AN- Hey! I made it barley by getting 2 updates in with in a seven day time frame! Seems to be getting harder to do!:) Again I have to say THANK YOU! You're feedback is amazing! I want to pocket it up and take it with me because it always makes me smile! Enjoy this! Enjoy your day!
"You're going to meet with all three tomorrow then set up individual appointments after that? Or am I camping out in your office tomorrow for three hours?" Stef asked as she tapped her pencil against the counter.
"Okay. Great so just an hour tomorrow with all three then we'll work on getting them their own appointments? Perfect. Yes. Again Thank you" Stef nodded "Thanks again. I am so glad Samantha left me your card. Right?" She smiled "Yes you'll see the lovely women in my family at 9am tomorrow. You too" Stef said ending the call on her cell phone just as another call came in. She sighed before sliding her finger across the bar to answer "Hey mom" she answered tiredly as she looked across the counter to Brandon "I am going to go talk to Grandma out in the back yard. You're in charge of the kitchen."
Brandon nodded and waved her off as he and Jude worked on buttering bread for the grilled cheese that they were now making for the girls since they had already scarfed down their own sandwiches.
Stef made her way out to the back yard and took a seat on the old tree swing she and Lena had put for Brandon when they first bought the house. "Hi mama" She greeted again resting her head against the rope of the swing. "Yeah, I am tired" She answered her mother's question as her voice cracked a little "No, you don't need to come out. I think Lena and I just want it to be us. I am just tired" She whispered "Mom it's hard. Callie and Mariana are just breaking in two very different ways and Lena's kind of closed herself off and is just focused on being a mom. I just" Stef felt as tears began to roll down her cheeks "I just don't feel like I am doing a very good job at being there for all of them. For each of their needs and the boys the poor boys."
She wiped at her eyes as she listened to her mother give her words of encouragement one hand played with the ends of her blonde hair "Mom maybe you can come out next week?" She asked deciding that she in fact wanted her mom. No she needed her mom. She knew they needed to adjust as a family and she knew she needed this week to be quiet but she was tired and having her mom there when the kids and Lena went back to school would be nice. Having her there for herself.
She took a deep breath and composed herself "Mom, really I think if you flew out here on Sunday afternoon and were here for next week. You'd be a life saver. We'll have appointments and work and running. It would be nice if no one got lost in the shuffle." She sighed after hearing her mom was coming out "No, I promise I am fine now. I just needed that moment. It's just hard helpless feeling to not really be able to bring my kids the comfort they need. You just see them mom their sad eyes, hearing their sniffles, wiping away tears. It's just hitting my heart hard and I feel like I am failing them because I can't fix it" She listened and nodded as if her mother could see her. "Thanks mom"
She sighed "I love you too. See you in a few days? Yes I'll call if I need you sooner. Yeah. Yeah. Again yes. Bye mom" She said as she pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call dropping the phone gently to the grass below she began to move the swing back and forth. Her mind racing to what would have happened yesterday if the kid had found Lena earlier if he had killed her, or one of the girls? How would her life look? How would she be able to go on? Was this the fear Lena lived with every day? It was rather crippling.
"Hey honey, what are you doing out here?" Lena asked coming up behind Stef catching the swing with her hand to still her wife.
"My mom called" Stef answered as she looked up to Lena "I just wanted to talk to her quietly. Without little ears."
"You needed your mom moment?" Lena asked as she came and placed herself on Stef's lap.
"Yeah, it was one of those moments."
"That makes me happy" She said softly "Not the you needed your mom moment but the fact that you needed your mom. I know that sounds crazy but when our kids our older and gone there will still be moments where they just want us." She leaned back against Stef "I should probably call my mom again. I haven't talked to her since the hospital yesterday"
"Probably" Stef nodded "I am sure she wants to come see you."
Lena sighed "Not right now. Not this week we just…"
"I know" Stef said wrapping her arm around Lena's middle as she began to use her legs to swing the swing again. I know maybe Sunday? Or sometime later next week. I know we need this week for us but maybe next week? My mom is coming on Sunday afternoon."
Lena nodded "That's probably a good idea, as much as I would like to say no and leave it just us."
"I know love" Stef said softly "But having extra eyes, arms and ears will be good too."
"Yeah" Lena sighed as she looked up at the big tree. "Stef, do you think the world will ever feel the same again? Today it feels very different. Unnatural, darker not real"
Stef gave Lena a squeeze and nodded "I know what you're feeling and yes it will feel normal again. Some day. This feeling won't last forever and soon this will be just some really bad memories.
Lena nodded as she put her foot down to stop the swing "Come on in and eat sweetheart. The girls are just sitting down. B ratted you and informed me you didn't eat with the boys. You too need to eat."
"I know, I was waiting for you" She said with a smile "I kind of wanted to sit down and eat a meal with my wife."
Lena nodded "I want that too."
"How are the girls?" Stef asked as she used her legs to guide Lena to stand up so she could get up as well.
"Mariana is quiet but not crying and she didn't cling to me when I told her I was coming out to get you. Of course Callie is with her so she's not alone."
"That's good" Stef smiled "That's a step, a big step Lena" She smiled "And how's our Callie girl?"
Lena sighed "Cranky, lesson of the day don't wake Callie up from a nap early. Just let her sleep until she wakes up on her own. Sometimes no not sometimes all the time, I wish we got Jude and Callie right as they went into the system. We would have learned these things when they were little. We would have learned how to better soothe them. We have learned when to nap them when not to nap them. We'd know all of their fears"
"And no one would have hurt her" Stef sighed "No Needles, and no Liam."
"Yeah" Lena nodded "Just be prepared she's a bear right now."
"I can handle me some Callie bear" She promised as she took Lena's hand and led her back in.
"Fresh hot cheesy sandwiches mama" Brandon smiled a plate of sandwiches down on the middle of the counter as Jude placed two bowls of soup down for the moms.
Stef and Lena took the empty seats next to the girls and each grabbed a sandwich to dip in their soup.
"Hey Cal" Stef greeted her when she noticed her soup was pushed back and her plate didn't have sandwich. "Did you have a nice nap?"
Callie shot Lena a glare "Would have been nicer had I been able to stay asleep"
"I know" Stef nodded as she leaned over Mariana and grabbed Callie's sandwich plate she brought it to her and placed a sandwich on it before leaning back over Mariana to put it in front of her daughter "I hate that feeling, getting woken up too soon. Sorry babe"
Callie groaned and pushed it back with her finger "It was empty for a reason Stef. I am not hungry"
"Did I ask if you were?" Stef raised an eyebrow "Since yesterday morning you've had a yogurt, three bites of a sandwich last night and a piece of bacon."
"That's not it" Callie argued
"Oh yeah how could I forget" Stef rolled her eyes at her daughter "You've had a cup of coffee. Now this isn't an option you're going to sit here until you eat."
"Um mom" Jude asked from the other side of the counter "Can Jesus and I go outside now for a bit?"
Stef knew the boys were feeling how tense the girls were and knew they needed a break. "Sure little man, just stay close."
Jude nodded "I am going to go get my shoes and Jesus" He smiled as Callie reached out and grabbed his arm as he ran by. She pulled him to her and whispered something into his ear. Which caused his shoulders to slump, as he let out a small sigh, before nodding. "Actually" He said coming up with a small smile "I am going to hold off from going outside for a bit"
Callie wrapped her arm around his shoulder and kissed his head "Thank you baby"
Lena put her sandwich down and narrowed her eyes at Callie before looking over to Jude "No, Jude. No you're not buddy. I think it's good for you to go outside. Go get Jesus and tell him I want you to outside for a bit. Fresh air is great for you boys."
"Mama, I'd rather stay in" Jude said again flashing her his sweet Jude smile as he hopped up onto a stool next to Callie.
"Jude don't argue with your mama, go get your brother and your shoes and scram for a little bit. The sun feels good bud. Fresh air is what you're needing trust me" Stef winked at him "Go on."
Jude bit down on his lip and looked helpless to Callie "I. um."
"Callie isn't your mom" Lena shook her head "We are. You don't answer to her."
"Yeah, I know but..."
"He's my brother" Callie said in a cool tone as she shot Lena smug look before as she pushed her sandwich back towards Stef "And if he wants to stay with me. He can!"
Lena let out a frustrated sigh as she slammed her hand down on the counter. Something that was pretty out of character for Lena. "Callie you are not his mother! You don't get a say and I am done with your attitude right now young lady. Pick up your plate and your bowl of soup and go to your room. NOW"
All the heads in the room turned to Lena with big eyes were sported all the way around. She hardly ever raised her voice with them. Nor did she ever really lose her cool.
"But" Callie's tone gone and her voice small "I just wanted him to wait for me."
"Then you could have used your words and said that. You could have explained that to us. Instead you tried to undermine me and parent Jude. You are a kid in this house. You are my kid! Not a mother." Lena pointed "Now go to your room right now."
Callie shot her a glare as she hopped off her stool "Fine, whatever. It's quieter then anyway. Maybe I can finish my nap!" She mumbled as she headed for the stairs.
"Freeze" Lena's voice stern "Grab your lunch! Better be gone before I come up there. Do you understand?"
Callie sighed and turned back around grabbing her lunch as she avoided eye contact with everyone in the room before she making a quick retreat.
Lena let out a sigh after she was gone "See?" She said to Stef "Bear."
Stef nodded as her eyes were still wide. Right now she was actually more worried about her wife then her child. She was on edge which wasn't very common.
"Jude, go get Jesus and your shoes and go outside for a bit" Lena nodded with a small smile to him trying to reassure him everything was fine. "It's okay, and your sister will be okay."
Jude put his hands in his pockets "Um well, after something big happens something that scares her, or harms her Callie she just gets like this. But I've never seen her talk to anyone else like that but me. Don't take it personally, she doesn't really mean it. Just means she trusts you" He then shoved his hands in his pockets before he left. He then left the room quickly
Lena let out a groan "I shouldn't have yelled at her like that."
"You didn't really yell at her love" Stef shook her head "You put your foot down, and made her stick to our ground rules. Honey I was about to do the same thing. I promise it's going to be fine."
Lena exhaled as she picked up her sandwich again "I am just going to give her some time alone. I think she just might need space."
"She'll probably eat her lunch and start feeling better, and less cranky" Stef smiled "She hasn't eaten much in the last few days her blood sugar is off and…"
"And she lived through a school shooting on the anniversary of her mom's death" Lena pointed out.
"It's a hard day, and she's going through a lot" Stef agreed "But there are still rules and respect to be had. Which is why give her grace. But Lena we still need to keep our house running the same as we always do."
Lena rubbed her temples "I know, you're right and Jude said something that caught my attention"
"Yeah?"
"She only does this with people she trusts"
Stef grinned "Well yeah my love, she's melting down but she feels safe to melt down"
"Yesterday, when she was pushing me…" Lena started to say
"Was the start of her melt down when she realized what day it way. I am sure the anniversary of her mom's death ways heavy on her heart. You were there. All those pent up emotions feelings that she hasn't really been taught how to process came out on you. Why? Because Lena you're her mama. You're one of the safest people in her world. She could throw them at you and she knew you weren't going anywhere."
Lena nodded "Until I almost got shot in front of her."
"You didn't leave her Lena." Stef grabbed Lena's arm "You're still here."
"Thankfully" Mariana mumbled from next to them still nibbling on her sandwich.
Lena got up and moved over to her daughter and wrapped her arms around her. "I love you."
"Mom" Brandon cleared his throat after sensing they were most likely done talking about Callie now. "Dad was wondering if tonight I could spend the night with him. He just wants me close by for a night"
Stef knew that Mike hadn't asked if Brandon could spend the night with him. She knew that she wanted all her babies together. However with everything the girls were going through she knew the house was a bit tense and Brandon just needed a break. "Yes, of course B" She nodded "I am going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too" He said as he moved from around the counter to hug his mother. "It's just for one night"
Lena nodded "That's a great idea B. I am sure after yesterday your dad is wanting to have you close by too. I understand that feeling"
"I want you home by ten tomorrow" Stef said as she got up gathering their lunch dishes "We're going out as a family."
Brandon raised his eyebrow "We are?"
Stef nodded "Sitting around the house isn't helping anyone. We're going to do some family stuff."
"I don't want to go anywhere" Mariana whispered "I want to stay home"
"I know Miss Thing" Lena said rubbing her back "I kind of want to too but if we do that we are letting Andrew win. Then he succeeded in hurting us. We've got to show him and the world we aren't scared to keep living."
Mariana sighed and nodded as she listened to her mother.
"Do you trust me?" Lena asked
Mariana nodded "Of course mama."
"This is going to be okay" She promised. "We are going to be okay"
The Fosters
FB
"How many missed calls are on your phone love?" Stef asked Lena as her eyes were on the dozing Mariana. The doctor had given her a shot for the migraine and told her it would take effect soon. Seemed to be working her face wasn't scrunched up in pain anymore.
Callie sat on the end of Mariana's bed flipping through a magazine while they waited for the police to come in and get their statement. The hospital staff they could stay there and do their quick questions in the private room that way Mariana could rest. Which Stef was thankful for.
"Forty five" She shook her head "Thirty five from my parents and the rest from friends and a few staff members."
Stef nodded "That's what I thought, Lena you have to call your mom."
"The reception in here is horrible" She shook her head "I have one bar"
"Lena" Stef cleared her throat "Go call your mom from the waiting room, while we wait for the officers. I'll stay with the girls and if they show up Callie or I will come and get you"
Lena looked down "I don't know."
"Honey" Stef said squeezing her hand "She's worried sick about you, I'd call her but I think she'd do better hearing your voice."
"You haven't called your mom" Lena argued
"I am going to the minute you three start giving your statements, and I texted her saying that you and the kids were safe I'd call her later with details. You haven't sent your mother a note at all. With all the news coverage. Lena she's probably on a plane here."
"Alright" Lena held up her hands "I'll be back." She said heading for the door "Unless... Callie baby do you need me to stay?"
Callie looked up and raised her eyebrow as she shook her head "No, I am okay. Besides Stef is here."
"Alright I'll be right out" She told both her wife and child before slipping from the room.
"That was like pulling teeth" Stef mumbled
"Understandable though" Callie said flipping the next page of her magazine.
Stef cocked her head to the side "Why do you say that sweets?"
Callie glance up "Because, Lena has held it together this entire time. She didn't once flinch. She didn't lose it. I mean sure I saw a tear or two spill but come on that's natural when you get as scared as she did, but in reality she kept it together and stayed strong" Callie's shoulders slumped a little and her voice quieter "Which she did for me."
Stef nodded as she knew that to be true. Lena was and would always be the rock her kids needed at any time they needed her. "Yeah that's what moms do"
"I know" Callie nodded "I get it, but think about Stef. Moms are strong and comforting. She's been able to get by on her mama mode. The minute she hears her mom's voice on the other line she is no longer that strong mama but in fact someone's child and the tears will come. She won't need to be strong anymore and it will come flooding out."
Stef was always caught off guard to how much insight this child had. "Wow" She nodded "That's true, good perspective baby" She nodded "And you're right." She agreed "But tell me this love, what about tough little girls that don't break even in front of their mom's? Even when it's safe to show the more vulnerable side? What do they do?"
Callie felt her cheeks turn red as she looked away from Stef "I guess we'll never know an answer to that question. Life's mysteries and all"
"You don't have to be tough all the time Callie.. You…" Stef started to say as the door opened cutting her off while Mike stepped in. "Hey ladies" He greeted he handed Callie a chocolate bar and a rose "Feel better soon?" He offered before setting two more roses and two more chocolates down on a tray.
"Stef" He looked to her "I've set up a couple things for you, and don't you dare say no. This is not the time to stubborn,"
Callie let out a little snort while she examined her rose
"Peanut gallery" Stef warned shooting her a mock glare before turning to Mike "What's up? Do you know when they are coming in to question my girls? I'd really like to take them home."
"They should be right in" Mike said pointing to the door "I saw them standing out there going over something."
Stef nodded 'If they come in, would mind running out to get Lena?"
"No" Mike shook his head "Not at all." He went and sat on the edge of the bed Stef was currently taking up residency on. "Stef, I have arranged for a grief counselor to come to your house in the morning to talk to Lena and the kids. I don't have her name. The office I called said one would be there in the morning and it would be a great one."
"Oh Mike" Stef smiled "You shouldn't have gone to all the work"
He shook his head "Nonsense this is for my child's family. It's good for them"
"Well thank you" Stef nodded "I was going to work on finding someone for the girls, I think a whole family session is a good idea"
"I also talked to Captain Rogers myself and Bernie are each donating two days of sick time to you. She wants you to stay at home the rest of this week with your family. I am sure she'll call you to tell that in person."
Stef's jaw dropped "Oh, Mike"
He reached out and patted her knee "I just want you with your kids this week. They need you."
Stef was going to say more when there was a knock on the door and three officers came in. Greeting Mike and Stef having seen them around.
"I am Officer Hunter" One of the cops said to Callie "We're just going to ask you and your mom a few questions about what happened this afternoon. We'll be quick I promise and no one is in trouble in this room Okay?" He smiled as he extended his hand sensing Callie's nervousness."
"My mom isn't here right this second" Callie mumbled as she pulled her legs up to her and snapping the bands on her socks."
"Love it's okay" Stef said getting up and moving to the bed with her girls wrapping her arms around Callie's shoulder. "Mike is going to go get mama, but I bet you can start answering some questions on your own." She smiled
Officer Hunter nodded "We just need to know what exactly played out today sweetheart. I am sorry you've had such a long day. We'll get you home soon alright?"
Callie Stef a look that clearly said, did he just call me sweetheart?
Stef ran hand up and down Callie's back trying to calm her "Thank you Officer Hunter. Lena should be right back"
Mike nodded "Right back, getting her now" He said before he slipped out of the room.
"See Mama will be right back" Stef said tucking Callie into her side wishing she could just make this all go away.