We can never be gods, after all – but we can become something less than human with frightening ease. — N.K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms
C-Pat – Cartagena Patrol, analogous to C-Sec (Citadel Security Services), employing mostly batarians
Inamorata – A woman with whom one is in love; a female lover (Italian)
n'Tuj raugh – Hell (Batarian)
• CARTAGENA STATION · ON THE MOVE BETWEEN LEVELS •
After waiting for nearly four hours in the utilities tunnel between levels four and five, Griffen Buchanan and Samantha Traynor, carrying a mostly unconscious and critically injured Yuán Xiùlán, made their way thirty meters to a utility stairwell; Traynor had discovered these stairs would allow them to descend to sub-level one-alpha, a service tunnel used for transporting supplies to the various loading docks around the circumference of the station.
Traynor cautiously descended the stairwell first, all her senses attuned to any hint of patrolling members of C-Pat. Finding no evidence of recent visits by anyone, she helped Griff carry Xiùlán down, followed by their packs. This new level proved to be populated only by computer-controlled hover-carriers, all moving at a brisk walking pace through the two-meter diameter tunnels that opened on either side of the small control compartment in which they found themselves.
Griff waited with Xiùlán as Traynor hacked into the automated transport system—she needed a hover-carrier large enough to carry the three of them to the receiving dock at sub-level one, section nine—further, she needed to coordinate their arrival time to coincide as closely as possible with the arrival of the commandos aboard the shuttle from the Ionsaí, the asari Oseros class corvette that had been their support vessel for this operation. After calculating the speed of the carriers, which had to travel in single file in the tunnels, she applied her result to the distance from their chosen rendezvous point.
As an empty carrier moved out of line to stop near their position, Traynor looked at Griff and explained, "We'll ride on this carrier to the receiving dock. Only trouble is there are several control compartments similar to this one along the way." Looking at the empty carrier, she concluded, "Since we cannot be sure there won't be batarians in those compartments when we pass by, we'll need to lie down on either side of Xiùlán. The cargo cover and lack of lighting should keep our forms from being easily seen."
Griff looked unconvinced, saying to Traynor, "Seems like we're just delivering ourselves into C-Pat's arms. What if there are batarians in the control compartment at the receiving dock? We'll be at a distinct disadvantage while attempting to dismount from the carrier."
Traynor's frown conveyed as much as her reply. "They'll all be off chasing ghosts … or maybe even running from ghosts. Anyway, let's get our gear and Xiùlán loaded …"
Griff nodded his head, not quite believing his ears, but trusting she knew what she was doing as he started loading their packs at one end. Helping Sam with Xiùlán, they made sure she was comfortable—or as comfortable as she could be with a shattered leg. There wasn't a lot of room left for him or Traynor, but she had him climb on nonetheless; He was positioned on his side, head by Yuán's feet; Sam would lie on her side as well, facing outward with her head near Xiùlán's. As she climbed on the carrier, she pulled the cargo cover over the three of them and their gear, covering herself last. The cover was a tightly-woven mesh material, so only a strong external light source would reveal what was underneath; Traynor and Griff however, would have a good view through the mesh, as long as they remained motionless.
Now all they had to do was wait until the station's computer, hacked and programmed by Traynor, reinserted their container into the traffic pattern, sending it on its way to the sub-level one, section nine receiving dock, where they'd rendezvous with commandos from the Ionsaí.
As their container was on its way to its assigned receiving dock, Traynor felt safe in allowing herself to doze; one of the many things she had learned in the past twenty months was how to 'listen' to her internal clock. This allowed her to fall asleep quickly in order to rest while sub-consciously remaining alert to any danger. Each time the container drew near the next control compartment, Sam automatically roused herself to watch and wait, to ensure they weren't discovered by C-Pat as they moved slowly past the dimly lit area.
As soon as they were beyond discovery, Sammy rolled over to face a semi-conscious Xiùlán, lying on her back with her left leg immobilized. "Ni zěnme yàng, Xiùlán?" [你怎麼樣，秀蘭？- How are you doing, Xiùlán?]
A whispered, "Wo hái huózhe …" [我還活著 – I am still alive …] brought a small smile to Traynor's lips. Kissing a feverish cheek, she whispered back, "Jiānchí zhù, ài." [堅持住，愛 – Hold on, love], then gave her a sip of water. Checking her chrono confirmed they should be nearly to the control compartment that would allow access to the Section Nine receiving dock.
Arming her omnitool for blade work, she waited patiently for the final part of the ride to end—when the container pulled out of the line, she expected a worker or two to be waiting; she'd need to silence them quickly and keep them from triggering any alarms.
Within a few minutes, the container eased out from between the accompanying containers, coming to a stop beneath what appeared to be a rectangular passage in the overhead; Sam could see a couple of lights in the distance above her.
A kinetic barrier sprang up around the container as it slowly began ascending into the vertical passage; as soon as they were out of sight from below, Sam threw back the cargo cover enough to allow herself room to get off the platform while leaving Griff, Xiùlán and their packs covered. "Griff," she whispered. "Set the locator on Xiùlán's omnitool, along with your own. Ready heavy pistols in case I get overwhelmed by the dock workers—I don't expect C-Pat to show up immediately—all the station entrances to this area have been sealed by the computer."
"What are you going to do?"
"Get us out of here," came the whispered reply. "Keep Xiùlán and my pack safe."
As the container cleared the protective barrier around the access tunnel, Traynor sent a message to the Ionsaí to let them know they were in the receiving dock, an area that looked very much like the warehouse from which they had started.
She leaped off the carrier and ran towards the center of the huge area, drawing the warehouse workers towards her. As she skidded to a halt and spun in place, she noticed with satisfaction there were no workers near the container. Drawing her butterfly knives from their sheaths, she held each so she could 'back slice' with her left and 'front slice' with her right; crossing her arms, she turned slowly in place, allowing the dim overhead light to glint off the polished steel of her blades and the dull black of her armor.
Within seconds, one batarian came at her; wielding a two-meter long pry bar, he swung it in a horizontal arc at her head, continuing in a circle in an attempt to hit her legs. Missing as she ducked, he missed again when she leapt straight up. As she came down in front of him, she buried the knife in her right hand in his skull; releasing the knife handle, she grabbed the heavy metal bar from his suddenly relaxed hands and shoved the pointed end through the next dock worker as the first went down. Feeling arms around her shoulders, she leaned forward while kicking back and upwards, the sole of her boot making a satisfying ‹THUNK› sound as it connected hard with his head … the arms fell away from her as he collapsed to the deck in an unconscious heap.
In one fluid motion she used her foot to hold the head of her first victim down; retrieving her blade from his skull, she hurriedly stood and spread her arms wide to stab a pair of workers coming at her from behind … with the knives buried in each of the two heavyset batarians, she held onto them for leverage to raise her hips and snap kick another batarian in the face. Feet back on the deck, she left the knives in her two victims and kicked another guy in the face before delivering a spinning roundhouse kick to one coming at her from the opposite direction.
Traynor was done waiting—she ran towards a pair of batarians and leaped; kicking the one on the right, she continued in a somersault, kicking the guy on the left with her other foot. Finishing her somersault, she felt another pair of arms around her shoulders. She repeated her head kick maneuver; this loosened the batarians arms, allowing her to grab his right hand in both of hers and spin and kick him in the midriff. She punched another worker while hanging on to her current victim with one hand, spun around and kicked number two in the head for good measure before using her free hand to grab her current victim's wrist; pulling down and rotating his arm back up, she spun him over in a violent throw to the deck.
She was grabbed from behind yet again—this time the batarian's arms were around her midriff. She used her right arm to strike down and back, hitting him hard in the crotch with her fist. At the sudden grunt of pain, she opened her hand and found the soft appendages, grabbed as much as she could through his pants and squeezed mercilessly … as his mouth opened to holler in pain, she filled it with an armored elbow, causing him to release her. Spinning to face him, she hit him in the mouth and nose with her triple snap punch, dropping him to the deck.
Two more batarians came at her, one from each side. She punched each of them alternately several times; when the one on her right fell, another immediately came at her with a straight blade. This she sidestepped—grabbing his wrist, she used his momentum to shove the blade in the batarian on her left, then pulled the wrist she was still holding onto back and up to twist it around, painfully breaking the arm to which it was attached.
Stopping to look around and finding no more standing opposition, she took a deep, cleansing breath to center herself before quickly retrieving her butterfly knives and trotting back to the container as their shuttle pierced the outer kinetic barrier and landed close by. The port side hatch opened, allowing Commando Luenia Phura to leap out to assist. Sam came running up as Griff started moving gear bags into the shuttle. Luenia assisted Traynor in gently moving Xiùlán into the cramped interior, where she was placed on the rear berth. With Griff and their equipment aboard, Traynor said, "Let's go, Eshela!"
Pilot Eshela T'Saida closed the hatch, lifted and spun the ungainly craft around and was through the kinetic barrier in short order. As they accelerated away from Cartagena Station, Luenia looked worriedly at Xiùlán. "We got your message she'd been severely injured … Jakira T'Lana is standing by. She'll attend to your partner as soon as we're back aboard and get her to the medical unit."
Studying Traynor for a few moments, she added, "Looks as if you could use a bit of help yourself … there's blood all over you, and there's a cut on your face." Reaching up with a finger, she lightly touched a now stinging slice in her cheek Traynor hadn't previously felt. She withdrew her hand at Sam's sudden intake of breath. "Looks like most of the blood came from the batarians. You normally take on so many at once?"
Looking at Xiùlán, she murmured, "I would take on ten times that many if it meant saving Xiùlán. She's everything to me… can't live without her."
"Are you two bonded?"
Sam swung her head around to look at the commando. "Not in the manner of the asari, no… but she is the love of my life. I cannot conceive of an existence without her." Sammy leaned over Xiùlán and gently kissed her forehead. "We made it out, my darling."
• ASARI CORVETTE IONSAÍ · LEAVING THE NEMEAN ABYSS •
Traynor was sitting in the lounge immediately outside the Ionsaí's Medical Unit. So concerned was she about Xiùlán she hadn't even gone to her quarters to drop her armor and get cleaned up, choosing instead to wait for word on Xiùlán's condition. Operations Chief Buchanan strolled in and, with a heavy sigh, sat down across from her. Without preamble he said, "That was some of the most amazing hand-to-hand I've ever had the privilege of witnessing, Traynor. Did Xiùlán teach you how to do all that?"
Sam's smile didn't reach her eyes as she thought of her mentor. "Most of it … I've picked up a bit of my technique by just … doing things, emulating movements I've seen others performing, combining different disciplines. Some of what you saw came from asari commando training." With just a touch of a smirk, she added, "I even learned a few new things from Lì húa, Xiùlán's mom."
Buchanan shook his head. "Traynor, I watched you take out over fifteen batarians, all hell-bent on killing you. You actually flowed over and around them as if you were a small tidal wave … no wasted motion, no hesitation. It was almost as if …" here Griff stopped for a moment to think about what he'd observed. "It was like you were in a trance, Serviceman. Is that even possible?"
A shy smile from Samantha was all the answer Buchanan needed. "Shit, Traynor! How in hell did you learn to do that?"
"I didn't … learn it, that is. Xiùlán says I'm a natural, says I enter an altered state when I fight. I don't know how I do it … I just … I can look at a potentially dangerous situation—see all the possibilities—how I'll react to each threat as it's presented—before I even make my first move. Xiùlán fights the same way and, even with all her cunning and experience, says she wouldn't want to fight me … even sparring? I think I scare her."
"Damn, woman! You scare me! I hope I never wind up on your bad side—don't think I'd survive the encounter." Smiling, he added, "But …" here he indicated his facial decoration, "If I'm ever attacked by a batarian with a blade again, I hope you're my drinking companion."
Traynor smiled at Griff, then looked up as Doctor T'Lana came out of the Medical Unit. Standing to meet her, she asked, "Is Xiùlán …" her voice hitched before she could finish the question. Griff also stood and placed a hand on Traynor's shoulder as he finished the question for her. "How is she, Doc? You're going to be able to save her leg, right?"
Jakira split her attention between the humans as she answered, "We've stabilized her for now, and she's resting comfortably." Looking at Traynor, she said, "It's my understanding you performed some rather daring emergency field treatment. It made all the difference, I think … she could have lost that leg. As it is, we're enroute to Thessia so we can get her some specialized treatment in the hospital in Serrice."
"You can't do that on this ship, Doctor?" Traynor was unknowingly wringing her hands until Griff snuck one of his big paws around her side and gently grabbed them.
"I'm afraid not, my dear. She'll get the best care available anywhere, never fear. After what the three of you have done for the asari, you deserve no less than first class treatment. Which reminds me, Operations Chief …" Doctor T'Lana looked up at Griff's greenish-gray eyes and said, "You're due in my outpatient exam room. Seems you've been hard-wired by the batarians?"
Griff's head dropped as he looked unhappily at Traynor, who reminded him, "Remember what I told you, Chief. It has to be done."
"Follow me, Mr Buchanan." Traynor heard a new snarkiness in her voice. "I don't see many human males on my exam table; I'm looking forward to an enlightening experience." She smiled up at the big man as she gently guided him with a hand on his elbow. "I can treat that knife scar on your face as well … was that a gift from another batarian?"
Griff's unhappy frown quickly became a grim smile. "Yeah … I'm beginning to think batarian pirates and smugglers only see me as someone on which to practice their blade work. And this mission brought me a lot of burns in addition to the wires."
"I'll treat you well, Mr Buchanan … I dare say it will be a lot better than you were treated on Cartagena Station."
Before she left, Jakira turned back towards Samantha and said, "You can come in as well, visit with Ms Yuán if you wish."
Traynor reacted to this bit of good news with a genuine smile as she followed Griff and the doctor into the Medical Unit.
The compartment lights in the overhead were dim, with most of the ambient lighting coming from the belt rail around the room. With the exception of her left leg, Xiùlán was covered neck-to-toes with a thin sheet topped with a blanket; her thigh was bandaged and splinted and her leg was propped up from hip-to-foot with a foam platform that angled horizontally at her knee. The exposed foot was wearing a sock, presumably to help keep it warm in the coolness of the compartment.
Her skin color seemed much better, and Sammy could sense her body temperature was closer to normal when she applied her lips to the cheek closest to her; her kiss caused a pair of eyelids to slip open, bringing an instant smile to her lips. "Sà mi," she whispered. "Ni jiùle wo … [你救了我 – You saved me] saved my life, got us out of that shit hole."
Traynor, mindful that she was still wearing her blood-stained armor, leaned over her lover to carefully embrace her, to kiss her softly on the mouth. "Doctor T'Lana has done all she can for you, Ai … [愛 – Love (Sam's meaning is 'luv')] We're on our way to Thessia to get you some specialized treatment." She used her fingers and the palm of her hand to stroke a suddenly creased and worried forehead. "Don't worry, darling. I'll be with you the entire way. I'm not going to leave you behind on a strange planet."
"You've got blood all over yourself, Sà mi. It's not? …"
"It's not mine, Sweetheart. Well, I'm told I have a cut on my cheek, but everything else is batarian … and now I know you're gonna be okay, I'm going to head back to our quarters, get cleaned up and changed, then clean my armor and knives." Pausing as a thought struck her, she added, "What happened to your armor and skins? Need me to take it all back with me as well?"
"Already in our quarters, Sà mi," came the tired response.
"You scared the livin' 'ell outa me, Xiùlán. I thought I was going to lose you!"
"Ah, Sà mi," came the whispered reply. "I wouldn't leave you behind … you're too important to me."
"Okay. You go back to sleep … I'll return in a while, soon as I clean up, have a bite to eat." Leaning over again, she tenderly kissed waiting lips. "Wo ài ni, Xiùlán." [我愛你， 秀蘭。– I love you, Xiùlán.] "I'll be back soon."
As she moved away from Xiùlán's bed, Sam could tell that her lover had slipped back into blissful sleep; the peaceful expression on her face was something Traynor was happy to see after the previous pain-filled days. Returning to the lounge, she called Luenia Phura to escort her back to her quarters … she suddenly felt nearly too tired to stand. Food … just need some food … and rest. Haven't truly slept for … Hell, I don't remember how long it's been! Her heart was soaring … Xiùlán was going to live! Still, there was something nagging at her, nibbling away at the edges of her happiness … something that she would not be able to deny. Tomorrow … deal with it tomorrow, she told herself.
Sammy shed her armor, being careful not to let the outsides contact any of the soft furnishings—the carpet, upholstered chairs, the bed. She didn't want to transfer any of the bloodstains from the slick surfaces. The armor went into a large bag, which she would carry to the ships' armory in order to clean it.
Removing her under-armor mesh wasn't quite as messy—even covered with the blood that had spattered past her armor plates, it would wash out without a trace. Standing in front of the mirror, she removed her sport bra and panties and placed them in a container to be laundered. Of surprise to Traynor were some of the bruises on her arms, legs and torso.
Once in the bathroom, she turned the shower on and stepped into the stall, gasping at the shock of rapidly warming water hitting her sides and back. As the temperature stabilized, she lathered a cloth and began washing her skin, noting that the water running off her body had a slight red tint to it, no doubt from the spatter that had come through the mesh as she moved about.
Wincing as she washed her chest, she noted the soreness in her shoulders and back. You're not working out enough, Sammy. You shouldn't be this sore after that little bit of exercise today. She finished washing her torso, then legs and lower back. She lathered and rinsed her hair, noting the reddish hue that rinsed out. A repeat lathering and rinse produced only clear water, so she turned the water off and grabbed her towels.
Back in her bedroom, she pulled on fresh underwear and socks. Deciding to take a nap, she pulled the covers down and flopped into bed. Damn! I am tired. Just need to rest for a bit …
She quickly went to sleep, only to be disturbed by vivid dreams of being chased by countless batarian pirates, all nude, all sexually aroused, all intent on catching her so she could be pinned to a wall and gang-raped. Their leader was none other than the bastard she hadn't tortured, hadn't cut into little pieces. Finally waking with a start, she discovered she was covered in sweat, such that she needed another shower. Damned batarians!
Captain Agana T'Lori and her XO Traeria Shoni stood from their chairs as the hatch at the far end of the conference room opened and a freshly bathed and rested Samantha Traynor entered. Walking up to the pair, she held out both hands palms up in an asari greeting of friendship and camaraderie. After returning the greeting, Traeria remained standing as Captain T'Lori bade Sammy to sit across from Traeria; two crew members entered, placed several covered trays on the table, along with plates and utensils, then left as unobtrusively as they'd arrived.
Captain T'Lori poured a glass of Elasa for each of them; holding her own glass up, she turned to Traynor. "You have completed a mission that many thought impossible, and for that, I offer you my thanks, personally and on behalf of the asari republic."
Sammy didn't quite know how to respond, except to pick up her own glass and tip it toward each of them. "Thank you, Captain. There were times, I must admit, that I thought we weren't going to make it off that station." Opening the small pack she'd brought in with her, she carefully pulled out the reason for the mission and set it on the table. "As we are going to Thessia, I hope my squad will be able to personally present this figurine to the Ministry of Antiquities." The 40 centimeter high carved image of Janiri stood in the middle of the table, its light color in sharp contrast to the dark surface below it.
T'Lori and Shoni stood speechless, nearly unable to believe this figurine had finally been recovered intact after being in the hands of pirates and Blue Suns. "Magnificent," was all T'Lori could say.
Traynor took a sip from her glass, indicated the covered trays and asked, "May I?"
The captain's face darkened ever so slightly. "My apologies, Ms Traynor … I have forgotten my manners. Of course, of course, please, help yourself. You are familiar with the fish, ke'ah, and the various flavors of uloth, along with the various sauces we have. There is also a platter with a selection of native fruits, and another with numerous vegetables, all of which I am sure you will enjoy."
Traynor had snacked a bit before coming to meet with the captain and XO, enough so the edge had been knocked from her appetite, but she was still quite hungry, so loaded her plate and commenced to tell the pair of her adventures on Cartagena Station as she enjoyed the food and wine.
Just as she reached the part concerning the pirate she'd hung from the ceiling of the interrogation room, they were joined by Griffen Buchanan. Having had his many injuries treated by Doctor Jakira T'Lana, he had cleaned up and changed clothes. Captain T'Lori poured him a glass of Elasa and had him sit next to Traynor, where she continued her tale, with additional input from Griff.
It didn't go unnoticed by XO Shoni that Sammy had, whether by accident due to the interruption caused by Griff's arrival or on purpose for whatever reason, apparently left out most of the details concerning her elimination of the batarian pirate. Looking at Sammy's face as she told her story, Traeria felt sure the specialist was keeping something to herself concerning that particular batarian's death. Surreptitiously studying the human over the rim of her glass as she sipped Elasa, she thought, 'That one is hiding something … something that troubles her … is eating at her soul. I must find out what the conflict is … she needs to release what she's keeping hidden.'
As Sammy's narrative reached the final fight with the batarian dock workers, Griff took up the telling of the tale, describing Sammy's hand-to-hand abilities in glowing terms to their asari hosts. Traynor fell silent, content to allow Buchanan to sing her praises. Both asari were impressed with Buchanan's account, asking for clarification and retelling here and there, as they looked at Traynor with open admiration, comparing her to the best of the Ionsaí's commandos.
When they had finished eating, Captain T'Lori had staff bring in and serve Kaffe to everyone, after which Sammy and Griff left to return to their own quarters—Sammy left the figurine in the care of the Ionsaí's captain, having no desire to be in charge of such a priceless artifact. As the humans left, T'Lori slowly, almost reverently, placed the figurine in the small pack Sammy had brought with her. "This will go in the ship's valuables locker under our thumbprints and iris scans. I do not want knowledge of this to get out … it is too valuable, and cost much to retrieve."
XO Shoni agreed. "That cost very well may have been too much for one person in particular, Captain. Samantha Traynor has not told us all that transpired, for reasons that I suspect are tied to her relationship with Ms Yuán. I hope to talk to her again before we reach the home world."
Agana looked at her XO with a raised brow marking. "If she needs anything, please let me know, Traeria. That young human has seen … and caused, by her own admission, a lot of death, close up and personal, just as our commandos see it. By asari standards, she is only a child. I would not want her experiences on our behalf to cause her mental harm."
"Soon as I learn something, I will inform you, Captain."
Samantha Traynor had been growing increasingly moody as Xiùlán continued to recover from injuries received during their mission on Cartagena Station; Sammy had taken to spending most of her free time sitting in a massive reclining chair located in the Ionsaí's observation lounge. Staring out the massive viewport at the passing stars, the vastness of interstellar space only served to sour her mood further.
She kept thinking about what she had done to the batarian pirate responsible for the polonium-coated hammerhead round buried in Xiùlán's left thigh … her lover curled on the deck in a near fetal position … the nearly invisible bastard wearing Griff's shield generator, standing over Xiùlán with heavy pistol still in hand, gloating at the helpless female writhing in agony on the cold steel deck aboard a batarian-run space station.
She had launched herself at the center of mass in the middle of the shimmering distortion, knocking him onto his back, thumbs gouging out a pair of eyes as she repeatedly bashed his head against the metal floor. Once she had Xiùlán and Griff safe in a nearby supply compartment, she had gone back out to deal with the threat this batarian now posed to the three of them.
In her mind, she could easily justify killing him, as had been necessary when she'd killed a dozen or more of his kind later while attempting to get a rescue shuttle on its way to pluck them off the station. What she was now having trouble with was the memories of how she had taken his life … this one pirate's death. It had been nearly ten minutes, dying by her hands … six minutes of downright torment with a bullet shattered left thigh; the coup de grâce had been an omni-blade up into his diaphragm and lungs, leading to a painfully slow death by suffocation.
She did not feel the tears that seeped from her eyes to coalesce into a pair of rivulets running down her cheeks, nor did she hear ship's XO Traeria Shoni quietly enter and take a seat in the recliner next to her. "You appear to be rather upset, Ms Traynor," Shoni quietly observed. "Is there anything you would care to share with me?"
Traynor roughly wiped her face with both hands as she turned away from the perceptive asari. "Just … thinking about my actions on that space station." She added with a sniffle, "I lost track of the number of batarians I had to kill to retrieve the artifact and get us off that station."
"Yet that is not what truly bothers you, is it?"
Sam replied, "You are quite observant, Traeria," before lapsing into silence.
The asari could see that she would need to prompt the human a bit more if she wished to hear the entire truth of the matter. "Talk to me, Ms Traynor. I am entirely ready to listen to whatever you have to say." At a quick, unhappy glance from the human, she quickly added, "I will not judge you, and your words will not leave this compartment … I swear it by the Goddess."
Traynor drew a long, shuddering breath as she thought about what to say. After a pause marked only by the whisper of airflow from the HVAC and the muted noise of distant equipment, Traynor cleared her throat and whispered, "The batarian I told you of … the one that shot Xiùlán? I had to kill 'im, and I did it in the most pain-filled, torturous way I could think of."
The asari nodded her head as Traynor started speaking, then cocked it slightly to one side as she opened one silver and copper-flecked eye wide in a questioning look. "Go on, Samantha. What did you do?"
Speaking slowly, as if recalling a nightmare, she replied in a voice filled with pain. "After hanging 'im by his wrists from a ceiling hook—which is what they'd done to Buchanan—I toyed with 'im, Traeria … kicked 'im in 'is crotch, once … then again … hard as I was able. His attitude was …" she looked down at herself as she brought trembling hands up to cover her breasts, "he kept staring at my chest, even went so far as to say I might enjoy being the recipient of his mating urge."
"He suggested he'd like to have intercourse with you?"
"Yeah … putting it bluntly, he said he wanted to fuck me, to …"
Traynor went silent again as a fresh bout of tears began trickling down her cheeks; she pulled her lower legs into the chair and wrapped her arms around them as she rested her head on her upraised knees. Without any prompting from Shoni, Sam tilted her head to look at the asari and asked, "Are you familiar with the human term for forced intercourse?"
"I don't believe so," came the quiet reply.
"I don't know what the batarian word is, but on my world that word is rape. It's virtually always done by males to females, for many reasons, most of which do not have anything to do with 'having sex'. It's mostly done as a way to proclaim domination, or control, or punishment." Traynor sighed as she wiped her face. "I was raped when I was in college, back on Earth … I won't go into the details, except to say I will never allow it to happen to me again. And that batarian? His attitude really pissed me off!"
Traeria didn't say anything … simply waited for Traynor to continue.
"Before I shot him in the left thigh as payback for what he did to Xiùlán … I scared the living 'ell outta myself … saw a darker side of me I never would have believed existed." Traynor's face twisted with disgust as she continued, "I wanted to … I felt a need … to use my blades … to slice him into tiny pieces for what he did to Xiùlán. I went so far as to drag the point of one of my knives across his chest and down to his side … leaving a blood trail in its wake. I had the point pressed hard against his side, Traeria! I had every intention of opening 'im up on both sides and making soup of his organs. I was poised and ready … it would have been so easy, to press my blade just a bit harder. All I needed was that one … final … push."
The distraught woman abruptly stood, paced back and forth in front of the massive viewport for a few moments before stopping to stand with feet apart, forehead against the spotless clear panel. "But I couldn't bring myself to do it! I could not become that merciless killer, Traeria." Sammy paused to rein in her emotions. "I don't want to become an assassin with no conscience … such that I'll stop at nothing to make a point or gain revenge. As it was, I caused him even more pain when I shoved an omni-blade up into his chest." Traynor turned her head to look at the asari over her shoulder. "I came so close, Traeria … so damn close to simply torturing him to death! What kind of person am I that I can harbor such thoughts?" Traynor shuddered at the memories, still raw after being rescued by commandos from the Ionsaí.
"I haven't told Xiùlán. She needs to be further along her own path to being healed. I need to hold her when I tell her of the method I almost chose to end the life of the person that shot her in the leg." Traynor gulped and swallowed. "And I'm afraid to tell her, Traeria … I'm afraid she'll think me a monster and won't … she won't wish to be with me … any longer." Voice hitching in sorrow, she cried, "I don't know how she'll be able to forgive me … 'cause I don't think I can ever forgive myself!"
Traeria rose from her chair to stand behind Sammy. With hands on the distraught woman's shoulders, the asari spoke softly in her ear. "But you did not take that path, did you? You pulled yourself from the edge and refused to let evil take control of you. That person—the one who does not wish to do evil—is who you are … and is the person Xiùlán fell in love with. Perhaps, since in the end you made the correct choice and did not torture this batarian who did such harm to your loved one, you are being too hard on yourself. Looking back, if everything could again be as it was, would you make the same decision once more … travel down that same path?"
"I could not torture someone to death, Traeria." Samantha surprised XO Shoni by turning to face her; tears running down her cheeks, she coughed and stammered out, "I'll confess my actions to Xiùlán … beg her to forgive my near total lack of control in that moment. She may not completely understand this aspect of my mind, but I do not believe she will abandon me … abandon what we have together." Taking a shuddering breath, she wiped her face and thanked the asari before asking to be escorted back to her quarters.
Sam had calmed down considerably by the time Traeria stopped outside Traynor's quarters. Sam opened the hatch, then turned and threw her arms around the asari, hugging her tightly.
Initially taken aback by Traynor's actions, Traeria slowly brought her own arms up and embraced the human, returning the hug. "I do not know what I did to deserve such from you, Specialist, but thank you."
Traynor, chin on Traeria's shoulder, pulled back slightly and kissed a blue cheek. "No, thank you … for caring, Traeria. It means more to me than I can say." With that, Traynor released the asari and walked slowly into her compartment, leaving Traeria in the passageway, disbelieving about what had just happened, even as she touched her cheek in wonder.
A/N: If you'd like to see the inspiration for the choreography of Traynor's fight with the batarian dock workers, go to: www . youtube watch?v=hXCaF68sDPU (delete all the spaces when you enter the address). The video shows River Tam's bar fight in the movie Serenity.