A/N: A short update this time, from Alex's POV though. Thanks Librarybook, WB79, prooffice, emj137 and guests for reviewing too :)
Alex cleaned up the glasses in the sink while Piper showed Sarah out. She was proud of Piper for being able to share what happened to her with a relative stranger, and having done it so soon after sharing it for the very first time ever with her. It had been a very difficult thing to have heard for a second time, especially when Sarah asked more questions. Last night, she had not wanted to push Piper with her own questions as she had been so certain that the blonde would run out on her that she tried to reign in any questions and leave it for Piper to set the pace of the very difficult conversation. Hearing Sarah deal with the topic in a much more measured and yet sensitive way made Alex feel inadequate and ill equipped as a support mechanism for her girlfriend. She had completely lost her mind last night, hearing that from Piper, and had found the emotions overwhelming at the time. Yeah, way to go Vause. Your girlfriend shares a deeply personal and emotional scar with you and you flip out and break half her kitchen in a temper. Selfish and stupid. Just like her reasons for giving Piper up in the first place and putting her in that situation.
Piper closed the door behind her and sighed deeply. "Fuck. It's out there now. It just left these four walls and got into a blue sedan, on it's way through the streets of New York this very minute and on it's way to a computer in an office someplace….About to be made into some sort of a report no doubt." She folded her arms and looked out of the window, watching Sarah's car pull away.
She dried her hands and made her way over to where Piper was staring out into the empty parking space. "It's confidential Pipes. Sarah can't do anything with that information unless you tell her it's OK. Yes, she has to write up the notes and that makes a record of it for the first time. That's bound to freak you out. But it will not go any further without your permission. That's what she said, right?" Alex leaned against the wall on the opposite side of where Piper was, so she could see her but not invading her space.
"Yeah, she said that. It just feels strange to have her knowing about it." She shrugged and left to go into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Alex went to put the dish towel back and busied herself tidying the kitchen while she waited for Piper to come back. She really didn't think it was a good idea for her to be going back to work this afternoon, but she had a pretty good idea that Piper would flatly refuse to stay at home and would prefer to throw herself back into work mode and pretend this conversation didn't happen. She was texting Nicky about the whereabouts of an order sheet when Piper came back, all ready to head out.
"Ready when you are Alex. Can you drop me at the coffee shop on the corner and I'll get Polly some lunch before I go in?"
"Em…hang on, let me send this…Right. Yes, I'll drop you wherever you like. But do you think it's a good idea to go in? Maybe you should stay home or take a walk or something-"
"Alex, this happened years ago. There's no reason ANYTHING has to change at this point. I'm not suddenly incapable." She put her coat on, signalling the conversation was over. Alex picked up her things and they headed to the car.
After a few moments, Alex tried to press a little more once they were in the car."OK, but maybe you could finish early or something?"
"I'm FINE! Can we change the fucking subject please? I'm bored of the current one." The blonde turned to stare out of the window as Alex started the engine. They drove in silence for a while as Piper was fixed to have the back of her head to Alex for a good 10 minutes. It was driving Alex mad that Piper was in shut-down mode and she didn't know whether to leave her with her own thoughts or change the subject. Piper had barely had a moment to herself since telling Alex and she'd soon have to put on a brave face in front of Polly, so she figured silence was probably the best option. Arriving at the coffee shop, Alex went to pull in before breaking the atmosphere in the car.
"I won't say anything about this to anyone you know."
"Thanks." Piper turned to give a half-hearted smile as she unclicked her seatbelt.
"Do you want me to pick you up tonight? I could swing by and get you as I-"
"No. It's OK thanks. I'll take the subway. I don't know what time I'll be finishing anyway as there's some paperwork I promised I'd sort out." Piper was already opening the door.
"OK, do you want me to come over tonight?"
"No, it's OK. You've got your own stuff to do. I was going to call my Mother anyway and then I'll probably have a bath and an early night. Do you mind?"
"Of course not…..Pipes?"
Piper was already half closing the door as she stopped and ducked back down. "Yeah?"
"Call me if you need anything. Or if you change your mind about a lift or company later."
"I won't, but thanks Alex." She turned to walk to the coffee shop without so much as a backward glance, leaving Alex in the car. Was it wise to leave Piper on her own tonight after all that had happened in the last 24 hours? What if she started drinking again? It's not like she could ask Polly to keep an eye on her either in case her eagle-eyed best friend wanted to dig deeper into the reasons for her being concerned.
"Fuck!" Alex banged her hands on the wheel. She thought for a moment before getting her phone out and texting Poussey.
'Hey P. You still planning to renovate your apartment? I've got someone who can take that wall down for you today if you like? Ask no questions, you'll get no invoices ;-)' She got an instant reply back.
'Er…yes… Since I'm not allowed to ask questions, come get the keys '
She drove to NY Logistics to quickly get Poussey's apartment keys, before heading to her own place to change into sweats and a tight vest top, pulling a hoodie over the top and grabbing a coffee before heading back out in her car to the hardware store. After picking up what she thought were the essential supplies, she headed over to Poussey's apartment and struggled up the two flights of stairs with a sledge hammer, electric saw, dust sheets and a few other bits.
Setting the dust sheets over the furniture and doorways to stop the dust from getting everywhere it shouldn't she put the dust mask and eye goggles on and selected a Ramones playlist on her phone and put her ear buds in to begin self-therapy.
As she battered the wall with the hammer, Alex went through the process of her turning over information to the police and what she might have been able to get away with not telling them if she could do it all again. She saw the faces of the police team she was fist giving the information to, who didn't believe her. She could have walked away right them and this never would have happened to Piper. WHACK! She saw the faces of their bosses, who insisted on her proving herself and turning over some of her colleagues in the ring. They were collateral damage, but still…she could have stopped there and said that was all they were getting. Piper didn't need to be mentioned. WHACK! She saw the faces of the higher ups she and her Lawyer had to negotiate a deal with where they said every name must be given or it was no deal. How would they even know about Piper so long after they were together? WHACK! She saw her own face, asking Piper to make the trip to take the drug money to Belgium, convincing her it would all be OK. WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! Alex swung the sledge hammer until her muscles were screaming in pain and she could no longer lift it. Kicking it to the side, she started kicking the plasterboard and beating her fists against it instead. Finally, her head rested against the partly demolished wall, blood covering the chucks of plaster that were hanging on around the woodwork as she sobbed against the dust mask and slumped down onto the floor, defeated. Pulling the goggles and mask off, defeated, she thought about what had led to this.
What kind of a heartless, cold bitch does that to someone they love? The only person she ever loved besides her own Mother. The only person she ever met who would never knowingly or willingly hurt another person. The most pure and innocent person she ever got involved in that business. Even the younger drug mules had a mean streak or a dangerous streak running through them. Piper was passionate about saving the environment, eating healthy and yoga. How would she ever have ended up in prison without meeting her? Alex remembered the night she first saw Piper in that bar, how she approached her initially sussing her out as a potential mule and discounted it straight away. Even within 5 minutes of talking to Piper, she already knew she was too innocent and pure to pass as a mule. She fucking knew it, yet she was selfish and weaved her web to draw Piper in anyway. Because she wanted her. Piper could have handed her CV in and left that night, going back to her normal life and working in a bar or as a teacher, anything she wanted. She had the whole world at her feet the night she met Alex, and the brunette fucked all of that up for her own self-serving reasons.
It was impossible to make this up to Piper and it was pointless to even think about it, but she couldn't help but think of grand gestures. Eight years ago, she'd buy a necklace or an expensive new dress and use her money to pacify her girlfriend at the time. She knew Piper never really fell for those methods and she wasn't materialistic in any sense, but the blonde would always relent eventually and let Alex win her over with her charm or seduction. There was no way of buying her forgiveness and how could she ever expect to be forgiven for any of this anyway?
She wiped her face with her dusty arm and stood up to survey the damage on the wall as well as her hands. Her palms were bloody from pounding her fists against the wall and she rinsed them in the sink before drinking from the tap to quench her thirst. Putting gloves over the top of her bloody hands, she plugged the electric saw in and dragged it over to the wall before putting her goggles and dust mask back on. She cut through the wooden framework to finish the job that she'd started. As much as her reasons for volunteering were personal, it wasn't fair to half wreck Poussey's living space and walk out before finishing the job, so she set about clearing the wall from floor to ceiling.
Alex was pulling a piece of wood out of the nail securing it to the floor when she was tapped on the shoulder by Nicky.
"Shit Nicky, you scared the life out of me!"
"Sorry about that. I did shout you, but the combination of your beanstalk stature and your awful taste in music drowned me out."
"Mmm, you'll be shooting arrows at my ankles and dragging me to the floor with ropes if it happens again will you?"
"Huh?"
"Gulliver's Travels?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Nevermind." Alex pulled her dust mask down so Nicky could hear her better and lifted the goggles into her hair. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh. Poussey said there was a last minute renovation going on and I came over to check that whatever 'staff' was arranged at such short notice weren't taking any payment from the apartment without the owner's consent. Poussey is seeing that College girl later, or she'd be here herself with a baseball bat…or sledge hammer….that works too…" Her eyes roamed over the tools at Alex's feet before moving back to Alex and raising her eyebrows.
"Well, as you can see, I don't have a TV under my arm."
"I see that….Want me to pat you down to check your pockets?" She wiggled her eyebrows.
"Er, no. Think you're going to have to trust me on that."
"Really? You could be hiding an awful lot of gear in those bras you wear Stretch…I've seen them in the laundry at your place. I reckon you could easily get, what, like a pound of stuff in each cup there…" Nicky held her cupped hands out and juggled them as though weighing her breasts.
"Yes, really."
"Spoilsport. Well, I guess you'll have to hope there's something tasty in my bra for you then." Nicky bent down behind her to lift up two bottles of cold beer, holding them aloft and wearing a grin.
"Normally, that would repulse me. But you're turning me on for the first time in your life tonight." Alex pulled her keys out and used the bottle opener to pull the caps off both.