Chapter 10
I felt numb, how could he go this far? More importantly, why was I surprised. Of course he went that far. Look who I'm talking about. Tom didn't want me to have a job. Now I have no job. He didn't want me dating, now the boy who took me on one innocent date was in a coma. He had suffered a severe head injury when a piece of burning debris came down on him. He was in the hospital but truth be told I was afraid to go see him for fear of further retribution from Tom. I hated myself for it and so did my former coworkers. I told them that I couldn't face him like that. What else was I going to say, my crazy ex-whatever-he-was burned down the cafe and I'm afraid if I have anything more to do with him Tom would surely kill him. Tom had succeeded in making my life miserable and it didn't even take him that long.
" Ginny I really hope your friend is going to be ok but you can't sulk here for the rest of the summer." Pansy said for the thousandth time. It has been 3 days since the fire and I haven't left the apartment once.
"Pansy" I said trying to find the right words. I knew I had to say what I was about to say. I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't regret them. This got too serious too fast.
" I ... I want...No I think I need to go home. " I couldn't meet her gaze after all that she has done for me I felt like I was betraying her.
" I'm just so torn, conflicted...it's to hard, this was a wake up call for me. I just need to take a step back. I was always going to have to go home before school anyway. I just need time...distance. Once school starts again, now that all of you guys wont be there I'll be able to clear my head, away from influence." I was digging my nails into the skin around my cuticles, I finally looked up at her.
" He's not going to like that." She said In a whisper
" I don't care, I'll be with the order. He won't be able to get near me until I'm at by then I hope to have my head on he broke things off with me not the other way around."
" He just won't like that he can't check up on you."
"Well we can't always get what we want." I said, trying to sound more confident then I felt. Tom had a to tendency always get what he wanted.
Pansy looked like she was going to say something, but then thought better of it. I had a good idea what she was thinking. This was a risky move but I'll be with the order.
" Obviously I don't want you to go but I do understand. What should I tell the others, or him if he asks"
" Tell them I need to clear my head. And that he is a jerk and an ass." I replied.
"Ok leave out the jerk ass part." I added.
" When are you going to go?" Pansy asked.
" As soon as I can pack, I don't want a chance to change my mind."
Pansy sat on the bed while I packed, I wouldn't look at her or engage her in conversation. My resolve was on thin ice. I needed to leave and I needed to do it fast. I didn't want to be talked out of it. I was finished packing when I realized that my family was in hiding, I didn't know how to find them but I knew I could get a letter out.
" Bye Pansy, Thank you for everything. I wish I wasn't going to be alone at school next year. Its going to be so boring." I said as I was waiting for my port key to take me to wherever Charlie was going to meet me to take me to the burrow.
" You know you don't have to go back... To school I mean."
"Yes I do, I want to graduate. I want to be a healer, I have to."
" Just a Ginny I hate goodbyes. I hope you come back to us soon." She gave me a hug and promptly left. Pansy wasn't one for emotions. The battered old wallet that was to serve as my port key started glowing. With a sigh I looked around the room, grabbed my bags and held on tight. I felt the familiar pull behind my navel and we sucked into a spiral of blurry images. Finally felt my feet slam into the ground, I lost my footing and fell hard on my butt.
" Graceful as ever Ginny."
"Charlie!" I yelled as I pulled myself to my feet and ran to him. I guess I didn't realize how much I had missed my family.
" How was your trip, why did you come home early?"
" Oh um It was great! Luna and her father uh decided to."
" Hunt rackspurts in Iceland." Charlie finished. He looked so much like dad. His arms were crossed, his eyes were hard. I was caught. But how much did he know? I don't want to give anything away if he doesn't know the whole truth.
" I know you weren't with them. I don't know where you were or why you lied but you are going to do allot of explaining on our walk to the burrow or I will tell mom and dad."
I was trapped, I didn't know where to start. I should had come up with what to say if I got caught. I looked around to figure out where we were, picked a direction and started walking.
" Aww no you don't." Charlie said grabbing my elbow and turning me around.
" Leave me alone Charlie, I'm not a child." I said yanking my arm back, his grip was strong, that was going to bruise.
" This isn't a time for games Ginny. I know you want your freedom but in case you haven't noticed we are at war."
" I am well aware of what has been going on, believe me, I'm not worried about Death Eaters."
" What's that supposed to mean? Of course you should be worried about death eaters, and while we are at it, those new friends of yours have strong ties to them if they aren't branded themselves already."
" I'm not worried about the death eaters." I repeated before turning on my heel, whipping my hair in Charlie's face for dramatic affect. Charlie grabbed my arm again.
" Everyone should be afraid of them." The look in Charlie's eye flashed with anger then turned to fear as I stared back at him. Gradually his face seemed to change, as if a thought had just dawned on him. I think I said too much, Charlie and I had always been close despite the large age gap. He knew the extent of the things that transpired in my first year, and the affects they had on me. He also knew that the only way I wouldn't be afraid of them, is if I was ordered not to be harmed, that order only comes from one person.
After it happened I went to a therapist for a few years, they explained that it is not uncommon for victims to fall for their aggressors, that Tom had preyed on my vulnerability and that wasn't my fault, it took me a long time to figure out that this wasn't true in my case. I loved him, thats when I decided to live the way I wanted to. But I still love my family, I feel as though I am walking on the edge of a razor, ready to fall at any moment, the only question is, which way would I fall.
After what seemed liked hours, Charlie finally spoke.
" I though you were over that Ginevra" Uh oh, Charlie never used my full name, I was in trouble now.
" I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about."
" Ginny, I love you, We all love you. We ... If he came after you again we ... we can protect you."
" Stay out of my business Charlie. Please, just let this go. I want to go home." We stared at each other for a moment. I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them I let my lip quiver and a tear slip down my face.
" I made a mistake Charlie, But I'm here now and I want to go home." I was always a master manipulator, Thats why Tom and I made such a lethal pair.
" Gin, Don't cry please. I won't say anything. Just do me a favor and go back to Dr. Karington."
" I will. I promise" I said wiping away the tears from my cheeks. Maybe it would be good for me. I mean, I had left so I could get over Tom, I don't plan on going back, I just really didn't want Charlie to stir up any trouble, we already had enough of that going around. Charlie put his arms around me, picked up my bag and steered me towards home. Home... The thought of seeing my home and family filled my heart with joy, Maybe there was still hope for me.
I stood outside the two story brick office building staring up at the third window from the left, Where I knew Dr. Karington was seeing her 10 oclock patient, where I knew the over talkative twenty something bottle blonde was snapping her gum, answering the phone and typing crap into her portable phone.
I spent a year in therapy here after my first year, When I left I had no intention of coming back. I had been putting this off all summer, until finally Charlie made the appointment for me. I know I need this, she helped me once she can help me again. Only if I am truthful though, I need help getting over him. Do I want to get over him?
" Go ginny, One foot in front of the other." I said out loud to myself.
After another 10 mins of scolding myself I finally made it into the office. I was right, Little miss bottle blonde was still here. The place looked exactly the same. I am pulled out of my thoughts by someone calling my name.
" Ginny, Come on in" I look up to see Dr. Karington holding open the door to her office. She also looked the same, maybe a few more wrinkles around the eyes. Same shoulder length brown hair with a few more greys then I remember. She was wearing a pair of black slacks, red blouse with a really cute belt if I'm being honest. I gather my purse, give a small smile and follow her into the small office.
There were so many diplomas on the wall I doubt she had any sort of social life at all. The mahogany desk, computer, and several serenity, hippie, calming sayings were still displayed on the wall behind the sofa. I noticed she did move her book case full of self help and psychiatry books to the corner by the door. As I looked around the room my eyes fell on the familiar sight of my file on her desk. A folder with W-E-A , G in colored stickers on the side, It was thick, I wonder if everyones was like that.
" Please, Sit Ginny." Dr. Karington motioned to the couch as she took her seat across from it, put on her rimless glasses and poised her pen in her hand over her notebook. I sat.
" So Ginny, Its been awhile. How are you ?"
" Uh yea, I'm good. Things are ... good"
" Well this is the first time I've seen you in years. There must be a reason why your back. I've been reviewing your file, You had PTDS from an episode in your first year of school. Are you having nightmares again ?"
" No, no nightmares. I'm not a child anymore."
" So you have been able to keep thoughts of Tom at bay."
" Yes and no." I said nervously.
" Can you elaborate?"
" Um well, He's back ... now and not just in my head or in my diary." The best part of seeing Dr. Karington was that she was a witch herself, she just happened to practice a muggle profession so I didn't have to fudge anything for muggle ears.
" I thought we worked at great length to separate the Tom you knew from He who must not be named."
" Yea well we did, But thats just it now. He is him, they are one now. I don't know how it happened but he looks like that again."
" And he sought you out?" She prompted.
" Not exactly. I wanted to see if it was true, What I heard about his new self. I found myself hanging out with children of death eaters."
" Seeking out inappropriate company Ginny we talked about that."
"Yes, Yes I know. I sought them out, They were the best chance I had at getting to him. But they actually turned out to be really good friends."
" Because you got what you wanted from them."
" Because they were there when nobody else was" I said defensively.
" Why do you think you sought him out again?"
" I... I wanted to see him OK, I'm not a child anymore and so I thought ..." I trailed off.
" You wanted him to see you now. He was the only boy who ever told you that you were pretty and that you would grow into a beautiful women." She said reading out of my file. I got very defensive when I saw her do that.
" Don't use my own words against me!"
" Those where his words though Ginny. You are doing it again. You are looking for validation from the wrong people. You are beautiful, smart and talented. Will you only believe that if it comes from Tom?"
" I...I don't know."
" Ginny why don't you tell me what you do know, you obviously decided you needed my help." I didn't respond
" Let me ask you this, Where you intimate with him?" It was blunt and direct, I'm not sure why but this surprised me.
" Yes"
" Did you let him use you?"
"Yes"
"And..." She prodded me to continue.
" Ok, I'll lay it out for you. Though a series of events I found myself in a sort of ... relationship- ish thing with Tom. It was great at first but I realized that I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't ... just be with me."
" You realized that you wanted more then what he could offer you. There is no shame in that Ginny you deserve to be with someone who can give you what you want."
" I know, It turned into a huge fight because as much as I didn't want to admit it, I do want marriage and children. That is something I know he can't give me."
"So you came home"
"Yes I realized the danger I was in. I know Tom is not stable. At first I thought that because he broke it off that I could ... Just move on but" I trailed off.
"Has he attacked you?"
" No, well yes, He came after a boy I went on one date with. I didn't understand because officially he is the one who left me."
" Did you care about this boy you went out with?"
I thought for a minute. " No, No I didn't. I just wanted to..."
" Make him jealous." Dr. Kerington finished.
" Yes, How stupid is that! I know he is not a normal man, How could I let myself think that making him jealous was a good idea." I put my head in my hands.
"You have a pattern of self destructive behavior."
"But why? Why do I do that?"
" Because Tom was, Is, a master manipulator and he made you feel like you needed him and not the other way around. We need to work on self worth. You need to not look for validation in others." I ran a hand through my hair.
" Your right. I can't believe I let myself get here again. I feel like I am on the edge and I don't know which way to go or even which way I want to go. I love my family but why can't I leave him alone."
" Because your first experience with a boy was with him. You don't know anything different because Harry never returned your affections, Tom did." I saw her look over my head at the clock on the wall. An hour goes fast.
" Times up?" I asked
" For this week. I think we should resume a once a week schedule. Now, for homework I want you to write down five things that you want for your future and why Tom can't give them to you."
" Oh,Ok. Thank you."
" Ill see you next week Ginny. Take care." She said as she walked me out. Her next patient was just checking in when I left. As I walked out of the office I made a commitment to do my best to work through this. It is so unfair that I am struggling so much and Tom can just move right on with his life. Fucking men, I thought as I took a cleansing breath and started to walk home.
Tom's POV
" He has been ruthless lately" I hear a nameless death eater say as I approach the meeting room.
" It's the Weasley Girl. She hasn't been around. Maybe she was a little more then just someone to ...uh entertain him." My blood boils as I hear them talk about Ginny. Just the mention of her name sets me on edge let alone them speaking of her this way. I should go hex them to hell. I think as my hand twitches towards my wand. I whip around the corner and glare right at them.
" If I ever hear you speak of her that way again I will make you regret you where ever born. Now get inside and do not speak for the rest of the night." The mumble a yes my lord and hasten into the meeting room.
I have called a progress meeting. I hate these but they are necessary. For the next hour I will have my leaders come up one by one and give me the status on the ministry, Hogwarts, and all the wizarding villages across Europe that I have stationed my followers.
" Hogwarts" I yell as I wait for Severus to approach the podium. I have made several staff changes for the coming new year. No pureblood student has a choice anymore about attending.
" My Lord, We have removed the muggle studies teacher and disposed of her. We are working on rewriting the curriculum to better suit our cause. The Carrows have been in charge of discipline but our vetting process to name the new prefects is not at all going well. Most of the students who would be most effective have graduated. Malfoy, Parkinson, Flint, Zabinni. We are considering...with your permission of course of reinstating the inquisitorial squad."
I furrowed my eyebrows, thinking hard. If there was nobody to be prefect, who was gonna be on the squad?
" You want to send them back? To patrol the school?"
" Thats what we had hoped my lord, they are not on assignment right now."
" I'll think about it. Go, get out all of you, this meeting is over." I yelled with a wave of my hand. I sat there in the empty room pinching the bridge of my nose to try and dull the pain from the headache I was getting.
" Not you Ms. Parkinson, I need to speak with you a moment." They all hesitated.
" Just Ms. Parkinson !" I growled, In no mood to deal with all of them together. I hate commiserating with teenagers, Why don't they just grow up.
Parkinson made a nodding gesture to the door, silently telling them to get the fuck out before I got even more annoyed. Then she slowly walked over to where I was sitting.
" Where is she ?" I asked. " And don't bother pretending you don't know who I mean."
" She uh... Went home my Lord."
" Home ?"
" Yes Sir to her parents." She wouldn't meet my gaze, I couldn't blame her not many people dare to.
" Did she give reasons?"
" Well she said she would have had to go before school started back up anyway and that she was hoping to get a littler clarity."
" Clarity ? What the fuck does she mean by that?" I asked more to myself them Parkinson.
"All I really know is that she was very upset, She left in a hurry." I thought for a moment. Now I really needed someone to keep an eye on her, she will regret leaving and If she steps out of line...I'll know it.
"Ms. Parkinson, I have a mission for you..."