And here we go. Several weeks and 85 pages after the story started, I finish it. Huzzah. Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic, Total Drama Island, or Mario.
"OK, contestants, the challenges will be set up by the losers. Fang will go first and Shadow will be last, with all the others in between getting you to do their challenge in the order that they were kicked off the island. Ready?" Chris grinned as he finished the instructions. "Begin."
The first challenge was set up by Fang the Sniper, and surprisingly, it had nothing to do with guns. Instead, the weasel handed each of them a baseball bat.
"Now, here's what you blokes do," he said. "You put the bat on the ground with the smallest end in the air, like so—" he showed them the proper way to do it. "Then you put your forehead in the middle of the end stickin' in the air, then you run around in a circle without lifting either your head or your bat. Circle 20 times, then get up and run to that tree over there. The first one who makes it wins. Ready? GO!"
Scourge and Mephiles obediently ran 20 times in a circle with their heads on the bats, then they started to run. But all those circles had made them extremely dizzy, and Scourge instantly started running the wrong way and charged into the mess tent, knocking it down while Shadow Android screamed very unpleasant things at him. Mephiles shook his head as if to clear it, then took two steps forwards and collapsed.
Fang was laughing like there was no tomorrow. "Now, that's funny. Too bad you didn't make it to the tree, but I already know who I'm voting for." He took his paper, scrawled a name on it, and put it in the voting box.
Meanwhile, Scourge and Mephiles cleared their heads and went to their next challenge.
Vector was in charge of the next challenge, but he was listening to those blasted headphones and didn't see them. After a few minutes of Mephiles and Scourge yelling at him to get his attention, he started miming holding a guitar and yelled, "GUITAR SOLO!"
The two stopped and stared at him, and Vector looked right at the two of them and snapped, "I said, GUITAR SOLO! On the double, move!"
Scourge finally realized that Vector's challenge was for them to do an air guitar solo, so he obediently pretended to play a guitar. Mephiles closed his eyes, sighed loudly, and did the same.
"Now bring her home!" Vector ordered. Scourge quickly dropped to his knees and pretended to play the lower frets; Mephiles had no idea what 'bring her home' meant, and did nothing.
"Well…you tried, anyway," Vector finally conceded, writing a name on a piece of paper and dropping it into the voting box. Then the duo were off to their next challenge.
Silver's challenge was next. He held up three boxes. "Pick a box, both of you."
Both Scourge and Mephiles picked a box.
"Open your boxes," Silver continued, and they did so.
Scourge's box held scissors. Mephiles' box has a rock.
"Rock smashes scissors, Mephiles wins," Silver said matter-of-factly, writing a name and putting it in the voting box.
Both Scourge and Mephiles thought that this particular challenge was pretty lame, but they wisely decided not to voice their opinions and went to the next challenge.
Black Doom's challenge was simultaneously difficult and sad. Difficult, because they were supposed to record Shadow the Hedgehog admitting he was Black Doom's son. Sad, because they were supposed to record Shadow the Hedgehog admitting he was Black Doom's son.
Of course, Shadow wasn't very happy when he learned what their mission was. So, here they were, Mephiles holding Shadow down by the neck while the ebony-furred hedgehog kept yelling, "I am NOT Black Doom's son!" over and over.
Scourge got an idea. He recorded Shadow denying his kinship to Black Doom, rushed away, and listened to what he'd recorded, hitting the record button again just as Shadow was about to say 'not' on the tape. Then he took his prize to Black Doom, who was thrilled to hear Shadow saying, "I am…Black Doom's son!"
"I knew he'd come to his senses!" Black Doom cheered, writing a name on a piece of paper and putting it in the voting box.
Knuckles, showing a humorous side that he rarely showed anyone and which Scourge and Mephiles hated instantly, ordered them to do the Hokey Pokey.
"You put your left arm in," the Echidna sang, thoroughly enjoying himself as he forced the two contestants to go through the motions. "You put your left arm out…you put your left arm in, and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!" Then he grinned evilly and sang, "Put your rear end in…"
Both Scourge and Mephiles decided then and there that they hated Knuckles' guts and that they'd make him pay for this very, very painfully later on. But finally, this particular humiliation was over, and Knuckles wrote a name and put it in the voting box.
Eggman's challenge was certainly the most fun. He ordered them both to prank Chris.
Eager to participate this particular challenge, Scourge ended up tar and feathering Chris, and Mephiles TP'd Chris' room with honey-coated toilet paper, making sure to leave a honey trail for the hungry red ant colony he'd found.
Eggman decided which prank he liked best, then he wrote a name on a piece of paper and put it in the voting box.
Bean's challenge was the essence of embarrassment. The duck dragged them in front of everyone on the island and yelled, "EVERYBODY MAMBO!"
Which meant, Mephiles and Scourge had to dance the mambo in front of everyone on the island. That was not very conducive to their image as evil, cold-hearted, ruthless criminals; but it was pretty fun to watch.
After Bean had them dancing the Mambo for two hours straight, Bean finally wrote a name down and put it in the voting box. The two villains sighed and happily rushed away from Bean.
Suddenly Mephiles' eyes widened. "Hey, didn't Bean get kicked off twice?"
Scourge's jaw dropped as he realized this was true. "NOOOOO!" He screamed.
Metal Sonic was next. He had them breath on a spoon and stick it to their nose. Then he voted for whoever he wanted and sent them on their way.
Tails wanted them to disarm a bomb. A real bomb.
Scourge and Mephiles didn't know how to disarm a bomb.
"Cut the red wire. It's always the red wire," Scourge informed Mephiles, who was inside the bomb, staring at its guts at the moment.
"There are ten red wires! Which one?"
"How should I know? Just don't cut the blue one!"
"You mean this blue one?" Mephiles yanked the blue wire out, and the bomb started to beep. Then it exploded.
The two villains looked at Tails rather sheepishly as the now soot-black fox glared at them, wrote something on a piece of paper, and put it in the voting box.
Amy handed each of them a letter. "Deliver these to my one true love," she ordered.
"Which one is that?" Scourge asked.
Amy glared and brought out her Piko Piko hammer. "Don't talk like that to me!" she warned. "You were both there when I confessed my love to him on the dock!"
"Well, yeah, but…"
"GO!" Amy shrieked, swinging her Piko Piko hammer wildly and chasing the two villains away.
"Now what?" Scourge asked Mephiles. The Dark shrugged. "You deliver yours to Sonic, I'll deliver mine to Shadow. We both have an equal chance of getting it right."
Scourge sighed, walked over to Sonic, and handed him the letter.
"What's this?" Sonic asked, reading the letter. He got a horrified look on his face and dropped it like it carried a disease. "OH, NO!" He screamed, running into the woods.
Shadow's reaction, when getting his letter, was entirely different. He got a dopey, lovesick grin on his face, and he sighed. "She loves me," he muttered. Then he started dancing and singing, "When She Loved Me," in front of everyone.
Amy was frowning as the two contestants came back to her. "Well, at least one of you were paying attention," she muttered, writing something down and putting it in the voting box.
Ix and Bean were next. The two were grinning as the unhappy contestants walked over to them.
"Get in front of everybody," Bean started.
"And sing 'Cottleston pie,'" Ix continued.
"You know, the song Winnie the Pooh sings when he doesn't know the answer to something?" Bean added.
"You each sing one verse!" Ix finished.
Scourge looked like he was about to cry, but he obediently got in front of everyone and sang.
"Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie
A fly can't bird but a bird can fly
Ask me a riddle and I reply
Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie."
Then, it was Mephiles' turn.
"Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie
A fish can't whistle and neither can I
Ask me a riddle and I reply
Cottleston, cottleston, cottleston pie."
Then, both of them walked off, their faces pink as everyone snickered at them.
Were-Sonic had them run all throughout the camp to find couple of AA batteries. When they brought him some, he simply said, "Lick it."
Scourge gave him a mean glare, then he reached out and licked the end of the battery. "Ouch!" he yelped, as the current shocked him.
Sonic snickered. "You too, Mephiles," he ordered.
Mephiles muttered something under his breath, then he, too, licked the battery. He yelped as he, too, was shocked.
Sonic chuckled, wrote something on a piece of paper, and put it in the voting box.
"Run around the camp screeching like monkeys," was Shadow's challenge.
Finally, the embarrassing challenges were over and Chris tallied the votes. He then turned to the two finalists and grinned.
"By a unanimous decision," Chris started. "The winner of Total Sonic Island is…Mario!"
Both villain's jaws dropped as Mario swung out of the jungle on a rope, yelling like Tarzan and grabbing the suitcase full of rings.
"I told-a you I would-a win-a the prize-a!" Mario called as he swung out of sight.
"You mean we did all that for nothing!" Scourge yelled.
"Yeah," Shadow said. "We hate both your guts!"
"Hey," Amy called, looking around. "What happened to Espio?"
"Who?" Vector asked.
"The chameleon," Mephiles snapped.
"Oh," Fang looked thoughtful. "Didn't he die?"
Meanwhile, in the woods, Mario eagerly hugged his prize of 100,000 rings. The fact that there was nothing he could do with rings meant nothing to him.
Suddenly, a Kunai sliced through the handle of the suitcase, and it was yanked out of Mario's hand and suspended by the Kunai to a tree.
"What the heck-a?" Mario yelped, as Espio appeared in front of him.
"Give me that suitcase," the ninja ordered.
"You said-a you weren't-a in it for-a the prize!" Mario accused. "You said-a you were in-a it for-a worthy challenges-a!"
"There were no worthy challenges," Espio explained. "And since you all wasted my time, you owe me. So I will be taking this."
"You can't-a have it!" Mario yelled. "I won-a it fair and-a square! You'll have-a to pry-a it from-a my cold, dead-a hands-a!"
Espio nodded, agreeing with these terms. "As you wish," he conceded.
Mario's eyes widened as the ninja advanced on him. "No wait!" he begged. "It-a was a joke-a! Go away-a! AUGH-A!"
I suppose I could stick around and tell you what happened to Mario and Espio. But hey, I was just supposed to tell you who won the darned thing. Telling you what happened after that isn't part of my job description.
THE END