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Chapter 2: Of Reasons to Be Grateful

It had been about six months since the Marauders had joined the Order of the Phoenix, and they'd only had a handful of missions assigned to them so far. Their involvement had mostly involved back up until very recently, when they'd finally been given a few protection missions. Luckily, their assignments had been going smoothly, but Rowan was still anxiously dreading the night someone finally got hurt.

The respective couples in their group of friends had been split up and placed into different teams with more senior members of the Order as to not allow emotional distractions, which Rowan thought was a very sensible policy. She was frequently paired with Arthur Weasley, who was naturally more cautious than she, though she'd also found herself with Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody from time to time, which both frightened and delighted her. He reminded her of a more well-humored version of her Potions Master Damocles Belby, and she frequently amused herself with teasing him. She supposed she was lucky that the older Auror had taken a liking to her brand of humor, as Sirius often found himself at the receiving end of the older man's anger.

Remus, however, had not been pleased with their separation on missions, still having a fierce need to protect her. He had initially received the information with quietly contained anger, but he accepted it as well as he could when he saw that she'd be partnered with experienced duelists – albeit reluctantly – and was frequently paired with Gideon Prewett or Dedalus Diggle, who were both impulsive men and were mellowed out by Remus' nearly constant reason. After each mission, Remus would either stay at her apartment, or she'd stay at his, and he'd make love to her fiercely, hands gripping to her tightly as if scared that if he let go of her, she'd disappear. After, she'd hold him gently and kiss him slowly, calming his nerves and reassuring him that she was indeed still there with him.

Their relationship had had its ups and downs since she'd joined the Order – a little later than the others so that she'd have time to adjust to her rigorous apprenticeship – but they were still more in love with each other than ever. It was as if the war made their days together more precious, and they cherished each moment they had alone. Rowan couldn't imagine her life without him and feared losing him more than anything, often waking in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and frantically reaching over to feel him beside her.

One good thing, however, had emerged from the rubble of war – James and Lily had gotten engaged. They were to be married in the summer, and their friends were all ecstatic for them, happy for a glimmer of light in the darkness. Rowan knew logically that it was all quite sudden – they hadn't even been together officially for a year – but there was something about them that was so honest and fiery that it all seemed very normal. If there was such a thing as soul mates, she was determined that it applied to James and Lily.

Sirius and Mina's relationship had also had its ups and downs, but the two seemed to be doing relatively well. After leaving Hogwarts, they had started quietly seeing each other, and Rowan still hadn't been able to pull out of her friends what had occurred between them at the end of their last school year. Mina had gotten quieter since beginning at the Order, and Rowan could see that it was taking its toll on her, but the brunette kept going with a quiet fire that she had to admire. Sirius had moved out of the Potters' home and had his own flat in London, though he frequently stayed at Mina's place – Rowan suspected it had to do with similar reasons that Remus insisted on staying with her. She often felt guilty that she didn't have more time to spend with her friends but was glad to see that they were both doing well in both their relationship and work at the Ministry.

Peter and Maria Bastion had recently broken up about a month before. He didn't talk about it much, but Rowan could see that it had hit Peter pretty hard. James told her that the girl was scared of his involvement with the Order, and Rowan hoped that it didn't make him second-guess himself. He wasn't a confident man, and the last thing the Order needed was for someone to back out – they didn't exactly have many members.

"Girl, do you have those sleeping draughts I asked you for?" grumbled a deep voice.

Rowan was lying on her desk with her head on her arms. After her protection mission with the Macdougal family, Remus had kept her up late with his usual post-mission attentions – though who was she to complain – and she was feeling particularly tired. She sat up and saw Damocles Belby clunking down the stairs loudly. "Good morning, Master Belby," she yawned.

He grunted. "Wake your ass up. It's time to get started. The sleeping draughts?" he asked grumpily.

She yawned again. "Sorry, had a late night," she said apologetically. "I have the draughts right here… was about to set them out in the shop."

"Do it quickly and come back down. I want to get those permutations done today. Alexander will watch over the shop," he grunted.

Her research with Belby had been moving quickly and intensely. All of the rumors about his harsh treatment of his apprentices had turned out to be true. She often found herself working well into the night for hours – sometimes staying all night – which had cut into her time with the Order and Remus. He was crude and often verbally abusive, and she could see how someone more sensitive or less determined than she would crumble under the pressure.

However, the standards that Belby set for his apprentices were only half as high as the ones he set for himself. He usually worked well into the night after she left, and on the rare occasion that he committed an error while concocting a potion, he'd throw a small tantrum, cursing at himself and her harshly and sometimes even throwing things. On a particularly bad day, he'd frightened her by throwing a cauldron of ruined potion at a wall. Despite all of the difficult aspects about his personality though, she had a deep sense of respect for the man for his convictions and brilliance, and because of that, no matter how hard he was on her, she never felt an inclination to quit. He wasn't totally unreasonable either – as long as she got her work done, he didn't care when she left in the evening. If she had a meeting with the Order, she'd leave before she was finished and would return early in the morning to complete her work.

However, Rowan still hadn't informed her Master of her involvement with the Order, and though she'd been working with him for nearly half a year, she still couldn't predict how he'd react. The only thing she'd been able to decipher thus far was the difference between his affirmative grunts and his negative ones. He was a volatile man of many contradictions, and she often would think that he'd respond in a certain way only to have him respond in the opposite. Though he was friends with Albus Dumbledore and seemed to have a strong sense of morals and virtue, she couldn't be sure that he'd be pleased to have an Order member as his apprentice.

They got to mixing permutations of their most recent research result, setting them aside to be tested later. They usually worked in silence, only speaking when they needed to exchange information, but Rowan realized that it'd been exactly six months since she'd begun to work for him and still knew next to nothing about his personal life or history.

"Master Belby, may I ask you a personal question?" she asked slowly.

He snorted. "I don't suppose you'd stop even if I said no," he said gruffly.

She grinned. "You know me so well," she said, but then she took on a more serious tone. "It's just that I don't really know anything about you, and I feel like it's not right."

He grunted. "Don't suppose why that's important," he said.

She smiled. "Well, I was wondering what house you were in at Hogwarts, for starters," she said.

"Ravenclaw," he responded shortly.

She thought about it for a second. "I suppose that makes sense," she said. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

He snorted. "I have a younger brother. He's a right bastard though," he growled.

She frowned. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said.

He snorted again. "Don't be. He's a bumbling idiot," he retorted.

"Can you form a corporeal Patronus?" she asked.

He grunted in confirmation. "An elephant," he said.

She grinned. It seemed very fitting for some reason. "Favorite food?"

"Chocolate," he said shortly.

This was another surprise to add to her seemingly endless list. He certainly didn't seem like the type who would like sweets. It reminded her of Remus. She smiled warmly at the thought.

She remained silent for the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon, but another question kept popping into her head. The first time they'd met he'd asked her who was so important to her that she'd be willing to risk her reputation and safety for this position. It had been eating at her since she began to work for him in June, and she frequently mulled over it during her work. It wasn't a question most people would think to ask. Who was so important to him that he'd taken on such a task?

He was unmarried – that much was apparent. There were no pictures around his office, he wore no wedding band, and he didn't have the cared-for look of a married man. She highly doubted most women would approve of their husbands working so maniacally anyway. The thought of him being a gentle lover was such an absurd thought that it nearly made her laugh. So who was it then?

"Master Belby," she called quietly.

"Hm?" he grunted vaguely.

"When we first met at Hogwarts, you asked me a personal question about my reasons for wanting this," she said slowly.

She saw him stiffen from the corner of her eye but didn't face him. "What of it?" he asked.

"Well, I was wondering – what is your reason?" she asked quietly. Who?

He didn't answer her question but kept working silently. She could almost hear the gears turning in his head. Finally, he answered, "That's none of your business, girl. Now stop asking inane questions."

She sighed softly but didn't fight back. Something painful must have happened to him, she thought. She was dying to know but resigned herself to the fact that she'd just have to wait. Perhaps he'd tell her one day.

Remus yawned, leaning his forehead against the cool surface of the staffroom table. He silently berated himself for staying up so late again, but every time he or Rowan were given a mission for the Order, he was always filled with an unspeakable fear that she'd be gone when the dust settled. The dark presence within him would roar with the need to feel her beneath him, to know that she was still whole, that she was still his. He felt incredibly guilty for taking his insecurities out on her, but he supposed there were worse ways to express them. He smirked quietly to himself - she certainly hadn't seemed to mind the night before. He felt a slow lingering heat at the memory of her trembling hips.

When he'd come in to see Fabian Prewett at the end of June to interview for a researching position at the Institute of Charms and Enchantments, he'd been surprised to meet a jovial man whose fiery hair rivaled even Lily's in temperature. He was stocky and relatively short with bright brown eyes with a loud booming laugh. He didn't asked Remus any questions specific to the position and informed him that it was merely a formality for protocol reasons – he'd already made up his mind to hire him. Remus' head spun at the whirlwind of a man's words and thought he might faint from the sheer ridiculousness of it all. He was once again eternally grateful once again to Professor Dumbledore who had apparently recommended him.

"And if Dumbledore says you're qualified – well, I'd be a right fool to disagree with him!" Prewett had laughed, grinning maniacally at the dumbfounded look on Remus' face.

Rowan had wept again when he returned to her apartment later that evening to tell her that he'd been hired on the spot. He hated it when she cried for him, but there was something about seeing her smile so brightly with tears in her eyes for him that made him praise the heavens that he'd been put on this earth.

"Late night, eh?" a loud voice boomed.

Remus looked up blearily to see Fabian grinning down at him with his usual pose of his hands on his hips and chest puffed out. Remus often mused that his boss looked like a large leprechaun, which Fabian found hilariously amusing.

Remus nodded and tried to stifle his next yawn. Fabian pulled up a seat next to him and looked at him more seriously.

"Gideon says you all did a protection job last night for the Macdougal family. Did everyone come out all right? How's that girl of yours?" he asked in hushed tones.

"Everyone's fine. Rowan's fine. Arthur got hit by a Stunner, but he's okay, just a little shaken up. I think Molly's nerves were what suffered most last night," he said, smiling weakly.

Gideon smiled thinly and nodded. "Yeah, Molly's a right nervous wreck sometimes. Lucky everyone got out okay though. Don't wear yourself too thin, all right?" he said concernedly as he stood to move back to his office.

Remus nodded at the older man and winced slightly as he slapped him on the back hard before he turned to leave. It still seemed strange to see the Prewett man so stern and was strangely grateful that it was a rare occurrence. Remus had been shocked when he'd been assigned to his first mission with a man that looked identical to his boss but quickly realized that they were identical twins. Gideon looked and sounded exactly the same as his brother, and they often spoke in unison and completed the each other's sentences, but Gideon was even more cheerful and loud, if possible. Fabian often took a more protective stance towards the younger man as opposed to Gideon's sometimes reckless behavior, and it still frequently confused Remus when figuring out how to react to either.

Although the past six months had been emotionally trying and increasingly dangerous, Remus was still incredibly happy. One of his best friends was getting married, he was with the love of his life, and his transformations continued to be milder than they had been in his adolescence. He still returned to the Shrieking Shack to transform, as it remained a safe place, and Madam Pomfrey still insisted on patching him up post-transformation without payment. He felt incredibly fortunate and humbled by the generosity that the people around him offered. Even his job - one that he hadn't considered at first glance - had been fulfilling and surprisingly interesting. He had learned more about defenses against dangerous magical creatures under Fabian's guidance in the past six months than he had in all his years at Hogwarts and was enthusiastically studying kappas, which Rowan found wildly entertaining.

But he hadn't been without his share of prejudices. Though he'd managed to keep his condition relatively secret thanks to Fabian's insistence that he need not share it, a few individuals in other departments had caught wind of it from the Department of Protective Charms – the first department he'd applied to work for and was rejected from for said condition. Every so often, he'd receive hostile glares or fearful glances from other researchers in the halls, and though he tried to not let it bother him, he still feared the day that someone confronted him about it.

But still, his life was good – a hundred times better than he would have ever expected even a year before. At 5 p.m., he stepped out of the ICE building onto the bustling London pavement and looked up at the sky. It was cold and crisp, and the sky was a brilliant combination of fuchsias and oranges. Rowan's bright eyes came to mind, and he wondered idly when she'd get done with work, hoping that she didn't push herself too hard after their late night. He headed home to his apartment, walking briskly through the crowds and cold, and decided to wait for her there – he knew she'd come to see him when she was ready.