13.
The next few days were a whirlwind. Caroline attended three to four shows per day and by the time she returned to the hotel each night her feet were swollen and she was ready for long soaks in the tub.
She sent emails full of pictures and notes back to Sophie who was holding down the fort in New York. The obligated phone calls to her mother and Bekah were made and she was happy to have a relaxing Saturday morning before the big name shows that night.
Last month when word got around to some of the designers that Caroline was pregnant they started to approach her with offers of maternity clothes. She was geared up to wear an Isabella Oliver dress to the Saturday show. The dress some how made her feel sexy although most days she just felt bloated.
Caroline absent-mindedly rubbed her stomach as she rode the train from London to Brighton for the day. She didn't have to be back into the city until later that evening and she wanted to get in some shopping in the seaside village.
Most of the people on the train were other tourists or families wanting to escape the city for the day. Caroline watched couples in private conversations and mothers fussing with their children's coats. She couldn't wait to meet her child and she let her mind drift during the hour ride.
The city was beautiful and she giggled to herself remembering that Brighton was where all the Officers were in Pride and Prejudice. Each year when she came to London she made a point to go to another place featured in the book and the great homes that were used in the motion pictures. Her favorite locations so far were Chatsworth House in Derbyshire and the city of Bath.
Once she arrived in the city she spent some time walking through the Royal Pavilion and admiring the art at the Museum before taking a taxi to North Laine. She had afternoon tea in a café and then spent a few hours shopping. It was after three in the afternoon by the time she headed back to the station to catch the train back into the city.
It took her only a short time to get ready for the evening shows. Her hair hung in soft curls and the gray dress hugged her new curvy body. Short-heeled ankle boots finished off her outfit and she took a taxi to the arts center.
All of the Saks reps were at this show and expected to attend the after party. Caroline could have done without the bumping music and overwhelming smell of alcohol and sweat, but she planned to get in and out as soon as she possible. An hour into the party she had made her rounds and had more people touch her stomach than she was comfortable with.
"That last show was amazing, don't you think?" yelled Guy, who worked in the European market.
Caroline took a sip of her tonic and lime before answering, "It was. I am really impressed with what is coming out of London this year."
Guy started to sway to the music, "So what are you doing after this?"
She had to laugh. Here she was, three months pregnant and still men were trying to pick her up. She had really started to show a few weeks ago. On her small frame the noticeable bump couldn't be mistaken for just a few extra pounds. "Hopefully leaving soon. By myself." She added the last part when his eyes got big with promise.
"Sorry," he called over the music. "I didn't see a ring so I assumed you were available."
"Unbelievable," Caroline muttered under her breath with a roll of her eyes.
Seeing that he wouldn't be getting anywhere with the blonde, Guy nodded his head and moved along. "See you at the meeting on Monday."
Caroline took this as her opportunity to slip out of the party. She was thankful for the line of cabs outside of the club and within thirty minutes she was in her pajamas and settled in with one of her pregnancy books.
Sleep came easy and she was looking forward to the next day where she would test the waters of friendship with Nik and maybe have some time to explore the city.
The wake up call from the hotel's front desk came at nine. Caroline padded around the room, checking her email and sipping at warm tea she had ordered from room service. Drawing back the drapes she could see it was another rainy day in London.
Around ten her cell phone buzzed from the bedside table. It was a local number and she could only assume it was him. The voice on the other end of the line was like velvet.
"Hey Caroline, are you still free for lunch?"
She paced over to the window, "I am. What did you have in mind? I haven't even had breakfast so I'm up for anything."
He chuckled, "There is a place right around the corner from your hotel called The Breakfast Club. If I remember correctly, you are a fan of French toast."
Caroline stomach growled in response to his suggestion. She had forgotten to take care of herself on this trip and had missed at least two meals in the past four days. "How soon can you get there?" She asked eagerly.
"It will take me about an hour to get into the city."
She could hear shuffling on the other end of the line, like he was gathering his belongings. "See you then." Caroline ended the call and went for the shower. She still had eye make up on from the night before that had smeared around her eyes.
After a quick shower she dressed in leggings, boots, and a sweater dress. It was still chilly outside and she needed the extra warmth. With her coat pulled over her shoulders and purse slung across her body, she headed down to the lobby and asked for a cab to be called. The last thing she needed was to catch a cold from walking in the cold rain.
Even though it had been over an hour since her phone call with Nik, she couldn't help but let her mind wonder as she waited for the cab. The extra minutes gave her time to think. It had been a year and a half since they had seen each other and she had no idea what to expect from this meeting.
A lot had changed during their time apart and Caroline felt that she finally knew who she was, without the looming darkness of her past. She replayed her last conversation with Nik. Just knowing that someone else in this world shared her pain was enough to help her get to this point.
When she had started the process at the fertility clinic, it had been recommended that she attend counseling. Caroline had been honest during the pre-screening and admitted to the previous termination and the emotional consequences of that action. That six months of therapy made her sitting here, pregnant, waiting for a cab, to go have a meal with the man that had started it all, not as nerve wracking as it should have been.
The restaurant was about five blocks from the hotel. Nik was waiting just inside the door for her. His hair was slightly damp from the rain and he seemed to stand up straighter when he saw her enter.
They stood in front of each other in awkward silence. "It's good to see you Nik," Caroline spoke first, offering her hand in greeting.
Nik dumbly looked at her before reaching out and wrapping his fingers around her hand. He felt a handshake was too pedestrian for past lovers, but he also wasn't willing to push her limits. "You're cold," he noted by the temperature of her hand. "Let's get something warm in you." He turned red when he realized what he had just said, "I mean a drink…a warm drink."
Caroline covered her mouth to suppress a giggle, "Lead the way." She enjoyed this bumbling version of Nik, so unlike the cool and collected man she was used to.
Approaching the hostess station a young pretty red head greeted them with a smile, "How many today?" Her nametag read Tessa.
"Two please," Nik answered, totally oblivious that the hostess was batting her eyes at him.
They were led to a booth and Tessa gave them both menus.
Their waiter came over within a few minutes and Caroline was thankful that she wouldn't have to endure a whole meal of another young girl flirting with Nik. Not that she could stake a claim on him or knew if he was seeing anyone, but a shot a jealousy had run through her when Tessa's gaze had lingered on her brunch companion.
Caroline ordered tea while Nik opted for coffee. They ordered brunch and both laughed nervously before making small talk.
"How are Henrik and Lily?" Caroline asked as she added milk to her tea.
"They are great. Doing so well in school. Lily is in dance and Henrik is becoming a moody pre-teen. If he's not careful he may end up at boarding school." His eyes lit up when taking about his children.
Caroline realized in that moment just how much Nik loved his children. He was gushing about them. She now could listen to him without feeling the pangs of jealousy that she once did. She didn't know her child yet, but she could feel the undeniable love that she felt for her baby.
"How have you been doing?" Nik asked as their food arrived.
Cutting into her French toast like a ravenous animal, she only stopped to answer once she had two bites down. "I've been good. Traveling some and working too much." Now feeling warm, Caroline slipped out of her coat and piled it on the seat next to her.
"You've been spending a lot of time with Bekah." It was a statement more than a question.
"I have. It's been so amazing to watch Liam grow into a toddler." She had just finished her second cup of tea and was feeling the urge to use the ladies room. "I'm going to the loo, as you Brits say."
Nik laughed at her awful accent and watched as she stood from the table and walked toward the back of the restaurant. There was something different about her. Her hips had a curve to them as he watched her bottom sway.
He went back to his brunch and looked up again as she came back towards the table. That is when he saw it, the smallest of swells of her abdomen. Her breasts were plump and she held a little more weight in her face.
His stunned face hinted that he had figured it out. "Yes, Nik." She answered his unasked question.
With a shake of his head, Nik came to. "Wow, Care…I don't know what to say," he stuttered. "Congratulations to you and your…" He looked down to her left hand, searching for a ring.
"It's just me. I'm doing this by myself."
"Did he leave you like this? I'll kill him for doing this to you." He tapped his finger on the table angrily as he spoke just above a whisper.
Caroline gave him a soft smile and placed her hand over his. "There is no one to kill. I did this the way that Rebekah had Liam."
"Oh, well that's…nice." Nik was at a loss. He didn't know how to process this situation. Caroline's first pregnancy had not been showing back when she was sixteen. He looked over her body one more time and realized that he liked pregnant Caroline. He was extremely turned on by pregnant Caroline. He had to pinch the inside of his hand not to think about what her body would look like under that dress.
"Are you okay?" Caroline asked softly. Nik's face was white and his breathing had picked up.
He downed the rest of his coffee before answering, "I'm fine. I'm happy for you Caroline."
They kept the rest of the conversation light as they finished their food. The rain had stopped and after Nik paid the bill he offered to walk Caroline back to her hotel.
Caroline kept the pace slow, wanting to draw out their time together. They had fallen back into their light and friendly banter. She felt care free around him for the first time in close to fifteen years. They were pushed closer together on the sidewalk by passers by, and soon Caroline had her arm linked through his as he told stories about his kids.
"Henrik has started to notice girls and it is scaring the crap out of me," he joked.
"It can't be that bad. He's only what, twelve now?"
"I remember being a twelve year old boy and trust me, if he gives me half the hell that I gave my parents…I don't know what I am going to do."
Before they knew it, they were standing in front of the hotel. Caroline bit her lip, not wanting their time to end but also not wanting to give him the wrong message. "Would you like to come up?"
His mouth hung open and he licked at his dry lips.
"To talk…to hang out," Caroline quickly clarified.
Nik laughed and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. "For a little while. I have to be home by three to relieve the sitter."
Once in the room, Caroline slipped out of her coat and boots before flopping on the bed and turning on the TV. "So which channels are good?"
He stood still, not knowing what to do. When Caroline tapped the place on the bed next to her, he moved slowly. First pulling off his coat and placing in on a chair and removing his shoes. He took the remote from her and started to flip through the channels.
"This is a good show," he placed the remote on the bed between them and then started to explain Doctor Who to Caroline.
About thirty minutes into the show Caroline started to shift. "I'm hungry," she stated off handedly.
"Already?" Nik asked with a laugh.
"It's hard work being pregnant," Caroline shot back as she leaded over him to reach for the phone.
Nik could smell her shampoo as her hair fell across his chest. His breathing became shallow as he vaguely heard her order fries and two milk shakes.
As Caroline hung up the phone and sat back on the bed she felt a flutter in her stomach. "Oh feel this!" she said excitedly and reached for Nik's hand, placing it on her bump.
He felt as if a shot of electricity had been jolted through him. It wasn't that he felt the baby, but it was the intimate moment of touching her stomach. "I don't feel anything," he said disappointedly.
"How can you not feel that? It's the weirdest feeling…"
Nik thought back to when Hayley was pregnant. She didn't like to be touched and they never shared moments like this. Even after all these year he was still experiencing new things with Caroline.
"This should have been us before…" he started.
Caroline pulled away from his hand as he had started to rub his thumb across her belly. "I know," was all she could say. In the past she would have tried to avoid the subject or use anger to pass the blame of what had happened to them; but now she had learned to live with the choice they made. She had a new life to worry about and she couldn't let her past tarnish the experience of this pregnancy.
Nik was shocked by her answer. He was expecting yelling and tears. He decided to throw caution to the wind as he leaded over and kissed her.
His lips were soft, just as she remembered them. She allowed him to kiss her for just a moment longer before pulling away, "We can't…"
"Let me do this with you Caroline," Nik reached over and place his hand back on her stomach.
Caroline stood from the bed and walked over to the window, her arms wrapped around her middle. "This baby isn't about you, Nik. It isn't for us. This baby is for me. This isn't just some do over."
"I know that, I didn't mean it that way. I just thought…"
"I didn't invite you up here to ask you to be my baby daddy. I wanted my friend back. I wanted to share my happiness with you."
Nik hung his head. He didn't know how to dig himself out of this one. "I'm sorry Care. I am happy for you." He got up and started to lace back on his shoes.
Caroline chewed on her lip before saying, "Your mom says you are not dating…" She didn't know why she needed to know the answer, but it had been eating at her since her mother had mentioned it.
He crossed the room to her, "I told you before. It will always be you."
"You can't just wait around for me Nik."
"Why not?" He moved closer.
"Your children deserve to have a mother. You deserve to have someone."
He tucked a curl behind her ear, "The kids would love you. I love you."
"I need to do this on my own. Maybe one day it might be right for us again, but right now I just need to do this for me." She stretched up and placed a light kiss on his lips. Parting from him and turning towards the window she sighed, "Goodbye Nik."
This was the second time in so many years that she had told him goodbye. He was getting frustrated with being dismissed, "How can you not see that this is fate?" He paced the room and continued on his rant, "I knew you were stubborn, but how can you fail to see what is right in front of you? How much longer do you need me to suffer?"
Caroline was beyond angry, "I am not doing this to make you suffer. For the past year I have been able to live…really live, and make decisions without a second thought to you and our past. I don't live my life with the sole objective to lead me back to you." She was yelling now and took a few calming breaths before speaking again. "I am sorry if seeing me has caused you pain, it was not my intent. I understand that you think you want a life with me…"
"Always," he interjected.
Caroline closed her eyes for a moment, needing to recollect her thoughts. It was hard to think of anything but him when he was so desperately throwing him self at her feet. "My life is in New York. Yours is here. In a few months, my life will be this child." She placed her hand over her bump. "You have Henrik and Lily."
"You could come here and be with us," Nik was hanging onto the thinnest thread of hope.
"I refused to give up anything else for you. I gave up my innocence, my dignity. I gave up twelve years of my life." Her voice was rising again, up to a sobbing yell, "I gave up our child! You cannot ask me for more."
Nik was dumbstruck. He felt ashamed of himself for thinking that she should want to drop her entire life to be with him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but he couldn't come up with any words that could possibly make it right.
Wrapping her arms protectively around her middle she spoke softly, "I think you should leave."
Thinking that he had really done himself in this time and that there was no hope for a future for them, Nik crossed the room. Standing in front of her, he ran his fingertips across her cheek and placed a lingering kiss to her temple. "Always, Caroline. Please remember, always."
On the way out of the hotel, he was amazed at what a strong woman Caroline had become. Her soul still admitted light and joy, but she was no longer afraid to stand up for herself and what she wanted out of her life.
The room service showed up a few minutes after Nik left and Caroline was glad that the milkshake came in a To Go cup because she grabbed one and went down stairs.
Fifteen years ago Caroline would have given anything to hear the words that Nik had just said. She was a different person now; a stronger person, and she needed to do this on her own. Maybe it was to prove to her self that she could have kept the baby all those years ago or maybe it was just time for her to love someone more than she ever loved Nik.
As she took a cab to the nearest train station, she called Bekah. "Care, it's eight in the morning and we finally trained Liam to sleep in."
"I need an address," Caroline was short and to the point and scribbled down the address in her notebook.
Within thirty minutes, Caroline was on a train headed west out of the city. The hour ride gave her plenty time to think about what she was about to do and she almost turned around once she reached the station in Oxford.
She gave the cab driver the address and in another fifteen minutes she was pulling into a gravel driveway to the front of an old brick and stone home. "And I thought the other Mikaelson Manor was big…" Caroline drawled out as they came to a stop by the side of the home.
After paying the driver, Caroline walked slowly up to the door. The only sounds were birds in the distance and gravel crunching under her boots. She hesitated and thought about running after the cab that was nearing the main road. With one more deep breath and pulling her coat tight, Caroline knocked on the door.
An older woman dressed in all black answered the door. "May I help you?"
"Uh, is Mr. Mikaelson in?" Caroline tried to match the formal tone.
"Is he expecting you?"
She was starting for feel foolish for coming all the way out here, "He doesn't know I'm here, but if you tell him that Caroline is here, he should want to see me."
With a swift nod the older woman opened the door a little further and ushered Caroline into the foyer. "Please wait here," her tone was curt as she walked towards the back of the house, her footsteps echoing off the cavernous entry.
There was a distant sound of a heavy door opening and closing and then two sets of footsteps. "Caroline, what an unexpected surprise."
"Thank you for seeing me Elijah."
"Of course, I didn't even know you were in the country." Elijah placed a gentlemanly kiss on her cheek, "Please come in and sit."
They walked back down the same hall that he had come from and into a small sitting room completely enclosed with windows. The view of the expansive garden was breathtaking and Caroline took an extra moment to admire the view. "This is a lovely home," she said before sitting down.
The older woman entered the room with a tray of tea, set it down before exiting the room and giving them privacy.
"What can I do for you today Caroline?" Elijah asked as he crossed his legs and leaded back in his chair.
Caroline started to second guess herself again, "I don't really know what I was thinking coming out here, but I just needed some answers." She stood and removed her coat, figured it was best to get the pregnancy out in the open.
Elijah sat forward in surprise but hid it well as he reached for his tea, "I see you got yourself into another situation."
Letting his remark roll off her, Caroline rubbed her belly lovingly, "That's what I wanted to come and talk to you about. Not this situation, but the last one."
When Elijah remained quiet, Caroline continued, "Two years ago when we were all back in Mystic Falls, Nik told me that you had a large part in influencing him towards the abortion."
"I gave my advice and told him of some acquaintances of mine that were faced with the same untimely situation," Elijah said coolly.
"It's a baby, 'Lijah. It was a baby. Not a situation." Caroline didn't want this interaction to become heated but she couldn't stand the apathetic approach he was taking with the conversation.
He didn't even blink when she raised her voice, "My apologies. But I can see that you have done well for yourself, something that I don't believe would have happened if you had a baby at sixteen."
Elijah had gestured down to her fifteen hundred dollar Louboutin boots when he commented about her doing well for herself. "I guess we will never know."
"I will tell you the same thing I told Nik when he came to me in Mystic Falls and wanted to blame me for his choices. He was an adult, you had a choice, and you two are the only ones to blame for ending that baby's life."
His words were harsh, but it was nothing that she hadn't covered in therapy over the past year. "I know, and that's not the main reason I am here." She took a swallow of her tea before continuing, "Back in Mystic Falls Nik wanted to reconcile. And today he asked me to drop my life in New York for him." She still couldn't get her thoughts in order but she knew that Elijah would be truthful with anything she asked.
"And you don't want this?"
"I don't want to give up my life for him." They were quiet for a moment, "How was his marriage to Hayley?" Caroline asked.
Elijah chuckled to himself, "Obligational at best. In Nik's words, he did with her what he should have done with you."
"He would have married me?"
"Isn't that what the offer is now? I doubt he would ask you to be a part of his life and his children's lives without the understanding of a long term commitment."
Caroline was lost in her thoughts for a few minutes. Every possible situation ran through her mind. Could she make a life with Nik work? Would his children accept her child into the family? Was she ready to be a mother of three?
"I'm not ready for that," Caroline whispered.
Elijah sighed as if he was bored with the conversation. "What do you want Caroline?"
"This baby," she answered without hesitation.
"Start with that. The rest is up to fate."
Caroline smirked, "I didn't think you believed in fate.
"I don't, but you look just hopeful enough to buy into it." Elijah returned her playful smile and then stood. "I will call you a car to take you back into the city. If you will excuse me I have work to get back to."
Seeing that her time with Elijah was up, she stood and he helped her put on her coat. "Mrs. Young will see you out," he said before kissing Caroline on the cheek and then headed back through a dark wood door.
"A car will be around in fifteen minutes," Mrs. Young said from the doorway to the kitchen. "I have some lunch still warming if you are hungry."
Caroline had not realized that she was starving until there was a mention of food. She followed the older woman into the kitchen and sat on a stool at the counter. "How long have you worked for Elijah?"
The housekeeper drew a ladle of stew from a pot still steaming on the stove and ripped off a hunk of bread before setting it down in front of the young blonde. "I was hired by his father thirty two years ago."
"That's a long time to be with this family."
"Loyalty above all else," Mrs. Young said in a sing-song voice as she started to scrub a pan in the large farm house sink. "If I may ask, how do you know Elijah?"
Caroline had to chew the large bite of stew that she just put in her mouth. The meal was to die for and if she could take Mrs. Young back to New York with her, she would. "I was friends with Nik and Rebekah when they moved to the states."
"Oh I just love getting pictures of all the children. Liam is just the cutest babe ever sent to earth," she cooed.
"Elijah never had any children?" Caroline asked.
Mrs. Young looked saddened and shook her head before she spoke, "There was one woman that he was interested in but she died some time ago."
"I'm so sorry to hear that." She wasn't sure what kind of woman could love an uptight man like Elijah, but it was sad to hear that a woman he may have loved died.
"Yes, he was heartbroken. Cancer is such an ugly disease."
The light bulb went off in Caroline's head. Nik had said that his wife had died of cancer. Could Elijah have been in love with Nik's wife? Curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask, "It was Hayley, wasn't it?"
Mrs. Young looked alarmed before she wiped her hands on a tea towel, "I have said too much already dear and your car has arrived."
Her answer wasn't a confirmation or a denial. This just added so many more folds of messed up to the whole situation. Caroline spent the two-hour ride back to London with this new information cycling through her mind.
How had Nik survived in a marriage that had only been held together by children? Elijah had a fondness for Nik's wife. If she had lived and the divorce had gone through, would she be married to Elijah right now?
Caroline tossed and turned all night, plagued with questions that she may never have the answers to.
She could hardly keep focus during the meeting on Monday. The five reps came together to compare and exchange notes to take back to their markets. Caroline could care less what Frank or Guy thought about the idea of plaid coming back into style, she just wanted to be home.
She was in such a hurry to put an ocean between herself and London that she changed her flight to that night. It was after one in the morning when she touched down in New York and another hour to get to her apartment.
Going right to bed was her priority. The familiar feel and smell of her linens were enough to lull her to sleep in minutes.
Her dreams were vivid. She was in the park, pushing a laughing child on the swings. Blonde curls blew in the wind as the high-pitched voice begged her to push the swing higher. Caroline could feel the crisp chill of fall in the air. There was a warmth behind her and strong arms wrapped around her swollen belly. With a kiss on the neck, one word was ghosted against her ear. "Always."
Caroline woke up panting and covered in sweat.