AN- So I am heading out of town for the weekend. Won't be around to work on my stories so I wanted to leave you with a little update until next week. It's just a bit of fluff and love.. My chapters that focus on Lena and the others are coming. Callie is not going to be forgotten though I promise! For those who love that she's the center she's the one I tend to be drawn too so trust me she'll be around. I find that she works her way in even when it's not intended. I love that girl. I love this family! I love you guys and your reviews. I love writing as it is but you guys make it even more fun.. 3 Have a great weekend!
The Fosters
Stef had expected to find everyone in her room sound asleep when she went to bed. She'd been out star gazing for over two hours. Allowing her mind to just wander. When she got cold enough she came to find a dark quiet house. So she quickly did her normal rounds and had found their mothers and her boys sound asleep. Knowing they were all asleep she tiptoed into her room closing the door quietly behind her. Two night lights were on giving the room a soft glow. She could hear Mariana and Lena's soft breathing but something else caught her hear a soft sniffling sound coming from the side of the airbed. She quietly tiptoed around and knelt down next to the airbed and carefully peeled the blankets away from her daughter to find two big brown eyes looking up at her and two very tear stained cheeks.
"oh baby" She whispered catching a tear drop with her thumb.
Callie bit her lip "It's dumb" She sniffled "But I can't quit crying."
Stef looked around and the room before uncovering Callie from the blankets and pulling her out of bed quietly. "Come with me" She whispered as she pulled her from the room. She took them both downstairs to the living room couch curling up on couch pulling a blanket around their shoulders.
"You know, love" Stef began softly "I know you've been taught, or you've taught yourself that crying is a weakness and you shouldn't do it around others. It's not Callie it's not a weakness. Crying is actually good for you."
Callie rubbed the bridge of her nose resting her head against Stef's as she held her in her arms.
"I don't why I can't stop" She sniffed "I am trying."
"We're going to sit her for a few minutes and just work on breathing together." She said softly running her fingers through Callie's dark hair. "I still have some of the sedatives that the hospital gave me two nights ago."
"Can I have one?" Callie asked looking up at Stef as more tears spilled. "I am tired mom."
Stef pulled her tighter against her "Sweet girl" She kissed the top of her head.
"I want to sleep." Callie mumbled "I want to sleep and forget everything has happened."
"The shooting?" Stef asked "Or a few hours ago? You know just because I got upset with you doesn't mean that I don't love you."
Callie nodded "You said that outside."
"I know" Stef nodded "I know what I said, and I can say a lot, but you have to believe it."
Callie played with her necklace "I am trying to believe it."
Stef looked down at her "Trying to believe it is a step in the right direction. Trying is better then being closed off to the idea."
Callie pulled away and looked up at Stef "I was awful to you. How could you still want me?"
"Mother's love unconditionally" Stef said brushing her hand against Callie's cheek "And when you're acting out that's telling me that is something deeper brewing in here." She said tapping Callie's head. "Something you don't know how to vocalize, so your emotions are trying to get it out and it's coming out just not the way it should be." She paused "My job is to correct the behavior, love you through it and find out what the root of the problem is."
"Sounds exhausting" Callie mumbled
"No" She shook her head "You'll understand some day when you're a mom. I can't explain it to you in a way you would understand. You just have to trust me even in the moments where I am frustrated that I have no words my love for you is bigger and deeper. Callie my friend I fell in love with you the day I met you."
"But I was a brat that day" Callie sniffed back more tears as she pulled away from Stef and looked at her with big eyes. "A big brat."
"No" Stef shook her head "Not a brat, guarded and hurt. You threw up that wall to protect yourself from us. To protect yourself from allowing us to love you, and from you allowing you to love us."
Callie frowned and tilted her head to the side "What?"
"You felt something different in our house. The night Lena brought you home. Maybe even the first time Lena looked at you. You felt something different."
Callie swallowed "Sometimes, she looks at me and I swear the way she's looking at me is just the way my mom used to look at me" Callie whispered "And part of me wants to wrap my arms around her neck and hold on so tightly she never lets go."
Stef nodded "And?"
"And part of me screams inside, makes me want to tell her to go away and never come back, and then I hate myself. SO much" Callie shuddered "Then I just want to make me hurt for thinking that."
Stef paused for a moment "When you feel that way..."
"I don't." Callie shook her head "I don't hurt myself anymore."
"Anymore?"
"I used to when I was thirteen" She admitted "But Jude caught me twice once cutting myself and once throwing up after eating. It scared him and…" She sighed
"You couldn't hurt him" Stef nodded "So you stopped hurting yourself so you'd stop hurting Jude." She pulled Callie back into her arms "We need to find an outlet for that anger you've got built up. In a way that's safe"
"When my mom died, do you think she knew I loved her?" Callie asked
"Oh honey" Stef nodded as she pulled away from Callie so she could make eye contact with her. "Oh she knew you loved her."
"Even though I didn't kiss her goodbye?" She questioned "OR didn't talk to her? She died knowing that I mad at her. Do you think she was mad at me?"
Stef shook her head "No, I know she wasn't mad at you. She knew you were just a little girl who was having a rough day. Needed a safe place to take out frustration and she knew that was her. Comes with being a mom. She loved you."
Callie let out a sigh "And mama?" She asked
"Are you asking about if mama loves you?" She asked
"When I've yelled at her?" Callie looked up big eyed "She understands?"
Stef nodded "The same as me. She knows there is something more then what you are saying. She knows that means you trust her."
Callie nodded "I do trust her. She saved my life"
Stef laughed and nodded "And you hers."
Callie curled her fingers around her nose as she leaned back down against Stef "Sometimes I wish I had been with my mom so maybe I could have saved her. Or died with her."
Stef sighed and kissed the top of Callie's head "Me as your mom as well am thankful you were not with her."
"Lately though" Callie whispered "I haven't been missing her as much because I have you and mama and then I worry that would hurt her feelings and I am horrible daughter."
"You sure do have a lot going through your head my little peanut" She said softly "Thank you for talking to me about this" She said with a smile "You know your mom wouldn't want you and Jude to be alone. I know that if something happened to me I would want someone to love you kids as much as I did, because that is a mass amount of love and you kids deserve it. Your mom wants you to have a home and a stable environment"
"She would have liked you" Callie sighed "You would have made her laugh. You make me laugh."
"And you make me smile" Stef whispered "You and your brothers and your sister and your mama are my heart.""
Callie looked up at Stef and reached up and touched her cheek with her fingertip "When you look at me like you are now. I feel loved" She whispered
"Good" Stef smiled "Because you are. But it scares you sometimes doesn't it?"
Callie nodded "Because I love you and mama just as much as I loved my mom and I don't ever want to feel that pain again of losing her. It hurt mom. It still hurts and it doesn't go away" Callie let out another sob "So if I made you and Lena not love me. Maybe…"
Stef shook her head "Baby, I hate to break this to you but there is nothing you can do that will make us stop loving you. In fact our love grows for you every day. So the plan of you pushing us away to make us not love you will never work. It just makes for tense conversations and groundings for behavior which isn't fun"
Callie nodded "But sometimes I can't help it the pushing comes before what I want to say."
"We'll work through that" Stef promised "There is no fix it baby. I wish there was, but we get to walk through it together and grow. Our relationship will grow the more we are open and honest with each other and talk through emotions and feelings."
Callie nodded "It's not always easy to talk."
"Oh I know" Stef agreed as she yawned "But we'll figure it out. Lets get you that sedative and get you back into bed. You need a good night of sleep."
"I think I can sleep with out it now" She said softly "The tears stopped."
Stef smiled running her thumb over Callie's cheek before she kissed them "That they did. Come on baby" She said taking her hand as she led them up to her room. Callie stopped her before they entered the room "Do you believe I love you?"
Stef paused and then grabbed Callie's face in her hands so their eyes were locked "Baby doll listen to me. You're big brown eyes are your blessing and your curse because they tell everything. So yes Callie my love I believe you love me. I see it when you look at me. The same as you look at Jude."
Callie smiled and nodded as they entered the room "Do you think mama sees it too?" She whispered as Stef led her to the air bed.
"Does mama what?" Lena asked sleepily as she sat up "Everything okay? Last I checked I tucked that little girl into bed."
"Mama do you know I love you?" She asked "Because I've been such a brat to you at times."
Lena fought back a yawn as she held open her arms "Come here sweetheart. And you were just acting out don't label yourself."
Callie moved over to Lena who surprised her by pulling Callie sideways on her lap rocking her slightly for a few seconds humming into her ear. "I know you love me lady bug. I see it when you look at me. I feel it when you hug me. I even know it when you are pushing me or acting out at me, because you trust me and to you trust is love."
Callie looked up at Lena quickly raising her eyebrow
"What?" She asked with a smile as she kissed her forehead "I am your mama, I am supposed to know from inside out and from head to toes." She watched as Callie smiled and brushed her finger over the bridge of her nose.
"And I know you're tired" She smiled "So lets get you back into bed."
Callie nodded and climbed off Lena's lap and onto her space in the bed.
Stef covered her back up and kissed her forehead "If you're not asleep in twenty we're doing the sedatives, yes my friend?"
Callie nodded as allowed Stef to kiss her "Sleep well"
Lena waited her turn then tucked Callie in tightly "My slug a bug is now snug as a bug in a rug. " She kissed her "Goodnight sweetheart."
"Love you too" She said closing her eyes
The Fosters
FB
"Donald" Colleen Jacob bounced her teething one year old in her arms "I just watched a movie"
Donald rolled over in bed and groaned "Why are you up?"
She sighed "Callie's teeth hurt" said putting her finger into the babe's mouth calming her slightly "But I just watched a movie while I was nursing and."
"Colleen" He groaned "My head hurts, I have to work in the morning. Can't this wait?"
She rocked Callie by the bed "I am worried Donald. We don't have a lot of family or friends"
Donald yawned as he sat up in the bed "Come lay down with me. You're making me dizzy"
"I don't want her to start crying again."
"She'll be fine" He said her eyes care closed "She'll sleep"
Colleen carefully eased into bed with Callie on her chest. Donald reached over and ran his hand through her ringlets. "Why are you worried about our friends?"
"What if something happened to me?" She asked "Who would take care of Callie?"
"Me" He yawned "See you're fine. GO to bed Colleen. No need stressing yourself out."
"What if something happens to both of us?" She bit her lip "Who will take care of my baby? Who will love her like I do? Donald we need to find someone to put down on a will to take care of Callie. I need to know baby is going to be loved."
Donald yawned "Colleen, it's two in the morning, you are healthy and young. Why worry yourself into a early grave. Nothing is going to happen to you. You're going to take care of your daughter and your going to love her the most."
Colleen chewed her lip "Can you at least start thinking of someone we could put down on the will? I know it doesn't have to be tonight but sometime."
"If something happens to you I am going to take Callie" He promised "Honey, she's going to be loved and she's going to be loved by you! The best mom in the world. Now go to sleep."
Colleen shifted Callie in her arms "If something happens to me and you get her. Will you remarry?" She asked "I really don't want Callie growing up with out a mama. It's too hard. I want her to be loved by someone who loves her as much as me. But I doubt that's possible because I love her so much."
"Colleen" Donald rubbed his eyes as he moved his hand out to the alarm clock to touch it knocking an empty beer can over. "Look at the time, we'll talk about this later. I promise! Callie won't grow up with out a mom."
"You mean it?" She asked "We'll talk later?"
"If I say yes will you let it drop?" Colleen nodded as she took her finger from Callie's mouth and watched as the baby replaced it with her own thumb her nose curling around the bridge of her nose letting out a slight content sigh.
"I promise" Donald yawned ""We will talk about the what ifs soon. Goodnight" He said rolling to his side as Colleen snuggled in next to Callie nodding taking his word that eventually they would have a back up plan and a will set in place for her daughters future and in knowing that she was able to fall asleep next to her daughter husband.