really appreciate all your reviews/follows/favorites! Here's the next chapter! :)
Chapter 4
Bellamy didn't realize how Clarke's absence would affect the camp. No one besides the Spacewalker was pouting, but the others seemed more careful, scared even. Despite their knowledge that they could now contact the Ark and could soon even look forward to more advanced medical care than what Clarke could provide, there was a restless trepidation spreading through the members of the 100. Maybe it was the comfort of the known or Clarke's reassurance that they would find a way. Either way, without their healer they were scared.
Bellamy was unprepared to deal with that reality, as well as Octavia's reaction to finding out he had simply let Clarke walk out of camp and away from its small level of protection from Grounders and other threats.
"What were you thinking, B? Just letting her go! Do you really hate her that much or do you have some kind of God complex like Jaha and the Council, needing to make yourself feel evermore important?"
His sister's words stung, but he knew there was some truth in them. He didn't like Clarke after what happened with Charlotte. He had never wanted to like her. He needed to find somewhere to direct his anger over Charlotte's death and Clarke had been an easy target. He'd felt powerful when he raged against her during the storm while the others listened. She was one of the privileged and he was finally going to bring her low with his words and his anger.
With Octavia's expectant face staring up at him waiting for an answer, he didn't feel powerful. He felt foolish for not being able to control his emotions like a good leader should have. The reality that he may have been too hard on Clarke chafed against him in a way that made him want to lash out again. He kept his frustrations tightly in check as he addressed Octavia's endless questioning.
"No. I'm not like Jaha or the Council. I can admit when I've made mistakes. And I realize now I should have spoken with Clarke in private. I shouldn't have taken it that far."
"A lot of good that does us now, Bellamy! We're struggling here. Clarke helped organize us, she directed us when you didn't have the time. She did a lot more for you than you'd ever like to admit. She's gone now and if it was between dealing with your crabby ass and the Grounders, I'd pick them. She'll never come back!"
Bellamy rubbed his face with one hand, trying to think of what would comfort his sister, what would comfort the others. He didn't know what to say so he said the one thing only Octavia had ever heard him utter. "I'm sorry, O. If it makes you feel better, she looked like she just needed a break from camp. She'll probably come back soon. Really." He was hopeful she would believe him, but that was quickly dashed when he saw the fury in her eyes.
"No, it doesn't make me feel better. What was it you told Clarke in front of the whole damn camp? 'Sorry is never enough, Princess.' Congratulations, Bellamy. You just became a hypocrite." She stomped off continuing to mutter something about power-hungry idiots. Two women had walked away from him that day, neither bothering to look back.
Clarke went about preparing for her new life in isolation by scavenging for food and making a new one-person camp. She knew she probably should have chosen a safer location than the lone tree out in the open, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the peace she'd found there. The tree was like an old friend holding her up. She realized how much she'd needed that support in the old camp and had been unable to find it in human form. Maybe that made her crazy, but it was better than desperation. That had made her seek out Finn and become distracted. She didn't need that and she certainly didn't need Bellamy Blake's band of merry misfits to look after.
She took comfort in gathering berries she was fairly sure were edible. The uncertainty gave her a bit of a thrill and she laughed to herself about how she may very well be crazy before it was all said and done. As her light chuckling carried on the wind, she didn't notice the eyes watching from the edge of the woods several hundred yards away.