((A/N: *sigh* I deserve every ounce of chastising you folks would like to give me! As a separate but related note, I have swore to myself that I will finish this story or die trying! Probably not literally… Anyways… Thanks a bunch to any and all still reading my story! Love you guys!))

A week later, I was pulling on my Quidditch gloves, Silvia and Terry staring right up until my pale skin disappeared into the leather. They were staring at the ever changing words written across my flesh, displaying things like "The Marauders are awesome!," "Wormtail is smarter than me," and "Prongs is always right," in various colors, sizes, and fonts. Fortunately, the words were only up to my shoulders, making them easily hid. Both girls looked away quickly as I tugged on my shoes.

"You know," I started hotly; Silvia and Terry both jumped at the sound of my voice. I smiled. "I think it's going to be a good practice."

The two girls shared a glance, then looked back at me. "Why do you say that?" Silvia asked nervously.

I shrugged and followed them out to the pitch. It was a drizzly evening, but all in all not too bad for a Quidditch practice. The boys were waiting outside; the sight of them made me smile wider.

Sirius' hair was grape purple; James' was hot pink. Before James could get started on his pre-practice motivational speech, I waved him down. "Can I talk to you two?" Pink and purple looked at each other in surprise, hope etching itself across their faces.

"Sure thing, Ar," James replied quickly. To the rest of the team, he ordered warmups commenced; the Quaffle was taken out and passed as we retreated just out of earshot. Once there, James looked at me nervously. "This isn't about the books, is it?"

Sirius and I both grimaced. It was a little practical joke that had quickly gotten out of hand: when my books "randomly" sprouted arms and legs in the middle of Charms, it had caused a minor panic that resulted in a fair number of foul words and an evacuation of the classroom. Professor Flitwick was, suffice to say, not happy at all. I took a steeling breath and shook my head.

"No, it's not about the books…" Another deep breath to both calm myself and to strengthen my resolve. "It's about Quidditch. Look, I know we've been having a lot of trouble with our teamwork since… well… I mean…" Ok, this wasn't going to get me anywhere. I switched to a more direct approach. "Look, we've been doing really shitty at this whole team thing lately, and I just wanted to say I'm tired of it. I want to call a temporary truce while we're playing, like we did before. I mean… The rest of the team doesn't deserve to be dragged down by us, you know; so I'm willing to put it aside when we're playing Quidditch, if he is," I finished, jerking a thumb towards Sirius, whom I was refusing to look at.

It was silent for a good few minutes after I stopped talking, and if felt so awkward that I stopped looking at James too, instead looking at the other four members of our team as they passed the Quaffle.

"Well, mate?" James finally muttered, anxiously awaiting his best friend's response. Another minute of silence passed.

At last, Sirius cleared his throat loudly. "No," he said flatly, and I looked at him out of shock. He had that stupid stubborn look on his face, the it's-my-way-or-the-highway look that said he wasn't going to let go that easily. Irritation blossomed in the pit of my stomach and I could feel my frown deepen and my eyes narrow. My fists clenched reflexively, so I took another breath and forced myself to relax. I really was impressing myself with my self control lately.

"I see…" I muttered with a disconsolate sigh. "I suppose there's nothing else then…" Without another word, I turned and walked back to the rest of the team. I cleared my throat loudly (and maybe a little awkwardly); the Quaffle dropped to the ground instantly, as if the whole team had just been putting on a show of warming up the whole time and were really just waiting to see what would happen next. I ground my teeth a little, reluctant to say what I needed to. I hesitantly looked back at Sirius and James, who had followed me over and both looked worried about whatever I was about to say. Their anxious looks steeled my resolve, so I cleared my throat once more. "Well, as you've all probably noticed, the cohesion of the team has been a little lacking lately. And I know we all know why. I understand where all you are probably putting the blame, so—for the good of the team—I've decided to go ahead and… quit the team." I paused, a little pleased about the sudden inhalations and choking behind me. "I feel like this is where someone should try to stop me, but I'm sure we all know that this is what's be-ooooow—"

"She is NOT quitting!" Sirius barked, not only interrupting me but also yanking me back by my ponytail to stop my speech. He turned my head to force me to look at him. "You aren't quitting, hear? I've reconsidered; now get on your fucking broomstick and let's play," he snapped, shoving my broomstick into my chest hard enough to make me stumble back.

There was a nice thwack as I smacked him in the arm with said broomstick, and then shoved him back. "That is not how you get what you want," I started hotly; but I stopped at the sight of poor James behind him. He was shaking his head despairingly, his hands covering his face.

With a quick glance at the team, I could visualize the two paths this situation could take. In the space of a second, I had to make a choice between releasing all my pent up anger on the purple-haired dickhead in front of me (and probably isolating myself from the team) or keeping my furious thoughts to myself (and allowing Sirius this one small victory).

I took a step back, pursing my lips to shut the obscenities in. A small voice broke the silence.

"The… The game is in two weeks, you know…" Silvia put in hesitantly, then steeling a little when neither Sirius nor I said anything back. "I-I mean, we'd probably have a better chance with you than without…"

It was quite for a few seconds, and then the other three nodded and voiced their agreement.

"Yeah, we'd probably lose without you anyways!" Mike and Terry said together.

"Yeah, you really are a hell of a chaser, you know," Wes added. "Sirius and James are just trash without you."

Neither Sirius nor James argued this point (which seemed a little odd, but I took it as a complement), and James was now peeking through his fingers at me hopefully. Sirius still was just glowering at me stubbornly, refusing to let me quit without a fight. Everyone was staring at me. Waiting for an answer.

And I was touched. Honestly. When I decided that I would quit if Sirius didn't agree, I had already just figured the rest of the team would be fine with my decision. After the year we'd had so far, it wasn't as though any of them were particularly fond of me. And while there really was a chance they only cared because they wanted to win, they really did seem to care.

I took another step back, hoping no one would see my eyes tearing up. "Fine," I said shortly, holding in a sniffle. I added with a snap, "But I'm going to the bathroom first!" To which I whirled away, trying to blink the tears away as I went.

~~~James hardly dared to believe that had just turned out so well. He could see the narrowly avoided path of destruction Artemis had almost just left.

All because Sirius had tried for an all or nothing approach.

The six team members watched Artemis until she reached the locker room doors, waiting to see if she would change her mind. Finally, James figured he should get back into his Captain role and ordered warmups to recommence. Wes retrieved the Quaffle and tossed it to Silvia, but Sirius took a step towards the locker rooms. James grabbed the back of his robes.

"Warmups, Sirius," he ordered. His best friend scowled at him, so James sighed. "Look, she's probably just overwhelmed because she almost killed you, mate. That was a stupid stunt you just tried to pull; we're lucky she managed to hold on to her common sense." Sirius' look deepened. James rolled his eyes. "Look, you know it's true. You're the last one she's going to want to see. Just do the warmups, please? And I'll go check on her."

Sirius didn't seem to be able to argue with that logic; after all, he did know that James was right. And if he went in there, Artemis would probably not contain herself as well this time. They would be right back to square one. So Sirius just nodded, still looking disgruntled, and joined in the catch as James traced Artemis' path to the locker rooms.

He stood in the doorway of the girls' room for a minute, listening for any hint of whether it was safe to enter. He thought he could hear some soft sniffles from the other end of the room. He knocked on the door frame softly.

"Artemis?" He took a couple steps inside, trying to keep his eyes on the floor because he did feel a little awkward about being in a girls' toilet. "You okay?"

There was a sigh from one of the furthest stalls, and another sniffle. "Fine, James. I should have known one of you would follow me…"

James smiled. "Yeah. Sirius was going to, but I stopped him." He took a few more steps, stopping a few stalls down. He heard a latch undo and Artemis peeked out.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Her eyes were a little pink, she was sniffling occasionally, but she didn't seem as distraught as James had thought she would be. "Sorry… I was just a little…"

"It's ok, Ar," James interrupted quickly. "You don't have to apologize." He closed the gap between them, taking her face between his hands. "What you did out there was admirable. I'm so proud of you, Ar! This is the biggest step forward you two have taken in months."

She pouted and pushed his hands away. "It didn't feel admirable," she replied with a sigh. "It felt… frustrating. Infuriating. Why does he have to be so damned stubborn, James?" Her voice was rising and her eyes were tearing and her face was tinging with pink; James put a hand on her head, as if he could force her anger back to where it came from.

"Artemis-"

"Forget it, James," she stopped him, wiping her tears and his hand away once again. "I know why. It's just frustrating, that's all. Look, I'm fine—really. We should get back, don't you think?"

"Right, right," James acquiesced. He gave her a quick pat on the head. "Really, though, I'm proud of you."

"Sod off," she replied, pushing past him and out of the bathroom. James laughed and shook his head.

~~~Practice after that was fantastic, relative to how if had been the past few months. There was definitely still an awkward air amongst us, but—all things considered—we were lucky that I could even pass the Quaffle to Sirius. James was so encouraged by this that he insisted upping our practice schedule to every day a week, excluding weekends (for homework and relaxation, he conceded).

Things finally felt… well, not right, but better at the very least. Things almost felt like they did before, when Sirius and I still disliked each other.

Well… kind of. Meals that week were still coldly silent between Sirius and I (who sat on opposite sides of James and Lily, with Peter and Remus on the other side of the table), I refused to go near the Marauders in the common room (opting to sit by myself in a corner every time Lily tried to get me to), and I completely ignored Sirius every time he tried to talk to me outside of Quidditch (which was happening less and less).

And on the inside? I felt… raw. Hurt. Grief-stricken. Overwhelmed with sorrow. And above all… guilty. After all, how could I not acknowledge the fact that Sirius wouldn't have done what he did if I hadn't gone out with Hyper? How could I not realize that all of this could have been avoided had I just punched Melanie in her pretty little face the first time she tried blackmailing me? All this negativity threatened to swallow me at any time, the second I let my guard down. There were nights over those weeks that I couldn't sleep, that I lay awake listening to Lily's soft snores on the other side of the room, trying to keep my sobs quiet. I would lay there and wonder if Sirius felt as horrible as I did. Other nights I would sleep, but I would be plagued by terrible dreams.

One such dream came to me the weekend that Sirius and I truced for Quidditch.

I was flying around the Quidditch pitch, enjoying myself for what felt like the first time in ages, Quaffle in hand. Around me, my teammates were red blurs, darting in and out of my vision. The sky was a perfect blue, a great cool breeze was ruffling my hair, and everything seemed right. I urged my broomstick around the curve of the stands, laughing—

WHAM.

From nowhere, someone appeared in front of me, knocking the air out of me as I clung to my broom. In a fury, I whirled to look at Sirius, who had a sad look on his face. I ordered my broomstick forward to ask him what he was sad about.

Except that suddenly my broom was gone. I was plunging towards the brilliant green grass below, looking at Sirius' sad face watching me fall, clouds were rolling in above and darkening the skies, and I knew I was going to hit the ground any second.

But instead of a splat, there was a splash. I felt a shock of warmth all around me; I gasped but ended up choking on the water. In a panic, it took me a minute to get my bearings and swim to the surface. I sputtered and coughing, treading the water, looking around me at the oddly flat surface that seemed to stretch forever in every direction. The water was dark and murky, the sky above even darker. And I could hear laughter.

I swallowed fearfully, wishing for that Quidditch pitch again but knowing that perfect dream was too far gone. The laughter just kept going while I kept treading, trying to stay afloat. "Hello?" I called, afraid of what would answer.

Nothing, but there was some splashing sounds, rhythmic splashing. I turned myself around, suddenly seeing a boat. In the boat were some hooded figures, and they were rowing towards me. Fear gripped my heart, but there was nowhere to go. Before I could move anyway, the boat was in front of me, the hooded figures looking down at me. They pulled down their hoods in unison.

Things were going from bad to worse. There was a pounding coming from nowhere and everywhere, sounding like a heartbeat; the water was no longer still. Actually, the water was no longer water: it was blood. I looked back up at the boat, wanting more than ever to be pulled in. But there was only one person on that boat who might have saved me, and he sat in the back with a sad look on his face. The waves were getting bigger and bigger, and I was getting tired from treading water so long.

"Sirius," I whimpered, wondering why he was sitting in the boat, watching me struggle in the water. But the person in the boat who moved was Melanie, her face looming above mine with a smug smile. Standing over her, Voldemort laughed.

"If you don't join me, you die," he laughed. Melanie picked up her oar.

"Sirius, help me!" I yelled; it was all I had time to say before she pushed me under the bloody waves. His sad face the last thing I saw. And then I was drowning, I was being pulled deeper and deeper…

But suddenly, Sirius' hand was wrapped around mine—

Sudden pain in my shoulder, like my arm was being torn from its socket, woke me. My eyes fluttered open, meeting Sirius' silvery ones. For a second I felt relieved, then confused about why Sirius looked so horrified and why my shoulder was throbbing painfully. And then I realized that I was dangling over nothingness and Sirius had just saved me from a very deadly fall.

"Fuck, Artemis," he muttered, desperately reaching to grab my wrist as our hands started slipping apart. I quickly copied him, grasping his hands as if it were a matter of life or death. Because, well, unless I was still dreaming, it was.

"Please tell me I'm still sleeping," I said hopefully, only to be answered by a humorless scowl and a very real gust of wind. Sirius' shaggy black hair whipped around his face, my night-shirt whipped around my stomach, and I resisted the urge to burst into terrified tears.

"Are you fucking serious, Ar?" he snapped when his hair settled, pulling me up slowly, carefully. "Do you realize how lucky you are? If James hadn't seen you, you would be dead right now."

"If James saw me, why didn't he wake me up?" I replied bitterly as he lifted me back over the balustrade.

He stared at me blankly for a moment, seeming to realize that I was in pajamas and barefoot. I shivered and crossed my arms over myself, deciding not to wait for a response before getting back inside. Inside the Astronomy tower was drafty, but not nearly as cold as the March night air. Sirius followed me in.

"You were serious?" he finally asked. "You really just tried to kill yourself in your sleep?"

I hesitated at his choice of words. Finally I shook my head. "Look, if I was going to kill myself, I would have tried it months ago. You know, when you stopped caring." I paused at his visible cringe, feeling a little guilty because that surely meant that he felt as bad about all this as I did. I sighed. "You know what? I need to get back to my room before I'm expelled for being out past curfew."

I turned to leave, but Sirius grabbed my arm and turned me back.
"Wait, Ar—"

"Don't touch me!" I snapped, feeling my face flush red (though I couldn't say if it were from anger or from contained sorrow). I was surprised when he immediately relinquished his grip on my arm and held his hands up in a surrendering manner. We both stood in the spiraling staircase, looking at each other nervously. I honestly wasn't sure what to do next. I mean, how could I keep ignoring him when he just saved my life?

"Look, Artemis… can't we just talk?" he finally asked in a soft voice. "Figure this thing out?"

I swallowed and turned to leave again. "There's nothing to figure out. I don't want to talk to you, Black."

Sirius fell into step next to me as I took stair by stair in the torchlight. He took a deep preparatory breath, so I shot him a warning look (which he ignored). "I'm sorry, Artemis. I'm so, so sorry."

"If only sorry were good enough for either of us," I muttered under my breath. A little gasp escaped as Sirius once again pulled me back, pushing me against the wall.

"Artemis, I don't know what else to say! I don't know what you want me to do! I can't go back in time and fix what's happened between us; I can't just erase it and start over. Neither can you. All I know is that I don't want us to end up this way. I don't want us to keep fighting each other forever. It's just…" He paused, folding his arms and looking down the stairs. "It's not enough anymore. I'm not happy like this, Ar. I can't be."

I could feel my patience wearing thin. I was tired, and I was frustrated. "I don't know what you expect me to say, Sirius," I snapped back, his first name slipping out before I could stop it. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, all right! But that doesn't fix it, does it? Just because we both are miserable and torn and sorry doesn't mean that we can just pick right up where we left off, you know? I'm sorry; I am! I want to be with you, I have, since the beginning, but right now I can't! I can't even look at you without feeling like I'm being torn in two! So please, please, Sirius, just let me try to heal on my own first, all right?" The tears I'd managed to hold in outside were now streaming down my cheeks. Sirius brushed them away lightly, but they were too quickly replaced.

Instead he placed his hand on my head and sighed softly, the sad look from my dream coming to his face. "All right…" he whispered finally, patting my hair gently before removing his hand. "I can do that. But—" He cut himself off suddenly, looking down the stairs. And I felt my heart sink.

There were voices drifting up the stairs towards us, and one of them sounded like McGonagall. In a breath, Sirius pushed me back against the wall again, handing me a silvery cloak.

"Here, put this on," he whispered as quietly as he could.

"James'—"

"Shut up and do it, and stay off to the side where they won't feel you."

"But—"

He silenced my objection with a glare and started quickly down the stairs, leaving me to throw on the Invisibility Cloak he'd presumably used to follow me up here without getting caught. I swallowed nervously as I pulled the cloak over me and ensured that I was completely covered. After a minute, I wiped away my tears, silenced my sniffles (hopefully), and crept slowly down the stairs after him, praying that I wasn't about to be caught and expelled.

"—Voices, Mr. Black, plural, as in more than one. I'll ask you once more, who else is up there?"

McGonagall's face came into sight as I followed the spiral down, her countenance suspicious, with Professor Sprout behind her. They were both looking at Sirius sternly, while he shook his shaggy purple head and denied being with anyone.

"So you're saying that if we go and search the tower, we will find no other students out past curfew?" Sprout repeated, folding her arms and shaking her head at him. "You expect us to believe that you just decided to take a midnight stroll by yourself up to the Astronomy Tower, for no other reason than that you couldn't fall asleep?"

I almost sighed and shook my head at him. That was the best excuse he could come up with? Then again, it was probably more believable than "I was having a terrible dream and apparently sleepwalked up here and presumably had Voldemort get me to do me in… again." Which, now that I was thinking about it, was absolutely terrible because now, on top of it all, I had to worry that I was going to die… in my sleep. How the hell was I going to get back to sleep, assuming I managed to get all the way back to my bed?

That was a worry for later, I told myself, as McGonagall said something about points and told Sirius to get himself back to Gryffindor Tower immediately. "Or else," she warned. Sprout was already striding up the stairs, so I hastened myself into a window nook, pressing myself into the shadows as one… and then both teachers passed me by, casting barely a glance in my direction. Again, I held in a sigh, this time of relief.

I descended the remaining stairs quietly, surprised to find Sirius at the bottom waiting for me. I paused, considering passing him by without letting him know. Instead, I touched his elbow softly to let him know I was there. After all, he seemed to be saving me all over tonight; it seemed like informing him that I was safely off to bed was the least I could do.

"Artemis, can I walk you back?" he asked quietly, looking in the direction he correctly guessed that I was in. I looked at him sadly, wanting so bad to say yes but knowing I couldn't. Not until I could forgive him.

"No, Sirius…"

He responded with a solemn smile, obviously having anticipated my answer. "Right, I didn't think so. But do me a favor, Artemis. Wake up Lily and let her know what happened. I know she'll do… whatever she has to… to…"

"Right," I interrupted, not needing him to finish the thought. "I will." An awkward silence settled. Finally, I took off the hood of the cloak. "Here, you probably want this back—"
"No, you keep it. Give it to James tomorrow. You need it more than me; he'll understand." He pulled the hood back up and patted my head again. Part of me wanted to chastise him for it; the other part was comforted. It felt so normal…

I swatted the hand away.

"Good night, Sirius." I started away, but stopped after a few steps. "And… Thanks."

Sirius just nodded, and then we parted ways, both of us feeling a little more hopeful than before.