Renee woke up an hour or so later. Then she couldn't go back to sleep and she didn't really want to, either. She looked to her left. Dean was still asleep. That episode from an hour earlier seemed like a dream but she knew it happened. She remembered everything. It seemed distant but she could recall every single detail. At least she saw him smile at the very end. But she couldn't let go of that sad face from earlier. She had to think about what was bothering him. If only he told her. Maybe later he would, she wished, she hoped, but he probably wouldn't tell her what the matter was.
She sat up on the bed. The sun was coming up. She couldn't really see it, only through this little gap between the two curtains. When she stood up, she went to the window and moved the curtain aside to see the outside. She then opened the window and could feel the light breeze coming in, which was really nice. She still held the curtain in her hand because she planned to close it again so that the light wouldn't wake Dean up. He was pretty tired and needed some decent sleep time. Renee watched people walking down the street; they were in a hurry. That view had calming effect on her because she knew she had enough time to chill. She was all packed and ready for the travel. All that was left to do was to take a shower, get dressed, and get some breakfast. They didn't need to check out of the hotel until ten but they had to leave earlier. Still, it was okay for Dean to sleep for another hour.
At seven, he was still sleeping. Renee had already let the sun come in, thinking that maybe it would wake him naturally. She was sitting on the chair with the legs up, reading a newspaper. She got it from the shop downstairs. She also called the room service and ordered breakfast; there were eggs, toasts, oatmeal on the table. The coffee was still hot but Renee took only small sips so that she wouldn't burn her tongue.
It was so quiet that she could hear the silent knock on the door the first time. It was Roman. He was asking for Dean. Renee let him know that Dean was still sleeping.
"You got him really tired last night," she said.
"Who? Me?"
"Yeah, you and Seth. When did you come back to the hotel anyway?"
"Dean wasn't with us. I though you knew."
"He wasn't?" Renee was confused. From what she heard, Dean was supposed to spend the evening and part of the night with Roman and Seth doing . . . well, something. She couldn't remember. She was surprised to hear those plans didn't happen.
"He was supposed to come with us, but he didn't."
Renee wanted to hear about it, it was all new information to her, but she didn't want Dean to hear them so she left the room. She stood outside waiting for Roman to continue talking.
"What happened?" she asked when he didn't explain it by himself. "Why didn't he go with you two?"
"Dean and Seth got into a fight yesterday."
"What?! Why?" Roman didn't answer her question; he couldn't tell her. "Oh," Renee exclaimed, "That's why Dean was so upset."
"I don't think that's the reason," Roman admitted. He said it quietly, though, not making it sound important because he didn't want Renee to dwell on it. "He was upset?" he asked to take her attention away from it.
"Yeah. I've never seen him like that before. He was really sad; but I couldn't tell why. And he didn't want to tell me anything. He kept saying that nothing was going on, but I knew that he was struggling. I just wished I could help him somehow. If only he told me what was bothering him, maybe I would be able to help him find a solution to his problem."
"He didn't say anything, huh?"
"No, not a single word. Do you have any idea what could be the matter?" Roman pretended to be thinking but didn't give her an answer. "I mean, what was his fight with Seth about?" Renee asked.
"I'm not quite sure, I wasn't there." This wasn't a lie. "But you know how Dean can be pretty hotheaded. And Seth as well. When he thinks he's right, he'll fight for what he believes. I've already listened to Seth's version but I'm pretty sure Dean's would be different. Actually, that's the reason I came here; I want to talk to Dean about it."
"Oh, that would be great, thanks. I hope he'll listen to you; I know he will. Please, try to solve this; I'm helpless here. I don't know what's going on. I would so love to help, but I don't know how."
Roman felt bad for Renee. She seemed to be really desperate, just as Dean was. "I'll do what I can," he promised her. He wished he could tell her what was going on, the whole thing with Cassie, but he couldn't. He really couldn't. And he knew that if he did, it would do more harm than good. "Listen, Renee, could you tell Dean to meet me in about half an hour? I mean, if he wakes up by then."
"Sure. But where?"
Roman thought. That conversation would require privacy. It was funny, in a way, that for all of the recent conversations that he had there couldn't be any people around. God, that felt serious. It was, too. How different their professional and private lives were. In the ring, it was made to look really life-like and tense and all. But it wasn't like that; it was just a show. Those "fights" or exchanges of opinions were the ones they enjoyed. Then they went to the backstage, to their hotels, or home, and suddenly they could no longer pretend. That part of their lives was real. It was great and a lot of fun but there were problems, too. And for those moments they never got a script, they were never told what to do, what the goal was; they had to figure it out by themselves. God, that sucked. Roman was just glad he wasn't the one with these problems right now. He felt bad for Dean. He felt bad for Renee. In a way, he also felt bad for Cassie. He didn't know her, he never met her, but Roman was sure she wasn't a bad girl and she was a victim too, caught in this wicked game.
"Send him . . . send him to the lobby downstairs."
"I will," she said.
She returned to the room. Dean was awake. "Who was that?"
"Roman. He wants to talk to you." Dean sighed. He wasn't too happy to hear this. It was the same old to him. Talk, talk, talk. That's what they always wanted him to do. Talk to me. Talk to Renee about this. Just tell every damn soul what's wrong with you. He was sick of it. Like talking could solve anything. It couldn't. It only made things worse. For one thing, if he didn't talk, if he didn't blurt about Cassie, in the first place, he wouldn't be in this trouble. And he knew the more he would say, the more shit he would be in. He was positive about that.
"I'll take a shower and go find him," he said, despite his resentment. There was no other way after all. What it mattered what he thought. He was the bad guy here and he needed to be taught a lesson or two. At least it would be Roman who would do the execution; that was the only thing he was glad about.
When he took a shower, he went back to the bedroom, with only a towel on. He found Renee looking for something in her purse, which she had laid on the bed. He approached her from behind and without her noticing him he wrapped his arms around her. She straightened up immediately. He leaned to her and whispered into her ear, "I'm so sorry." His voice was quite weak. "Thank you for what you're doing for me. I don't know what I'd without you." His voice broke at the end. "I don't want to lose you," he sobbed. He then kissed her neck and her right shoulder. Renee looked behind her shoulder, but couldn't really see him. And he wouldn't let her turn around and see his sad face. His wasn't really sad; for one thing, he was much better than at night; but he still didn't want her to look at him.
He finally loosened the grip and then walked away. Renee couldn't return to what she was doing before he interrupted her; she forgot. She thought about him. Now that he was on the other side of the room, getting dressed, he didn't seem to worry at all. There was no hopeless emotion on his face. It was all as if the situation from a minute ago never happened. That got her confused. On one hand, though, she was glad he was fine. If he was indeed fine. Maybe it was just a show for her and he was still desperate inside. She couldn't know. What did just happen, she wondered. If once he explained what he meant instead of speaking in riddles. She had no time to ask, but even if she had, she wouldn't, because he was already at the door. "I'll be back soon." He left. She realized she didn't even tell him where Roman was waiting for him.
Dean managed to find him anyway. He was sitting on the big sofa in the lobby. When he noticed Dean, Roman stood up and walked his way.
"I need to talk to you," Roman said.
"I figured that. But here?" There were not too many people in there, but still.
"No. We're gonna get some breakfast." Dean frowned. Breakfast? It wasn't that he wasn't hungry, he really was, but it was kind of strange having breakfast with Roman. Alone.
Anyhow, they entered the restaurant that belonged to the hotel. It wasn't empty but they got a table far away from other guests so it wasn't too bad. First they got the food and drinks and only when everything was ready, so that nobody would walk away to get something during the conversation, Roman started talking.
"I know you're mad at Seth; but whatever he said to you he meant well."
"Mhm," Dean mumbled. There was sarcasm but it could not be identified because he had too much food in his mouth. Roman needed to wait for him to swallow to get something meaningful out of him. "Do you even know what he said?"
"Not exactly," Roman admitted. "He didn't feel like talking about it; he was pretty mad too." Dean took a sip of cold water; he didn't seem very interested in the conversation. "Look, cannot you two just let it go? You're friends; act like it."
Dean laughed. "Tell that to him. Friends don't blackmail each other."
"He wasn't serious," Roman defended Seth. In fact, though, he never heard about this blackmailing thing.
"I hope he wasn't, for his own sake."
"What did he say, anyway?" Roman didn't care about the food in front of him. He couldn't eat until he got what he wanted from Dean. He just sat there, permanently looking at Dean, who was throwing food into his mouth, and trying hard to understand him talking with his mouth full.
"He said that if I don't break things off with Cassie, he'll say everything to Renee."
"Oh." Roman didn't get this from Seth's story. "That would . . ." He didn't know how to finish that sentence.
Dean did. "That would be the end of my relationship with Renee."
After some silence, Roman said, "Well, I know that you don't want to hear this, Dean, but what if you did stop seeing Cassie? Would it really be such a disaster? I mean, you barely even know her. How long have you known her? Since March?"
"February," Dean corrected him. "I appreciate your opinion, Roman, but that's not an option."
"Why not? You don't have feelings for her, do you?"
"No. And even if I did, I would never cheat on Renee. I really don't wanna screw things up with her; I know I probably already did but . . . I care about her. I really do. I can't imagine what I'd do if Seth told her about Cassie and she broke up with me. I mean, I don't know how I could look her in the eyes."
"You feel guilty."
"Yes. I know that technically I haven't done anything what I should feel guilty about, yet I do feel guilty."
"You need to make a choice. You can't have everything. It's either Cassie or Renee."
Dean laughed. "That's what Cassie said. In a way."
"Well, then listen to her."
"It's not that simple. And . . ." Dean suddenly lowered his voice. He was going on say something, but he didn't. There was silence and then a deep, loud sigh. "I can't let Cassie go. If I lose Cassie, I lose Renee as well."
"What? How?" That didn't make any sense.
"Seth's right. I suck at being a boyfriend."
"No, you don't. Don't underestimate yourself. I haven't heard once Renee complain about you."
"Yeah." Dean smiled. He put the fork down. He lost his appetite. "I'm pretty good at coming up with date ideas, aren't I?" Roman wanted to agree but Dean wouldn't let him say a word. "Wrong! You think I'm the one who plans all those romantic things?" Dean raised his voice; he suddenly didn't care who could hear him. "Hell no. I have no idea what to do, what Renee'd like." Roman didn't like where this confession was going. He had a bad feeling about it. Dean was getting confident, but in a wrong, pretended kind of way. "I don't even know how to appeal to my girlfriend. I need an assistant, a tutor. And guess who my tutor is."
Roman didn't dare to answer at first, but after Dean kept staring at him, waiting for him to say it, he finally did. "Cassie."
"Cassie," Dean said again, shortly after Roman.
"So, you see, I need her. Without her I'm clueless. I know it sounds stupid, it is stupid, too, but without Cassie by my side, I'm not able to be the kind of boyfriend Renee thinks I am and she'd like me to be. But we both know that Renee would not take this is as an acceptable justification for keeping my ex-girlfriend around." Dean laughed. It wasn't funny at all, but he couldn't help himself.
"I don't know what to say," Roman admitted. He didn't feel very good. He needed to get some air, because this whole situation was suffocating him. Dean was in so much trouble. He was indeed screwed. Was there any way out of this? Hardly. "I . . ." He breathed heavily. "If we were alone in here, I'd punch you right in the face. How could you even think you'd get away with this?"
"I guess I never really thought about it."
"Well, now would be the right time."
"Trust me, I do think about it a lot now. I spent the whole night wandering around the city and trying to come up with a solution."
"And?" Roman was really curious to hear to what conclusion Dean came.
"Well, I can see three options. First, I don't do anything. Seth, because we both know him, will tell Renee the whole truth, which will result in her breaking up with me. She'll be hurt, feel betrayed, and she won't speak to me ever again. Cassie stays, but I guess that's the only good thing about this option. Other than that, I'll be devastated."
"Second option?" Roman asked, because he, as well as Dean, saw that the first option was never really an option.
"Second, I stop hanging out with Cassie. Renee will never know that I kept seeing her after we broke up and that I used her help to be a better boyfriend."
Roman interrupted him, because he realized something. "Your girlfriend is practically dating your ex-girlfriend. That's sick."
Dean let that pass and continued, "Since I won't be able to talk to Cassie anymore, I'll have to figure out relationship stuff by myself, and we both know what that means. Improvisation." Roman made a sizzling sound; improvisation didn't sound very good. "Yeah, soon Renee'll realize that I'm not a boyfriend material and definitely not the kind of guy she'd want to spend her life with, and she'll start looking for a gentle way to break up with me. Because she'll reject the idea of being open about it, and in her eyes cruel, she'd end up torturing herself by thinking that she's hurting me. Therefore this way she'll end up hurt as well."
"So the third option, then?"
"The third option . . ." For a while Dean didn't say anything. Then finally he spoke, "Third, I break up with Renee. Again, she will never find out about Cassie, so she won't be hurt by that. I'll prevent Seth from telling her about how I screwed up; so her memory of dating me won't be painful. Sure, it won't be nice to go through a break up, but we're not that serious yet. If I waited and she'd find out later, that would break her. Now it's just a mistake of dating somebody who sucks at relationships. Moreover, if I'm the one breaking up with her, I can control it, I can be gentle and try to hurt her as little as possible, preferably not at all."
"Is that what you want?"
"No. But do you have a better idea? Seriously, as much as I hate it, I don't see a way how Renee and I could get through this." Dean really didn't want to go with this option, with none of them for that matter. He hoped Roman would tell him not to do it and offer him a better solution. Roman didn't say anything, though. Dean was left with his three options, one worse than the other. But if he was to be fair, breaking up with Renee seemed to be the best thing to do, for everybody.