Steve and Bucky spent the rest of the day in the living room. Steve told Bucky about his parents, about his home in Brooklyn. He told him how they had met on the playground when they were still very young and Bucky had asked him why he was so tiny, Steve recalled that in reply, he had told him that he was sick. Bucky had immediately run back to his mother, demanding that they visit later and bring chicken soup. It was a lucky thing for Steve too. That night, when Bucky slept over, Steve became ill and feverish, going from burning, to freezing in the span of minutes. Steve told Bucky how he had slipped out of his own bedding on the floor and squeezed into Steve's narrow cot with him, holding the other boy against him as chills wracked his slender frame. Steve confided in Bucky that his warmth and care had been the only thing that had kept him alive that night. He told Bucky of the adventures they'd had together as boys, of all the trouble Bucky had tried to keep Steve out of. He told Bucky, haltingly, about how he felt when Bucky was drafted, how he had wanted to help, how he missed him, and feared for him. Bucky watched him very closely through this, watching the emotions on his face for any sign that he wasn't 100% genuine in what he was saying. Steve pressed on with the details of how he had come to join the army, and how they had been reconnected after Steve had helped Bucky's regiment escape Hydra. Bucky's face grew very dark as he explained the details to him. He realized now just how far back Hydra's influence on him reached. Steve told Bucky about how they had fought together, how glad he was to have him by his side…He told Bucky how he had lost him…
Steve fell silent for a long time after that. He sat with his hands in his lap, his gaze lowered. Bucky had moved to the floor by this point, absently stroking Liberty, who lay in his lap chewing on a rope knot.
"When I lost you…" Steve started reluctantly, "When I thought you'd died…I-I didn't know what to do…you had always been there Buck, and now you were…you were just gone…I didn't know that I could make it without you because I'd never had to before…" Steve took a steadying breath. "When you came back, I thought that the world was finally right again, because it wasn't without you…and then you didn't know me…and it was worse than before…"
He couldn't bring himself to say anything else. Bucky knew the story from there, and even though there were a thousand things Steve wanted to tell him, he knew he couldn't overload him.
Bucky couldn't begin to think of anything to say either. He didn't remember all of what Steve had told him, in fact he didn't remember most of it, but he remembered just enough tiny fragments to make him believe it.
"Does that…Help?" Steve ventured after a few long minutes of silence, still watching Bucky's face carefully. Bucky frowned slightly, his lips pressed together in a tight line.
"Honestly? I don't remember anything of what you just told me…" He faltered slightly, "Well...I mean...Almost anything…" Steve looked up, his curiosity piqued. Bucky saw the look on his face, and glanced down his face going the slightest tinge pink. "I…I remember…saying goodbye to you…at the science exhibition…"
Steve blinked in surprise, tempted to say 'really?' but he held it back. He hadn't actually mentioned where they had said goodbye, but Bucky knew! He must have remembered it! As he digested this information, a small smile touched his lips.
"That's really good Bucky," He said gently, knowing that Bucky needed to be coached very carefully through this process. Steve knew he couldn't expect too much of him, or else Bucky would begin to feel like he would be punished if he didn't remember enough. He needed to be praised when he did remember something new, and patiently encouraged when he couldn't. Remembering had to be handled positively no matter what. Steve decided it was worth it to gently prompt a little more.
"You remember the man at the exhibition with the flying car that couldn't actually fly?" Steve asked, a small smile tugging at his lips, "I went on to work with him in the army, and he helped design a lot of the tech that we used. He was a good man, his name was Howard Stark, he's T-" Steve stopped mid-sentence. Bucky's face had blanched white, and his looked suddenly ill. "Bucky?" Steve asked, gently touching his shoulder. Bucky blinked rapidly, swallowing back the wave of nausea that had suddenly struck him.
"He was your comrade?" Bucky asked huskily. "A…a friend?" Steve suddenly got the feeling that he was not going to like where this was going, but he nodded anyways.
"Yeah…Howard and I worked together…a lot actually, and yeah, he was my friend…" Bucky drew in a shaky breath, sliding Liberty off of his lap and standing up, retreating to the doorway. "Bucky!" Steve called, standing up and going after him. His hand closed gently around Bucky's wrist. The dark-haired man stopped in his tracks. His hand tightened into a fist and Steve could feel his muscles bunch all the way up to his shoulder. "It's okay Bucky," He said softly, "You can tell me…"
Again Bucky steadied himself, drawing in a deep breath and swallowing hard. Steve was about to hate him, he was certain of it."
"Howard Stark…" Bucky started slowly, speaking through clenched teeth. "I killed him…"