AN- My mind was just going and going so I went with it. You got an update quicker then normal as I couldn't get it to shut down. Again Thank you for all your feedback! That's what keeps this going! You all just rock!

"Kariana, you're just going to have to tell them I can't make it" Lena said into the phone as she watched Stef get Callie up the stairs so she could clean her wound and wash her face. It had taken over twenty minutes to calm Callie down enough to let go of her and another ten minutes for her to be okay with the idea of Stef taking her upstairs so Lena could call out of the meeting. Callie was convinced that Lena would just sneak out once she wasn't insight.

"I am sorry, Callie's not okay and I can't leave her now." She shook her head "Not today, she was in the hospital really late last night…." She paused "Yes Stef is off, but Stef wasn't with her when we were shot at. It was me. On the anniversary day of her mother's death no less. She's going through some PTSD and with her being in the hospital last night with a raging fever and infection she missed her counseling appointment. I am not comfortable leaving my daughter when she is this upset. I know I have to leave her at some point. I know we still have lots of meetings to go to, but I cannot and will not leave her today. Not after what I saw. My child's wellness comes first. I can't leave Stef with two very emotionally distraught children" She paused again "Yes, I was calling about Callie and she's having a harder time right this second but Mariana isn't doing a whole lot better. Thankfully they trade off on the times they are melting down." Lena closed her eyes "Kariana my kids are not okay and frankly I am not okay today either. I can't be there. I won't make sound choices with my mind at home. I'll be at meetings the rest of the week. I just can't do today."

She paused again "Thank you. Yes I will. Thank you for being understanding. I'll fill you in more later, no we've got meals and stuff we're stocked when it comes to food. What I need is time and understanding and a little bit of grace as I figure out how best to deal with my children. We're just figuring this out one step at a time. I just need grace thank you for offering us that."

The Fosters The Fosters The Fosters

"Mom, we got all the beach stuff packed up and in the car" Mariana announced as she entered their mother's bathroom where Stef had Callie sitting on the counter. Medical kit next to her. She needed to change the bandages, clean the wound and apply an antibiotic cream. Only they hadn't gotten that far.

She was just wiping Callie's face with a rag while another cool rag laid on the back of her neck.

"Everything okay in here?" Mariana asked as she took a seat on the counter next to Callie sliding her hand into one of her sister's.

"Yes, fine" Stef promised

"Mama is on the phone saying she can't go in?"

Stef nodded again as she moved to Callie's arm and began unwrapping the wound. "This may hurt a little bit sweets, and yes mama is going to stay home today."

"Because I am a big stupid baby" Callie mumbled as Mariana squeezed her hand.

"You aren't a baby" Stef shook her head as she winced looking at the wound. Callie must have had a strong pain tolerance. The wound still looked angry. Red, puffy on fire to the touch and it was draining. She expected Mariana to pass out upon seeing it but she didn't she only squeezed Callie's hand tighter. "Love, does this hurt?"

Callie glanced to her arm and shrugged "It stings, a little but nothing I can't handle. Not like the thought of Lena going into that school." She mumbled "I am so dumb."

"I didn't want her to go any more than you did" Mariana said softly "And I am not a baby."

"No, but you didn't freak out the way I did" She said wincing and trying to pull her arm from Stef as she touched the wound with a wipe. "Ow" She hissed "Don't touch it. It hurts."

Stef let out a breath "Callie, I have to clean it and get the medication on it. We can't let it land you in the hospital again."

"But it hurts" Callie snapped "Just leave it alone. I can take care of it myself." She said reaching for the wipe only to have Stef hold it away from her. "This is what mom's do. It's my job to make sure it's done properly. I kind of failed you on that bug and it got infected."

"I can do it" Callie insisted again.

"You can" She agreed "But you're not going too." Stef narrowed her eyes at Callie "Don't make this difficult. It doesn't have to be difficult." She placed her hand on Callie's knee and glared at her when she saw what the girl was about to do. "Don't even think about it. You and I haven't battled yet but you push me away with your knee and you'll be in some serious trouble. Do I make myself clear? It's a battle you will not win my friend."

Callie nodded as she looked down "Yes ma'am"

"I'll be with you." Mariana whispered "You can squeeze my hand as hard as you want if it hurts."

"I am free to be at home" Lena came into the bathroom "How's it going in here?"

"Fine" Callie hissed as Stef put the wipe back to Callie's arm.

Lena moved over to look at the wound and winced. Her poor daughter. That looked painful She moved over to the other side of Callie and grabbed her other hand. "Let mom clean it. After we'll get you some more Tylenol to help with the pain. Maybe Callie and I should stay home from the beach and rest."

"What? No mama" Mariana all but whined "Please don't do that. She can rest on the beach. We packed the big beach umbrella"

"I just called out of work, it might look bad if I am on a beach."

"Ow! Stef!" Callie snapped as she pulled her arm from Stef's "You're not being gentle at all. That hurts!"

"Callie, I am being gentle" Stef grabbed her arm back wanting to tell her it was now mom. She couldn't do the back and forth thing but she decided to let it go this one. "I am done cleaning it, now I am going to put the antibiotic pain reliving cream on. Hold still." She then looked to Lena "I think you should come. It will be good for both of you. Fresh air and the sun. If you're worried about being spotted we'll drive to that beach that we love that's an hour out. We haven't really done a beach outing with Jude and Callie. I'd love for us to go. Obviously you and Cal can't do any crazy water actives this time, but it will give them a glimpse of our summer family bonding."

Lena looked to Callie "What do you love bug? Feel up to the beach?"

"Anything is better than Stef messing with my arm" Callie winced as yanked her arm free again "Stop it! It hurts. I want to do the rest."

"I am about ready to boot Mariana and mama out of here and do this ourselves Callie Q and you will not like it. Now drop the attitude! You know I am not doing this to hurt you."

"I don't want you touching me"

"Stef, I don't know" Lena shook her head as she watched as Callie prepared for another melt down "Maybe her and I should stay home."

"Callie, stop please" Mariana begged "I want mama to come."

Callie let her head drop as she winced one more time "Fine, I am sorry" She mumbled

"Almost done" Stef promised as let it dry for a few moments before going to wrap it up again so it would be protected from Sun and water. Once it was wrapped she leaned in and kissed the bandage "I am sorry it hurt baby."

Callie's eyes filled with tears as she watched Stef be so gentle and careful with her arm after she done nothing but yelled at her for five minutes. She had no idea why her emotions were so out of control. She wasn't able to get a hold of them like she normally could. It reminded her of the time she destroyed her room after her mother died. She suppressed the memory until Jude reminded her of it. She was angry and it was coming out in weird ways. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms all the way around Stef resting her chin on Stef's shoulder.

Stef was caught off guard for a moment before wrapping her arms around her holding her close as she rubbed her back with her hands "I love you too" She whispered knowing that's what Callie was saying.

After a minute Stef pulled apart and grabbed the rag and wiped Callie's face one more time. Before she smiled "Alright lovely ladies, why don't you go get in beach gear.

"Mom" Callie bit her lip "I don't have a swim suit."

"There's a shop on the beach your mama loves to go into. When we get there you two can go get one. Yes?"

Callie nodded "Okay."

Mariana waited for Callie to hop off the counter before she started telling her about the shop and type of stuff they had in there telling her she was going to bring her own money as well so she could get something. Maybe new sunglasses.

Lena watched them leave and looked to Stef "Are you sure we should bring her out? Her mood swings are night and day!"

"I want us to be together." Stef said grabbing Lena's hand "Away from the house. Some place the kids enjoy. Callie will be fine. She has us both there. She'll be able to see us at all times. She can curl up and read under the umbrella with you. Or play with her siblings. You can rest. I can rest."

Lena nodded after a minute "Alright"

"If it becomes too much for any one of them we will come home."

Lena nodded again "Okay. I trust you."

Stef smiled "I love those words"

"I do" Lena said going to her closet to get her favorite sun dress "You know I do right?"

Stef nodded "I do. I know this hard. I know we don't have the answers, but we didn't when Jesus and Mariana moved in with us. We figured it out. We'll figure it out with Callie. The important thing is we just keep showing her our love, and keeping her in check."

Lena nodded "And snuggle her lots. All of them. I just want to snuggle all my babies. I just can't get enough of it right now."

Stef nodded "Fair. I say go for it"

Lena smiled "They may think they are getting too big…"

"The boys may think that" Stef countered "The girls are eating it up, and they aren't too big. SO there." She stuck her tongue out "Do it! I'll mama sandwich them with you."

The Fosters* The Fosters* The Fosters

An hour drive, and twenty minutes in the shop with the girls while Callie shopped for a swimsuit which she found a beautiful lavender two piece one that just popped on her skin complexion. She and Callie were finally settling down on the big beach blanket. Stef and Mariana were floating around in inner tubes. Stef holding onto Mariana's foot so she didn't float away and so they could talk.

Jesus and Brandon were trying to teach Jude to surf which left Lena and Callie alone. This is what Lena wanted at the moment.

She dug in the cooler and pulled out two cans of coke that they somehow managed to sneak in there and two cookies. She handed Callie a coke and her eyes lit up in surprise. Lena hardly ever allowed them to drink soda.

"It's a special occasion, this is like a vacation day," She smiled as Callie took the coke and the cookie.

"Your special cookies?" She asked "The ones you hide from us?"

Lena smirked "You guys eat them too fast, but again I say it's a vacation get away type day. I want to share with you."

Callie smiled as she nibbled on the cookie watching Jude try and stand on a board "He loves the beach. You've just made his day. He is eating up Brandon and Jesus teaching him things. He's always loved me but used to wish for more siblings, to teach him things that I couldn't."

"You taught him a lot" Lena pointed out "And you've taken care of him. You are an impressive big sister."

Callie smiled "Yeah, and Jude will always have a special bond with me. It's just he loves being a part of a big family."

Lena finished her cookie and grabbed the sunblock "Can I spray you down? I don't want you to burn"

Callie nodded and sat in front of Lena as she put the last of her own cookie in her mouth. Lena quickly sprayed Callie and rubbed it in before putting it away. The two settled back on the blanket as they watched their family out in the water. "Callie, can you tell me what was going through your mind this afternoon when you didn't want me to go?"

Callie gave a side glance to Lena and shrugged "I didn't want you to go."

Lena reached out and put her hand over Callie's "Sweetheart, I know that. Can you please talk to me? Can you tell me what is going through your head?"

Callie looked down at Lena's hand over hers as she looked up "You're too good to be true" She said softly "I am going to close my eyes and you're going to be gone" She said so quietly Lena almost didn't hear it.

"Callie, sweet heart" She said began but was interrupted as Jesus ran up to the blanket "Mama, I hit my hand wrong on the board. I busted my knuckles open. Do we have napkins"

Lena looked up to see Jesus standing there with blood covering his knuckles. She got up quickly to make sure it didn't need stitches as Callie used this time to make her get away not wanting to talk to Lena. She was embarrassed about her emotions and her fears. She didn't want to sound five. She felt five. She ran to the base of the water. "Mom?" She called out grabbing Stef's attention. "If I just float in a tube, and not do anything crazy can I float with you and Mariana? I'll keep my arm dry."

Stef nodded "Yes, as long as you don't get your arm wet"

Callie nodded and ran and got a tube as Lena washed off Jesus's knuckle with a bottle of water "Callie, I am not done talking to you."

"Mom said I could float" She said cutting her off as she grabbed a tube "Sorry. Nothing to talk about anyways" She said quickly as Jude ran up to the blanket dropping down next to Lena's side "Mom, I am hungry! What can I have?"

Lena patted Jesus's hand "You'll be fine' She assured him "Let it stop bleeding before you go back in the water. Callie" She tried but Callie waved her hand at her and ran towards the water with her tube.

Jude flashed Lena smile "Avoidance Callie in the house" He then looked at Lena "She doesn't like talking about her feelings when she doesn't understand them. Can I have something to eat?"

"Whatever you want to buddy" Lena sighed as she watched Stef reach out and grab Callie's tube joining them together to hold it next to hers and Mari's.

"Wait until later this summer" Jesus looked to Jude "When mama can go in the water. She is the best. She can teach you all sorts of things."

Jude turned to Lena "Will you?"

Lena nodded as Jude grabbed a string cheese before curling up to Lena's side suddenly needing to be close to her.

"You okay buddy?" Lena asked all of a sudden as she felt bad for the boys. Mariana and Callie had been front and center in the attention line.

He nodded as he played with his cheese. "Have I told you I love you today?" He asked

"Augh mush fest" Jesus laughed as he ran back to join Brandon.

"I can never hear enough that you love me" She smiled at her little man "And Jude I love you. You bring me so much joy. I am pretty blessed to have you as my son."

"I don't remember as much about my mom as Callie does" Jude started "But, what I remember is you're a lot like her."

Lena raised her eyebrow "Yeah?"

Jude nodded "Gorgeous"

Lena laughed and ruffled his wet hair.

"And soft spoken, sweet, good in the kitchen and you always put our needs first. You worry about what we eat and how much we sleep. My mom was like that. Not that Stef doesn't do those things, she's just more… I don't know' He gave an embarrassed laugh "You know Stef, and she's a great mom. We love her! It's just you're personality is more like our moms."

Lena eyes traveled out to the girls before looking at Jude "That's a great compliment buddy. You're mother raised two beautiful, compassionate children. That says a lot."

"My mom would be so happy that we are with you" Jude looked up flashing Lena a smile "Since she couldn't be here. I believe my mom was with you and Callie the other day. She protected you so we wouldn't lose another mom." He got to his knees and gave Lena a hug and kissed her cheek "I love you mama" He then tossed his wrapper into the basket before running back to Jesus and Brandon.

Lena sat there watching her family play in the water as silent tears rolled down her cheeks. Tears of gratitude, joy and fear all in one lump sum.

The Fosters

FB

After a long day of work Lena walked through the park taking a seat on the bench in the park. She spent her day with children. So she was surprised to find herself putting herself in the park with more children. She watched as mother's sat on a bench next to her talking and catching up while their children played on the jungle gym. She watched as a father tossed a football with his daughter. She watched as a mother pushed a stroller with twins past her. Her heart ached for what she saw. She could reach out and touch these children they were so close but really they were so far away. Her heart was screaming for a child. She wanted a child of her own.

"MOMMY" A shrill little voice caught her attention as she watched a little girl with dark hair and wide eyes flew off the playground. "Mommy I hit my head"

The mom quit talking and held open her arms pulling the girl to her lap. She rocked her back and forth checking the wound before she kissed her. Lena watched as the girl clung to her for a few minutes before telling her an animated story before she burst into contagious giggles causing both the mother and the friend to laugh.

Lena watched longingly her arms aching to hold a child. She wanted a partner a best friend to come home to. To laugh to cry with and to grow old with and she wanted to share parenthood with this person. She wanted to hold children in her arms. Tuck them into bed. Help them with homework. Walk the floor with them at night when they were sick.

She chewed on her lip as her heart ached for what she didn't have yet. Though she promised her heart in that moment move heaven and earth she was going to make that life for herself. She was going to find someone to love and she was going to bring children into her life to love and raise and she would never complain about how much work it was as she heard a mother three benches away talking about how long and hard it was. She knew it wouldn't be easy but she knew she'd a mother that would cherish every moment. She knew that some day that would be her life. She made a promise in that moment to her aching long heart that some day she would have that life and she would cherish each moment.