Title: So It Goes

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Chicago PD

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: Hank Voight and his family try to cope with their struggles at home and work — and the dynamics those conflicting circumstances creat for their blended family in a time of transition. The series focuses on Voight, his sick and disabled son — and what's left of his family and their strained relationships, particularly that with Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead as they work at establishing their own lives as a young couple.

This is a collection of one-shots/scenes using the characters as represented in the AU established in Interesting Dynamics. The chapters currently represent scenes happening in approximately S04 of the series or early 2017.

As I continue to update, they'll just provide one-shot snap shots into the characters' lives and likely some recasts of scenes from the show.

This is not a linear narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's just scenes. It is generally set so it begins around the mid-point of Season 4 (or about January/February 2017) and may occasionally draw reference to (and have SPOILERS) from the series.

A notification is provided at the beginning of each chapter about where it happens in relation to the other chapters, if they are out of sequence. Chapters will be re-ordered semi-regularly (i.e. if you're reading this weeks or months after the chapter was originally posted, it's likely now in the right place, so just ignore the notification).

SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes and Aftermath. This series also contains SPOILERS related to the finale of Season 3 of Chicago PD and will have occasionally spoilers from Season 4 of the show.

Jay leaned against the doorframe of Eth's bedroom, staring in at kid crumpled on his bed off in the corner. He could tell the kid wasn't sleeping but even with the sound of him coming up the stairs and creaking through the hallway, Ethan didn't give him so much as a glance. But he'd pretty much expected that.

"Can I come in?" Jay put to him.

Eth just kept laying there. Let the silence hang but then finally muttered a muted, "No."

Jay gave a little nod at that. He'd expected that too but he still crossed his arms as he gazed at him.

"Your dad told me you had a bit of a rough afternoon," Jay said.

"It was just a nosebleed," the kid mumbled again.

Jay just stared. He knew it was more than that. Anything to do with Ethan's health was usually a bit more than that. And for the school to call Voight at work, when the nurse there was pretty briefed on the whole managing Ethan situation, knew it had to be something fairly significant. Wasn't aware of too many schools calling the parents about a nosebleed. And wasn't sure Voight was the kind of dad who'd go flying from work – let alone when they were on a scene – for a nosebleed.

Besides, he knew it wasn't "just" a nosebleed. Eth ignored the fact he'd been briefed. Just like he was trying to ignore the fact that he was standing there. Likely like he'd been doing his best to try to pretend that he hadn't heard him and Erin come in and being briefed by his dad downstairs too.

"Yea …," Jay allowed. "That sticky locker hit you in the face again?"

Ethan made a little noise at that and reached to tug his blanket a bit tighter around him. "Go away," he rasped from somewhere under it – the fabric hiding most of his face, though he hadn't pulled it right over top of his head.

"You cold?" Jay put to him.

"No," Ethan said with some annoyance.

Also didn't really believe that. Ethan was always cold. The kid was freezing and Voight's creaky old house didn't do a great job at retaining the heat. And from where Jay was standing he could see that Eth hadn't flipped on the little oil heater Hank had in the kid's room. So he stepped inside and did that himself, turning it up a couple settings in an effort to try to get the small space to warm up a little faster for the kid.

"I say you couldn't come in," Ethan grumbled, peaking at him from under the blanket.

Jay straightened and allowed him a nod. "Heard you," he acknowledged. "But told your dad and sister that I was going to come up here and check on you."

"I'm fine," Ethan muttered and shifted in the bed, rolling over to face the other way.

"You don't sound too fine," Jay put to him more directly.

"I am," the kid contended.

Jay shrugged but walked over to Eth's desk and grabbed the chair, spinning it around. "OK," he allowed. "But I think I'm going to sit up here with you and make sure you're fine until dinner."

"I'm not hungry," Ethan spit out.

"Heard that too," Jay allowed, putting his elbows on his knees and gazing at the kid. "Heard it's the excuse you're using to not come over to mine and Erin's place tonight too."

"I don't want to come over," Ethan spit harsher and did pull down the blanket enough to give him a real death glare. "And I don't want to come over, if I don't want to."

Jay shrugged. "That's fine too. But I was looking forward to getting some Battlefront and Forza in."

Ethan crawled under the blanket again. "Play on Live. I'm not coming over."

"OK," Jay said and sat up straighter, crossing his arms over his chest. "You change your mind, me and Erin are going to stay for dinner. So we can play a couple games here if you want. Or if you decide you want to come over and crash for the night …"

"I don't want to play with you," Ethan shoved out word by word. "And you should be happy I'm not coming over," he grumbled. "You can do whatever. Make Erin give you a blow job or something."

Jay shook his head and sat straighter. "One," he pressed in the kid's direction. "You not feeling well, and you being upset with me, doesn't mean you get to be obnoxious. Two. Don't use that kind of tone when you're talking about your sister or my fiancée. And three, Ethan, I don't make Erin do anything."

The kid scrunched farther under the covers at the firm voice and tone he'd had put back to him – trying to hide from it. "Get out of my room," he spat harder with his head fully hidden.

"Told you that I'm not doing that, Ethan," Jay said. "And, right now, you're either acting like you really don't feel well or you're just being super immature."

"I don't feel well," Eth spat again, this time pulling the blanket down off his head and giving him a harsher glare. On that was some kind of combination of the ones that Voight and Erin had. Clearly one that had been taught to him. Nurtured into him. "Because your stupid brother gave me some stupid medication for just a stupid nosebleed!"

Jay just held the kid's eyes – unweavering. "I'm pretty sure the doctor," he stressed, "gave you medication to help clot your blood and bring up your platelets – since the nosebleed wasn't stopping and since you have thrombocytopenia."

"Yea," Ethan muttered. "And that's your fault."

Jay made an amused noise and shook his head at him. "I'm also pretty sure the nosebleed is whatever – or whoever – hit you in the face's fault. And the low platelets, Ethan – that's the chemo."

"Yea," Ethan said, catching his eyes with even more anger. "And now they aren't going to be able to do the next treatment likely. Also your fault."

"No," Jay told him firmly, "that is just how chemo works. Your counts come back up, you'll get your next treatment."

"If you hadn't told on me then I wouldn't have to be on this gross medicine and they would've just given me my dose! ON TIME!"

"No," Jay told him firmly again. "They would've run a blood test before your treatment and seen your platelets were low, and you still would've been put on a hold."

"So then, there," Ethan hissed, flopping his arm over the blanket and drawing it away from his face more. "It's a good thing I got the nosebleed and the bruises because it showed them I had bad platelets. So you didn't need to go telling on me in the first place!"

And there it was. The real reason that Eth hadn't talked to him or Erin for the past few days. The real reason he'd bailed out of one of the nights they were supposed to have him over. The real reason he was opting out of the videogames and chicken wings that had been promised to him for that night. And entirely expected. But still as annoying as fuck.

"Ethan," Jay put to him flatly, "I wasn't telling on you. I'm an adult. I'm in your life. I care about you. I saw something I was concerned about – and I let your dad know."

"It's nothing!" Ethan spit at him with that glare. "It's low platelets and the only thing you did was make them hold my next dose!"

Jay kept his eyes. "You have low platelets, yes," he agreed. "We all get that that causes bruising and you can get nosebleeds. But, Eth, no one is buying that you keep opening your locker door into your face. Or that what's all over your thighs is from rock climbing."

"It is," Ethan raised his voice even harder.

Jay shook his head. "No," he said firmly, "it's not. And if you'd tell one of us what is going on – or who's giving you a hard time – we could help you."

"No you can't!" he yelled and Jay let the room fall silent as Eth stared at him with watery eyes. "You're just going to make it worse."

Jay stared at him. But he watched as Eth struggled not to cry and he felt himself soften – soften more as Eth buried his face back into his pillow. He let himself raise up and walk the few feet over to Ethan's bed, putting his hand on the kid's shoulder. He could feel his struggle to hold himself together even more when he did that. So he let himself sink down into the ground, leaning against the bed frame while he continued to hold Eth's shoulder tight.

"Eth," he told him gently. "No one wants this to get worse for you. We're trying to figure out a way to make it better for you – because none of us want you to go through high school having to deal with this."

"I'm not allowed to fight," Ethan whispered. "I'm not allowed to get kicked out of school again. It is zero tolerance."

Jay squeezed his shoulder. "Your school is supposed to have a zero tolerance for bullying too," he said. "So me … your dad, Erin … that's what we want them to do. To make this stop for you. But you've got to give us – your principal – something to work with."

Ethan just shook his head and Jay reached to set his hand on the top of it. Voight had once again been told that this fucking M.S. trial they had the kid on wouldn't fuck up his hair – not at the dose they were giving him bimonthly now. But it again had. It wasn't falling out entirely but Eth had all these little patchy bald spots. Some sort of fucked up leopard print. And it just drew even more attention to this kid who didn't need anymore attention.

"Ethan," he told him flatly, "you know how I told you that I was a loner in high school and hated the teachers and was really angry a lot of the time and just … played videogames."

"And that's why I'm only allowed two hours of screentime a night and I'm not allowed all sorts of games," Ethan muttered.

"Maybe a little," Jay acknowledged. "But I think your dad had a lot of those rules before."

"And it's stupid. Because Justin and Erin didn't lots of friends either and they hated school too and they were angry and all of you turned out totally fine."

Jay spread his fingers on the top of Eth's buried head. "That's kind of debatable," he allowed. Or completely. He wasn't sure any of them turned out fine. They just all made it through the best they could. But it'd all sent them down their own self-destructive paths too. "But I think my experience was a little different than your brother's or sister's."

"Because you just went to regular Catholic school, not Jesuit school. I know," Ethan grumbled.

Jay allowed a slightly amused sound at that but let his hand drop away from the kid. He just sat there staring at him while Eth did his best to try to ignore him. Though, he didn't get the impression that he entirely wanted to be left alone either. The body language was hurt and scared and sick and sad.

"I was thinking more because I took a lot of shit from the other kids," Jay said. "And from some of the older kids. And, I was sort of a small kid. And I was there on scholarship too, at the start. And I had stuff going on at home and didn't want to rock the boat or get the attention of my dad or get my mom all upset. So I just kind of … buried in on myself, Eth. I didn't tell anyone what was going on. And it sure felt like no one noticed or cared – not at home and not as school. Not the teachers or my parents or my brother or even some of the other nicer kids. It felt like everyone just let it happen. And it really sucked. So I think about how hard that was and what that did to me – as a kid, and even how some of that has spilled over into how I am as an adult, Eth. And that's not something I want for you. So, yeah, I told your dad about the bruises."

Ethan gave him a small glance. He tried to hide it. But Jay saw it and gave him a sad smile. So he reached and scruffed at the back of his head again. If the kid did come over that weekend, him and Erin should take him to a barber. A real one. Who might be able to figure out somewhat to make what was happening look more natural. Because Voight's solution last year was to just shave it off the kid. That didn't help anything.

"But you told him about the choking game thing too," Ethan whispered at him.

"Yea," Jay acknowledged. "Because that left me pretty worried too. Especially when I'm seeing you with so many bruises and know that you hang out with older kids at Robotics and know you can be kind of sad and lonely, Eth."

"But it wasn't anything," Eth lamented. "And now Dad's all up my ass about it."

"Because he's worried too," Jay nodded at him. "Because he's a cop. And he's a father. And he's got a responsibility to make sure people are safe."

"But I thought it was just slang I didn't understand," Ethan whined. "I thought it was just like jerking off, you know?"

Jay's hand stopped moving on his head and he instead pressed his heel slightly into it, turning Eth's more towards his until he caught them and held them with an intensity. "You thought someone wanted to play a masturbation game?" Ethan gazed at him with trepidation. "Has anyone touched you like that before?" Jay demanded. "Or made you touch them?"

Ethan's face shifted to disgust. "No," he said with such an underlying gross out factor.

But Jay kept staring at him. His heart pounding in his chest. His chest tightening and his muscles tensing. And he forced himself to try to push all that down – to calm it – so he could more accurately weigh if the kid was lying to him or not.

"And you know if someone ever does – you can say no," Jay pressed at him. "And if anyone ever makes you do something you're uncomfortable with or that just feels wrong, you tell one of us. Right away."

Ethan squinted at him. "Yea …," he said nervously, still eyeing him and clearly giving his own assessment of Jay's reaction.

But Jay forced himself to nod and let his arm come away from the kid. He needed it to wrap around himself again, as he leaned against the bed and tried to find some calm. To not project his own shit onto the kid. To not let the previous week's PTSD episode rear its head again when he'd just again managed to create the illusion for himself that he'd packed that box up and put it back up on the shelf to be forgotten about and dealt with. Compartmentalized for another time – far, far away.

"I just thought it was like … some of the Juniors and Seniors on Robotics are always saying that whenever the coaches make us do team building nights that it's all just a big circle jerk. I thought it was like that," Ethan told him quietly.

"It's not …," Jay said, still taking a couple slow breaths to get his head and body back where it needed to be.

"I know that now," Ethan said. "But now dad is all asking me about who said it and stuff."

Jay let out a little sigh and shifted to look at the kid again. "When I was on Patrol, Ethan," he put to him flatly, "I got sent as a responding officer to this scene where they'd found a kid's body … in his bedroom. It pretty much looked like it was a suicide—"

"Of a kid?" Ethan asked.

Jay gave him a little nod and reached to squeeze his elbow. "He was just fourteen."

"Was he gay or something?" Eth asked.

Jay shook his head. "No," he allowed. "I don't think so."

"He was bullied a lot?" he asked.

Jay gave his head another little shake. "No, Eth. He was actually pretty popular and had a lot of friends. He played football."

Ethan squinted at him and rolled onto his side a bit – finally making better eye contact. "Then why'd he kill himself?"

"He didn't," Jay said.

"So it was a murder?" Ethan asked and then said confidently – displaying too much of the fact he was growing up in a generational cop family. "Because they send in Patrol to secure the scene and then when the death looks suspicious, you call Homicide."

Jay shook his head again. "The death didn't look suspicious, Eth," he said. "But that boy had killed himself by accident playing the choking game."

Eth's eyes went wide for a moment but then went back to a squint. "But … it's just a game …"

"It's not a game," Jay told him firmly. "This boy – he'd heard about it, he'd started playing it when he was at a summer training camp with his football team. And they'd all played together. But then after camp, they went home and this kid – he decided he still wanted to play and he played alone. He didn't have anyone there to stop or to see it was going wrong or to call 9/11 – and he suffocated, Ethan."

"So … maybe … he just didn't know how to play right?" Ethan asked but there was this tremble of concerned bubbling up.

"There is no playing it right, Ethan," Jay pressed at him. "He killed himself by accident, playing a stupid game that's not a game to get a cheap high that's not so cheap when it's your fucking life on the line and that anyone 'playing' this thing is only feeling because they're brain cells are dying. And, as cops, we had a duty to follow-up on this, and you know what we found?"

"That he had brain damage?" Ethan squinted.

"That it wasn't just this kid playing this game," Jay nodded at him. "That a bunch of kids on the team were playing it. And some of their other friends and classmates were playing it now too. Sometimes together – at people's houses when they were hanging out, sometimes on tournament weekends and away games and sometimes some of them were doing it by themselves just like that kid who died. We had a who cluster of kids who were taking their lives into their hands on weekly – sometimes daily – basis. A bunch of them becoming potential murderers doing this to other kids."

"But none of the other kids died?" Ethan gaped more.

"Not those kids," Jay pressed at him. "But a bunch of schools had to get involved. That football league got involved. The team those boys were on – it got disbanded for several seasons. And – those kids – they got lucky. Because about a thousand kids die every year from playing this stupid 'game'."

"A thousand?" Eth said mutedly and looked away.

"A thousand," Jay pressed. "So you come asking me about the choking game – that to me, means that someone is talking to you about it. And if one kid is talking about it, it means that there's at least one kid somewhere doing it or thinking about doing it. And if there's one kid doing it, there's going to be a cluster of kids playing this thing and not getting the consequences of this 'game'."

"I don't think Evan knows he could die," Ethan said quietly and then his face changed and he gaped even more at Jay. "Don't tell Dad!" he demanded.

Jay's face had changed too but he nodded and reached to grip at Eth's shoulder. "We're going to tell your dad," he said. "And we're going to tell Evan's mom too."

"But he's going to hate me!" Ethan argued.

Jay shook his head. "He'll thank you," he said. "Some day."

AUTHOR NOTE: Your readership, comments, feedback and reviews are appreciated.

I'm likely going do to a Florida chapter or two next, when I have time.