A/N: A breath of fresh air to break through the darkness!
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Chapter 16: Of the Imprint of Memories
Rowan was struggling through the snow down the streets of Diagon Alley. The previous night had seen a snowfall of a good six inches, and she was marching through, trying her very best not to stumble. The winter sun was bright and reflected off the white snow blindingly, and the wind stung her cheeks till they were rosy. She thought that it was a wonderful day to be alive.
It was Christmas Eve, and the apothecary would be closed, but she knew that her master would be in the laboratory working anyway, so she'd come out to assist him for the day. Ever since their miraculous night of discoveries and laughter, there had been a lightness to the older man that she'd never imagined he could ever possess. She caught herself watching him at times while they worked, and even in the times of exhaustion, the secret smile on his face was enough to keep her enthusiastic.
If Belby was surprised to see her there, he made no mention of it, and they worked as if it were any other day. Though they had made a breakthrough, they still needed to test the dosages and try to improve the formula further. They also needed to start searching for human test subjects, which would be incredibly difficult. They received the lycanthropic mice from Ministry grants, but convincing werewolves to undergo testing was a risky task – not only would they be risking the subjects' health, but they would also be exposed to werewolves on the full moon. It would also probably require a great amount of funding. The entire ordeal would need serious preparation. Rowan made a mental note to speak to Fabian about requesting help with the protective spells.
At the end of the day, Rowan moved to her bag and pulled a small, neatly wrapped box from it. She turned and saw Belby hunched over his cauldron with his mouth twisted in concentration. She smiled fondly at the older man and cleared her throat.
He looked over at her with a frown and then noticed the gift in her hands. His frown deepened.
"What nonsense is that?" he growled.
She grinned. "Well, you already rudely turned down my invitation to dinner tonight, so I thought it would only be right if you accepted a Christmas present instead," she said brightly. "Don't worry, it's nothing intimate," she said cheekily.
He glowered at her but reached out a hand. She passed it to him and watched with great amusement as he unwrapped the red paper awkwardly. It seemed that he hadn't received a gift in a long time.
He pulled a small rectangular box from the wrapping paper and opened it carefully to reveal a new pair of glasses. He frowned at them then looked up at her questioningly.
"I noticed yours have a bit of a crack in them, and the frames are bent," she said casually. "Also, these are enchanted so they repel smoke and steam. You'll be able to see better while you brew now. They're already the correct prescription – I found it while organizing your files a few weeks ago."
He looked over the glasses, turning them over in his hands while nodding slowly. He pulled his old frames off and slowly slid the new ones on carefully. He turned to face her with an awkward expression on his face.
She grinned with delight. "Very sharp, Master Belby. I must say that I have excellent taste," she said proudly.
He snorted but stuck his old pair in the box and snapped it shut. "Thank you I suppose," he mumbled. Rowan felt her heart sing at his words.
He shifted uncomfortably and looked at her from the corner of his eye. "I haven't got anything for you," he said awkwardly.
She smiled and waved her hand dismissively. "Nonsense, you already pay me! That's enough of a gift, isn't it?" she joked lightly. It was the truth. She hadn't expected him to give her anything, and she wasn't exactly sure how she would've reacted if he had.
He grunted in response and then moved to place the box in a drawer in his desk. Rowan stood and started pulling her coat on.
"Sure I can't interest you in Christmas dinner? Remus will be there – I know how much you love werewolves," she joked.
He snorted derisively in response and waved her off. She laughed lightly as she picked up her bag.
"Merry Christmas, Master Belby," she said happily as she moved towards the stairs.
Just as she reached the top, she heard him call out after her, "Merry Christmas, girl."
That evening, the Delacroix family threw a small get together for their close friends, including the Potters and the Lupins. Mina and Sirius were spending their Christmas with the Surreys, and Peter with his parents on holiday in the countryside. Rowan mused that it would be amazingly entertaining to see Sirius with Mina's little brother Will on holiday. The younger boy had nearly idolized Sirius during his First Year, and she wondered how their dynamic had changed since the young man had begun dating his older sister. She hadn't seen him since they'd graduated – wouldn't he be in his Third Year now?
It was their first Christmas since John and Leanna had passed, and though the group was grateful to see the year end peacefully, it was bittersweet. It was also the first Christmas that Rowan and Remus had really spent as just friends since their Fifth Year at Hogwarts. Rowan still felt slightly stiff at times figuring out their new – or was it old – dynamic, but they had been getting better at resuming their friendship.
Carole, Alfred, and Julia had created a beautiful dinner for the party, and by the end of pudding, Lyall and Richard were on their way to being quite drunk. Rowan couldn't help but laugh with gratitude in her heart as she watched the two older men laugh raucously together like they were old friends. She mused for a moment that they might have been in-laws under different circumstances. She scowled inwardly at herself for the lapse and pushed the thought away.
As the evening continued, Rowan, James and Remus got roped into drinking with the older men, sitting around the floor by their feet. As drinks got knocked back, it became more and more apparent to the party that Remus was bad at holding his liquor. Indeed, Rowan had matched him drink for drink and barely had a buzz whereas he was quite tipsy, which was even more pathetic when one considered that he was nearly twice her size. The older men got quite a laugh from it, slapping Remus on the back and laughing harder as he swayed in his seat.
"He must have gotten it from his mother! She was never able to hold her liquor," his father said jovially. Remus scowled slightly at his father, and Rowan beamed happily at the thought of a bubbly but tipsy Leanna.
Richard grinned proudly at Rowan. "I might not have gotten a son, but my girl sure can drink like one!" he boomed proudly, ruffling her hair affectionately. James snickered at her.
"She sure dresses like one too," James teased. Rowan glowered at him and punched him hard in the arm. The older men laughed wildly at James' whimpers.
"Rowan, dear, go fetch your old records! We should have some music!" Carole called. The men shouted in agreement, and Rowan laughed, as she stood wobbly to run to her room. As she moved to her shelf, she looked over them quickly and didn't feel like sorting through them, so she grabbed the whole stack.
As she dropped them in front of her mother on the coffee table and sat back down, she watched as the other three women sorted through them, commenting on a few. Lily pulled one out in particular, and Rowan felt herself choke slightly on her drink as she realized that it was one of the old French records that Remus had sent her for her sixteenth birthday.
"Oh, I love this record!" she cooed dreamily. "Can we listen to this one?" she asked Carole eagerly.
Carole smiled fondly at the cover. "Oh, Rowan used to listen to this for hours," she said nostalgically. "Yes, pop it into the player, dear."
Rowan stared down into her glass and felt her face burn. She hadn't listened to those old love songs in years, as they always reminded her of her sad pining for Remus. She couldn't bring herself to look up in fear that he had recognized the record.
But as the smoky voice of the female crooner began to sing, she didn't have time to stress as she felt someone grab her hand roughly, snatching her drink from her hands and placing it on the table before jerking her to her feet. James pulled her into his arms dramatically and began turning her around the room.
"Oh, James, you remember!" Julia cried happily.
James and Rowan's mothers had forced them to take etiquette classes when they were young, before their Hogwarts years, and they'd spent hours learning the proper eating utensils and how to dance "like a lady and gentleman should," according to the older women. They'd both hated it, often playing pranks on their instructors and purposefully spilling food over their dress robes during the dining lessons. They had even gone so far as to trade clothes mid-lesson once, much to the horror of their instructors and fury of their mothers. The only times they'd willingly used their dancing lessons was with their parents at Ministry events and weddings, and even then, it was often painful.
But as James turned her around the room for the first time in years, though a bit drunkenly, Rowan couldn't help but laugh and feel slightly grateful for the lessons. They moved rather gracefully, considering their intoxication, and Rowan was struck by how much they'd grown. She forgot the awkwardness of the song and laughed along with James and the older men's drunken hollering. When the song ended and shifted to the next one, he dipped her low and dramatically, and they both laughed with delight. As he righted her back up, she pulled away and grabbed Lily, pushing her into James' embrace.
"Your turn!" she exclaimed happily.
Lily's face turned red. "But I don't know how!" she cried, flustered.
James and Rowan laughed and showed her the basic steps. In no time, Lily had picked it up, though still slightly awkward and nervous, and Rowan sat back down on the floor by Remus and their fathers and watched the pair fondly.
By the end of the night, all three of the older men were quite drunk, and the mothers spoke in hushed tones in the drawing room. Richard pulled Lyall and Alfred into his study to share with him a rare bottle of firewhiskey that he'd procured from a colleague, and James and Lily were once again lost in their tiny world for two.
This left Rowan and Remus. She was feeling quite warm from the drinking and dancing and decided to step outside for a moment and invited Remus to come with her. She was too drunk to care if it was awkward. Besides, they used to sneak out onto the grounds together all the time at Hogwarts, right?
"Care for a quick walk?" she asked Remus.
He smiled and nodded, standing to his feet with her, and they pulled on their coats before stepping outside.
It was cold and refreshing. The snow glowed blue in the nighttime light. The snow of the yard was untouched, and Rowan was overcome with the urge to mark it. She ran out into the snow with a loud cry, startling Remus, and threw herself into it. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the clear starry sky and shouted loudly into the air, just for the sake of disrupting the silent night.
She heard a soft laugh and the crunching of snow as Remus approached her slowly. When he reached her feet, he turned and laid down next to her.
"You're such a child," he teased.
She blew a raspberry at him. "I prefer whimsical, thank you," she replied smartly.
They breathed the cold winter air deeply and stared up at the sky, enjoying the other's company in silence.
"It's been a long time since we've done this," he noted.
Rowan hummed in agreement. "Yeah, it was all much easier in school," she replied. "I wonder if anyone uses our old spot now."
Remus sighed but didn't respond, and they continued to lie there for a few more minutes before Rowan felt the snow melting into her clothes. She shivered.
Remus seemed to notice and said softly, "Come on. Let's go inside before you get sick."
He stood slowly and brushed himself off before reaching out and grabbing Rowan's hand, pulling her to her feet. The dizzy tipsiness she'd felt when they'd come out was suddenly gone, and the world around her seemed much more focused. She looked up at Remus and was reminded of all the times he'd pulled her from the snow at Hogwarts, but he looked so much older now, no longer the boy of her old memories. She wondered if she looked any different. His eyes glowed in the moonlight.
They moved slowly back toward the house, snow crunching beneath her feet loudly. As they opened the door, they took their wet boots off and shook their clothes out, removing their coats and hanging them to dry. She felt the heat of the house seep into her slowly, her cheeks and ears still burning from the cold. She knew they were probably pink.
It suddenly seemed very quiet, and as they moved slowly back towards the center of the house, she felt a dull ache in her chest at the proximity between them. It was if she was distantly reliving an old memory, and the feeling was bittersweet.
Just as they reached the long hallway that led back to the drawing room, Remus grabbed her hand and pulled her back gently. She looked at him, confused, and he smiled anxiously at her. He glanced upward. Rowan followed his gaze and saw mistletoe hanging from a light above them, and her stomach flipped. She looked back at him and licked her lips nervously.
"For old times' sake?" he asked softly. She thought she saw his gaze darken for a moment, but it must have been a trick of the light.
She smiled nervously back at him. Her face burned, but she replied, "Sure."
As he leaned forward, he reached up to brush her hair from her face, which was wet from the snow. His fingers were surprisingly warm, and the calluses on his fingertips grazed her cheek. She repressed a shiver.
His lips met hers softly, chastely, and she held her breath, forcing herself not to move, not to deepen it. His mouth moved against hers momentarily before pulling back, and in an instant, it was over. Rowan felt the imprint of his lips on hers and had to stop herself from reaching up to touch them with her fingers. His face was still lowered close to hers, and she saw him smile gently at her. She could barely breathe.
"Merry Christmas, Winnie," he whispered before pulling away. He smiled again and took her hand in his tenderly, pulling her down the hallway slowly.
The dreamlike state Rowan had been in before remained, and as they moved down the hall, her mind was in a daze. It all seemed very surreal.
She looked down at his hand, whose fingers were clasped around her own loosely. She still felt the ache of longing but smiled sadly at the dullness of it. She noted that despite their kiss, they were still very much just friends, and as this year ended, he was no longer hers.