Title: So It Goes
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Hank Voight and his family try to cope with their struggles at home and work — and the dynamics those conflicting circumstances creat for their blended family in a time of transition. The series focuses on Voight, his sick and disabled son — and what's left of his family and their strained relationships, particularly that with Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead as they work at establishing their own lives as a young couple.
This is a collection of one-shots/scenes using the characters as represented in the AU established in Interesting Dynamics. The chapters currently represent scenes happening in approximately S04 of the series or early 2017.
As I continue to update, they'll just provide one-shot snap shots into the characters' lives and likely some recasts of scenes from the show.
This is not a linear narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's just scenes. It is generally set so it begins around the mid-point of Season 4 (or about January/February 2017) and may occasionally draw reference to (and have SPOILERS) from the series.
A notification is provided at the beginning of each chapter about where it happens in relation to the other chapters, if they are out of sequence. Chapters will be re-ordered semi-regularly (i.e. if you're reading this weeks or months after the chapter was originally posted, it's likely now in the right place, so just ignore the notification).
SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes and Aftermath. This series also contains SPOILERS related to the finale of Season 3 of Chicago PD and will have occasionally spoilers from Season 4 of the show.
Jay glanced back down at his desk as Voight dropped a bulking file on his desk, just as he'd made the mistake of thinking he could flip off his monitor and get the hell out of there for the day. That he'd read Erin's looks across the way that she was done for the day too and was ready to bolt before something else fell into their laps. But apparently they hadn't been fast enough. Voight had the whole timer of when you were still on the city's clock down to the second. And apparently he'd stood up a few seconds too early and now was going to end up putting in unpaid OT to look at whatever the hell this was since he'd seen fit to take leave a few seconds early.
Jay let out a slow breath and looked down at the folder. "What's this?" he mumbled at Voight, who was already almost back in his office. But Jay's annoyance shifted to mild confusion as he lifted the file and squinted at it. He gave Voight a cock-eyed glance, tilting his eyebrow in more questioning.
Voight stepped back into the bullpen, making a gesture at the folder. "Apparently transferring anything but academic records from the junior high admin offices over to the high school ones is more than Ignatius can handles. So gotta fill out all his fucking paperwork again. Medical records, authority, emergency contacts," he grunted. "Look it over. Fill out your shit. Sign the line."
Jay squinted down at the pile of paper more as that set in. But Voight was already jutting his thumb at Olinsky. "Give it to O after," he said with a nod at the other man. Olinsky just grunted. "Put you last on the list," he told the guy. "Since you can't wrap your head around checking messages." O allowed what was passable as a smile, if you knew him, and drummed at his desk. "Don't need to read it. Just don't let the docs do anything stupid, if you ever get the call and actually pick up."
Olinsky just made a small sound of acknowledgement and rolled back into his desk more and what he was doing. Because what was Al ever doing when he was at his desk. Usually just waiting for an excuse to get out from behind it as far as Jay could tell. But never in any big hurry to get out from behind it if it meant he was headed home and had free time on his hands. And Jay got the impression that lately, O had a bit too much alone time going on in his life again.
Hank's finger jutted back at Erin at that point. "There's dotted lines for you too," he said. "Then take it down to Trudy. Need you to stop by the house over the weekend. Got a—" but he stopped talking and made that smack sound. Jay looked up from his gaze at the documentation that been put in front of him, the slow absorption of what was there – but more specifically the place it was giving him in that family. In Ethan's life. Number three. He was number three on the list of people in Eth's life. The third choice of who to go to in an emergency – falling only after his dad and sister. And even though that had somehow been an unstated reality for a while, seeing that acknowledgement there on paper was strange. Being asked to sign his name next to it was strange. Having Voight silently – but not silently – acknowledge it in writing, was strange. And somehow it was taking him a moment to to really wrap his head around it. To accept what it was saying. What it meant.
He glanced at Voight in his sudden silence and followed his eyes over to Erin. She was giving him a look of disapproval and clearly standing her ground. There was a stubbornness to the look. That heels dug in look that you had to make a call on if it was a battle you were going to fight with her – or if you were going to resign. Give her her way. Or if you were going to try to show her the error in her ways. Her bias. Or somewhere she'd stuck her head in the ground. Or just gotten too comfortable.
But in the look, he realized it was Voight who'd gotten too comfortable. That him and Erin had made enough leaps and bounds in coming to some sort of reconciliation that he thought he could manage their outside of the job time again. Dictate how they spent their days off. Where'd they'd be in that time. And if Eth would be a part of it. And as much as Eth was still incorporated into their daily, weekly and monthly schedules to the point it felt like they were in a shared custody situation, there'd been an unspoken agreement that they decided the who, what, when and how of what that time with E was going to look like. If Voight wanted them to take the kid at a specific time or either of them to be in a specific place at a specific time, it better come as a request or an invitation – not an order.
Voight let out another smack in their little stand-off. But apparently decided to stand-down. Maybe recognized that he'd crossed the fragile line they'd established in re-establishing their relationship. Jay knew Voight was smart enough – was trying hard enough to keep what was left of his family together – that he wasn't going to test that. Jay appreciated that. Because the whole situation had been fucked up and stressful enough in the fall without the added strained dynamic. He'd really fucking prefer to keep moving passed it – and moving on. He didn't want to go back to August and September … and October and November, and even December. Progress. Things still weren't exactly perfect. No where near what they'd been previously – not that that had been any where near perfect either. But at least they were getting to the point they were almost functional again. And they were getting over the constant walking on eggshells around each other. The added distrust and tension that wasn't doing anything for any of their attitudes or dispositions – at work or outside of it.
"You got some time to stop by this weekend?" Voight rephrased.
Erin shrugged at him. "Maybe," she allowed.
Jay cocked his own eyebrow at her across the way. Not that she was looking at him. But it wasn't like they had plans. They rarely had anything that resembled plans. At least anything that was pressing. Their plans pretty much consisted of drinking, eating, sleeping, sexing. And he wouldn't exactly call that plans, as much as he would call them some sort of pyramid of the needs of adult existence. Knew that if they weren't interacting with Eth that weekend (which rarely happened), that about the most they'd get up to was more adulting. Cleaning, errands, groceries. Their lives since getting the house had gotten pretty mundane and boring. If they reached any level of exciting, they'd go for a drink at Molly's. Or they'd go out to eat. Or they'd go to the gym. That was about as thrilling as it got. Good thing their jobs were interesting or they'd officially be fucking boring people. Apparently your thirties and home-ownership did that to you. It was like you were paying for the place – so you might as well stay in or some shit.
Voight just smacked at her again. "Your brother requested ham. Going to see what they've got on the market at Paulina's tomorrow. If you want to come by for dinner," he rasped at her. Bit of an edge, bit of annoyance. But could also see he was trying. Sort of.
"That an invitation?" Erin put back to him. Because apparently, he wasn't trying enough for her in that moment.
And Voight's distaste at that – or more likely that they were having that kind of stand-off in the bullpen with Burgess within earshot and O still sitting there. Though, they were both trying to look like they were oblivious to it. Jay sort of wished he could pretend he was too. Because sometimes the whole fucking power struggle was a little much. He got it. But he also felt like they had to pick their battles in all of this – and that exact moment didn't seem like one worth fighting. Especially when he hadn't had a chance yet to sign the dotted line that made him Number 3 for Magoo. Didn't want it snatched away from him as quickly as it'd be plopped down in front of him.
Voight's tongue made it way around his mouth. That fucking unimpressed pucker. But he still opted to step down. "Would you like to come by for dinner tomorrow?" he put more bluntly. Wasn't exactly a polite invitation at that point. In fact, Jay sort of suspected Voight wanted to rescind the invitation all together at that point.
"Is Jay invited too?" she put back to him again.
"Don't get stupid on me," Voight graveled, giving her a little nod of warning at that point.
Erin's eyes stayed on Voight's for a long beat but then she cast him a look. He raised his own eyebrow at her. A silent communication that he didn't really see the point in prolonging this argument either. She'd made her point. Voight had conceded. Time to move on. A whole lot of all of this was just letting go and moving on. Sometimes the past had to just be left to live there. Of course, Jay was better at preaching that than he was at applying it to his own family. It was different now, though. He was an adult. He was picking and creating his own family. Making it his own way and his way. So he was willing to let go of certain things with certain people in certain circumstances as a means to certain ends. This situation met those criteria. For now.
Besides – free food. And food they didn't have to buy, prep, cook or clean up after. And would likely be sent home with leftovers. And, honestly, not that cooking a ham was exactly rocket science – but Jay was still pretty sure that whatever Voight put on the table would taste better than anything him and Erin would manage. Especially on a Saturday night. Because on a Saturday night – they'd likely be looking at the sad state of their fridge and contemplating getting take out or going out. Only to have a back-and-forth that consisted of them deciding they didn't really have enough leeway in their budget to warrant going out or ordering in dinner just because they felt like being lazy asses. So they'd either end up pulling something fucking disgusting that Erin had picked up processed and boxed and shoved in their freezer. Or they'd be eating cereal, eggs, toast or throwing something that resembled a salad together with whatever was left – and not browned and wilted to the point of being disgusting – from their week's vegetables. Which would ultimately make them decide they should do groceries. Then they'd end up spending more money than they should on groceries because they were hungry. And they'd probably end up picking up over-priced food that had been sitting in the hot bar for hours getting more disgusting than when it was dumped in there – just because at that point they didn't really feel like cooking when they got home. So ultimately the evening would've cost them more than just going out and enjoying a meal in the first place. Not to mention it would've been about 100-times lamer.
Not that going and spending a couple hours with "dad" and little brother on a Saturday night was exactly the way Jay had envisioned his social life or free time to look like at this point in his life either. But it wasn't exactly awful either. Food and TV. And if Eth wasn't in a mood, the kid could be mildly entertaining. And if he was in a fucking mood – there was the dog. And if the whole house was in a mood – it wasn't their house so they could fucking leave whenever they wanted.
Preferably after they'd claimed leftovers.
Erin's eyes shifted back to Voight. "OK," she allowed flatly. "That sounds fine."
Voight smacked but gave another nod of acknowledgment. "There's another form I need you to sign," he said. "Financial one. For his subsidy. Haven't had a chance to get it all filled out yet with that fucking novel," he gestured again at the pile of papers Jay had let himself sit back down at his desk to examine. "But need you to sign off on some statement that you aren't contributing financially to his education."
There was distaste to how Voight said it. Jay knew it wasn't about the fact that Erin wasn't contributing financially to Eth's schooling. Truth was, if Erin had her way, she'd likely be handing Voight chunks of her pay check to put toward Eth's education costs and health care. But that wasn't something within the realm of considerations that Voight would ever entertain. The whole concept that he needed to take money from his kids to support his family would be downright insulting to the guy. And they all knew that Voight had his own ways of dealing with those expenditures, and it was just best not to ask too many questions about "the bank in the basement", as Erin called it. Though, she'd just as quickly indicate that any money that came out of and was put toward anything to do with Eth was money that Hank or the kid's mom had earmarked for the kid already – not other more questionable contributors. Made Jay wonder exactly what the account division looked like in that vault, if he ever got to see inside. Knew too, though, that Voight had his own lawyers and actual accounts set up in other places a little bit more legit and secure than the basement safe.
The distaste came from that unstated acknowledgement too that Erin – and Jay – contributed to Eth's education in a whole lot of other ways that went beyond cash. They were pretty fucking active members in it. And they went out to enough of the shit that Iggy's hosted that they sure as fuck were contributing financially to the school too. Even if it was labeled as "fundraising" crap. And even though the amount of time and money they put into that school's coffers didn't seem to count to whatever this "family commitment" the students were supposed to be making to the school annually – which apparently was in the realm of $2500 and 60 "volunteer" or "community service" hours with the church, the dioceses or the school. Or could be reduced by $600, if Voight was willing to let Eth put in at least an hour each week after school collecting trash and doing various landscaping work and other clean-up and tidying around the campus and its grounds.
It hadn't sounded like a bad deal. Really an hour each week, would be like maybe 15-20 minutes a day after final bells. Kid could really be assigned so much to do in that amount of time and likely take too much out of him. But Voight had bristled at the idea when it'd been put to him. Jay had been there to hear the rant.
Voight usually put forward an attitude having a job and doing that job well counted for more than whatever the job was. That you worked for your community and your family. Weren't jobs you were too good for and didn't frown on the kind of work that hard-working people did to support those they loved and were responsible for. But he'd seen this proposal very differently. Had seen it as another way to draw attention to the fact that Eth was a subsidy kid at the school. That he still paid the school enough money each fucking year, that his kid wasn't going to become some sort of part-time janitor under some sort of self-righteous guise that it was a charity case. Or like Ethan picking up the other self-entitled brats' garbage was somehow going to make him more a part of the school community or let him contribute more to that community.
And for all Voight's preaching about a job being a job and just getting hours under your vest – being responsible – he'd fucking bristled even more at the suggestion that by taking on this work-for-a-discount service that his son would be garnering some sort of valuable skills. His child wasn't going to be a janitor, he'd growled. And gone farther to add, "Not paying Ignatius to have a kid who spends his life asking people if they want fries with that."
And Jay got it. Eth had his chores at home. He did the mandated volunteer and charity work at school. He had a father who preached to him about life's meaning coming out of being of service. A family who lived that. Civic duty. Self sacrifice. Doing dirty work and taking on shitty jobs and roles. Doing things that other people didn't want to do because they needed to be done. He didn't need to be taught that at school. Or forced into it in front of all the other kids, who didn't need a discounted fee or subsidized tuition.
What Voight wanted for his kid was self-worth and self-respect. Making him clean up other people's messes – even though a lot of life seemed to be just that – wasn't going to help with that. Not when the wants who made the mess got to stand there laughing at him while he did it.
Jay knew Voight just wanted Eth to come out of Ignatius with enough skills, education and self-confidence that come his Senior year, they'd be able to get him into some sort of community college and on the track for some sort of job that made him feel like his life was worthwhile and had some meaning. That he was worthwhile. That he wasn't just his disabilities. That he wasn't just some brain damaged, cripple.
And Eth wasn't. Jay got that. They all did.
"OK," Erin allowed. Because she knew the circumstances around all the bullshit even better than Jay did. She lived it.
"Would appreciate," Voight really stressed that word, but with too much tone, "if you'd take a look at his curriculum guide, and if we could have a chat about it. Going need some back-up in swaying E on some of his levels and electives and want to have a plan in place before the sit-down with his academic counselor."
Jay gave Erin another small glance from his reading. Again there was the unspoken transition going on there. Voight had been letting her in on some of Eth's academic stuff more that year. She'd been invited to various meetings with his teachers and aides and tutors and the school administrators. She'd been allowed to see some of his grades and reports and comments in his agenda without having to wrestle them out of Voight or go digging through Eth's backpack or having Mouse hack into the family's fucking Iggy's account – which really wasn't that protected. But, Jay supposed when guy's like Mouse were going at these things, few things really were. Not that he was around to do that kind of hacking for them anymore. So it was likely a good thing that Voight had decided to let Erin into the loop when it came to Eth's education. And seemed to at least be willing to listen to her thoughts and opinions – even if he ultimately didn't up listening to them.
"When's the meeting?" she asked. Hadn't broken eye contact with Voight.
"Fifteenth," he said flatly. "Trying to get a crack-of-dawn slot for us. Should come, if you can. Or want."
She just nodded. "Yea. I want to be there."
Hank grunted and looked at her and then shook his head, crossing his arms and gazing at the floor for a moment. "Curriculum guide's changed a lot since you and J were in high school," he mumbled and found her eyes. "Don't even send it home. Fucking ebook. I'll send it to you."
"Is it in his portal?" she put flatly.
"Mmm …," he allowed.
"I'll login. Take a look," she said.
He gave a little nod of acknowledgement again. Stared at her another long beat. "You know if the iPad is a Two?"
She squinted at him and finally gave Jay a glance. "Umm … it's a Mini," she allowed flatly.
"So it's not a Two?" Voight pressed again.
"Ahh …," Erin shrugged and looked at Jay more questioningly.
He rocked back in his chair a bit, lifting his eyes from reading all the medical documentation that had been dropped in front of him. All these forms filled out by Eth's doctors and ophthalmologist and dentist and allergist. These lists of allergies and medications and test results and explanation of conditions and accommodations the kid needed to be granted in the classroom, hallways and on the playing field and in the gym. Paperwork granting the nurses the right to give him his meds. More paperwork letting him have certain medications with him and on his body in certain amounts. Emergency contacts and emergency orders. And the strange realization that even though he'd been ordered to red it and memorize it, that he hadn't yet come across anything in the documents that he didn't already know. This was all information he could recite off to the school or a paramedic or an E.R. doc. These were all accommodations he could fight for and provide objective reasoning on why Eth needed them and deserved them. That he didn't need the list of medications to know what was what and what did what and what the dosage – and timing – of each was.
"iPad 2 is a model," Jay provided. Considering they were an Intelligence Unit, it was pretty astounding how technology illiterate … some … of their crew could be.
Voight grunted. "We using Twos here?"
"Ah …," Jay shrugged too. "We're using Airs. I don't know if they're Air 2s or not. Not likely." The Ivory Tower apparently didn't think having up-to-date technology – and the budget for it – was a priority for their Intelligence unit.
"What's the difference between an iPad and an Air?" Voight graveled.
Jay gave another shrug. "Weight. When they were released. The iOS. I don't think they make just iPads anymore."
That got another grunt. "What's the Pro? Just their newest gimmick?"
"Yea," Jay conceded. "And a bigger screen. More processing power."
That got a more unimpressed grunt. And a smack. "iPad is mandatory for high school now. Paperwork says it needs to be at least a Two. So what we've got at home? That's not going to fly?"
Jay shrugged and gave Erin a look but she just shrugged right back at him. "I think the real difference between the Minis and the Airs – which are pretty much the iPads now – is just screen size. I'm not sure what model of the Mini you got for Eth. Likely at least one generation back by now. You'd have to ask if it's a screen size thing or an app thing or a processing power or capacity thing that has them recommending the iPad. But if they say you can get an iPad 2 … maybe a Mini would be fine. Or the Twos … they're likely so obsolete now, you might be able to pick one up on the cheap somewhere…"
Hank grunted but Erin looked at him more directly. "You sure it doesn't say an Air 2, Hank?"
He just looked at her. Long and hard. Figured that likely meant she'd hit that nail on the head but he wasn't about to verbally acknowledge it. Because he just smacked, turned back to his office, grunting again and gesturing at the file Jay still had in front of him and mumbling something about the fucking school bleeding him dry. Whatever affinity Voight might've had for Ignatius when it came to his older kids and his honoring his wife's wishes seemed to be what was really drying up when it came to Eth. Not that there was a chance in hell that Voight would transfer the kid to the public system for high school, though.
Him and Erin shared a long look - slightly amused – but then she nodded at him finish up what he had in front of him. Because she wanted to get out of there too. Because they were now off the clock – and still in the bullpen, without a breaking case keeping there and opening cases that weren't going to get closed that night no matter how many hours they put in.
So he shifted his eyes back down to the paperwork. He flipped through the final few pages. The ones that he really didn't need to read, because what he had read left him confident that this – now – when it came to Eth, this was just their everyday. This shit he knew. Back-to-front, front-to-back without going through line-by-line.
So instead he focused on the line that needed his attention. The Emergency Notification and Medical Release form. The one for if there as any kind of emergency at the school. If the kid got sick. If the kid had an accident. The one that had a space for six people to be placed in the order that the parent or guardian wanted them call – if any emergency did arise. The one where you knew for most people, going to a Catholic high school, the expectation would be that it'd be their two parents, followed by their two sets of grandparents.
But not Ethan.
There, staring in his face, was a list of names that Voight had ranked in his order of preference and priority. That he should be called first. That if he couldn't be reached, then Erin should be called. And, if Erin couldn't be reached – there was his own name at Number Three. He was ahead of Olive. Ahead of Al. Ahead of Platt. And he supposed that should make sense but somehow, it was still strange and still surprising.
More surprising … Hank had filled out the first could fields. The name and the relation to the minor. And, in that column, next to "HALSTEAD, JAY", Voight had scribbled down "brother-in-law". A stretching the truth at the moment – but not likely come September when Eth started his freshman year. Yet, still strange to see it written that way. To feel it written that way. In Voight's writing. In fucking writing. And still ahead of Ethan's sister-in-law, and the kid's godfather and Platt, who only got the title of "family friend", Jay knew would still fucking storm the hospital to make sure Ethan was being looked after properly and would issue a fucking Code Red to track down Voight, if it'd reached the point that she ever had to be called out of her spot on the list. And even though she had fallen into slot Number Five – Jay also knew that when this packet got taken down for her to sign, she'd feel a great appreciation and gratitude about being recognized – and trusted enough – to be included. Just as much as he need with where he'd landed. Because he'd made the list.
He reached for his pen, scribbling in his address and email and home phone and work phone and cell phone numbers. And then gazed at the form for another long moment, before he signed off next to his name – acknowledging he'd seen the release and he accepted the responsibilities that came with it.
He'd officially made the list. This mish-mashed list of people who bore no blood relation. But had still evolved into a family. Of some shape or kind. And, somehow, that list – that family tree – was one he was OK being on. One he wasn't ashamed to have his name inscribed next to.
AUTHOR NOTE: So, we'll see how this goes. I still have no idea if/when I'll continue Aftermath or if these chapters will eventually meld into that story. But for now — I'm just going to put them here.
Keep in mind this is going to be more in the tradition of Scenes, where the chapters might not be that chronological — they'll just be scenes to explore certain character interactions, story and plot possibilities and maybe some inspirations from episodes. This will not necessarily form a self-contained story. Right now, it's not working toward much of anything. i.e. — There's no huge plot plans. It literally is just random scenes and ideas to explore.
I will still try to put the chapters into a general order over time to make it seem more chronological. But shen that will happen … ?
I also am still not sure how much or how often I'll update this. It will likely just be a more when I feel like it, get inspired by something, have an idea … and more importantly have the time to screw around with this kind of writing.
However, your readership, reviews. comments and feedback are appreciated.
But, still keep in mind, that I see my AU stories as Voight focused. There will be Jay/Erin chapters and chapters told from their perspective — and you'll get to see a continued evolution and ups-and-downs in their relationship. But ultimately, I am interested in writing about Voight's relationship with his family, his kids (Ethan and Erin) and his thoughts and justifications of how he perceives his morals. Don't except wedding bells or baby feet (beyond Henry's) to suddenly take over this series.