„You're still here," Dean mumbled. He was surprised to see her next to him. He assumed that by the time he wakes up, she would be gone. He was glad that he was wrong and she stayed.
„Of course I am here. I wouldn't leave you," she replied in a way that showed him a lot of care on her side.
He remembered the last night. „That was so not how it was supposed to be. He had everything planned, to a slightest detail. Yet, all was scattered by something that none of them could predict to happen.
„Dean," she gently interrupted him, and looked at him with love in her eyes. „It was perfect," she continued. "You did everything right. I enjoyed last night."
"I doubt you enjoyed having to take care of me," he opposed. He was angry with himself. Deep inside he knew he couldn't see it coming or prevent it, and there was really nothing to do about it, but he wanted to give her everything. She deserved a magical evening, and it ended in such a disaster.
"I didn't mind," she broke the silence after a while. She thought about it; maybe it wasn't perfect, but she wouldn't ask for more. The time they spent together was different to when they were working, surrounded by people who asked them to be professional and take it seriously. In the backstage, in the ring, even in the hotel, there was no place for them to act naturally and be themselves. But as soon as they left the arena and there was no sight of their colleagues, they could joke around and stop taking life seriously for a moment. Rarely she saw Dean being so kind and thoughtful; it was probably because there was no reason to show off and no people to see him and judge him by his behavior. There was only one person he cared about at that moment, and that was Renee.
"Right," he replied sarcastically.
Seeing Dean desperate somehow made Renee happy. It was not because she was cruel or liked seeing him in pain. Instead, she realized that he thought what he did was not good enough and that she perhaps deserved more. By his behavior, Dean was proving to Renee that he cared about her. She didn't know if showing it was intentional or not, but it resulted in a big, honest smile on her face.
"I'm sorry," he felt the need to say. He probably didn't notice that Renee was not mad at him, or he believed that she was faking her good mood.
"See, now that's something I don't understand." She paid attention to his words and thought about them. "You apologize to me for something you couldn't affect," she explained. "But earlier, when I was mad at you and you were supposed to say that you were sorry, it was a problem."
"You didn't like my way of saying sorry?" he focused on an unimportant part.
"I've never said that. The breakfast was a good idea, the match was amazing, and the restaurant was . . ." She stopped talking.
"Not the best choice I have made," Dean concluded.
"Well, I'm just glad I didn't order salmon." She smiled when Dean seemed to approve of it. He looked much better now than when they returned from their night out. But he really appreciated that Renee stayed up with him for most part of the night and took such a good care of him when he felt like shit. Dean remembered what Renee did for him and telepathically thanked her for that.
"What I'm saying is . . ." Renee returned to the original topic and continued, "You have done all those things so that I would forgive you, and, well, it worked, but they didn't really say sorry. They were saying Renee, please, don't be mad at me," she used the best way possible to explain it to him. "While all I really wanted to hear from you were those three words."
Dean understood and he knew he was supposed to say them, but he wanted to do more than that. He felt that if he used words only, it wouldn't be any different from anything else he says. He talks a lot, and therefore he often has to apologize; but since he does it so often, it somehow has lost its importance. Those three words that she wanted to hear were not special to him, but she was. That meant he had to find something else to use as the means of communication and way of achieving her forgiveness. . . . And then there was Roman who advised him to do more than just saying he was sorry.
"Renee," he called her name, and invited her to sit next to him on the bed. "I had no right to tell you what to do and forbid you to see Seth. I also failed at being a good friend and give you some real advice and, most importantly, support." He took a moment to think and organize his thoughts before saying something inappropriate and screwing up again. "I should have acted my age and I promise that, from now on, I will never let you down again. I will never be a jerk to you. And I will always," he paused as he didn't know how to go on. He realized that, once again, he was losing track of what he was saying and the words he was producing were becoming automatic, without him thinking about their real meaning. "I will always," he repeated and looked into her beautiful eyes with a smirk on his face. She responded with a smile; one that gave him a warm, home-like feeling. Now he knew how to finish that sentence. "I will always do my best to keep this smile on." He then rose from the bed to playfully touch her soft lips, which seemed so distant at first. "I'm sorry," he finally said; and to show he really meant it, he erased his smile but kept his eyes locked on hers.
She chuckled when she, after all that time, heard him say it. It was also pleasing to see that he didn't hesitate and didn't try to downplay the importance of the situation.
"Now it's your turn," he interrupted her day-dreaming.
"What?" she didn't understand as she has lost the focus.
"It's your turn to forgive me. I mean, if you feel like doing it," he tried to sound casual.
"Before I do that," she first let him know she would forgive him, eventually, "I wonder why you even acted that way in the first place."
Dean didn't really know why, but he had a theory. He would be lying if he said that he hasn't thought about it, but the solution he came up with was too absurd.
"Okay, I might have an explanation but it's really stupid, so, please, don't laugh."
"I promise," she responded, and got curious.
"It's ridiculous," he repeated so that she wouldn't consider it an important factor in his behavior. "I saw you the other day; actually, it was the night I told you to stay away from Seth. I remember walking into the room where Seth, Roman, and I hang out, and you were there, lying on the couch, sleeping. I spent there a couple of minutes just watching you and kept thinking," Dean sighed before revealing to Renee, "I knew Seth was there with you earlier and it made me wonder. Why him? I mean, I know, he is a great wrestler and an amazing guy, great friend, funny, understanding, loyal, and everything. I know that he's perfect, but still, I couldn't believe it. And I didn't want to admit that he was better than me. I was posing myself the same question over and over again. Why him, and why not me?" Dean found himself getting lost in his thoughts. He speculated and tried to find an answer to the question he has been asking himself for a few weeks.
After a while he realized he was talking to Renee, not to himself, and she was probably laughing at him. When he started to focus and looked at her, he saw that she wasn't. Her face was serious. "Anyway," Dean came to a conclusion, "as stupid as it sounds, I might have gotten a little jealous."