„Renee, Renee!" she heard a voice calling after her. She recognized the voice and knew it wasn't somebody she could ignore, so she wiped the tears away and tried to stop sobbing before turning around to face Seth.
"I'm so stupid," she exclaimed in anger.
"No, you're not," Seth wanted to prove her wrong. "You couldn't know."
Renee knew he was right but didn't let him see she believed him. She was disappointed; not with Dean but with herself. She was sad and depressed; she couldn't hide that from Seth or anybody else who would look at her.
"Come here," Seth whispered, and took her into his arms. He knew she needed somebody to ease her pain. He wouldn't leave her alone; he was her friend after all. And in this situation, he was the only one who could understand what she was going through. Unlike anybody else, he had the information and could easily recognize the reason why she had no intention in staying in the same room with Dean, and for that matter with Roman as well.
"It's gonna be alright," he consoled her with a cliché phrase. He believed it would get better; it couldn't get any worse after all. "And hey," he continued, "he said they've only known each other for two weeks, it's not serious."
"Didn't you see his face when he was talking about her?" Renee opposed. "He was all over her; he was happy. I wouldn't want to stand in the way. If she is what he wants, then I'm not going to ruin it for him, or confuse him by telling him that I love him."
"You love him?" Seth looked at her to make her give him a straight answer. She has never said she loved him before, but if she really did, the situation was even worse.
"I don't know," she sighed, "I but I think it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't." It made sense. But it was all so wrong. Wasn't love meant to be easy?
Seth ran his hand through Renee's hair and softly kissed her on the forehead. She was like a little child who tripped over and started crying; then its parent would come to kiss him and make the pain go away. The situation was different with Renee. One kiss on the wounded spot would not stop tears from falling.
"Even if I did," Renee continued while Seth was there to listen to her, "it doesn't change anything. It doesn't give me the right to intervene in his relationship. She might be the love of his life for all I know."
"Or you might be," Seth opposed.
Renee didn't respond to that, she chose to ignore his comment. If he was right, she didn't want to know. What would it change anyway?
Suddenly they heard some steps coming their way so Seth let go off Renee and they both quickly moved away from each other to avoid looking suspicious. It was Dean, now fully dressed, who was walking toward them.
"Guys," he said when he was close enough for them to hear him, "is something wrong?" he worried.
"No," they mechanically replied, and tried to look happy, which was incredibly difficult, especially for Renee, to achieve.
Dean decided not to ask anything because if something was indeed going on, they probably wouldn't tell him anyway. "Alright." He let it go.
Seth looked at Renee one more time to see how she was handling seeing Dean, but fortunately for her, there was no remainder of earlier tears in her eyes, and she seemed to be doing well considering her current situation and a little emotional meltdown she experienced prior to Dean's arrival.
"On a different note, can I have a word with you, Renee?" Dean asked gently, but the question put both Renee and Seth in confusion.
Seth felt the need to provide an excuse for Renee, but failed to come up with something relevant. He looked at her instead and searched through her facial expressions to find a clue telling him whether she was ready to face Dean or not.
Renee knew she wouldn't avoid the conversation; she realized it as soon as she, just as Seth, unsuccessfully attempted to find something that would prevent her from having to talk to Dean.
"I don't see why not," she admitted.
He smiled at her and instructed her into an empty office where they would both sit down on the sofa and face each other prior to the conversation, which was to Renee nothing less than an uncomfortable necessity.
"Don't think I would let you slip away before we talk," he started.
"Why would I want to?" Renee posed a rhetorical question although there were many reasons for her to want to avoid it.
"So?" he encouraged her.
"So what?" She didn't know what he wanted her to say.
"Well, I thought you would be the one to start. You called me to discuss your problem after all," he reminded her.
"Oh, that. You know what? Let's just forget about it. It's not important."
She tried to stand up to leave, but Dean wouldn't allow it. He grabbed her hand and made her sit down again.
"I see what's going on," he said, and Renee swallowed heavily wondering if he might know about her secret. "You said it had something to do with one member of The Shield." Renee nodded and kept hoping he was wrong in his assumption. "Well, I don't think the term Shield is relevant here since I suppose it has nothing to do with wrestling, am I right?" She nodded again. "So I came to a conclusion that it's something personal, and what can be more personal than relationships. . . ." Now she felt really uncomfortable and seriously started to worry, but kept pushing the thought of him knowing the truth away. "Do you, let's say, have affection for somebody? Do you like somebody more than you would care to admit?"
"I really don't want to talk about it," she protested.
"Come on, I'm not going to judge you or anything. So just tell me, is it true?"
She took a moment to think whether it would be better to deny or admit it. Then she answered with simple "Yes."
"I thought so," he replied. "But you need to understand that it's not right."
"I know," she sighed quietly.
"He's in a relationship and you shouldn't interfere with it."
"Yes," she agreed, but then noticed there was something weird about his sentence. "Wait, what?" she asked out loud. Did he just say 'he's in a relationship?'
"You shouldn't get in the way; he loves his girlfriend," he continued.
"Who are you talking about?" Renee was confused.
"Well, I know that the person you have feelings for is Seth. I've noticed that recently you've spent a lot of time with him and when you were standing in the hallway, I saw you two hugging."
Renee was not sure if she should tell him that it's not Seth because if he knew, the options would narrow down to two people, Roman and Dean, which would include the right person, and that was too dangerous. Dean would have a 50/50 chance of getting it right. What led her morally wrong decision was the strong feeling that she didn't want Dean to know what was actually happening. So instead of telling him he was wrong, she followed Dean's lead and let him believe that she was in love with Seth.
"Oh." She pretended to be surprised. After a pause, she asked, "But what should I do?" She thought as well that since now Dean knows that she has feelings for somebody, although he mistakes the person, he might actually help her find a solution to her problem.
"You should fight those feelings. He's happy and you don't want to be the one to ruin it for him, do you?"
"Of course not," she responded.
"In that case be a friend, be there for him, but don't ask him for more. Don't take advantage of his trust in you. You might both end up hurt and in the worst case scenario, you would make him stop liking you and even make him hate you. You need to be careful about this. I know that it's difficult, but try not to be selfish and take him away from his girlfriend. Respect his feelings and . . . just try to be happy for him."
It was hard to listen, but he had a point. Letting go of him was the one thing she needed to do. No matter how painful it was, she needed to forget and move on. She certainly didn't want to lose him as a friend.
"You're right," she admitted. Except it's you who I love, she finished the sentence in her head.