Chapter 17
Pains of caring
After their light meal, Ai, Kenji and Pien hailed a hansom cab. On the way home, the young man finally had the presence of mind to her the questions that should have been the first ones. He learned that Iribe Yumiko spent most of her time at Penningcox Park in Yorkshire. She had enjoyed the house in Amsterdam but simply couldn't put up with the filthiness of industrial London. As for why they'd moved to England, not long after the death of Fersen's father – from whom he'd inherited the textile business that had made the family fortune – the Van de Meer had inherited the English estate from a distant relative. Fersen had not even known of this estranged part of his family and had been very surprised upon hearing that his great uncle had died in Egypt and that he'd been the sole heir to his fortune. They'd entrusted the textile business to Fersen's cousin in Amsterdam and moved to Britain. At first her husband had still maintained a semblance of medical practice in London but it had soon proven to be more trouble than to live off the inheritance. And so they now went between London and Yorkshire, with the occasional trip to Amsterdam. Ai informed Kenji that they would all be heading to Penningcox in a few days time, for the summer months in London were incredibly unpleasant. As the topic was on money, Kenji took the opportunity to inform Ai of the trust fund Kenshin had left them.
"I brought the documents with me. Father's lawyer was actually delighted that I would get to meet you in person. There are some legal conditions but I think everything is in order. The figures are quite impressive, then again they might not be much to you considering your present situation."
"I think you'll want to discuss this with my mother; she takes care of all the finances. I'm afraid Fersen and I are quite terrible at managing," she explained.
Kenji nodded then looked outside.
"Does it upset you?" she asked.
"That he left you money?" inquired the young man.
She nodded. His first reflex was to lie. However, he was slowly warming up to the woman and so he decided against it.
"It shocked me at first. He kept all of this secret, including you. And since I learned of your existence at the same time as of the existence of the money, the revelation that I had a sister shocked me considerably more."
"I'm really sorry he didn't tell you. I really wanted to write to you but Mother forbid me to do so."
"Don't be sorry. He put a gag on everyone. No one is allowed to tell me anything about his past. Sanosuke and Tsubame… You know of Tusbame? Yes, Yahiko's wife. So both Sanosuke and Tsubame told me things they weren't supposed to, but that was after our father had passed away. I feel like I'm still missing a big part of the picture."
"To be entirely honest, I have a strong feeling my mother is also keeping things from me when it comes to our father and their past."
Kenji was surprised.
"Does it upset you?" he asked.
She shrugged.
"No. Even if I knew everything about him, it would not change my past. I presume there are things that are too painful for my mother to share with me. And I believe our father must have felt the same, considering the times he lived in. I wouldn't want them to have to relive that hurt. I was lucky enough to know him and build a lasting relationship with him, even if at a distance. Considering I thought him dead for most of my life, I would say things turned out pretty well."
She paused.
"But I can tell that it does upset you."
Kenji took a moment to consider Ai's words. He'd rarely – if ever – thought of his father's feelings; his focus had been on his and his mother's. And yet, his father's suffering had been there for him to see despite Kenshin's best attempts at hiding it. The idea sat uncomfortably with him and he could tell he would not be rid of it anytime soon.
"You asked if it upsets me, that he left you money," he said. "It did at first. Not because of the money itself – I had no idea it existed – but because it was more secrets to add to the list."
He felt his chest tighten. Ai put her hand on his knee. He didn't flinch; he was getting used to her unusual habit.
"I really hope you will find it in your heart to forgive him. Without him, you wouldn't be here with me, and for that reason alone, I love him even more."
Love. Kenji had never even asked himself if he loved the man. He didn't get the time now either. The cab came to a halt.
"We're here."
xxxxx
Ai and Kenji sat in the front room. Most of the staff had retired, leaving the pair chatting in the semi-darkness of the dancing flames. The pair was exchanging notes on sea travel when, suddenly, the front door banged open. Ai jumped. Instinctively, Kenji placed himself between his host and the door. Their fears were immediately dispelled when they heard the joyful voices of Sanosuke and Fersen, slurring what must have been a drinking song. The two men clambered down the hallway and erupted in the room.
"Good evening, Good evening!" said Sanosuke with a heavily accented English. Fersen laughed. The Japanese man's face was bruised and he had a bad cut on his lower lip and his left brow bone. Some blood was drying on his collar. Kenj's gaze went from his friend's face to the Dutchman's. The latter, seeing the concern in Kenji's face, raise his index finger to his lips and shook his head.
"Seems the beer was more than good." came Ai's voice behind the young man. He turned to look at her. Instead of concern, her face showed mild amusement.
Sanosuke and Fersen talked at the same time. Ai raised her hand.
"You two aren't making much sense. Up to bed you go. Come on!" she chastised them like one would misbehaving children.
Fersen circled his friend's shoulders and the two of them turned around, bumping in the doorframe a few times before making their sloppy way up the stairs. A loud thump was heard followed by a swear and some laughter. Finally, a door slammed shut, shortly followed by another. They listened a moment as the ceiling creaked. Then the house grew silent anew.
Ai sighed and shook her head, gathering her skirts to make her way upstairs as well.
"Better get myself to sleep, too."
Kenji stared at her in disbelief.
"Aren't you angry at Fersen?" he asked.
She smiled at him.
"Oh yes. Believe me, I'm no fan of his antics. Mind you, this used to happen a whole lot more in Amsterdam. He doesn't have many friends, but the few he has are like brothers. Seems like Sanosuke's name will be added to the short list."
Incredulous, Kenji stared at her.
"Sanosuke was bleeding," he blurted.
She frowned.
"I could sense something was amiss. Too much silence. They must have gotten into a brawl. Happens all the time with drunken men. Don't pain yourself too much with it; Fersen will patch him up nicely tomorrow."
Kenji shook his head, unable to let it go.
"But surely you must be worried!"
She shrugged.
"Of course I am, Kenji. But I'm his wife, not his mother. I can't prevent him from doing anything. I'm sure our father did things your mother worried about and yet she allowed him to do them out of love for him. I don't enjoy this. Fersen is going to snore all night and I probably won't get much sleep. Tomorrow morning, he'll be miserable and I'll have to nurse him. I don't want this, but there it is. I take consolation in knowing that right now, he's happy as can be. He's just spent the night with a friend and regardless of what terrible shenanigans they got up to, they are safe and sound under our roof. That's what matters the most to me. I'm not perfect; how could I expect him to be? Now if you'll excuse me, this is going to be a short night. I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well, brother."
She smiled at him and walked passed, heading for her room.
Kenji stood against the engawa pillar, hidden in the darkness. He'd had a bad dream and had hoped to join his parents in their futon. He hadn't expected to find them awake. In their room, his father and his mother were sitting by the light of a lantern. He could see their silhouettes against the paper of the shoji.
"Do you really have to leave?"
His mother's voice sounded tired, defeated.
"Yes, I'm sorry. You know I would rather stay here. But it's what's best for you and Kenji."
Silence.
"Where will you go this time?"
"I don't know."
"You can't tell me…" her voice was soft.
He saw his father's shadowy hand reach for his mother's.
"Kaoru-dono, I'm sorry."
She brought his hand to her face, to kiss it presumably. Then she shook her head.
"It's alright, Kenshin. I know this is important for you."
Kenji woke up. From the other rooms, he could hear the sound of snoring. His heart went out to Ai who probably lied awake, unable to a moment of quiet to fall asleep. He pushed the covers off and walked to the window. He rested his hands on his lower back and stretched; this bed was going to kill him. He looked outside but couldn't see anything. A heavy fog had descended on the city. He sat on the window sill, his back to the outside world. No doubt this dream had been triggered by his conversation with Ai. It was but one of the many iterations of that conversation he'd heard his parents have. Sometimes his mother had been more vocal, especially in the later years, just before Kenji had left for Kyoto. But it always ended up like that. Kaoru would always relent and give Kenshin her blessings, just like Ai with her husband. Yet he felt like the conversation in his dream had been special. He just couldn't put a finger on it. He sighed and looked at his bed. The floor would do nicely.