11.
It was almost noon when Caroline returned to her mother's home. She sat in her car for an extra minute, cleaning up her running eye makeup before going into the house.
"How did it go?" Liz asked as she looked up from her book.
Caroline flopped down on the couch next to her mom. "Better than I expected."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
Liz patted her daughter's leg, "Well you know I'm here if you need me."
They both sat in silence for a long time. Liz went back to reading her book and Caroline just stared at the generic painting of an English garden that hung on the wall opposite her.
"So when are you leaving?" Liz said without taking her eyes off her book.
Caroline sighed, "I'm going to change my flight for tomorrow. "
"You'll miss your reunion."
"There will be others." Caroline leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. "I'm sorry that I'm cutting my vacation short."
Liz turned and kissed Caroline's forehead. "All I care about is if you will be okay?"
"I think I will be. I really think that everything will be okay."
They sat for a few more minutes before Caroline excused herself to go get cleaned up.
"I'll order some food and we will have a girls night in," Liz called from behind her.
Caroline thought about how lucky she was to have a mother like Liz. It had been just the two of them for a long time, and she was thankful for their close relationship.
After her shower Caroline logged on to her airline account and changed her flight to leave out of Richmond at 3pm the next day. Slipping into some comfortable pajamas, she rejoined her mother in the living room.
"Food should be here in the next fifteen minutes. Hope you are okay with Chinese."
"That's perfect, I'll pick out a movie." Caroline scrolled through the chick flick titles on Netflix.
Liz walked in with a bowl of popcorn and two glasses of wine.
Their evening was spent eating way too much food, drinking way too much wine, and enjoying each other's company. Caroline fell asleep on the couch during their third movie of the night. Liz carefully covered her with a blanket.
Her daughter looked like an angel, all blonde curls and pale skin. She couldn't believe everything that her little girl had gone through. She wished that Caroline had told her. She would have been supportive. She would have helped her raise the baby. She would have given anything to prevent her daughter from this type of pain.
Liz finished cleaning up the left over food and then headed for bed, stopping one last time to look in on Caroline before she turned off the hall light.
Caroline spent most of the next morning packing up her belongings and finalizing her travel details. By 11:30 her rental car was packed and she was ready to go.
"Thank you for everything mom," Caroline hugged her mother so tight and didn't want to let her go.
"Anything for you baby." Liz cupped her daughter's face in her hands, "I love you and are so proud of you."
A single tear rolled down Caroline's face. "I love you too. Please come to New York for my birthday. I don't think that I can wait until Thanksgiving."
Liz smiled sweetly, "Of course honey."
They hugged for another long moment before Caroline pulled away. She picked up her purse and presented her mother with an envelope. "Can you give this to Rebekah for me?"
"Sure," Liz stated, somewhat concerned. "Should I know what is in it?"
Caroline smiled, "Just another apology and an invitation for her and April to come up for Fashion Week in September."
"She will love that Care."
"I really have to go or I'll miss my flight."
Liz hugged her daughter one more time, "I love you. See you in October."
The drive to Richmond was uneventful. The tightness in her chest began to loosen with each mile she put between Nik and herself. Soon there would be a whole ocean between them and she could go back to not thinking about him.
Caroline cleared security and was seated in first class shortly before three o'clock. She was able to turn off her phone when beeped.
You left?
His words were simple. Just as she felt the string of fate that seemed to bind them give just a little, it was pulled tight once more. Caroline turned her phone off and prepared for the short flight back to her life in New York.
Summer in New York was stifling. It was the kind of heat that seemed to settle just above the streets and stay for months. It wasn't uncommon for Caroline to sweat through her silk blouse and have to change when she got into work.
Somehow she has picked to the only cap in the entire city that didn't have running air conditioning. By the time she was deposited at the curb in front of the impressive glass building, there was no saving her outfit, hair, or make up.
"Eight o'clock and you already look like you have been rung through the ringer." Sophie, Caroline's assistance, quipped her remark from behind a rack of clothing.
Sophie had worked for Caroline for over a year now. A transplant from New Orleans, she had worked her way up from the retail side of Saks. Caroline had been visiting a store in the Big Easy when she has run across the spunky brunette who had went against company policy and was dressing the displays as she saw fit. Caroline had seen a quality in the young woman, pure talent where fashion was concerned. Caroline had offered Sophie a job on the spot and they had been unstoppable ever since.
Caroline was already peeling off her soaked top and pulling a fresh garment off the hanger that Sophie was holding out to her. "Don't blame me," Caroline kicked off her shoes and pulled at the zipper of her skirt, "blame this stupid heat wave." She slipped in to a pencil skirt and pulled her limp curls up into a French twist.
She snapped the compact of pressed powder shut after taking the shine off her nose and forehead. "What's on the agenda today?"
Sophie came back around the corner from the kitchen and handed her boss a plastic cup with a green straw, "Skinny caramel latte with an extra shot…iced of course."
"You are the best Sophie." The blonde downed half her coffee at once, before walking over to the racks of clothing that needed to be weeded through.
"So how was your time in Hick Town?" Sophie rolled yet another rack into the room.
Over the past year, Sophie and herself had become close, but not even the dark eyed girl across the room who was anxiously awaiting a reply knew about her shameful past. "It was amazing spending time with my mom and I got to reconnect with my best friend from high school."
She knew her boss too well, "Why do I feel there is more?"
Caroline could feel the heat on her cheeks and cursed her pale skin.
"You're blushing. You only blush when boys are involved. What happened? Who did you do?"
One down fall to working with her best friend was that Sophie knew all about Caroline's failed relationship and countless one night stands. She felt safe throwing her assistant a bone. "Just a guy I dated in high school," she said with a sway of her hand.
Sophie narrowed her eyes at Caroline, not trusting the nonchalant attitude that she was throwing around. She decided to pull more information out of her over drinks later that night. "What ever you say boss. We have a lot of racks to get through, so lets get started."
It was six o'clock at night when Caroline started to rub her temples. They had sorted the clothing in to racks of Yes, No, and Maybe. "If I have to look at another tweed jacket I might scream."
"Drinks at Prima?"
Caroline threw her note book down on her desk and grabbed her purse, "Oh, yes please." None of the drinks at the Grill could come close to the robust Italian wines that were served at Prima.
It was a short cab ride to the bar and Caroline was thankful that they were seated quickly. Even as the sun was setting, the heat refused to give way. The restaurant was cool and the wine was superb.
"So tell me about the guy," Sophie asked taking a sip of her wine.
Caroline knew that she couldn't avoid the questions, so she provided just enough information to satisfy her friend. "Just a high school fling. We ran into each other and had a good time."
Sophie gave her a hard look over her glass, "You gave me more detail about the purse you bought in Richmond." She saw the blonde squirm, "Sorry if I'm pushing. The last time I had any kind of excitement with the opposite sex was months ago."
Feeling slightly foolish, Caroline sighed. She trusted Sophie and usually they told each other everything about their flings and short-lived relationship. Working at the same demanding job put them both in the 'you never have time for us' column where men were concerned.
"He's the big brother of my best friend from high school," she started.
Sophie cooed, "It's always the big brother."
Caroline laughed. "It started off innocent enough, but our feelings grew. He was my first love."
"So what happened?"
"He went off to college and that was the end of it." Caroline kept it short and sweet.
"Tragic." Sophie drained her glass and refilled from the bottle on the table.
Caroline rolled her eyes, "Very. But all ends well. Look at us, fashionable young women living in New York, at the top of our games."
"Okay, so now I have the back story. What happened between you two when you went home?"
A blush crept over Caroline's cheeks. "We got a little tipsy and hooked up."
Sophie laughed, "Oh please tell me it was on his twin size bed with super hero sheets."
Caroline swatted at her friend. "No, he never had a twin bed or super hero sheets." She mumbled the next part into her glass, "It was the back seat of his car."
"Oh, Caroline. That is so classy."
"Like you have room to talk, elevator at the Plaza."
"Touché," Sophie shot back, holding out her wine glass for a refill. "He was an Ambassador though." She held a far off dreamy look on her face.
"I'll make you a deal," Caroline said setting the bottle back on the table. "I won't mention the Ambassador again if you don't mention back seat boy."
"Deal."
They clinked glasses and sipped at their wine.
The summer went by in a blur. While Saks wasn't known for carrying lavish couture garments, they still had to stay ahead of the curve with the upcoming spring fashions. Caroline and Sophie were burning the midnight oil all the way up to the second week of September.
"Stop looking at samples and go home." Sophie yelled at her boss as she watched the blonde franticly shuffling through racks of dresses.
"I just need one more."
Sophie looked at the ten dresses that were on the rack by the door and rolled her eyes. She had already selected her dress for the high profile shows on Tuesday and didn't know what was making Caroline so indecisive. They had already been to five shows this week, including the Caroline Herrera show earlier this morning.
Caroline's phone beeped and she picked up her pace, pulling a sapphire blue gown off the rack. "Alright, I'm done. Have these sent to my apartment please and I will see you for tomorrow night's event." She turned one more time and called out, "Let me know how goes in the morning."
Before Sophie could blink, her boss was out the door. She ran her hands over Caroline's choices and smiled, "Well hot damn." There was not doubt why Caroline was considered the best. Her picks were beautiful, all unique in their own way, by different designers, but they flowed perfectly together.
The traffic going up town was horrible. Caroline kept checking her phone, worried that she would be late. She knew it was foolish to get in those last few hours at the office, but she had not been promoted to VP by cutting corners.
It was shortly after seven when she pulled up to her building and drew out a sign of relief as she read the text that just came through.
Taking the scenic rough though the park. Cabbie said we should be there in 10.
This gave her enough time to run up stairs and make sure the guest room was all in order. Caroline had ordered in a maid service to clean up the apartment since she had not even had a moment to do the dishes all week.
The apartment looked amazing. Fresh cut flowers were placed around the home and it smelled luxurious. The guest bed was perfectly made and there wasn't a water spot to be found on the glass shower.
Before she knew it, the buzzer on the intercom as sounding and the high-pitched voice was filling her home. "Care! Let us in."
Caroline's curls swung as she shook her head. She pushed the button on the box by the door, "Come on in. I'll meet you in the lobby." Grabbing her keys, she caught the elevator and was almost bouncing with excitement.
She heard her friends voice before the elevator doors slid open. "Be careful with that!" Rebekah was yelling at the poor cab driver that had been nice enough to help them in with the bags.
April stood off to the side with a loving smile on her face as she held Liam in his car carrier. It looked like they had packed enough for a month when they were only staying for a week. Caroline went to help the cab driver.
"Bekah! I'm so glad you made it safe." Caroline quietly asked the driver if there were any other bags before slipping him a $20 and telling him to run while he still could. The young man took off with a smile.
Finally seeing that all the bags were in order, Rebekah turned towards her girlhood friend before running into an embrace. "I wouldn't miss this for the world Care. Thank you so much for having us."
Their fast paced chatter was stopped short by the shrill cry of Liam that echoed around the lobby. "Let's get this stuff up stairs and get the baby settled," April interjected as she threw the diaper bag over her shoulder.
It took Caroline and April two trips to get everything up the elevator. Rebekah stayed in the apartment to feed Liam. "Your view is amazing," commented Bekah as she paced by the windows, feeding smock draped over her chest.
"Thank you," Caroline stated bashfully. She was proud of her success and the little place in the world that she had carved out. But watching her friend cradle the now six month old baby, she would give up the view and the clothes and the round the world trips, if she could just go back twelve years and make a different choice.
Snapping herself out of yet another daydream, Caroline walked into the kitchen, "Are you guys okay with delivery tonight?"
"Oh, how about some of that world famous New York pizza?" Asked April as she carried the pack-n-play into the guest room.
Rebekah nodded her head as she pulled a now milk-drunk Liam from under the smock. "I would really like to wash up after that flight," said Rebekah as she crossed the room. "Do you mind holding him? He should sleep for a while, it's been an exciting day."
Caroline didn't have time to answer before she had a very sleepy baby placed in her arms. "Hey there little man," Caroline cooed. "You are going to get to explore this big city and your mama is going to get to wear some very pretty things." She didn't really know what to talk to a sleeping baby about, but she just couldn't help but be completely mesmerized by him.
She shifted the baby so that he was lying against her chest and pulled the take out menus from the drawer in the kitchen. Nick's Pizza was the simple choice and within five minutes she has her delivery order placed.
Rebekah and April came out of the guest room in clean cloths and it even looked like Bekah had showered. April saw the stunned look on Caroline's face and commented, "When you have a baby, you learn to shower in about three minutes."
Caroline smiled, "I hope you still like sausage and mushroom."
"That's perfect. Feeding two people is hard work." Bekah joked as she went to the fridge to look for bottled water.
April took Liam from Caroline's arms and whispered that she was going to get him changed. "He's a pretty cool kid huh?" Asked Rebekah.
Caroline's eyes followed Liam until he was out of sight. "He sure is." She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before asking, "How did you know it was the right time?"
Bekah sat down next to her friend at the bar, "I don't really know. I mean April and I had been together since high school and I know a big part of it was waiting for gay marriage to be legalized." She took a sip of her water and continued, "April is set in her career and we were comfortable enough for me to quit my job for while." She looked over at Caroline and saw that she was a million miles away, "I'm sorry for what happened with Nik…"
"We're not talking about that. It's done. Doesn't need another mention," Caroline cut.
Bekah took a breath, "To tell you the truth, you are never really ready for a kid. This is another human life that depends on you for everything. I think we got to the point that it just felt right."
"I always wonder…" started Caroline, "but it does no good living in the past." She walked over the stove and picked up the kettle, filling it with water and placing it back on the burner. "How did you…you know…do it?" she asked sheepishly over her shoulder.
Her response started with a giggle, "Well we didn't use a turkey baster if that is what you are wondering."
"Hey, no judgment if you did," laughed Caroline.
"We picked a guy from a book and left the rest up to the doctors."
Caroline was surprised that it seemed so simple. Like picking out a hair style, but at the end of it all you have a baby. A million thoughts ran through her mind all at once, but she was brought back by a knock on the door.
"Wow delivery is fast here," Rebekah mused.
Caroline went to answer the door and it was Cliff her normal delivery guy, but instead of food it had a rack of beautiful gowns.
"Good evening Ms. Forbes. Sophie asked me to drop these by."
The rack was rolled in and Rebekah couldn't believe her eyes. "This might be better than food." She felt as if she was drawn to the silks and taffetas and her legs moved her closer on their own accord.
Cliff ducked out with a short 'See you later' and Caroline had to laugh at her friend who was practically drooling over the dresses. She rolled the rack over by the windows so that it wouldn't be in the way and Bekah followed as if she was tied to the poles.
"Are all of these yours?" Bekah asked while runner her hands down a plum colored gown.
"The ones I don't like will go back to the designer, but I didn't know what would look best on you so I brought options."
Bekah's eyes got round, "For me?"
Caroline laughed, "Well when I told the designers that I had a beautify blonde friend who would be sitting front row with me, they jumped at the chance to dress you."
Before another word could be said, Bekah had her arms thrown around Caroline. "Don't think you can steal my woman with sequins and rhinestones," April walked back in without Liam.
The women laughed and it felt natural and easy, like back in high school when they didn't have a care in the world.
The food arrived shortly after and with Liam down for a nap, the three women were able to sit at the bar and indulge in some of the best pizza Bekah and April had ever tasted.
Liam woke half way through dinner and demanded to be fed as well.
"Do you think you will want more?" Caroline asked. She wondered how it worked in a same sex relationship. Would April want to have a child as well or had they agreed that Bekah would carry the children?
April smiled down into her teacup, giving her wife a side glance. "Don't give me that look," Bekah caught on. "Don't get me wrong," she continued. "I won't trade anything for Liam, but I didn't have the most pleasant pregnancy."
Caroline had been so early in her pregnancy when she had the abortion that apart from a little morning sickness and bloating, she hadn't felt any different. "But would you do it again?"
"In a heart beat," Bekah answered without a pause.
"I hope you don't mind, but Bex told me about what happened with you and Nik." April's gaze slid from Caroline, to her wife, and back.
Caroline shifted on her bar stool, "It's okay. I wouldn't expect her to keep something like that from you."
April's soft smile and large eyes shows genuine empathy, "Seeing Rebekah give birth was one of the most awe-inspiring display of love and strength, and I'm sorry that was taken from you."
Tears were forming in Caroline's eyes and she didn't want this trip to be about the past. She wanted to be able to move forward with her friendship with Rebekah and April. "I have forgiven him…and myself. I hope one day to try again for a family."
"You have a good heart," said April. "Any child would be lucky to have you as a mom."
A sob came from Rebekah's direction and the two other women looked on with concern, "You know my hormones are still all jacked up and you go and have a heart to heart like that and expect me not to be a mess?"
April leaned over a kissed her wife. "I'm sorry Beks. How about you take Liam into the bedroom for his supper and see if you can get him down for the night."
Rebekah took the squirming baby and walked off toward the guest room humming Greensleeves.
"You are going to try, aren't you?" April asked once Bekah was out of earshot.
Caroline was taken back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
April smiled, "Did Bekah ever tell you what I do for a living?"
Caroline shook her head slowly.
"I'm a psychiatrist."
"So you can see right through me, can't you?" Caroline whispered.
Again, April smiled. "I think it's great. It will be hard on your own, but easier than it would have been at sixteen."
Feeling the need to busy herself, Caroline got up from her stool and started collected dishes. "I don't think it will be any time soon, just a thought that has been rolling around in my head ever since coming home. I don't want it getting back to Nik or having him feel that he somehow influenced my choice."
"I won't tell anyone. Consider this doctor, patient privilege. But if you have any questions about the process, or just need someone to talk to…"
"Thank you for that," Caroline said as April leaned across the island and placed her hand over the blonde's.
"I think I got him down for the night and I'm going to turn in as well," Rebekah said walking back into the living room.
April shot one more understanding smile towards Caroline before following her wife, "Right behind you Beks."
The next morning was a flurry of excitement. They were getting ready to spend the morning at the Central Park Zoo.
"He won't remember anything from this trip," April called out as she packed yet another outfit into the diaper bag.
Rebekah huffed from the bathroom, "I don't know the next time we will be in New York so we are seeing all the sights."
April personally thought it was foolish to drag a baby all over the city, but she knew when to pick her battles with her wife. "Okay, but I draw the line at going to the top of the Empire State Building."
The zoo was small and it took less then two hours to walk through. They ate lunch in the park and then headed back to the apartment. "What are your plans for the evening?" Rebekah asked as she stepped out of the shower.
Caroline and Rebekah were going to the Marc Jacobs and Oscar de la Renta shows while April was staying at the apartment with the Liam. "I think we will just have a low key night. It's been a while since it's been just me and him."
Rebekah trailed her fingers over the nude and pale pink dress that hung on the hook behind the bathroom door. "Thank you for doing this."
"Of course Beks. Now hurry up and start to get ready." April tapped her wife on the butt as she walked out of the bathroom to collect a fussy Liam.
Caroline was across the apartment in her bedroom, setting hot curlers in her hair. The sapphire blue dress was spread over the bed and with one last plump of mascara her makeup was perfect.
A Towncar picked them up and they piled into the back, "This is my assistant and friend Sophie," Caroline introduced the two women.
"So you are Rebekah," Sophie stuck out her hand. "I've heard so much about you."
Rebekah was practically buzzing with excitement. "It's so good to meet you Sophie. You look fabulous by the way."
Sophie was in a slinky black dress that glittered every time she moved. "You went with the modified '95 Dior. Nice pick."
"Told you it would look perfect on her," Caroline interjected. "The coloring is perfect for her tone."
It had been a long time since Bekah had been complemented for her fashion. For the past year her life had been about comfort and Liam. There was no question that April made her feel desired and loved, but keeping up with the current fashion trends had taken a back burner once Liam had become a reality. "Apart from my wedding day, this is the nicest dress that I've worn in a while."
Caroline tried to imagine how her life would change with the addition of a child. Would she have to step down from her job or could she keep up with the fast pace of the fashion industry? Would she still be taken seriously if her belly was bulging and she couldn't fit into the designer size two samples? She was brought out of her thoughts when they pulled up to the Lincoln Center where the first even was being held.
It was close to nine o'clock when they left the after party. "I can't believe that you travel all over the world doing this and get paid for it," Bekah sighed as she slumped into the back of the hired car.
Sophie piled in after Rebekah and Caroline slipped in last, immediately pulling off her heels and rubbing her sore feet. "It has it's perks, but I am looking forward to have a few days off to show you and April around the city."
"How long are you in town for?" asked Sophie.
"April has to be back at work on Monday, so we are headed back to Atlanta on Saturday."
The car filled with chatter about the designs that had been displayed at the shows and within ten minutes they were dropping Sophie off at her home in SoHo. The drive back up town was stop and go. Both women fell into silence and Caroline watched Bekah look at the city through the dark windows.
"Do you think I could watch Liam tomorrow night?" Caroline asked.
Rebekah didn't know what to say. It wasn't that she didn't trust Caroline, but she also knew that her friend didn't have a lot of experience with watching a baby. "I have to check with April, but I don't see why not."
Caroline felt her friend's unease. "I just thought that maybe you and April would like a night out alone."
"Thank you Care," Bekah whispered, reaching out and grabbing her friend's hand. "Thank you for being such a wonderful friend."
The rest of the drive was quiet. The woman turned in for the night shortly after returning home. For the first time in a long time, Caroline fell asleep not plagued by the past, but looking forward to the future.