Disclaimer: All characters belong to Cassandra Clare

Chapter 17: Uncertainty

Magnus held out his arms to catch Tessa into a hug. It had been a long time for him to be away from the city where he was born, the people he loved. Vikram had changed, the spirit of his birthplace was rather depressed but the joys of meeting his friends again drew him back. It was nice smelling the lovely scent of bonds.

As they were seated at the back of the taxi, Tessa asked about his plan. Back to Vikram, Magnus intended to lay low for a while first. This city was obviously more sensitive to the war; on their way back to his apartment Magnus had seen constructions undergoing everywhere. However, this didn't provide him a sense of security he needed the most. In Saidah he thought Vikram would be safe yet the sight of preparation somehow upset him even more.

Tessa helped him to get on the track. She reactivated the robots in his storage room and updated the system, meanwhile Magnus was unpacking his things. He decided to renew his wardrobe so he simply recycled the content and the empty furniture was waiting for him to fill. Tomorrow he would do some shopping. The two Aristos quickly did the settling and at noon they were already idly sprawling on the yellow-sheet covered king's size bed, talking nonsense like the time they used to when they were still living in Deborah, ignoring the curfew and joked around til sunrise.

After a solid five hours of rambling it was time for the meet-up. When Magnus announced the news they had reserved a table at Taki, welcoming the cat-eyed man home.

His choice of clothes was never affected by weather; Magnus could have gone out in a boxer and nothing else if he felt like it, so he wasn't bothered by the glances coming from the pedestrians right now. Tessa was in a white elegant lace dress with the design similar to cheongsam but of a shorter length, showing her delicate calves and ankles. The whole set of clothing was designed by Magnus, along with the hollow peach blossoms patterned heels. Shocking pinks on white.

However, Tessa looked plain next to Magnus. In his normal self, he had his hairs stuck out in different directions with glittery gel that made him looked like a disco ball under daylight. Though it was almost winter and winds occasionally howled its way between the streets, Magnus was wearing a military green tank top and a dog tag dangled from his neck. Wrapped around his legs was ripped jeans that showed off his smooth skin of thighs and shins in the greatest degree possible. Strands of fabric barely connecting the two edges of holes and the tightness left white marks on his brown tone as he walked. With a pair of dirty sneakers, Magnus took the stares on the road as appreciation.

When Magnus entered Taki, he instantly frowned at the strange atmosphere inside. It wasn't his style that people were uncomfortable with; on the contrary, they said hi to him with great enthusiasm. It was coming from the table at the corner, the one occupied by Jem and Wil – they were whispering into ears but not cooing as their brows furrowed in strong pulls that were uneasily to get loose. And after Will spotted Tessa and him heading towards them, he exchanged a look with Jem and both shut up, smiled at the appearance of the magnificent fashion designer.

"You have grown," Will said as he threw the menu to Magnus who caught it with no trouble. "I expect to see you in worse shape; after all you and Woolsey didn't end well." His blue eyes fell on the dog tag craved Woolsey's name. Magnus immediately gripped it in his palm as if it was a top secret that no one shall see.

He shrugged and answered. "The parting was peaceful."

Peace didn't make it less painful; it was exactly the calmness of the Colonel's face that caused his heart bled. Magnus was not used to see people accepting their death like it was their destiny that could not be overturned. When Woolsey packed his stuff from Magnus's temporary apartment the taller man only asked for one of his dog tags.

Wearing it Magnus found the uncertainty of life. It was a reminder of all the things that could be taken away from his hands without notice. Especially with the ongoing war, Magnus wasn't so sure what he expected from Vikram. It was obvious that he couldn't return to his previous living style, with now that people here couldn't care less about fashion.

Life had changed, and it was so discreet that Magnus couldn't feel it unless a long time of departure to Saidah. The chary silence and wary stares in the streets were something rare in Vikram back in the days.

There was no place for him to stand. Magnus should have planned his career better years ago. Fashion could not feed a man when it came to a certain period of time. His saving could hold for a while.

They chatted throughout the early dinner and when they finished the dessert, they went to a bar nearby that still managed to survive despite of the reducing customers. Walking to their destination Will and Jem fell behind, lefting Tessa and dubious Magnus at the front leading. Continued their sneaky conversation, Magnus caught the vowels of his name brushed against their lips. Sometimes he would glimpse at the passing mirror and saw Jem staring at his back thoughtfully while speaking to his lover in a rapid speed.

Magnus didn't like secrets when he was involved in it.

Noticed his absence of mind on their chats, Tessa turned to their back and glanced at the men. Their voices raised; Will said with frowned brows. "It is the worst idea ever."

Jem seemed to sense the attention and shut his mouth. He was half smiling trying to ensure his friends nothing was wrong. But the gleams of guilt in his silver eyes were hard to miss, not for someone sensitive to emotions like Magnus. Said man was keen to find out what their little secret was. And he had all the time in the world.

Tessa was well aware of the tension inside the gang. Will and Jem had been acting weird since last month; they seemed troubled by something yet when she asked them about it, they just said everything was fine.

Bull, she thought. People had eyes could see that they were hiding something. Though she wanted to be shared with the secret, she respected their choice; they were grown up men and they could make rational decisions. Yet she had a feeling that it was about Magnus by how Jem awkwardly stared across the table at the glittery man and the way Will said Magnus's name unnaturally. The dinner was fine, but it got worse after they arrived at the bar. Once their orders were made, Magnus dragged Jem away in urgency and lame excuse.

"You can tell me, you know." Said after a sip of Martini, she put down the glass on the round table. Will was lolling and he glanced at her side-way before taking a gulp of Rum. "There's nothing to tell."

She rolled her eyes; obviously there was so much to be discussed. "You don't trust me?" She inquired and Will sighed at her question.

"I don't mean that." Tapping on the table in a steady rhythm, the detective added. "It is trivial that you don't have to care about." Then he emptied his glass and waved the waiter over, asking for another.

"But I care about you and Jem. From the look of it the little secret disturbs you. I am not blind." Tessa said as the band on the stage began playing. It was a man with brown hairs and a pair of glasses, in a simple T-shirt with the image of a comic book hero in the middle. He spoke through the mic to the sparse audience. "Hello, everyone – I mean the ten lovely people here, how are you?"

Getting no response, the man continued his opening speech. "So a dear friend of mine has been fighting his own demon and he is the strongest person I have ever met, for what he has been through. Recently he meets a person who means dearly to him. Here is the song dedicated to my friend, Free him."

Will suddenly developed an interest in the music and dismissed her. "Let's enjoy this." Couldn't help but snort, Tessa turned to the band. Her gray eyes were searching for Jem and Magnus and their frames were nowhere to be found.

'You are found guilty of the crime, behind bars for eternity.'

Drops the gavel the judges leave with pretentious dignity

Guards hold you down and tase you for struggles

Voice strangled

Traps in the cube of mind, he wanders inside

Kneels and sits with no firm purpose of life

Years gone by

A man at last shows in front of his sight

He reaches out his hand through the irons to the innocent

Offers freedom the prisoner long forgets

'Come and take it,' his whispers are nectar

Smiles even sweeter

Finally in the middle of chorus, Magnus and Jem returned. Yet the taller man was pale and eyes wavered; Jem pulled his chair for him. Will saw it and yanked Jem down next to him, again whispering into his lover's ear.

He was scolding at Jem and said man rebutted. "I know what I am doing."

Her eavesdropping was interrupted by the song. The singer's face was wrinkled like an old man. The melody was alluring, depressed at the beginning and excited in the middle when it mentioned the escape of prisoner with the mysterious man. It turned out softly and faded, ending the song with the imagination of the prisoner eventually gained his freedom back. For an underground band, it wasn't bad at all.

Yet none of his friends seemed to appreciate the song, especially when their minds were on something else. Jem and Will were arguing in low voices and Magnus, his spirit was no longer with them.

Jace was listening to the briefing after a long training while waiting for the nurse to take care of his injury. If his family and friends saw him this focused they must think he had gone crazy; but not this time. The blond man – who was at the edge of teen – had the worse feeling that if he didn't pay enough attention, his name would be written on a tombstone without his body underneath. And he didn't want that. Jace wanted to believe he was able to go home after this mission.

But he was thrilled to be picked. The team was made of elites. Jace was one with cocky attitude and it was a humiliation if he wasn't chosen. He supposed, quoted Simon the nerd, with great power comes great responsibility.

The training room resembled a hospital because of the smell. They had been fighting and testing for days; many were wounded but it was a necessary process. The transformed killed with no mercy and from the sealed footage recorded by front line soldiers from other planets, they ripped them in halves and tossed them in piles like mountains, high enough to reach the sky.

Jace had been in battles but with different races of transformed. He couldn't imagine how strong those monsters were in their motherland.

"Bite this." A nurse robot delivered a piece of wood to his mouth and he obeyed, holding it between his teeth.

"UGH!" He stifled a scream and let the robot tend his broken shin. She carefully put the machine around his injury and the device rotated rapidly, tingling his skin. The fractured bone was mended in short time, however, it came with a cost. Sweating like it was raining, Jace spewed up greenish vomits and his stomach was twitching other organs. The wood piece was abandoned.

The nurse robot then stuck a needle to his slashed inner thigh. Jace dropped his back on the ground and groaned in agony. He thought he was used to the side effect after weeks of using it.

Woolsey joined his side when the robot moved to another wounded soldier. Jace lazily shot him a glance and closed his eyes, hoping to get much rest as possible. "Go away."

The Colonel sat down regardless. Woolsey Scott was the leader of this mission and he had been training with them in this room from the start.

"Next week we will board the ship." The blond man with green eyes affirmed and pointed at his healing shin. "I hope this wouldn't be a problem. I want you to be the distraction."

"Yes." Answered within second, Woolsey crooked his eyebrows at his quick reply. "I thought you would dislike my decision. After all everyone says you are a family person."

A distraction was an acknowledgement to his ability in the worst way. For a mere moment the idea of refusal crossed his mind, telling himself that others could take the position. Yet they had family too; there wasn't much difference between them in the end. Jace would do his work in glory.

"Everyone has to do their parts." Said Jace. He played with his dog tags and wondered what it felt like to be torn to shreds by bare hands. Or slayed in half by a gigantic sword, tortured for information and rotted in a place reek of excretions of those disgusting creatures.

Woolsey settled a hand on top of his, gripping it with a force that Jace couldn't resist. "It just makes you more nervous." He removed it once the golden man stopped his fidgeting rested both hands on his own belly. The buzzes of the machine echoed with the groans of others in the room. "You should call them tonight. Tomorrow we will transfer to a military base near the first defense line and may I remind you that after the arrival no calls, no messages and no everything with anyone outside our team."

Jace nodded and waved him away. "Understood." Woolsey said and got up, leaving to nowhere. "Alright."

Being left at a corner of the room, Jace let his emotions sink deep down his heart and bury them. No calls would be made this night for the desire of hearing their voices as his motivation to be back safely. He shall not attempt to kill them. He must. Jace had regrets and loves that were not recognized before the mission. To make the world a better place for his loved ones to live in, he would eliminate them.

As he opened his gold orbs to stared right back to the bright light from the ceiling, he was ready to be ruthless. Fighting an enemy with no heart, Jace must give up his. He prayed, for the shield around his heart would not be destroyed at the end.

Magnus sighed as he sat on the stone path, watching Aline busily grooming the flowers and bushes. The chrysanthemums were replaced by loquat flowers, Magnus twiddle a fallen petal and swirled his fingers down the stem but as the memory startled him, he jolted his hand away.

"What's wrong?" Aline asked as she straightened her back, a pruning shear in her hand. Her red apron had dirt-like smears.

The male robot gloomily threw the petal away at the bush and pouted lightly. "I – Aline, I don't know what I should I do." He quickly sucked in a deep breath when he felt his nose was uncomfortable and lowered his head, drawing circles on the sleek surface of stones on the ground in attempt to distract himself.

The footsteps stopped next to him and Aline crouched, the hem of her dress waved. A ripple of adoration spread from his chest; ever since he had bought the dress for her she insisted wearing it every day even she was working in the garden. She was careful and the citrine dress was as new as before.

Dropped the shear she wiped her hands on the apron and hugged her knees as she was done with it. She opened her mouth and drew a loud breath, but closed it without saying a word. Magnus knew she had been thinking the same too when the recollection began.

Sure they wanted Alec to be well, to be normal and they would support him til the end. The confusion was they did not belong to, or with anyone and anywhere. They were supposed to be dead. For the Clave and the society they were products should not be created. Once Alec was recovered, he would have his life back; he could enjoy partying, meeting new friends and inviting them to his house. He could adventure, there was a whole world, a galaxy for him to explore.

The three robots believed in Alec that he could manage his living himself. Then maybe it was time for them to retreat and let Alec join the real humans, though Magnus couldn't understand what was so different of them, except the fact that they were robots and survived on different basic needs.

"Try not to think about it. Alec won't leave us, for that I am sure." Aline said in a small voice and fondled the white petals, taking in the scent of freshness. "We shouldn't burden Alec with our worries. He is going through a hard time."

Magnus nodded and his brain drifted back in time to earlier this morning, that Alec was sitting in the living room reading and suddenly his eyes were hollow, soulless as if it was only a vessel of him left there. Staring into the wall he didn't respond; they had tried shaking, slapping and really everything. His conscious only returned to his body after hours and he couldn't lift his lids. When asked upon what happened, Alec simply replied. "A memory."

It was all he said whenever a piece of time was picked. Alec never told them what it was about – only to Jem. Magnus knew it was his function, listening to Alec's problems and helped him out. However, Magnus wanted to present at the sessions because he was so desperately yearned for Alec, that he was eager to know the dirty history. Alec was not a slut. His reaction to human touches was caused by men with filthy minds. Alec couldn't control it.

He was called one, but he was never, and wouldn't be in the future.

"I know…" Magnus whispered and went on playing with his toes. His feet were bare, so as Aline's. It was something that Ragnor and Alec didn't understand; the softness under their soles and the grasses tickled. The sensation was alive. "I am just – scared, I guess."

Years ago he had a taste of being unwanted. He had thought he would not wish to have it again, but for Alec, he was willing to take the pain of separation. He would rather hurt himself than the boy of Angel, whose innocence was exploited for indecent pleasure.

Aline looked at him with sadness and she turned away, looking at the bush a moment ago she was working on.

Stood up she kicked the side of Magnus playfully and ordered him to fetch her a bag of fertilizer. "Go or I will tell Ragnor you are loafing." A small smile at the corner of her lips, Magnus grinned and shook his head fondly. "Yes, my princess."

They smiled, for each other's sake.

In the backseat with Magnus's arms around him, Alec felt extremely content. The corners of his mouth tugged upwards when a hand wiped the sweat away from his forehead, the temperature of the car dropped a little to cool down his heated body.

The recollection was going well. Alec just finished his fourth treatment and started to develop resilience to the sedative. Unlike the other times he woke as soon as the tube was out from his ear. The feeling of something wiggling inside his head was not pleasant, but he was getting used to it.

"Should I tell Aline to cook you something?" Ragnor asked from the front. It was early in the morning and Raphael had complained about his time of appointment because Alec preferred going out when there were less people around. The sun was only out for an hour or so. A great time for breakfast and fresh start of a day.

"Yes, please." He mumbled and snuggled deeper into Magnus.

Alec was laying on his back with his head on Magnus's lap. For the past month they grew closer, but not too close. After getting a rejection Alec kept his desire under strict control as he was aware it wasn't the proper time to cross the boundary. When he did it – seducing Magnus – he didn't know what had driven him. But as time passing by and the memories rushing back, Alec could confidently say that it was all about the Master. Sadly, he couldn't figure out his face just yet.

"Do you feel alright?" Magnus asked. They did it in good intention, however, sometimes Alec was annoyed by their questions; it made him feel like a helpless boy and required constant attention and care.

"Don't ask me again." Said Alec and his eyes remained shut. He heard a sigh and the hands on his forehead and arm withdrew.

Alec rolled and shifted to face Ragnor and turned his back to Magnus, his head still on the comfortable laps. It was a childish protest and Alec hoped Magnus understood it. For the rest of their journey they were silent as if someone had pressed a button to mute their voices. The sound of it was killing him.

The motion stopped as Ragnor parked the car in the usual spot. Alec couldn't stand the awkwardness, therefore he hopped out and rushed to the kitchen, leaving his shoes, cloak and gloves along the hallway. The sight of Aline cooking in the kitchen put him at ease. She turned from the stove and smiled at him brightly. "How is your day?"

"Same old." Alec shrugged and sat on the barstool. When Aline resumed her cooking suddenly a pain shot though his head – Alec hissed and lost his balance, fell hard on the ground with his shoulder landed first.

Tings bounced within the walls and a shout from Aline was hammering his temples. "Alec!"

Clenched into fists he bit his bottom lip in order to smother a cry. It was like he was going to explore; the pain at the back of his head was spreading to his eyes and vision was lost. Faces flashed in front of his eyes: people with various builds, various colors of skins and pupils. Dark – and black. Blackness penetrated his soul and grabbed his spine: Alec wailed as a hand pierced through his fleshes and gripped his bones.

Something touched his lips and he parted them, taking deep breathes and strangled noises choked out from his throat. He jerked involuntarily, limps completely out of his command.

"Oh my God."

Then hands went to pin him down – Alec felt it through the millions shots of faces flying and he too, wanted his thrashing to stop. It was only after a minute that it die down and dots danced in front of his eyes, painting colors on the scene. Under the half-lidded eyes Alec saw the pair of amber eyes looking at him terrified.

Gulped to wet his dry throat, Alec found Ragnor was holding his feet and Aline and Magnus had each of his hands.

"Alec?" Magnus said and stared at him with caution. He didn't miss the glimpse of distress.

At the rim of his eyes tears began to drop and he shrieked, finally opened the gate and let the ocean of emotions – mostly frustration – leaked through. The hands on his limps immediately gone and Alec curled up into a ball. As if by doing so nothing could hurt him, or rather, he couldn't hurt anyone.

Alec was ready for the pay the price getting his memories back, but not for many others. It was unbearable for him to see the terror in their eyes, knowing the cause of it was himself. He was sick of seeing them worried about him, for they deserved better, someone who wasn't this isolated and foolish. A man with debts which couldn't recompense in the short life time.

Someone yanked him up and Alec fell into a tight embrace. He clutched it like it was his life buoy. His tears and bloods from his nose wet the expensive fabric and he clasped around the shoulder blades, not willing to be let go. Kisses planted on his temple; Magnus was mumbling fragrant words and squeezed him tighter.

They were on the floor awry. Sitting on the floor Alec was in between Magnus's spread legs. Ragnor was calling Raphael for the severe and quick reaction after the treatment and Aline went to turn off her forgotten stove. The odor and smoke of burnt food stimulated his eyes, making Alec cried even harder. Alec didn't know what he had done in his last life or in this that he merited the love from the three of them. But he was beholden to have them by his side.

Alec swore to himself and on the Angel's name, this would be his last time being weak.

The least he expected the visitor would be Jem. To be frank, they hadn't talked since the night two years ago and they went their separate ways as if nothing had happened. Jem was back to his work and the Clave was angry with Luke, so they removed all his titles and provided protection at a minimum level. Luke picked the black market himself due to the common silence and understanding among the residents. Everyone had their own dark histories and they lived a mutually beneficial relationship. Without a license in the black market was not a problem at all: he offered medical services and in return for food and other things.

It was a surprise to see the soft face again. Luke welcomed the silver-eyed man into his small apartment that was more of a cabin, and closed the door swiftly. It was late at night and Jem was stunk of alcohol. Said man settled down on a wood chair near the round table stocked with books and bottles, a candle lit up the whole room. Their elongated shadows flitted on the walls with no windows.

"Quite some time, right?" Jem slurred. His eyes inspected the surrounding and fell back on Luke when he was done. He pushed his glasses up further his nose and sat across from Jem, openly directed his question. "Why are you here?"

"What more could be the reason of that?"

Luke took down his glasses, folded and deposited it on top of a book. "That hardly explains anything."

They had only met for twice. The first time was the night he rescued Alec, and this the second. When they were members of the Institute, Luke was the contact person for Jem; they talked on phone but never came face-to-face until that night.

Jem tiredly slumped against the chair. His cheeks flushed. "I am now the psychiatrist of Alec. And I want to know how you did it."

News were always a bit slow here, especially when it wasn't deeply concerned by the residents in this underground world. Jeremiah must have passed away for Jem to take over his position; the deduction was easy. "Does it matter now? Alec is safe, that's all you need to know."

Alec was safe. Luke thought but choose not to say anything. There were too many things going on and he had already notified Ragnor about it. The robot would keep an eye on things. Sometimes he wondered, life was a funny game and people had to prepare themselves for an unpredictable twist. Never be so certain: the winner could be the loser at the end of the round.

"You know he is getting his memories back." Jem guessed and wasn't surprised at all for Luke's acknowledgement of Alec's action.

Not many knew it that Ragnor and Luke had constant phone calls in exchange of information. And he would like it to stay as a secret.

"I want to know everything, from another perspective. I want to know how you was able to get him out." The chair cracked an unpleasant noise as Jem leaned forward, asking for the account of him with slight hints of demanding tone. Luke didn't study to be a psychiatrist yet he knew how certain things worked. In those sessions Alec surely did tell Jem about his memories, about how he was being molested and abused. It was too much for one to handle the truth; the Clave had hired him one before. It was only six months ago that the doctor declared he was mentally stable again.

"No, Jem. I would not tell you. Just focus on Alec okay? You are good at your work that you require no external help."

"Please, Luke. I want – I need to know those bastards got what they deserve!"

The impression of Jem in Luke's mind was always tender and soft-spoken, who had total control of own emotions. This outcry made Luke smiled with compassion: because he had been there and done that.

His hand caressed the ugly scar on his neck, the one Sebastian gave him before he was sent from Alec to another fort outside the border for weeks. For two years he said nothing of this to any individual.

"I killed them," He said with shocking calmness. "Whoever had laid a finger on him. Those who had spoken of him like he was a toy."

A/N:

Very jumpy POV and I hope this isn't so confusing that having two Magnus here...

City of Heavenly Fire is coming out this week and I am not sure that you guys have time to read Fanfics :p. I myself is very nervous about the book and might not be able to post a new chapter by the end of this month. Anyway, I hope I will not die from Malec feels.

A review is highly appreciated and wish you all a good day!