Chapter 4

Darkness meets light

Everyone stood still as the man walked in. Each of his boot clad footsteps resounded in the now empty dojo. In the shadows, the burning embers of his cigarette lit his face at irregular intervals. Kenji stood petrified by the policeman's gaze. His thin eyes weren't those of an agent of the law. They shone. They were like the eyes of a wild beast. A wolf's eyes.

The man kept getting closer. Kenji started trembling. An irrational thought sprung in his mind: I am going to die. The police officer finally stopped a few centimetres away from the boy. With his gloved hand, he grabbed his chin and lifted his head. Kenji didn't even think to protest.

"Yes. Himura's son. You look exactly like he did. Actually, if it weren't for your perfectly smooth left cheek, I would believe I was back in the bakumatsu."

Kenji looked deeper into the man's eyes. Darkness.

"Oh but I must say you have your mother's gaze. Your eyes, they're soft. I guess I was mistaken. You're not a killer after all."

But you are.

Suddenly losing interest, the policeman let go of Kenji and walked towards the wooden pillar into which Kenshin's sword was still embedded. Slowly, he grabbed the hilt of the weapon and with a sharp jerk, he pulled it out. He then looked at the sakabato, hefting it appreciatively. He seemed pleased with the craftsmanship. Then, still holding the sword with his right hand, he held up his left hand and touched the wood, tracing the newly cut line with the tip of his fingers. Then, he lifted his hand and traced another line that had been there much longer. He turned around and faced Kenji.

"I made this dent. I fought your father. I brought out the killer in him."

Kenji looked at the man in complete incomprehension. What was he talking about?

The boy did not get much more time to think for his mother walked up to the policeman.

"Saito-san, thank you for coming. Let's not bring up these old memories. There are certain things I wish to leave in the past, and so did Kenshin." Saying so, she took her husband's sword from his hand and passed it to Megumi who sheathed it.

Saito nodded, as if to apologize. Then, he seemed to remember something.

"Kawaji sent me to tell you that he will send a carriage for you tomorrow. His ashes are ready?"

Kaoru nodded.

"Please thank Kawaji-san for his help. I wish I could walk to the temple but as you know I don't have much longer left."

As if to prove her point, she started coughing badly. When the fit was over, she bowed at the policeman. In front of her, drops of blood fell on the shiny wooden floor. Saito did not seem to notice and bowed back. He then turned around and looked at Sanosuke and Yahiko as if he was seeing them for the first time.

"Chicken boy, what happened to you? You look like you went to hell and back."

Sanosuke gave the man a rueful smile.

"And you, you look just the same. Greetings to your wife!" he finished, with a little smirk.

The police officer flinched ever so slightly and walked away, waving his hand in goodbye. Everyone remained still until he was out of sight. Then, as if on cue, everyone started talking at the same time. Tsubame ran to Yahiko, Sanosuke walked to Megumi and Tae tried to make Kaoru sit. As for Kenji, he stood trembling in front of his father's desecrated altar.

Kaoru freed herself from Tae and walked steadily to her soon. She then stopped in front of him. He lowered his eyes, ashamed of what he had done but his mother forced him to look at her. Her eyes were fierce and her voice strong when she spoke to him.

"I have known of your feeling for your fathers for years. I have never forced you to understand him. I have never told you of the pain you've caused him. Of the hurt. I thought things would get better. That you would one day understand his reasons. I thought you were now a grown man but I was wrong. You're nothing but a child and you have shamed yourself and your family tonight. Get a hold of yourself. You're not the only person to have suffered in this world."

And then, for the first time, Kenji felt his mother's strength as she dealt him a blow. The boy instinctively covered his face with his hands and looked at Kaoru with pain and surprise. He did not have time to react much more for the woman suddenly collapsed at his feet in a severe coughing fit.

"OKAAAAAAAAN!"

. . .

Kenji sat by his mother's futon, holding her hand his his. Next to him, Megumi drowsed. Outside the walls, he heard the night watch call the midnight. After Kaoru had collapsed, Yahiko and Sanosuke had rushed her to bed. Megumi had done everything in her power to alleviate the dying woman's pain but she hadn't been able to do much. Tae and Tsubame had helped as much as they could but hadn't been able to do much more than Megumi. Kenji had followed them around a the house, useless.

When Kaoru's body had finally calmed down, her mind had started to wander. She had had long conversations with her husband, most of which had been incomprehensible. From time to time, she had called his name and they had known that she was still far gone. She had finally fallen asleep an hour prior, to everyone's relief. Although everyone had tried to send him to bed, Kenji had insisted on keeping watch on his mother. Megumi had taken his side and everyone had had to comply with her.

Now that everyone was asleep, Kenji could finally start thinking about what had happened. He wasn't proud of how he had snapped in front of everyone. He felt ashamed and guilty. But mostly, he couldn't forgive himself for paining his mother so. He knew now that his behaviour had nothing to do with her current state and that had he behaved, she wouldn't have been in a better health. Yet, he could have spared her the grief of seeing her son despising the man she had and still loved so much. Not that he forgave his dad, but he had come to the realisation that his mother loved him deeply. It was unfortunately too late to make amends.

Kenji then started thinking about the strange policeman called Saito. Everyone had seemed to know him and yet, Kenji had never heard of him or even seen him. The things he said had troubled him. He had said his father had been a killer. Well, no. He had said he had brought out the killer in his dad. What had he meant by that? Kenji knew that his father had been involved in the bakumatsu, but how, he didn't know. He had never been able to ask his father about that dark era and he had somewhat felt that the subject was taboo. Anyway, how could anyone kill with a reversed blade? And yet, his mother had clearly said that she wished to keep certain memories in the past. Had his father been a killer? Now that he thought about it, some old people had looked at him strangely in Kyoto. He had heard the word "battousai" a few times, too.

Kenji jumped when he felt his mother's hand move in his. He looked down at her and saw that she was gazing softly at him.

"Kenji, forgive me," she whispered, tears rolling on her temples.

The boy squeezed her hand.

"Okan, don't be sorry. I am the one who should be sorry. I've caused you so much pain."

Kaoru shook her head.

"Okan... You know that your father was from Kansai? You call me okan because of him. The first time you said it it felt so strange. I had thought you would call me ka-chan, or oka-san or even mama, but no; you called me okan."

She smiled.

"Kenji there are many things I wish I could have told you. There are many things I wish he could have told you. And now, I wonder if you would not have loved him more if he had spoken openly to you."

Kenji held back his tears. She was slowing slipping away from him, he could feel it.

"Kenji. I love you. You've always made me proud. I've loved you from the moment I lay my eyes on you. Kenshin, your father, he loved you, too. I know you find it hard to believe, but he loved you more than anything else in the world. He loved you more than he even loved me."

Tears flowed freely on Kenji's cheeks. He didn't want to hear these things. They hurt him.

"I know the others won't speak; he has made them swear but I hope that one day you'll be able to know the man that was your father."

"Okan..."

Kaoru gave her son a genuine smile.

"I know. I know. I will not make you change your mind. You are stubborn, just like me. Kenji, did I tell you that I love you. My mind is such a mess lately. It's like there is mist in my head. I love you my son. Now let me sleep."

Kaoru closed her eyes, her hand still in her son's and fell asleep. Kenji wiped his eyes with his sleeve and resumed his watch.

In the early morning, when darkness meets the light in a colourful tapestry in the sky, Kaoru opened her eyes to take one last look at the world. As she took her last breath, it seemed to her that she could hear Kenshin's voice calling her name.