10.

Caroline wanted to get as far out of town as she could. She needed to clear her head and think about everything that had happened over the past twenty-four hours. It was like being back in that small town took away all of her rational thinking. In New York, she was calculated, always on guard, but here in Mystic Falls she had thrown all of that to the wind.

Liz and her daughter drove east out of town towards Richmond. Caroline spent the two-hour drive making idle chitchat and attempting to come up with a plan to survive the next week. Once she was back in the big city, in her element, she would be fine. She could replace the wall that is around her heart. She could breathe; lift the enormous weight that sat on her chest every time she saw him.

She told herself time and time again that she had forgiven Nik for the way he behaved. Rationalizing that he too was young and scared, and many times placing the blame back on herself for not standing up for what she wanted and believed in. Years of therapy had told her forgiveness would make her heart feel lighter, no one wants to live with all that hurt stewing within them.

It was well after lunch time when they reached the city, so the two women decided to grab a quick meal before headed out to the shops. A café in the shopping district seemed promising. They ordered sandwiches and coffee before finding a table near the back of the restaurant.

Caroline took in a long breath, ready to tell her mother everything, but was cut off as Liz began to talk, "I saw Rebekah and her baby in the supermarket the other day. He looks so much like her, he's just adorable."

Feeling completely dejected by more baby talk, Caroline's shoulders slumped as she watched her mother admire a couple come into the restaurant with a toddler in tow. Liz continued her babble, "And Nik's kids! It's nice to see a man with good family values. I really wish that sort of happiness for you Care Bear, you would be a wonderful mother."

Caroline went pale at Liz's words and then she felt the heat rising from her chest. This wasn't the way she wanted to tell her mother but it was now or never, "I had the opportunity for that happiness when I was sixteen but Nik took it from me."

The confusion on Liz's face was understandable. Caroline continued, "Nik and I…dated before he left for college and we got pregnant." She watched her mother's face go pale. "He pretty much demanded that I get an abortion, and then he left without another word." Caroline took in a shaky breath, "So the illusion that Nik has 'good family values' is build on a foundation of bull shit."

There were tears in Liz's eyes and it took her over a minute to speak, "Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you."

Caroline had asked her self those questions so many times. "I don't know mom. It all happened so fast. Then I was too ashamed to tell anyone."

"This is unforgiveable Caroline," Liz was getting angry now.

Caroline's head hung even lower, "I understand if you don't want anything to do with me."

Liz was taken back, "What are you talking about Caroline?"

"If you can't forgive me for what I did, then I understand if you want some distance."

Her mother's features softened, "The last thing I want is distance. While I'm not supportive of pro-choice, I understand how some woman…and young girls feel like it is the only choice they have. I'm just sorry that you didn't think you could come to me with this." Liz's face turned red with embarrassment, "Oh God, and I said those things in front of him today. How could I be so blind to how much you were hurting?" Liz didn't know if she was more upset with herself or Nik.

"There is no way you would have known mom," Caroline picked at the food on her plate, "and I didn't make it easy for you to get close after it happened. I was kind of a jerk to anyone who tried to get close."

Liz reached across the table and held her daughter's hand. "I'm so sorry Caroline, tell me what I can do." Every mother wanted to take their children's pain away from them, but Liz did not have a clue how to ease a wound that had been open for this long.

"Just keep loving me." Caroline felt so small.

"I could never stop loving you Care Bear, you are my everything."

With their lunch forgotten, the woman walked arm in arm down the mostly empty street, "I'm so proud of you Caroline," Liz commented as they were standing outside of a clothing boutique.

Caroline gave her mother a soft smile through the reflection of the window, "I wanted to become someone that my child would be proud of."

Turning her head towards her daughter, Liz questioned, "And did you?"

"I'm getting there." Caroline thought about all the mistakes that she had made over the years, mostly having to do with relationships. "Mom, can I ask you something?

"Anything sweetie."

They began walking again, "After you found out about dad, how did you learn to trust men again?" Caroline's father had left the family when she was still in grade school. He had been having an affair with his co-worker, Steven.

"Well, for a long time I didn't. I poured myself into work and into raising you. But I think when it came down to it, it was less about trusting men, and more about learning to trust myself again."

Caroline let her mother's words sink in. She had spent so much time learning to forgive Nik that she never truly forgave herself. She picked relationships that she knew wouldn't work, or didn't put enough effort into them to even see if they would last. She kept everything superficial. She surrounded herself with pretty things because she felt ugly on the inside. She felt undesirable and unworthy of love.

Her phone beeped and brought her out of her thoughts. Looking down at the screen, it was a text from a number she did not recognize.

I'm truly sorry if being around my family today made you feel uncomfortable.

Caroline tucked her phone back into her purse and continued walking down the street. They went into a shop that sold handbags and other accessories. Her phone beeped again.

I would still like to tell my side to the story and answer any other questions you may have. I know you don't owe me anything Caroline, but I would really like to talk to you.

She again didn't answer his message. She did have more questions that went unanswered but she wasn't sure if she could trust herself around him so soon after last night. She hated to admit to herself, but she had not felt that amount of passion for anything in a very long time. Caroline was learning to take responsibility for her actions, and what transpired in the back seat of his car, while incredible, was wrong and reckless.

Caroline and her mother headed home shortly after dusk. The car ride was quiet, with just the sound of the radio and passing cars filling the cabin. When they got home Liz hugged her daughter. "You are so loved Caroline. Never forget that."

With a sad smile Caroline retreated to her room. She showered and settled in to bed. Not feeling hungry enough for dinner, she ate a snack bar that was still tucked into her carry on bag.

Pulling some old photo albums off the bookshelf in the corner of the room, she lay in bed thumbing through the pages of her childhood. There were pictures of her dad taking her fishing, the first day of middle school, her 14th birthday party. At the back of the album were pictures of her and Bekah, making kiss faces at the camera and them on the cheer squad. The life in the pictures seemed so far away. There was a picture of her and Nik at one of the Homecoming dances, goofing off down in the Mikaealson basement, and on the camping trip to the falls. Caroline closed the album and got up from the bed. She walked over to her closet and pulling the old shoebox down from the top shelf with shaky hands.

Inside were pictures that they had taken while they were dating. She flipped through the glossy prints, ones of them lying in the field together or stealing a kiss in the parking lot of the school. There were dried flowers in the box and movie ticket stubs. At the bottom of the box was the black journal that Nik had given her for Christmas.

Flipping through the pages there was no denying that at one point Nik had truly loved her. She wondered what would have happened if they had kept the baby. What would their life be like? Would they have married or would they have grown apart through the pursuit of their careers?

Caroline shook the thoughts from her mind. She pulled her phone off the nightstand and looked at his text, reading them over and over, typing out a reply and then deleting it a million times.

Finally around eleven o'clock that night she hit send.

Nik had been checking his phone all day. He checked the number on her business card for the tenth time, just to make sure he had sent the message to the right person.

After an early dinner the kids wanted to go swimming. Lily, wearing her Little Mermaid swimsuit ran up to her father. "Is Ms. Caroline coming?"

He didn't know how to explain the situation to his daughter, so he stuck to the facts. "Not today sweetheart. She is spending time with her mom."

Being the ever-resilient child, Lily ran off towards the pool where the rest of the family had already gathered without a second mention of Caroline. Nik looked to his son who was quietly playing with a hand held game system. "You okay bud?" he asked taking a seat next to his son.

Henrik paused his game and threw the unit on the couch. "I miss mom," he whispered.

Nik exhaled and leaded back on the couch. These moments were becoming fewer, but Henrik was old enough when Hayley passed to have remembered his mother. "I know Hen, I miss her too." Most times this was all he could offer his son.

Five years ago Hayley and him had tried marriage counseling and a year after that they were in mediation going over divorce terms and custody. Hayley started missing more work, complaining of a stomach flu that she just couldn't kick. The diagnosis of pancreatic cancer came a few weeks later. They had put their divorce on hold while they searched for treatment options. Hayley tried some radiation, but it was only palliative. She was put on hospice and died within the year.

Through all of the marital issues that Hayley and Nik had, he would never wish for his children to be motherless. Lily was too young and the family tried to keep her from the more unsightly realities that come with dying of cancer. But Henrik refused to leave his mother's side. "Just know that where ever you are, she is looking out for you. She would be so proud of you Hen."

"Is it okay if I go up to my room?" Henrik was no longer in the mood to join the laughter and fun that was happening on the other side of the patio doors.

"Sure, just let me know if you need me." Nik hugged his son and watched him pad up the stairs.

That night, long after everyone had gone to bed, Nik sat up in his room just staring blankly at the ceiling. After last night with Caroline he felt utterly lost. There was no doubt that he still had feelings for her, but he also realized that she was toying with him, perhaps out of spite or to prove a point. All he knew is that he had no idea what he was doing.

A buzz and a light came from the bedside table and he turned to look at his phone. Caroline had replied.

Ok.

Never have two little letters ever made him feel this nervous.

He knew that she had more questions about his life in London. He could see it in the pained expression she got each time she saw his children. He needed her to know how that afternoon in late July had also changed him.

Caroline waited a few minutes, wondering if her text had woke him, then her phone lit up.

9am tomorrow at the house, if you are comfortable with that?

Was she comfortable with meeting at the Manor? She knew that the subject matter that they would be discussed needed privacy. She trusted herself to not have a repeat preformed from last night.

See you then.

She hit send and then placed her phone back on the side table. Sleep took over easily but her mind raced with questions and scenarios that had plagued her for years.

The next morning Caroline sat in the kitchen having breakfast with her mother. "So what are your plans for the day?" Liz asked pouring herself a cup of coffee.

Caroline pushed her eggs around her plate, "I'm going to talk to Nik."

"Do you think that is such a good idea?" Liz sat on the stool next to her daughter.

"I need answers. There are some things I need to know in order to completely move on."

Liz understood closure. When Bill had left her for another man, she had tons of questions. She had doubted her worth as a woman, having been unable to keep her husband interested. It wasn't until she was able to sit down with Bill and ask the tough questions that helped her realize that it was nothing that she did wrong.

"Just be careful, and know that I am here for you, always." Liz leaded over and kissed her daughter on the top of the head. No matter how big they get, a mother will always want to comfort her child.

Caroline cleared her plate and went back to her room to get ready. She pulled outfit after outfit out of the closet. She finally huffed out, "Who are you trying to impress Caroline?" before settling on a pair of linen shorts and a cotton blouse.

She stretched out the drive to his house by pausing a few extra seconds at each stop sign and circling the town square twice. Despite her procrastination, she arrived at the Mikaelson home only five minutes late. Nik was standing at the front door as she turned off the ignition.

"Hey," he awkwardly waved at her, "thanks for coming over."

"Yeah, thanks for reaching out." She walked up the stairs and into the house. It was eerily quiet, their voices echoed around the home. "Where is everyone?"

Nik cursed himself for not telling her that they would be alone. "They all went down to the falls. If you want to do this some other time…"

Caroline thought of bolting for a moment but then cut him off, "There won't be another time Nik. Let's get this over with."

He ushered her towards the study off the living room. "Can I get you anything to drink?" he offered.

"I don't think it's wise for us to be drinking around each other and I'm not really a morning drunk." Caroline's tone was curt.

The smile that usually made Caroline melt came over Nik's face, "I was referring to water, tea, or coffee sweetheart."

"Oh," Caroline blushed. "Water would be fine, thank you."

Nik turned out of the room. Caroline took this time to look around. The room was pretty much unchanged since the last time she had been in there. She walked over the large oak desk that dominated one side of the room and ran her hands along the smooth lacquered finish.

The night of Nik's graduation party he had pulled her into this room and kissed her within an inch of her life. Her breathing picked up as she closed her eyes and remembered a more simple time.

She was brought back by Nik reentering the room, "I figured we could sit here," he pointed to a pair of couches by the fireplace.

Caroline sat opposite him and said a small thank you when he passed her a bottle of water.

They were quiet for a moment, neither one knowing where to start. Nik finally opened his mouth, "I can't say it enough, but I am so sorr…"

Caroline held up her hand, "I'm done with hearing sorry."

"Then what would you like to hear?"

She screwed the top off her water and took a small sip. "What was different about her?"

Nik looked at a loss.

"Why were you ready to have Hayley's child not even a year and a half after we…"

Taking in a large breath he was expecting this question. "What I did to us. What I did to you, was wrong. I knew it the second you walked into the back of that clinic."

"Why didn't you stop me?" Caroline looked hurt and confused.

He ran his hands through his hair, "I have no idea. I spent the whole time sitting in the waiting room hating myself. Then when you can out and I saw how broken you looked, I knew you hated me too." He shook his head and then got back on point. "But you asked about Hayley. I wasn't ready for that either. Henrik was a surprise, just like…our baby had been."

"What was so special about her that you stayed?" Caroline was starting to get upset.

Nik took a moment to think, "Nothing."

Caroline looked even more hurt.

"Look Caroline, I wish I could tell you that she was the love my life and that is what made the difference, but I can't."

"I don't understand…"

He leaned forward, placing his elbow on his knees, "After what I did to you, I couldn't do it again. It wasn't her that was the difference, it was me." He paused to take a breath, "Everyone told Hayley and I that we should terminate, but I fought it this time. I had already lost out on one opportunity to have a child with the girl that I loved."

She did everything she could to prevent the tears from trailing down her cheeks. When one single tear broke free, she wiped it away as quickly as she could.

"I just couldn't go through that pain again."

Barking out a laugh, she wiped at her tears again, "What would you know about that pain?"

Nik stood and started to pace, "I lost a child too, Caroline. You weren't the only one having to deal with that pain alone. Aside from Elijah, no one knew what I had done. I had the ghost of you and our child follow me every day."

"Why didn't you reach out to me?" Caroline couldn't predict how she would have acted it he would have come to her twelve years ago, "We could have grieved together. We could have…"

"There would have been no 'us' to come back to. Not after the way I treated you. That was unforgivable."

"I had no idea it affected you that much. I always thought you didn't care."

"How could I not care?" Nik voice rose for the first time since they stated talking.

Caroline sat forward in her seat. "Well, skipping out of town didn't help your case."

"I killed our child Caroline." He looked into the unlit fireplace, unable to meet her eyes, "I may be selfish but I'm not a monster."

"I never said you were a monster…"

He moved from his spot and approached her, kneeling down in front of her. "Our love was pure and simple. It was true. And we created life from that love and I killed it Caroline. I am so sorry."

Caroline had never seen Nik cry, but the grown man in front of her was sobbing. She stood quickly and practically ran to the other side of the room, her own tears running down her face and her arms wrapped protectively around her torso. She had to put distance between them for fear of her compassionate side and the small piece of her that still loved him would cause her do something reckless. "You made me believe that I was the only one who was suffering."

Nik moved from his kneeling position and sat on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest and his back against the couch. "Would you have believed me if I told you how much it hurt?"

She didn't have an answer for him because she knew he was right. If he had come back to her months or years after it happened, it would have seemed as if he was saving face or trying to clear his own conscience.

"Sometimes the only thing that kept my sane was trying to be the best father to Henrik and later Lily. I wanted our child to be proud of me. I wanted you to be proud of me."

Caroline had said the same words to her mother the day prior. For so long she was led to believe that she was the only one that felt the void in her life where her baby belonged. "So what do we do now Nik?"

He wiped the tears from his face but stayed seated on the floor shrugging his shoulders. Caroline crossed the room towards him like a person approaches a scared animal. Retaking her seat on the couch, she reached out a shaky hand and placed it on his shoulder.

Her touch was like water to a man dying of thirst. Nik moved his left hand to his right shoulder, covering her slender hand with his own. This is the first time that some one has been able to grieve with him. He turned her hand over and kissed her palm as a sign of gratitude.

Caroline pulled her hand away as if she has been burned. The place on her palm where he kissed landed radiating heat up her arm towards her heart. "I can't do this."

"So the other night was a one off then?" Nik let his hand fall back down to his side.

Caroline stood up again and retrieved her bag. "We can't be anything to each other. We are just casualties of our circumstance." She turned and started towards the door, stopping for one last moment, "You were right about something though."

Nik was still sitting with his head in his hands; she could only see the back of his head. "What is that sweetheart?"

"Our love was pure and simple. We could have been great, our family could have been great. As much as we both wish we could go back and do it all over again, we have to live with the choices we made."

He now stood from his spot, his eyes pierced into her. "I choose you Caroline."

Her breathing picked up again, "It's too late for that."

"Is it?" he pleaded.

"I wish this all turned out differently," Caroline's sad smile spoke volumes. "I wish you and your children all the best Nik. Good bye."

And she was gone.