AN- Wow guys! You guys are just the best! Thank you so much for your support! Thank you again for putting up with my errors I try to find them I do. :-) I sure do love writing this story and you guys make it all the more fun! :) Enjoy!
Stef was pacing by the front door anxiously waiting for Lena and Callie to get home. She knew she had only left ten minutes before them and she knew they would be coming home shortly after them. She knew Lena would probably stop and get the prescription filled. She liked to be prepared.
Logically Stef knew they were safe and would be home shortly. But her heart was pounding so hard inside her chest. Her heart wasn't being logical. In fact it was just being anxious. She had visions of someone storming into the hospital and shooting up the place. Then she had visions of Lena and Callie being a horrible accident. Then more visions of the pharmacy being taken over and everyone being held hostage. All of a sudden Stef's life and her family didn't feel so safe.
Stef checked on the other kids three other times while waiting for Lena and Callie to come home. Jesus and Jude had awkwardly carried the big air mattress upstairs and had settled it on Lena and Stef's floor. Jude and Mariana had decided to crash there while Jesus wanted to sleep in his own bed. All three were exhausted and asleep the moment their heads hit the pillow.
She was just coming back down from the third check and was packing the doorway when she finally heard footsteps on the porch followed by the sound of Lena's keys followed by the door opening. Finally her heart could beat normally again.
"Hi loves" She smiled as she greeted both of them with a hug and a kiss causing Lena's eyes to widen with surprise while Callie just groaned shoving Stef off of her a little bit. Her fever was lower now and she was just tired, cranky and over stimulated.
"Space please" She grumbled
"Oh you're a delight bug" Stef shook off her comment "Come, let's get you a popsicle before bed. We want to keep you Hydrated"
Lena handed Stef the small white bag with Callie's prescriptions in it. "Here can you put it in the medicine basket? I am going to try and get three hours of sleep before mine and Mariana's appointment."
"Okay love" Stef smiled at her leaning forward to kiss her forehead "Don't trip over kiddos as you go to bed"
Lena nodded "Kids are in our room?"
"Air mattress, your side of the bed"
Lena nodded as she stopped long enough to pull Callie into her side for a moment. "If you need anything at all wake me up."
Callie nodded and shrugged her off talking a step back. If it hurt Lena's feelings she didn't let it show. She probably too tired to notice. "Night ladies" Lena called heading up the stairs.
"A Popsicle then bed" Stef said placing her hand on Callie's back leading her to the kitchen. "Look I even saved you a purple one" she winked at the girl as she took it out of its hiding place "Your brothers didn't get this one."
Callie actually showed a smile as she reached for the treat after Stef had unwrapped it. Truth was she couldn't wait to suck on a Popsicle. She was thirsty and the purple ones were her favorite. She'd never told Stef this though. She was surprised she noticed little things like that with four other kids and a wife to care for.
"Thank you" She said as she began to eat the ice cold treat feeling relief in her mouth the moment it touched her tongue. She didn't even really notice the flavor just the coolness it brought to her tongue.
"Good huh?" Stef smiled at the girl relieved to see her putting something in her body even if it was frozen sugary juice.
Callie nodded as she rubbed her eyes with her free hand letting Stef know how exhausted she still was.
"Cals" Stef started not wanting to go to deep into conversation with this tired child. "How come you didn't me or mama that you weren't feeling well today?"
Callie shrugged "I guess, I didn't really know myself"
Stef raised an eyebrow "How do you not know?"
"I knew I felt off" Callie corrected "I knew I wasn't hungry and I was achy. I just chalked it up to after effects of the day before. I have a strong pain tolerance I don't always realize something is bothering me until it's really bothering me. I came and got you then" She justified.
"Yeah, you did" She nodded "And I was proud of you. You know mama and me we're on your side."
Callie raised her eyebrow at Stef not really knowing where she was going with this.
"Mama and I always want what's best for you. We want you feeling good, loved protected. We want to know when something doesn't feel right. Even if it's little. We want to know when something scares you. We want to be the ones that are there for you. I know sometimes you're not going to like our methods, but you have to trust us sometimes we know better than you do on what's best for you."
"Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" Callie asked as she sucked the last of the Popsicle down handing Stef the stick who had hand reached out to take it from the girl so she could toss it in the trash.
Stef did her best to keep a poker face on as she looked at Callie "And just what about that sounds ridiculous?
"You knowing what's better for me then I know myself"
Stef let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding she was hoping Callie hadn't meant them wanting to be the ones that took care of her sounded ridiculous.
"I mean, I am with me all day" Callie continued on oblivious to Stef's body language of her thoughts "I am going to know what I need best. I have been taking care of myself and Jude for years. I've got this."
Stef nodded "You do have a lot figured out, you're smart and so very mature and I couldn't be prouder of the young woman you are becoming. However Callie, you are young you have emotions and feelings that run front and center right now. Sometimes those cloud your judgment. Not to mention we have life experience you just don't have yet. Callie people need people to take care of them. It doesn't make them weak. Mama takes care of me in ways that I struggle to take care of myself. She meets my emotional needs I can't fulfil she does little things for me that I over look. As I do for her. While you're young there are more moments where you need your mom's to guide you more. It's kind of our job."
Callie listened to what Stef said and gave her a slight shrug but didn't have any words to respond which caused Stef to sigh. "Alright love bug let's get you into bed. I bet you're as tired as I feel."
Callie nodded then her eyes got wide and filled with panic "Stef!"
"What?" She asked quickly "What's wrong? Does something hurt?"
Callie shook her head "No, but I forgot my bear in the car! I told Lena I wouldn't lose it and I left it in the car" Tired fever Callie emotions were running wild again
"Ooh love… Shh" She said trying to calm her down. "I'll go get it."
"No" Callie shook her head as she reached for Stef "Not by yourself!"
Stef brushed some hair out of Callie's face "It is okay, I'll be fine" She promised her "I'll be so fast you won't even notice."
Callie brought in her lower lip and bit down "Can I come with you?" She knew she sound crazy but she wanted to keep Stef in her eyesight.
"To the porch" Stef nodded "You can watch me from there."
Callie nodded at the compromise and the two headed to the porch where Callie stood watching with silent tears rolling down her cheeks not really understanding where they were coming from. She hated being this emotional.
It took Stef seconds to grab the keys run down and open Lena's car retrieving the bear and bringing it back up to Callie who wrapped her arms around it tightly burying her face in its fur "I told her I wouldn't lose it. I am horrible."
"Oh baby" Stef shook her head as she pulled Callie in for a tight hug "You're not horrible. You didn't lose it. You knew where it was. Why don't we get you upstairs and into bed, I think you need a little rest."
"I am not crazy!" Callie sniffed as Stef relocked the door and ushered Callie upstairs to her room.
"No love, no one thinks you are" Stef promised her as she noticed Lena had crawled into bed with Jude and Mariana. Jude curled up into her side.
"Looks like you and I get the bed" Stef smiled as she guided Callie the long way around so they could crawl in on her side.
"I don't think you are crazy" Stef said to her again as she climbed in after Callie and covered them both up. "What I think is you are drained, exhausted beyond belief and your body needs to rest. So please close your eyes. Curl up with your bear and your old mom and let your body rest. Please baby. This mom needs her little girl feeling better."
"I am not little"
"You'll always be my little girl" Stef said brushing Callie's hair away from her face "Always. That's a promise."
"Mine too" Lena mumbled from the bed below. "My promise too"
The Fosters * The Fosters *The *Fosters
"Mama?"
Lena stretched in the hard chair and turned her attention to her daughter who was sitting next to her twirling the straw in her London Fog. Normally Lena didn't stop for coffees she'd rather save the money but today was an expectation so she treated herself and Mariana to a treat. London Fog for the girl and double shot espresso for herself. She prayed that would give her enough mama juice to make it through the day.
"Mama?"
"Sorry sweetheart" Lena said snapping herself out of her thoughts "What were you saying?"
Mariana looked at her lap "Mama, why do we have to come here? Can't we skip and go get pedicures? That would be therapeutic."
Lena smiled at the thought "Because then mom would be mad and we would be in trouble."
Mariana raised her eyebrow and shook her head.
"Because Miss Thing we need to talk" She said softly "We need to get this out there. So our thoughts don't turn what happened in to something that can destroy us. It's good for us."
"I don't like it" Mariana mumbled "And you and mom once said I didn't have to go back."
Lena recalled the time when Stef and her had finally pulled Mariana from counseling. It been a little over two years after Mariana had come to live with them did they pull her from it. After progress had been made. When Mariana first came to them she wouldn't talk. Jesus did it for her. She wouldn't make her own choices she let Jesus do that as well. She wet the bed, she sucked her thumb. Her eyes were always big and fearful. She didn't stay quiet around them long that was probably the one that she broke down the easiest. She started talking to them after about three weeks. Which was unheard of for Mariana. However anyone outside of their house was a no go. She was socially behind in school. It was a really hard time. Watching her little girl break out of her shell and become the beautiful sassy fashionesta princess had been one of the best things Lena had ever witnessed.
"This is different sweetheart" Lena said softly "And I am going with you. You aren't going alone."
"This time." Mariana mumbled
"We will have our own appointments" Lena nodded "Sometimes and that will be good for us. This is good for us. Trust me on this okay."
"Callie's not here" Mariana tried
"Mariana" Lena narrowed her eyes giving her the you're really going to try that.
"I don't know why it's become something to be ashamed of" Lena shook her head taking a sip of her coffee "Talking to a professional isn't something to be ashamed. It actually shows strength and determination to get life figured out so it doesn't take you down."
Mariana thought about Lena's words and nodded "I just don't want people thinking I am crazy."
Lena shook her head "They don't. They won't."
"Mama?" Mariana looked up her eyes big "Do you think if Andrew had talked someone maybe he wouldn't have shot up the school?"
Lena twirled her own stir stick in her coffee as she tapped her foot on the ground processing her daughter's tough question. "Well sweetheart, I can't answer that for sure. I am not Andrew. What I think is yes it could have helped. If he had someone he was talking to, letting them know his feelings, his anger maybe they would have found tools for him to use. So he could take his anger out in a healthy way."
"I've heard you and mom say things like that about Callie." She said looking up "Healthy ways for her to vent. DO you think Callie would do something like that?"
Lena gave Mariana a sad smile and shook her head "Not like that no, but your sister does need healthy outlets. As your sister isn't the type to get angry to harm others. She's the type to get angry and harm herself. She's the hardest on herself. She sometimes hates herself."
Mariana nodded "I know! I share a room with her I see a lot" She paused before speaking again "mom do you and mom watch her for self harm?"
Lena decided giving her daughter an honest answer was the best way to go. "Yes, your mother and I pay close attention to Callie's behavior. She doesn't always know how to vocalize what she needs and wants. We're still figuring out how that looks for her. So we watch."
"What about the rest of us?" Mariana asked "Do you worry about that?"
"I think I observe all of your behavior closely. I know you guys. I know when something is off." Lena ran her fingers through Mariana's hair "You're not thinking of hurting yourself are you?" She asked sitting up quickly concern filled her eyes
Mariana shook her head quickly "No, not really. I used to a long time ago when I was little. I used to think about running in front of a car so I wouldn't have to go to another home. I was tired of never feeling like I belonged. But I found you and mom and those feelings went away. Even when I am the saddest or the angriest I don't think those thoughts anymore. I used to though."
"My beautiful baby girl" Lena said softly as Mariana leaned over and rested her head on Lena's shoulder "Thank you mama"
"For what?" She asked softly "For being my mama, for making me belong. For wiping away my tears, cleaning up my scrapes holding my hair back when I am sick, for grounding me when I am out of line. I don't say Thank you enough. I love you mommy."
"Come here" Lena smiled "I know your big but come here" Mariana quickly got up and sat back on Lena's lap while her mother held her tight against her. "Mariana I'd be lost without you. Thank you baby for letting me be your mom. It's the greatest title and gift I've ever received. I love my Miss. Thing."
The Fosters
FB
She felt her brother grab her hand and squeeze it in hers. Reminding her that he was in fact with her and he wasn't going anywhere.
"I am sorry officer" The woman said as she handed him their bags "It's just too much for my house. I thought I could handle twins I can't." She shook her head "Keeping up with my baby, my toddler and my teenagers is just too much. Mariana doesn't talk at all. I can't get her to say one word. Not one. It's so frustrating to know what she needs when she won't talk. Or her brother does all the talking for her. Then something needs to be done about Jesus. He needs something he's bouncing off the walls all the time. He only comes down long enough to sleep and that's only for three or four hours"
Mariana squeezed Jesus's hand as they listened to fourth foster home. Her eyes scanned around the busy police station in fear. She wanted out.
"Don't worry Mariana" Jesus shook her head "We don't want to be in their house anyway it smelled bad. Mommy's probably out of the doctors again. We'll go back to her again."
Mariana tried to smile at the thought she did want to see her mom but every time they went back everything was nice for the first few days before it got awful again. Scary, no food people coming in and out all times of the night. Her mommy's friends playing games with her she didn't like.
Jesus sense her fear as he wrapped his arm around her tucking her blankie in around her legs "Don't worry no matter what happens I'll always be here for you. I'll take care of you"
"Jesus, Mariana" Their foster mother walked away from the officer and knelt down in front of them. She brushed Mariana hair away from her face "Sweetheart, you've got to open your heart to someone. Let them in. You're a good girl and I know the perfect family is coming for you. I am sorry sweetie it's just not mine. I can't take care of you the way you need. I can't take care of you. You need someone who can.
Mariana nodded as she clung to her blanket and willed herself to not cry. This had been the nicest of the homes they'd been in. She hoped it would be real. She was tired of moving.
"You buddy, stay fun" She patted Jesus's knee "I know you'll get a family that will find many activities for you that keeps you busy. You're an awesome brother and your sister is lucky to have you. Just remember she does have a voice of her own. She needs to speak for herself."
Jesus nodded as he wrapped his arm around Mariana again "Thank you for taking care of us while you could" He said politely.
"You're good kids" She said softly "You are. I am sorry I couldn't make it work for you. I was failing you. We just can't take care of you."
The officer cleared his throat and shook his head wanting her to go before she said more that would damage the kids.
She gave them each a kiss before standing up and leaving.
The officer knelt in front of them "Don't worry guys, I'll get you the perfect home. It's going to be okay" His pager went off and he looked at it. I am going to take this call and we are calling someone to come get you. Just hang tight okay guys?"
Jesus nodded "We'll be fine. I promise we'll sit quietly"
The police station was buzzing and Jesus and Mariana were sitting on the bench waiting. It felt like they were waiting forever.
Mariana's thoughts were lost. The words of her foster mom playing in her head, they were too difficult because she wouldn't talk. She was weird. She closed her eyes imaging what it would be like to just disappear. Then no body would have to take care of her. She wouldn't have to worry about going back to her mother's house. As much as she wanted to the thought scared her. She wanted her mom healthy. She liked her when she was healthy but she never stayed healthy long. She was trying to visualize a world with out her when all of a sudden she looked up and there was a pretty blonde cop kneeling in front of them introducing herself as Stef. Mariana tried to not smile at the woman she was tired and the last thing she wanted to do was smile, but she made a crack about Jesus being her husband which brought a small smile to Mariana's face before she offered them candy.
Jesus took a sucker with a smile and waited for Mariana to grab hers from the nice cop. When she didn't he took it from her instead and handed it to his sister who gratefully from her brother giving Officer Stef a small smile.
She felt Stef's eyes locked on her.
She reached out and patted Mariana's knee almost as if she could read what the girl had been thinking moments before she showed up. "Hang in there little lady, I know you are scared right now. I would be too." She said with a sad smile "I am going to go see what I can do for you guys. It's going to be okay" She winked at the little boy. The twins exchanged a look as Stef headed over to a desk picking up a phone.
"She's pretty" Mariana smiled
Jesus unwrapped their suckers handing hers back to her as he nodded "See, she said the same thing Mariana. I believe her. It'll be okay soon enough."
From that moment on Mariana's eyes stay locked on Stef while they sat in the police station waiting to find out what their fate would be.