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Chapter 9: Of Honor in Bravery and Justice for All

"You all have to go into hiding," Rowan said firmly.

"Absolutely not," replied Richard Delacroix.

Rowan had gone to her parents' home the evening after Belby had sacked her to speak to them about going into hiding. As soon as she'd calmed enough to consider Moody's words to her the previous afternoon, she knew that she had to protect the older Delacroixs – how could she live with herself if something happened to them, knowing that they were in danger? She had expected them to fight her on it and came ready for a battle, but she knew she was already losing, badly.

"Dad," she begged, but the older man had barely even looked up from his paper to discuss it with her. Carole continued reading her book, not even acknowledging the conversation. Desperation washed over her.

"Dad, just listen to me!" she said, pleading. How could they be so cavalier about this? "Moody said that Voldemort's supporters already suspect us. They know I'm with the Order! I need to get you into hiding! Please!"

But her words seemed to fall on deaf ears. Her mother turned a page quietly, and though her father's eyebrows furrowed slightly, he made no response. Why was this happening? Had they forgotten that they were at war?

"Listen to me! These people killed John!" she exclaimed shrilly. "They almost murdered Julia as well! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

He slammed his newspaper down. The sudden noise startled her, but the icy daggers in his eyes sent shivers down her spine. She knew logically that he was a much more vicious man than he showed at home, always doting on her, but she had never imagined his face could take on such a frigid expression.

"Don't speak to me about John Potter," he said, deathly calm. He'd never spoken to her so coldly, and she suddenly saw a glimmer of the high-ranking Ministry official that he hid away while at home.

"But-" she started weakly.

"Don't!" he shouted. His eyes softened slightly at the sight of his daughter trembling, but he maintained his hard stance. Carole closed her book calmly and looked up to look at Rowan seriously. "How can you? How can you expect me to go into hiding like some- some coward?" he spat.

Rowan froze, suddenly ashamed. Even her parents were willing to fight, even though they were old and frail. Was she the only Order member who was afraid?

"I will not run and hide from the bastards who murdered my oldest friend. I will not!" he shouted. Carole had closed her eyes calmly but sat straight in her chair. Rowan was struck by how regal both of her parents looked. She felt extremely shabby and cowardly in comparison.

"But Dad," she whimpered, "I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to you because of me! Please!" She inwardly beat herself for sounding so weak. Damn it! She felt stinging in her eyes and blinked them away furiously. She would not cry in front of her parents like this! When had she become so weak, so pathetic? Hadn't she been prepared for this?

"Rowan," her mother finally spoke, opening her eyes to look fiercely at her daughter. She had never seen so much fire in the older woman. Why hadn't she inherited her courage as well as her intellect?

"We know," she said gravely. "We know you worry, but if you're going to keep fighting, then we're staying.

"We're old," she continued, softly. "We can't fight the way we used to, but we've already lived our lives and made our peace with our choices. We're staying," she finished firmly. Richard gazed fiercely at Carole with a burning pride, and Rowan thought of the way James looked at Lily.

"She's right. Besides," he added gruffly, "I'll never be able to face John in the afterlife if I go into hiding now. That old bastard would never let me live it down."

He grinned roguishly at her. She stared blankly back - had she really lost so quickly? It was as if he'd fast forwarded through their entire argument, and she was lagging behind. She couldn't even work up the effort to understand how their conversation had ended so decisively without so much as a battle from her. She suddenly felt very overwhelmed. Her mother smiled and stood from her chair, sighing.

"Well, it's getting late. Better go save Remus from Alfred before that man-eater decides to make him his new plaything," she said wryly. Rowan stood as well in a daze, saying goodbye to her father confusedly. As she walked out of the drawing room with her mother, she glanced above the doorway at the sight of the Delacroix coat of arms. Across the top it read, "Honor in Bravery and Justice for All." Her chest twisted painfully. She couldn't be sure if she should feel proud or afraid.

When Rowan entered the kitchen, Remus and Alfred were seated at the table laughing. Alfred was relaying an amusing story from Rowan's childhood, and Remus leaned forward on his elbows eagerly, a grin plastered on his face.

"What're you telling him now, you old tart?" her mother asked smartly.

Alfred looked up and grinned at her. "Oh, nothing important," he replied cheekily, "I was just telling young Master Lupin here about little Winnie's tantrum when she was seven and you told her that she couldn't wear boys' trousers to your cousin Louis' wedding." He grinned at Rowan. "Such a little tomboy you were," he sighed dramatically, as if reminiscing.

Rowan glared at him then looked to Remus. He couldn't read the expression on her face – had she been able to convince her parents to go into hiding or not?

"Time to go," she said to him, and he nodded.

The nonchalant look on Carole's face said that Rowan hadn't been successful, but she looked strangely comfortable for a woman whose daughter had just told her she was in mortal danger. He still couldn't understand this family.

"Be sure to come back soon, dears. Bring James and Lily along as well. I still have to give them their wedding present," she said, following them down the hall to the door.

Remus worked up the courage to ask the obvious question. "I take it you're staying then?" Remus said slowly, glancing at Rowan, who was frowning slightly.

Carole smiled. "Yes, we're old, but we're no cowards. Besides, what kind of Gryffindor runs in the middle of battle?" she said smartly. Remus smiled fondly at the older woman. The more he got to know her, the more he realized from where Rowan inherited her spark, though the younger woman's face held a grimace at her mother's words.

They waved goodbye to Mrs. Delacroix and Alfred and stepped out into the warm night. He was startled to feel Rowan's fingers grasp his own hesitantly. He looked down at her, confused, and she looked up shyly. She blushed in a way that he hadn't seen since their Hogwarts days, and he couldn't help the smile that broke across his face. He gripped her hand tightly and Disapparated back to London.

"You have to go back to Belby," Remus said quietly.

He and Rowan were lying in his bed together face to face, both bare. They'd made love to each other for the first time in weeks, and Rowan was struck by how incomplete she felt. Remus had been gentler than ever, but as she looked at him in the white glow from the window, she couldn't help but feel a small hint of dread bloom in her stomach again. She was still in love with him, painfully so, and it was making it all the harder to let go of him.

"What do you mean?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

He smiled gently and reached up to brush some hair from her face. Her eyes closed instinctively. It was too warm, too much. Her chest hurt.

She opened her eyes as he answered, "You can't let it end here. You have to go back."

Her lip quivered. "But he doesn't want me there, and isn't he right? I'd be endangering everything he's been working for. He's not like my parents – he doesn't want to fight. I can't force that on him," she whispered sadly.

He smiled thinly. "Yeah, but he can't do it without you. And you've come so far already. How can you give up now?"

She couldn't stop the trembling of her chin, and a couple of tears escaped. He reached up and wiped them away before pulling her into his chest. He was so warm. It engulfed her, overwhelming.

How was it that he always knew what she needed, except when it came to himself? It was unfair, cruel even. She knew he was right – she had to go back to Belby – but the thought of confronting the Potions Master made her breath run short. She wanted to go back, but how would she ever convince him to change his mind?

Remus ran his hands slowly through her hair as she fell asleep. Her mind was a haze of memories of shouting, and she couldn't differentiate her father's voice from Belby's. She dreamt of broken glass and roaring lions.

Rowan stood outside of the apothecary two days later wringing her hands nervously. She stared at the door with a sickening churning in her stomach. The last time she'd felt so overwhelmingly nervous was right before she took her Potions N.E.W.T. She hadn't been able to eat breakfast out of fear that she'd throw it up, but even still, her innards felt like they were turning inside out.

Remus had convinced her to return to Belby's shop, but now that she was there, she didn't know if she could even enter. From the outside, it didn't appear any different from when she'd left. Had it all just been a terrible dream? She almost imagined him sitting in the lab waiting for her.

She took a shaky breath and straightened herself resolutely, moving towards the door and entering the shop. She hoped the trembling in her hands would stop.

Rowan had entered the basement lab with a nod to Alexander, who had eyed her cautiously but didn't announce her arrival. She was grateful for it – the squawking would have rattled her already delicate nerves. But as she moved down the stairs to the basement, stepping loudly enough to allow Belby proper notice, the older man had dropped his notes and glared venomously at her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" growled Belby.

She froze for a moment mid-stair but gathered up her courage and rushed down the rest before she could lose her nerve.

"I'm here to work," she declared fiercely, squaring her shoulders and drawing herself up. She hoped that she looked taller.

"Like hell you are! Unless you quit that damn Order, then you're not welcome here!" he said, turning back to the books on his table.

Rowan's nostrils flared defiantly. "I'm not quitting at the Order, nor am I quitting as your apprentice. I'm here to stay, and there's nothing you can do about it!" she said, though she didn't feel nearly as confident as she sounded. She prayed that he didn't notice the shaking in her legs.

He slammed his fist on the table in anger. The sound made her jump slightly. He roared, "You stupid girl! Arrogant, selfish! Do you know how long I've been working on this cure? You were still in diapers when I started this! I will not risk everything for your stupidity!"

She trembled but drew herself up again. She was being selfish – he was right and the guilt ate at her – but this was it.

"I don't care! I told you I'm going to help you find that cure, and you can't stop me!" she shouted back.

He roared in frustration and threw a giant book at the wall, and she jumped at the sudden violence. It crumpled to the ground, spine broken and pages spilling out in a mess of tears and creases.

"Stop you? STOP YOU?" he roared. "This is MY laboratory and I want you GONE!" She could see a vein throb in his red forehead. It looked as if blood might burst from his eyes.

"NO!" she screamed back. "You WILL take me back, even if I have to fight you!"

He screamed in frustration and pushed her so violently that she lost her balance and fell to the ground painfully. Terror seized her – was he going to attack her? She groped for her wand, but just as she'd pointed it up to defend herself, he'd already begun stomping up the stairs. She heard loud thundering of feet and then a slam of the door. He was suddenly gone.

Her head pounded with the deafening sound of her own heart. The silence was loud, and she listened hard with bated breath, expecting him to come storming back in, perhaps with Ministry officials. But he didn't return.

She looked about her, suddenly aware of her surroundings. Nothing had changed since she'd left a few days prior, even her own workspace. She'd expected the cauldrons and test tubes to be gone or broken, but they looked exactly as she'd left them – had he known all along that she'd come back?

The feeling in Rowan's limbs faintly returned. She noted that she hadn't felt them at all since Belby had thrown her to the side as he stormed out. She also felt a slight ache at her hip – she'd have a bruise there soon.

The book Belby had thrown was still in a heap on the ground. Rowan pulled herself up and forward and crawled toward it slowly. She recognized it as one she'd found at the London Wizarding Library a few months prior. The Potions Master had been pleased with her find and had even given her a few rare words of praise. A slight warmth spread through her chest at the memory.

"Reparo," she whispered, waving her wand over the book. The pages slithered back into the bindings as the spine twitched and straightened back out. She gathered it up gingerly and stood slowly, placing it back on the table. She moved to the notes Belby had been looking over and saw that he'd made some progress since she'd left. Her eyes scanned through the detailed schedule he'd laid out for himself, memorizing the agenda quickly before turning back to her work station – even if he'd left, she'd come back to work, and she was determined to have as much done as possible by the time he returned.

Remus entered the apothecary again at 6 p.m. and looked around for Rowan.

"Customer! Customer!" cried Alexander, and he cringed at the bird's shrill voice. He heard shuffling from the basement.

"Rowan?" he called cautiously.

"Who's there? Remus?" he heard her call up. "I'll be up in a second!"

He felt himself release the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. She sounded much better than she had in the morning, and the fact that he wasn't already being shouted at by the rough Potions Master was a good sign that things had gone well. He couldn't help but smile as she appeared from the stairwell.

She smiled back and ran into his arms happily. He hadn't seen her looking so pleased in months. His smile stretched into a grin, and he squeezed her tightly.

"So everything went okay then?" he asked hopefully as she pulled away.

Her face scrunched up, and he was suddenly confused. "Well, not exactly," she said slowly. He frowned. "He yelled at me and then stormed out this morning. I haven't seen him since."

His frown deepened. "Why are you so happy then?" he asked. This was ludicrous.

She laughed brightly. The sound was precious. "I don't know!" she exclaimed brightly. He was flummoxed. "But I've been working all day, and I have a good feeling," she said. Her arms were still around his waist, and she squeezed him lightly again.

Remus' frown remained, but for some reason, he trusted her strange optimism and nodded slowly. "Okay… Well, are you ready to go home then or do you want me to come back later?" he asked carefully.

She shook her head jerkily. "No, I'm going to work through the night here. I have a lot to catch up on from the past few days, and I want to make sure I'm here when he returns," she said quickly.

Remus took in her words, and though the thought of leaving her there alone all night disturbed him slightly, he melted at the determined look on her face. He knew he couldn't say no to her.

"Okay, but will you send me a Patronus in the morning before I leave for work so that I know you're all right? And you have to promise to let me know if you decide to leave sometime in the night, so I can come get you," he said sternly.

She nodded fervently and rose up on her toes to kiss him softly. His hands shot to her face reflexively and deepened it. She hadn't kissed him in such a way in ages, and he wanted to savor it as long as possible.

When she pulled away, a light pink dusted her cheeks, and he had to smile at her sudden shyness.

"Alright, get back to work. Let me know if anything happens, okay?" he said quietly. She nodded and smiled softly.

"I love you, Remus," she whispered.

Her sudden declaration startled him, but her earnestness shot a flare of heat through him. He beamed at her and leaned down to kiss her again. He thought his heart might explode.