„Dean's got a girlfriend," Roman said in expectation of surprised yet positive reactions from both Seth and Renee. Dean having a girlfriend was a huge thing. He wasn't that kind of guy who found himself happy being in a relationship. He avoided them; he looked for fun, not a commitment. But it seemed to have changed. When Roman heard the news from Dean earlier that day, he first thought Dean was joking. It turned out he wasn't, and Roman was really happy for him once he overcame the initial shock. He thought Seth and Renee would feel the same, but although they seemed rather astonished, it was in a different, sort of wrong way.
First thing Seth did when he heard the news, when he processed the information, was looking at Renee. He could not respond before he saw her reaction. And he certainly felt bad for her. He was the only one who knew about her feelings for Dean and he could imagine how difficult the situation was for her. Seth was pleased that Dean finally found somebody who he considered worthy to start legitimately dating, but he hoped that person would be Renee and not some random chick. But it happened, and Seth wanted to support Dean in his relationship . . . except he couldn't. Not with Renee standing next to him. When he saw her devastated face, he struggled to not forget about the presence of two other people and go and hug her. He wished he could comfort her, to take the pain away. She seemed so fragile surrounded by the three men, and facing the painful reality, while unable to show how she truly felt.
And she really did feel surrounded. There was no escape. The only it thing she could do, what she had to do, was hiding her emotions. And that struggle took a lot effort. She felt like crying, but she couldn't show anybody her weakness. She had to stay strong, even though her world has just fallen apart. The cheerfulness she felt few moments ago was replaced with emptiness. She felt lonely, and yet she was not alone, however, she wished she were. It would be much easier to deal with the reality if nobody were around.
She looked at Dean and saw his beautiful smile, the lips she lusted after but now she knew she couldn't kiss. She couldn't hold Dean in a way she wanted. All her desires had to be burned. There was no way she could have the talk with him anymore. She was destined to deal with her feelings on her own, and that meant to get rid of them once and for all.
The truth was bitter, and it was even worse that she did not see it coming, that she was anticipating good news when it hit her. It took her by surprise and at the worst time possible. The only good thing about it was that she learned he had a girlfriend before telling him she was, possibly, in love with him. The awkwardness she would face in that case would be unbearable. At least this way nobody except Seth knew, and it was for the best.
Renee was biting her lower lip while avoiding having an eye contact with someone. She stared at the wall so that her emotions could not get the best of her. However, she knew it was a ticking bomb; she could build walls all she wanted, but in the end it would all collapse, emotions would betray her, and the tears would start falling. She tried to help to push them away by thinking about something else, something funny maybe, but her effort resulted only in another thought about Dean Ambrose. She could not fight it anymore; she had to look at him again. However hurtful that sight was, that face was giving her courage and making her stronger on the inside. He was the one person who could make her feel better, while at the same time he was the cause of her disillusion. He was both and he was all. He was what she needed but couldn't get. And that was the fact that she had to learn to live with.
"Congrats," she finally said when she reached the level of numbness that allowed her to face the reality. She was not happy, but she wouldn't let that ruin Dean's happiness. She cared for him and she did her best to make herself believe that her love was unconditional. She was supposed to allow him to find the source of satisfaction and joyfulness somewhere else. As long as he was smiling, she was too.
Except it didn't work that way. That was just a theory; the reality was totally different. She could not accept him being with somebody else, and moreover, be happy about it. That was impossible to achieve. There was no way she could forget about him and stop thinking about him in a way that was not compatible with friendship. She wanted him and she has even understood that she needs to do something about it, and not wait for him to magically find out. But it was too late. Still, she couldn't believe it. What are the odds that as soon as she decides to talk to him about her feelings, he finds somebody and gets into a relationship? It was Dean Ambrose, those things don't happen with him; he was different, he was not like regular guys, and that was what attracted her about him. Well, that, and some more obvious things like his gorgeous body, energy, attitude, and the way he talked to her. But if she keeps thinking about him in this way, she cannot move on, not that it was possible anyway, but she needed to try.
"Yeah, that's great news, man," Seth added, but kept the enthusiasm low. He could not look at it the way Roman did since Roman did not know about Renee's secret. He was still surprised that Renee was handling the situation so well; she did not let anybody see what was going on her mind. Her behavior was maybe a little suspicious, but then again, so was Seth's.
"You two say it like it's no big deal," Roman noted.
"Well, it's not," Dean opposed. "It happens to everyone," he joked to lighten up the mood, which was below the expected level.
Roman went on about it, not realizing what he was causing. "Not to you. I mean, when was the last time you met someone and you two hit it off? And how amazing is she when you fall in love with her so fast?" Roman tried to show him that it truly was something unusual.
"You're in love with this girl?" Renee asked, and words cannot explain how difficult it was for her to pose that question to him while knowing how he would respond.
Dean looked at Renee, and although he successfully fought the urge to smile, his eyes were ruining it for him. "I might be," he admitted. "I mean, we met only two weeks ago, it was that night after the last Raw before the Elimination Chamber when we all headed to the bar afterwards. Well you didn't," he said, and reminded Renee who quickly remembered that she skipped going to the pub because she was supposed to meet a friend of hers. The idea of how different the situation would be if she went there popped into her mind, but it was too painful to deal with. She could not allow herself to wonder whether her being there could mean that Dean would be single now. Luckily, Dean continued talking so he gave her no time to torture herself with pessimistic thoughts. "Anyway, the truth is, a day hasn't passed without me calling her, and when I have time off, we meet up. She's really great. And the best thing is she doesn't know me, she doesn't watch wrestling so she has no idea that I am a professional wrestler. She can like me for who I really am and she's not afraid of me because of some pretty nasty gimmicks that I have had. When I'm with her, it's really me, not an arrogant jerk or a lunatic fringe. She brings the best out of me and she really makes me happy," he explained to them, maybe in an excruciating detail, the reason for which he didn't understand. "So I guess I'm really falling for her," he turned to Renee to answer her question.
That was when she couldn't take it anymore. She felt nauseated and unable to breathe. She felt lost. Not angry, just numb. But even that numbness had barriers which Dean crossed when he kept dreaming about his new girl while looking Renee directly in the eye, unaware of how much he was hurting her.
"I've gotta go," she said quickly, not giving anybody chance to ask why. She stormed out of the men's locker room, and without even closing the door after her, she ran away, failing to hold back the tears.