Lily sat on their small comfy couch the next morning with James, eating a toasted bagel from the late breakfast that the latter had retrieved from the kitchens.
Neither Lily nor Artemis had slept well once Artemis had woken Lily and informed her what had happened in the Astronomy Tower. Even once Lily had cast multiple charms on the room to alarm and wake her if Artemis tried to sleepwalk out again, they still stayed up hours afterward talking about—what else—boys. And Lily was really very pleased about the turn of events. Of course, something needed to be done about You-Know-Who—Voldemort, Lily corrected herself stubbornly—and soon; Lily would have to talk to Dumbledore personally to see if there was anything else they could do to break the Blood Bond. But for now it was best to look at the bright side: Sirius and Artemis were slowly—very, very slowly—mending their broken selves. Sure, there was no guarantee that the two would ever be able to forgive each other and be together again. But at the very least, Artemis seemed less miserable than the past months; and at this point, Lily decided that that was very much acceptable.
In any case, Lily had dozed off at some point and woken in the late morning, alarms still silent and Artemis still snoring softly in the bed next to hers. James, when he came by wondering why the girls had missed breakfast, was more than happy to bound off to the kitchens for Lily, bringing back a number of goodies.
While Artemis slept on, Lily and James sat enjoying each other's company, occasionally sharing a kiss as well as bites of sweet food. All the while, they discussed their two best friends. How glad they were that their friends were finally on the right track again. Finally, they stopped discussing their friends and started discussing themselves: how they were feeling about N.E.W.T.s coming up, what they wanted to do on next Hogsmeade trip, at the end of April.
They didn't notice Artemis waking in the other room until a loud wailing started. They looked around in shock to see her standing in the doorway, running her hand through her hair and looking awfully confounded by the noise. Lily quickly deactivated the alarms with a wave of her wand.
"See, told you they would work!" she exclaimed happily, offering her best friend a piece of toast. Artemis accepted the toast, but shook her head exasperatedly in response.
"You know, it isn't that I didn't think your spells would work, Lils," she pointed out between bites of bread. "I just am not sure how… awake I am while I'm asleep, right? I mean, if Voldemort is able to break through them for me while I'm asleep…" She left the possibilities hanging in the air between the three of them for a moment before changing the subject to something more positive. "So what were you two talking about?"
Lily quickly flushed tomato red. But James, as always, was all too eager to inform. "Oh, we were discussing children!"
Artemis promptly choked on her toast. Lily saved her the trouble of recovering quick enough to ask.
"Don't get the wrong idea!" she snapped. Really, none of them knew who she was addressing: James or Artemis. "We were discussing ideal family size, not having children! There is a difference!" At this point, Artemis was laughing and James was patting her hand reassuringly.
"Right, right; that's what I meant. And just because I want a gaggle of children by no means means that we would have to have that many!" James carried on, obviously resuming the conversation where they had left off. Lily snorted.
"You can bet I won't be having that many!" she bit back, turning to Artemis. "He wants a bloody horde, Ar! And do you know who has to give birth to all these children? Me, James, me!"
"Aw, don't worry, Lils," Artemis cut in, before James could feed the fire. "He'll change his mind when he realizes how much crying and pooping and spitting up babies are. Of course, at that point, maybe you'll look at the sweet baby's face and decide you want the horde!"
Lily gaped at her friend, but Artemis just shrugged nonchalantly and told them she was going to bathe. Lily watched her go, wondering if she could possibly be right. Would Lily ever want to bear James a child? More than one?
And if she did… didn't that mean she might want to… marry him someday?
Whoa, Lily, she stopped herself. She couldn't afford to lose her head like this. It was way to soon to be wondering about life-altering decisions like this.
Wasn't it?
~~~Sirius sat at the dinner table that evening by himself, pushing his casserole around his plate half-heartedly. He'd been by himself all day: Remus was giving Peter some tutoring in the Library (a last ditch attempt to help him get ready for N.E.W.T.s; he needed all the help he could get), and James had been with Lily. Sirius had tried to do some studying—N.E.W.T.s were starting to sneak up on them, after all—but he couldn't focus. Every time he tried, his thoughts drifted back to the night before. He was filled with terror at the almosts that had happened.
But more than anything, he was hopeful. He didn't know what to do to help her, but he knew they were back on a good track. Maybe if he could come up with a way to get Voldemort out of her head for good, she would see how much he truly did care for her—how much he just wanted to be with her…
He was lost in these thoughts, so he jumped a little when James slapped his back enthusiastically with an apology for leaving him alone for so long. Sirius was surprised to see Lily wasn't with him, and he told him so.
"Ah, yeah, she went to fetch Ar from the Library. They'll be down soon."
"What's she doing in the Library?" Sirius wondered aloud, though of course it didn't really matter. Or rather that it wasn't any of Sirius' business.
"Researching how to break a Blood Bond," James answered anyway. "She doesn't show it, but she's pretty shaken up about what almost happened last night. I guess it's a good thing I sent you up there, huh?"
Sirius nodded grimly, too overcome by the possibilities once more to say anything. James had indeed been the reason Sirius had gone up the tower. He had just gotten back from his Head Boy rounds and had noticed Artemis in the tower on the Map. Of course, he reasoned with a still-asleep Sirius, he couldn't go or he would have a duty as Head Boy to report her for being out after curfew and out-of-bounds in the Astronomy Tower. Once Sirius was fully awake, he took little convincing to borrow James' cloak and go to her.
But who would have suspected that she would be sleep-walking her way to her death?
The thoughts were put aside at the arrival of the girls, Remus and Peter in tow. But something was different. Instead of seating themselves on James' and Sirius' side of the table (the best way for Artemis to sit as far as possible from Sirius while still sitting with the other Marauders), the girls were now seated opposite them. Lily sat across from Sirius, James from Artemis, Remus from Peter; and no one seemed to know what to say about this new seating arrangement.
So no one said anything. Anyway, no one wanted to ruin it. Instead, everyone served up their food and started eating. Finally, James asked Peter how the studying was going. Remus just shook his head slightly while Peter blushed.
"Well…"
"He's getting better," Remus announced firmly. He nodded to himself. "He is, but we've still got a lot of work ahead of us…"
Peter sighed. "I'm sorry, Remus…"
"Don't worry about it, Peter. I promised I was going to help you get through N.E.W.T.s. We've still got a couple months; you'll be fine. It's good review for me anyway."
"Hey, Remus, maybe I'll join you when you review Charms," Artemis put in. "You can try to help two hopeless cases," she added, patting Peter's arm reassuringly. Peter smiled a little.
"I don't know, I hear you're past hopeless…" Remus sighed, taking a bite of some peas.
"You're right," Artemis admitted, waving her fork as she could wave away her mediocre charms skills. "Even Flitwick gave up on me."
Four of her five companions stopped eating to look at her in shock. Apparently Lily was the only one who had already known. Said redhead shook her head at the other girl.
Sirius hesitated, but decided to speak up. After all, what was the worst that could happen? She could ignore him? "How could he give up on you? He's the teacher; it's his job."
Honestly, Sirius had expected to be ignored; his friends had obviously expected as much. Their surprise was evident on their faces when Artemis did in fact reply (admittedly with hardly a glance in Sirius' direction, but everyone was too stunned at the civil conversation to notice).
"Well… I guess technically I gave up on me," she admitted with a shrug. "I told him remedial lessons were just a waste of his time; and I waste enough of teachers' time with all the counseling and detentions so… I told him I wasn't going to be coming to them anymore." She ended her explanation and started to take a bite, but Lily cleared her throat. Artemis scowled at her. "He told me if I stopped coming, he'd give me detention instead. So now I have detention with him every Monday until I either get a tutor or resume my remedial lessons." She stole a chance to take another bite of her dinner; Lily shook her head again.
"Then do you want a tutor?" Sirius asked, half offering and half not daring to. Artemis paused to look at him with a hard frown as everyone else looked at her. Then she gestured to Lily and returned her attention to her plate. Lily sighed; this time an eye-roll was added to her head-shake.
"No, Lily, I don't want a tutor; it would only be a waste of time. I'm hopeless. No amount of tutoring will save me at this point. Flitwick's detentions are just him asking me if I changed my mind and then sending me away. And anyways, I don't need a good Charms grade to achieve my career goals. So thank you, Lils, but no," Lily rattled off to Sirius. She rolled her eyes at him in an exasperated, this-girl-is-way-too-stubborn-so-don't-bother sort of way.
"But Artemis," Sirius started, but the girl interrupted him.
"Drop it, Sirius," she warned, poking a loaded fork at him. Sirius furrowed his brow at the fork, knowing that he shouldn't push her too far. They had agreed that time was something they both needed, but that didn't mean that he shouldn't try to nudge them ever so gently in the right direction… right?
"Right, right," he finally agreed. "I mean, if you want to embarrass yourself completely when we get to taking N.E.W.T.s, that's your choice. Can't say we didn't try to help, yeah?" he asked Lily, who raised an eyebrow at him and nodded.
Another fork prod showed him that Artemis was not amused. He raised his hands in surrender, but only a second before Artemis threw her fork to her plate.
"Fine, if you're all going to nag at me about it. Bloody hell. Lily, when do you want to start?"
Sirius hid his smile behind a bite of dessert.
~~~The tutoring that week went about as well as I expected. In other words, very little progress was made on my Charms skills, though Lily spent at least an hour each day trying to help me.
This was on top of our homework, classes, my detention and Quidditch practices, and her Head Girl duties. It was starting to look like I would never have any free time ever again. I was so tired by the time I got to bed, I would almost instantly fall asleep. This might have been a good thing, except that I was also constantly worried that I wouldn't wake up—that my defenseless body might wind up dead before I could. I was constantly asking myself when I was supposed to find time to figure out how to break my blood bond when I barely had time to eat and sleep and shower.
Frantic. It was a word I had never thought I would want to describe myself as, but it was exactly what I was. I was absolutely frantic. I was absolutely overwhelmed.
And now, a week before the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff, my throat had a funny tickle in it.
No, I told myself sternly. I do not have time for that. I cleared my throat noisily and forced myself out of bed much too early for a Sunday morning. On the other side of the room, Lily snorted quietly in her sleep before rolling over. I shook my head at her as if she were being lazy (the bum, sleeping past six in the morning on a Sunday!), pulling on my Quidditch practice robes while yawning.
Five minutes later, I pulled my hair (now grown back past my shoulders) into a quick braid and slipped from the suite silently.
There was a pink hue to the east, reflecting off the lake in the distance. The grounds were silent, the air outside was crisp, and a late March frost crunched under my boots as I made my way to the Quidditch pitch. I heard crunch, crunch-ing behind me and a glance backwards showed me that the rest of the team was on their way down as well.
It was much too early for talking, but James attempted a pre-practice speech anyways. A quick look at the rest of the team: apparently they were all about as interested in James' speech as I was. But you had to respect the guy for trying, I thought sleepily. I felt dead on my feet, and the tickle was back in my throat again. Finally, James rounded his speech off with a "Let's do our best, guys! And girls!" and finally we kicked off for practice.
The cool spring air was a refreshing pick-me-up; the sun was above the horizon now, taking a little of the cold bite away. I breathed a sigh and did a quick wake up lap. It seemed help; at last, I felt awake. The rest of the team seemed to be waking up now too.
Well, most of them. Our usually-awesome keeper Silvia seemed to be in a slump. From my first throw to her in warmups to the last practice goal that Sirius and James scored on her, she missed every Quaffle throw that came in her direction. After a little over an hour of practice, during which we seemed to excel (mostly) and during which James repeatedly gave Silvia little tips, we landed. I cleared my throat quietly and looked more closely at our keeper. She looked more exhausted than I was feeling, which seemed pretty unbelievable. James was patting her shoulder reassuringly and smiling. As the rest of the team gathered for James' post-practice talk, Silvia began walking back towards the castle.
"Not feeling well," James clarified in response to the looks of his teammates. "I'm having her go talk to Madame Pomfrey. Get her back into shape. Anyway, we're looking great! We just have to keep our eyes on the prize and we'll wipe the field with Hufflepuff next week!"
The team moved back to the castle, presumably to take showers and get on with the rest of our Sunday. I myself dawdled behind the group, debating which task I should set myself to next and wondering if I should skip breakfast to work on my Transfiguration essay. I had reached the entrance hall before I realized that James and Sirius had been walking next to me the whole time and were now asking me to come to breakfast with them.
I was going to say no; I had too much to do, and I wasn't even feeling hungry. I opened my mouth to say so, but caught the worried glance that drifted between the two guys. And then my stomach grumbled. So I sighed and gestured to the Great Hall, falling behind them reluctantly.
Both Sirius and James piled their breakfast plates high, but I settled myself for a couple biscuits and gravy, finally deciding that my Transfiguration homework would be my next goal. I had hardly finished one biscuit when someone tapped on my shoulder. Sirius was looking over my shoulder with a look of hatred, so I figured it was probably someone I didn't want to deal with right now. Looking around, I saw that that was true, but for different reasons than I thought.
Hyper Paxley was standing behind me, a friendly smile on his face.
Well, I guess that explained why Sirius was looking so unhappy. I hadn't spoken to Hyper since that fateful Hogsmeade trip, when he had gone off after Mira. Looking at him made my heart ache and my stomach wrench, which I assumed that both were from guilt and sorrow over the terrible results of that dumb plan.
"Hi?" I said awkwardly, frowning across the table as Sirius started grinding his teeth.
"Hey, Artemis," Hyper replied. "Do you have a minute?"
"Not really," I muttered, but I gestured for him to continue while I started on my other biscuit.
"Right… so I know you've probably been pretty absorbed in your own story, but, um, Mira and I are dating again. Have been, for a while now…"
Sirius had put his fork down, James was giving him a warning head-shake, and I stopped eating my biscuit. Hyper had stopped talking. Was that really all he wanted to tell me? I mean, I guess I was happy for them. At least half of the plan had worked out right… but why was he bringing this back up now?
"Congratulations?" I said, pushing the rest of my other biscuit away and looking at my watch. "Look, guys, I have a whole essay to write today, I—"
"That wasn't—sorry," Hyper added in response to my scowl, "but that wasn't what I wanted to say. Look, it's just that Mira… Well, I think she feels really bad about how you two ended up. She doesn't ever really talk about it, but with everything that's happened with you…" he shot Sirius an apologetic look. "I guess I was just wondering if you could talk to her. You know, get those loose ends tied up. Er, air out the room?"
"Right," I interrupted, frowning at him. I pursed my lips at the thought of Mira. There was a resentment there, but maybe if I did talk to her we could clear that up. Certainly, we would never be best-est friends again; that relationship wouldn't ever be the same, just like another one I could mention. I sighed. "Look, Hyper, I would love to, er, 'air out the room.' But I don't have time to go search out Mira and have this talk. I barely have time to eat and sleep, I have so much detention and counseling, and then there's Quidditch, and studying… I just don't have time to have a conversation she herself isn't even asking me for. Sorry…" I stood up to leave. "Now, seriously, guys, I have to go do my essay—"
"Artemis—" James and Sirius both started at once.
"What?" I snapped, my patience finally running out. "I don't have time for this! I don't have time to find Mira! I don't have time to eat this bloody biscuit!" I shoved the plate roughly over the table at them. "I don't have time to hang out and answer questions! Why don't you understand that I don't have time? Can't you see how stressed out I am? What? What do you want?" I hissed, smacking the table loudly and ignoring the scandalized looks I received. Hyper backed away quietly and said something about finding Mira, but James and Sirius just looked at each other.
"We were just wondering which essay you were going to work on," James informed me with a smile.
"Figured we could work on it together?" Sirius asked calmly.
The two of them sat there looking at me, perfectly normal, as if I hadn't just let some of my frustration out on them. Both of them looking at me with love and care reflected in their eyes. I was shocked, overwhelmed and touched. I almost broke down.
I sank back to my seat and sniffled, "Transfiguration…"
Many boring and homework filled hours later, three essays sat completed on a table in Gryffindor common room. Along with them were various homework items for Charms and Potions, an amount of food that Peter had retrieved from the kitchens because I refused to go down for lunch, and a number of books that I was trying to use to do some studying for Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures while James and Sirius insisted that I should take a break. Finally, dinner time rolled around, and then detention (with Slughorn in the dungeons again), and then finally it was time for bed.
As I snuggled into my blanket, my to-do list complete for the day and Lily's detection charms having been cast, I breathed a temporary sigh of relief. Absently, I cleared my throat and hoped for a better week than the last.
~~~I shouldn't have bothered with hopes, I thought miserably the next day. My occasional tickle in the throat was now a full on tickle, and I spent most of the day ahem-ing and clearing my throat. Though I had gotten a pretty decent night of sleep, I felt groggy and tired from the get-go. And to top it all off, the teachers piled as much homework on as I'd managed to finish that weekend. Class after class left me bogged down by the weight of all the things I had to do by the end of the day, let alone the end of the week.
The next day was even worse: for every task that I completed, it seemed like another one took it's place. My throat was dry and sore, and my chest felt congested. The weather started turning rainy, as if to make sure I didn't get off easy with this cold. And despite James and Sirius insisting after Quidditch practice that I go to the hospital wing, I just couldn't find the time.
Finally, Wednesday rolled around, and it was the worst day yet. It hurt to swallow; hell, it hurt to breath. I couldn't stop sniffling and had to blow my nose every few minutes. People were starting to avoid me like I had the plague; after all, most people would have gone to get a Pepper-Up Potion or something similar to save them the trouble of a cold gone this far. But with a Quidditch practice that evening and a detention with McGonagall not long after that, and the pile of homework waiting to be done on my desk, I just didn't have time…
"That's not a good enough excuse," Sirius snapped as the wind snapped his Quidditch robes that night. "Look at you! You're holding onto your broomstick for dear life and we haven't even taken off yet."
I winced at his valid point. I was feeling pretty shaky and very tired. And I had hardly managed to eat any food because my throat hurt so much.
"But…" I started hesitantly, but Sirius cut me off, gesturing to James.
"James, I'm sorry mate, but she can't play. I mean, look at her."
I scowled at his wide gesture, but didn't bother arguing. After all, at this point it was pretty clear to everyone that I needed to go see Madame Pomfrey.
"Since she refuses to be mature and take care of herself, I'm going to take her up to the hospital wing and to make sure she actually goes this time," Sirius added, putting his spare hand on his hip and glaring at me as if daring me to object. James looked between the two of us, unsure, but when I still didn't argue he nodded.
"All right then. Go be a good girl and get better, Ar," he ordered, patting me on the head. I swatted his hand away and started to leave.
"Don't treat me like a child," I retorted.
"But Sirius is right; you are a child, or you would be able to take care of yourself. Or at least ask for help when you need it." I glowered at him over my shoulder, but didn't dignify the statement with a response. He did kind of have a point… I sighed and let Sirius lead me back to the castle.
We walked mostly in silence, until I finally said, almost halfheartedly—because as much as I hated him sometimes, I did enjoy his company—"You don't have to go with me, Sirius. I promise I'll go. Honestly, I feel like crap, I don't think I have a choice."
Sirius gave me a skeptical look, though he surely could hear me wheezing from climbing the stairs. "I don't mind. Honestly, you look like crap too, and if I let you go by yourself you might not even make it. Anyways," he interrupted before I could disagree, "I had something I wanted to ask Madame Pomfrey about, so I needed to go up there anyway."
"What's that?" I asked, blinking in surprise and gasping for breath as we reached the top of the last set of stairs. He just shrugged in response; I reached out to push him in playful frustration, but I stopped myself before I made contact. Physical contact still felt like too much. So instead I just shook my head.
Madame Pomfrey was busy with a slew of other cold-ridden students when we got there, though compared to me most of them just looked tired or sniffly. The busy nurse pointed at an empty bed in the corner, where I assumed I was being told to wait until she could get to me. With a sigh that made my throat feel like it were being shredded, I went to the bed and sat on the end. Sirius followed, quiet and thoughtful.
"So what do you need to ask Madame Pomfrey," I asked again, hoping to catch him off guard but not surprised when I didn't. He shook his head at me.
"None of your business."
"Oh come on—"
"What's the problem this time, Miss Gaunt?" Madame Pomfrey unwittingly interrupted. Sirius smiled at the convenient timing and answered for me.
"She's had a cold for the past few days but she's been putting off coming up here."
I huffed as the nurse started appraising me.
"Mmm… little bit of a fever, nothing too serious. Sore throat? Coughing, sneezing?"
"A little…"
She tutted at me disapprovingly. "And why did you decide to jeopardize your health by not coming to see me when the first symptoms appeared?" she scolded, laying a cold hand on my forehead before shaking her own head in irritation. "It would have saved you a good deal of misery if you had."
"I've been busy…" I muttered quietly, feeling my cheeks start to get warm. There was a cold sniggering in my head, but I wasn't sure if I was more irritated or embarrassed at the moment.
"Too busy to deal with a pesky little cold before it became something worse? Like the mumblemumps or pneumonia? Your health, Miss Gaunt, is more important than Quidditch practice."
I was positive that I had to be scarlet by now. Sirius was chuckling like an idiot. "Go away, Sirius," I ordered venomously. That shut him up.
"But—"
"Go away!" I repeated, more insistently than before.
"But my question—"
"In a minute," I snapped, out of patience. I pushed him and he finally gave in. Waving a finger at me, he retreated, leaving me alone with the nurse. "Madame, I think I'm on the verge of a breakdown," I admitted softly, looking at my hands. If my face was warm before, it was now on fire. She frowned. "I hardly have enough time to sleep and eat," I explained slowly, not sure of how much to tell her. I was exhausted, shaking, sniffling, it hurt to swallow, but that was just the physical.
"Quidditch—"
"—isn't the only thing I do, nor is it the most time consuming," I informed her before she could state her argument. "Quidditch takes about two hours three days a week. I have detention pretty much every day that ranges from an hour to all night. I have counseling for no real reason except that other people think it may be helpful—which it's not, in fact it's only making things worse. I have homework on top of homework on top of homework that I have to somehow finish in all that spare time that I hardly have. N.E.W.T.s are barely months away and I'm sick. I have to worry every night that—" I came to a halt, blinking away frustrated tears, as I realized what I had almost hysterically spilled. Madame Pomfrey waited expectantly for me to continue, then sighed when I showed no signs of doing so.
"A Pepper-up Potion and a Calming Draught then. I'm afraid that I don't have the power to lighten your load. I can talk to Professor McGonagall about the counseling, if you really don't think that it's necessary or helpful. The detention you brought on yourself. The only other recommendation I can make is that you—"
"I'm not quitting Quidditch," I told her.
She sighed and shook her head, moving away to fetch the aforementioned potions. Sirius seemed to take this as a cue to return, because he appeared next to my elbow almost simultaneously.
"Well?" he asked.
"What's your question?" I avoided.
"Yes, what is your question?" Madame Pomfrey asked, returning in a flash with two goblets. The number didn't seem to escape Sirius' notice—his eyebrows furrowed at the contents before he moved on to more important things.
"Well, Madame, I had a question about purification," he muttered, crossing his arms and watching as I sniffed the first cup the nurse handed me. Madame Pomfrey frowned at me.
"Purification, dear? Purification of what? You'll have to be more specific. There's purification of grounds, purification of food and water, purification of thought, purification of—"
"Right, right," Sirius interrupted. "Shit, what was it called. Some latin name…"
That seemed to do the trick for Madame Pomfrey. Her frown deepened as she took the empty goblet from me. "Purgatio Cordis Et Corporis"
"Yeah, that!" Sirius exclaimed, snapping his fingers.
"That sounds terrible," I muttered, a little disappointed by Sirius' lack of interest in my steaming ears. But already I could feel my chest clearing and my breathing ease. I was still dead tired, but I felt so much better.
"It's certainly not a thing to be trifled with," the nurse acknowledged, giving me the second goblet and watching me drain the Draught before she turned her attention to Sirius. "The Purification Ritual of Mind and Body. Definitely not something that seventh years can handle. And anyway, I can't think of a reason kids your age would need something like that."
"Right," Sirius nodded, but he continued anyways. "So that brings me to my question: it's a ritual that purifies a person of mental bonds, right? Blood bonds, say?"
There was a clattering as the goblet fell to the floor. Sirius and Madame Pomfrey frowned at me, but I sat stone-still, hardly daring to believe Sirius had found an answer to my problem. If I hadn't just downed a Calming Draught, I might had leapt at the nurse and demanded her answer. After a second, that answer finally came.
"Yes. The ritual is said to be able to break any bond, mental or physical. But it isn't as easy as waving your wand and muttering an incantation. The ritual is arduous, takes an entire night to perform. And even then, there's no guarantee that it will work; even if it does, the side effects can be… crippling." The nurse narrowed her eyes. "A blood bond is a very serious bond, Mr. Black. I can't imagine you or any of your friends having such a thing."
An awkward quiet fell between Sirius and I. The nurse looked suspiciously between us. Perhaps already guessed.
"Madame, can we take this conversation to your office?" I asked, tone unbelievably even. This Calming Draught was working wonders.
This seemed to confirm the nurse's fears, because her expression steeled and she nodded curtly. Without another word, she led the way to her office in the far back; "I'll be with you in a few minutes," was the last thing to the students still waiting outside before the door shut and the three of us stood alone in the office.
"Well?" she waited, folding her arms and looking at me sternly.
"I have a blood bond with Lord Voldemort," I said bluntly. Even the little scream and admonishment Madame Pomfrey gave didn't startle me. "As you can imagine," I continued, wondering if the Calming Draught was working a little too well, "it's something I would rather be without. Madame Pomfrey, I'll do anything! Whatever this ritual thing requires, I'll do it!"
Madame Pomfrey didn't seem reassured. Having recovered from the shock of Voldemort's name, she scowled. "Miss Gaunt, it's a little more complicated than that. I said before the side effects could be crippling. But in all honesty, the ritual is not always a hundred percent effective. A fifth of those who attempt it lose their lives. Another fifth end up comatose for the remainder of their lives, struggling against those bonds. There's no way to know for sure how you will fare."
"They die?" Sirius repeated, looking a little put off, but I steamed ahead (literally. there was still steam coming from my ears).
"How does it work? Does it take long to prepare? When would I be able to—"
"Miss Gaunt," Madame Pomfrey interrupted, looking stern. I reluctantly stemmed the flow of questions as she took a steely breath. "The ritual is very complicated," she stressed finally. "Not even I could do it alone. Nor am I about to tell you how to do it so you can try something reckless on your own. If—and only if—you fully understand the possible consequences of trying such an unreliable method, and if Professor Dumbledore agrees that it is the best method for you situation, then I will help. I will speak to Professor Dumbledore about it, but until that decision is made—by someone who can think clearly about the situation—I'm afraid I won't be able to tell you anything more."
"But—"
"Nothing more," the nurse repeated, pointing at the door. "I shall speak to Professor Dumbledore shortly. Be patient, Miss Gaunt."
And then she kicked us out, reminding me to get some rest as she slammed the door in my face.