AN- I just saw the sneaks for Monday's Fosters my day was now complete so I thought I should complete yours with another update! This chapter has been in my head since before I had the idea of the full story. Before I knew what path I was going what tragic event I was going with. I had this picture of Lena and Stef... ENJOY..
The Fosters
The ride home was somber. Stef couldn't actually wait to get out of the car. Part of her wanted to hop into the shower to see if it would wash away the bad feelings the funeral brought on. Though she doubted it would.
"We're home guys" She said pulling into the driveway breaking each of family members thoughts. The funeral had really hit home to all four kids in the car and Lena. They knew the shootings were real. They knew it had happened. Especially Lena who had seen the shooter face to face. However watching them put faces and say goodbye to people they actually knew was devastating.
She heard clicks of the seatbelts being released and then the shuffling sound of the kids scooting out the door. However Lena had not moved.
"Love?"
Lena shook her head "I just need a few minutes."
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Stef asked slipping hand onto Lena's knee.
She shook her head "No, I actually want to be alone. Would you go check on Callie?"
Stef nodded "Sure" She leaned over and kissed Lena's cheeks "But, I am sure with our mom's here she's fine."
Lena nodded but kept her eyes focused on the tree to the side.
Stef glanced over at Lena one more time before she climbed out of the car. "I'll be inside waiting for you" She said softly before leaving her wife alone in her thoughts.
Stef made her way into the house to find it silent which was eerie when you had five kids.
She made her way quietly through the house trying to find some sort of life. She knew she just sent four kids inside and she should have two mothers and another child here somewhere.
She finally found the mothers in the living room on the sofa whispering to each other "Uh hello?
"Hard funeral?" Sharon guessed "Your kids all came inside mumbled a hello then headed for the stairs."
Stef nodded "Yeah, you could stay it was a hard funeral."
"Where's Lena?" Dana asked sitting up a little straighter noticing her daughter was not with her wife.
"Car" Stef pointed behind her "She wanted a minute. A grief stricken mother of another child who died the other day said some pretty nasty things to Lena. I think she took them to heart, I wanted to stay with her but I knew she wanted sometime alone."
"Nasty things?" Dana asked "What kind of nasty things?"
"She blamed Lena for saving her own kids and not all the other students." Stef said scratching her cheek as she shifted clearly uncomfortable with the statement.
"What?!" Dana gasped
Stef held up her hands "Remember the other mother is grieving the loss of a child. I am sure she didn't mean it. She shouldn't have said it, but we don't know the pain of losing a child."
Dana shook her head "She shouldn't have been at the funeral then"
"I agree" Stef nodded "And it's hard for me to not want to give that woman a piece of my mind for the stuff that she said to Lena." She then held up her hands "But, I have to give her grace. I thankfully don't understand the pain she is in. She's wrong we all know she's wrong. There is no way Lena could have saved all the kids. No matter how hard she tried."
"Yes" Dana agreed "I know this, but Lena's heart is big. Has been ever since she was born. SO I worry as her mother with her big heart that could easily be bruised. Does she really know she's not at fault?"
"I don't know' Stef answered truthfully "I think her brain logically knows she couldn't have."
"We aren't talking logic here Stef" Dana shook her head "As much as I would love Lena to use logic over feelings. She doesn't. She lets her heart lead her."
"Lena is a brilliant woman!" Stef defended her wife "Are you saying she's not?"
Dana stood up "OF course not Stefanie! My daughter is brilliant as smart as they come. However when it comes to real issues she's a heart thinker! Her heart right now is probably so twisted and turned and broken she can't see logically she didn't do this. She couldn't have stopped it and it's not her fault."
"We'll make her see it in time" Stef said after a moment "But we also have to let her feel what she's feeling and work through the stages of grief. There is no fix it."
Dana sighed "There should be a fix it."
"Yeah" Stef agreed before taking a deep breath "Where's my Callie bug?"
"Still sleeping" Sharon pointed up. "We checked on her maybe fifteen minutes before you got home. We weren't sure if we should wake her or not."
"No, its fine" Stef smiled "Her body has been fighting an infection. She hasn't slept well the last two nights. I think her body needs it. I am going to go check on her though. I promised Lena I would."
Sharon nodded "Do you mind if Dana and I run to the store to get some meat and watermelon for tonight's BBQ?"
Stef shook her head "The keys to the other car are in the bowl in the kitchen."
Sharon nodded "Thanks baby."
"Mom?" Stef asked as she headed for the stairs "Could you get S'more stuff? I want to use the fire pit tonight. The kids would love it."
"You would love it" Sharon corrected with a laugh
"Yeah" She blushed. "But I want to sit around the fire pit with my babies."
"Sounds good"
"I think Callie and Jude would like it" Stef smiled to herself before heading up the stairs to her room. She entered the room quietly to find Callie curled up in their bed on Lena's side with both teddy bears pulled into arm.
Stef smiled at the sight in that moment Callie didn't look like a teenager, she looked like a little girl. Stef's heart ached for the childhood she missed out on with this child. She knew that she had been destined to be her mother since the moment she met her. Even with her walls up and sassy protective attitude. It was just like the time she saw Mariana and Jesus for the first time. She knew. She just wished she'd been there when Colleen had passed and swept those little kids into her arms then and saved them from years of unstable environments. However she had her now and she was going to love through the rest of life.
She crept quietly to the bed and sat down beside Callie reaching out brushing her hand over her forehead checking for a fever. Smiling when she felt Callie was the coolest she'd felt in days.
Callie stirred with Stef's hand on her forehead and her eyes opened slowly as she blinked a few times before looking up at Stef.
"Hi Buggy" Stef smiled as she reached out again running her fingers through Callie's hair. "You've been asleep for a long time now. How are you feeling?"
Callie blinked again before sitting up and tucking Lena's bear back on her nightstand but holing her bear close to her as she yawned "Sleepy, but better than earlier."
"Are you hungry?"
Callie shook her head "Not yet"
"Yeah I usually need some time after a nap to wake up too" She smiled as she pulled Callie into her side wrapping her arms around her. The two sat there for a good fifteen minutes in silence just enjoying each other's company."
"Um mom" Mariana came into the room a few minutes later "Grandma sent me up here to tell you that mama's gone, the car and her are gone."
Callie went in Stef's arm at Mariana's words.
Stef squeezed her tighter to her. "You know, Mama's having a rough day" She said honestly she didn't want to lie to her kids and tell them everything is alright when it's not. However she wanted to ease their fears. "Sometimes when one is having a hard time. A drive is the most calming thing. I bet mama is just going for a drive to clear her head a bit. To have a little space."
Mariana nodded "She's done that before once or twice" She said looking to Callie seeing the fear in her sister's eyes.
Callie nodded but didn't look overly convinced.
"I'll give her a call" Stef assured her daughter "Why don't you go down stairs with Mariana and have something to eat. I am sure Miss. Thing could use a snack too."
"Yeah" She nodded "Come on Callie" She smiled "Grandma's made you some mac and cheese when they thought you were going to wake up. We'll just heat it up again and eat some."
Callie looked up to Stef who nodded "Baby, it is okay. Mama isn't going anywhere."
"I yelled at her"
Stef nodded "I know, and when she comes back you can apologize to her. Yes?"
"But I am not sorry" Callie sighed "She shouldn't have put herself in front of a bullet for me. It scared me."
"I get it" Stef kissed Callie's temple "But instead of yelling at her what should you have done?"
Callie held the bear Lena gave her to her tighter as she stood up. She spotted one of Lena's hooded lounge around the house zip up hoodies hanging by the dresser she grabbed it and slipped it on zipping it up tight. "I should have told her it scared me" She sighed
"So you're sorry for yelling at her" Stef nodded "You don't have to be sorry for saying what you feel. It's just how you say it."
Callie nodded "When she comes home I'll tell her I am sorry" She said biting her lip "If"
"Honey" Stef got up quickly as she put her hands firmly on Callie's shoulders and turned her around so she was looking at her. "Mama will be home."
Callie looked at the ground but didn't say anything clearly indicating to Stef she didn't believe her.
Stef closed her eyes "She's not running away from you. Or me. Or anyone in this house."
"I know" Callie nodded "I know she's not!"
"See, then she'll be home."
Callie shrugged again before she pushed Stef off of her "I am hungry" She mumbled as she headed out of the room.
"Mama is coming home Mariana" Stef said to her daughter who was still standing there.
"I know mommy" Mariana smiled "I am not worried about her. Grandma just wanted you to know she wasn't here."
"I'll call her" Stef promised as she grabbed her phone and dialed Lena's number frowning when she got her voice mail.
"She's driving mom" Marina reminded her "She's not going to answer. She doesn't like to talk and drive."
"Right" Stef nodded "But she has a hands free set."
"I don't think she has it with her."
Stef smiled at her daughter "Everything is fine."
Mariana nodded "I know. I am not worried" She stated again before she left the room.
Stef let out a breath she didn't know she was holding "That makes one of us" She mumbled to herself.
The Fosters
The family was sitting around the fire but no one was really talking it had been five hours now and no word from Lena. All the children were starting to get antsy and Callie had completely shut down. She refused to eat, to talk to let anyone touch her. She just sat with her bear in her lap zipped up in Lena's sweatshirt.
Stef tried to make it fun but the S'mores sat untouched to the side.
"We could tell funny stories" She tried when her phone rang. All eyes were on her as she pulled it from her pocket sighing with relief seeing Lena's picture pop. "Hi love" She said softly trying to keep her own emotions together.
She heard Lena's shaky voice on the other end. "Stef? I was driving and now I don't know where I am…"
Stef stood up quickly "Someone toss me their iPhone" She said quickly.
Callie was the first to respond and tossed her hers.
Stef used her login information in the find my phone app and looked at where Lena was calling from. "Okay, love I see where you're at. I am coming for you. Just stay there yes? There is a hotel right next to where you're at. Check into a room there. I am coming. Are you okay?"
"Just come" Lena responded
"I am baby. I am"
"Is mama okay?" Jude asked his eyes wide.
Stef nodded as she looked to Dana "Come with me please. You can drive our car back when I drive Lena and I home in the other one."
"Is she okay?" Dana asked
"She's fine' Stef assured everyone "She just drove too long and is tired. I am going to go get her."
The kids all exchanged worried glances but nodded.
"Callie, I am going to bring your phone with me" She said to her "To keep this information and keep mine ready to talk to her if need be."
Callie nodded but didn't say anything.
"She's fine guys" Stef promised "She'll be here when you wake up. Everything is okay."
"Go" Sharon pointed "I've got them."
Dana and Stef quickly nodded and both left stopping in the kitchen to grab water bottles and granola bars before they left.
"So" Sharon smiled at the grand kids in front of her. "Who wants to show Grandma how to build a S'more?"
The Fosters
Finally Stef pulled into the parking lot of the hotel Lena had checked into. Stef had told Lena to leave instructions for the desk clerk to have a key for her when she got there.
"I am just going to go in and get her" Stef told Dana after she retrieved the key. "Maybe it's best if you wait out here…"
Dana nodded "I want to see her before I drive back to your house, but I'll let you see her first."
Stef nodded and used her key to enter the hotel room. Her heard stopped when she saw two empty beds but she then heard sniffling.
"Lena?" She called out as she turned on the light and found Lena on the ground between the double beds her legs pulled up to her chest rocking slightly while tears just flowed.
"Oh baby" Stef's heart broke at seeing her wife so broken.
"Stef it's all my fault" She sobbed as Stef dropped to her knees crawling to her wife pulling her into her arms and holding on tighter then she had ever held on. "Baby it's not."
"He died because I didn't notice…"
Stef rocked Lena in her arms "It's not your fault baby. It's not."
"I didn't notice how angry Andrew was. He died."
Leave it to Lena to have a heart for the killers. Stef fell more in love with her wife right at that second. Her heart was truly amazing.
"If I had noticed how angry he was. If I paid more attention. If hadn't given him that stupid detention all of those kids would be alive right now."
"Baby, he was most likely a ticking time bomb. There is nothing you could have done to help what was going on inside of him."
"I could have paid better attention. I could have gotten him help. Like I am doing with Callie."
Stef wiped tears away "And like Callie he could have refused to address it."
Lena swallowed hard "He just needed to be loved. He was just a kid."
"He knew right from wrong" Stef reminded her "He choose to walk into that school and open fire."
"Because of me" She whimpered "Because I didn't notice. I gave him that detention. I should have tried a different method with him" She sucked in some air "My God Stef, everything it hurts right now. I hurts to breathe. I can still feel Callie's fingers against my back. She grabbed onto my shirt so tightly her fingers against my bare skin. She was depending on me to save her."
"And you did"
"Now she's drowning in these feelings, and I can't save her from herself. What if she goes off the deep end like Andrew?"
Stef shook her head "No! Lena Callie isn't that girl! She would never hurt someone."
"She would hurt herself!" Lena argued "And it would be my fault too."
"We weren't Andrew's parents. His problems were in the home. There was a lot of signs I am sure that they missed. Not you. We are Callie's parents and she is in our home. We are here for her. We watch her. We love her through this. Just like I am going to love you through."
Lena continued to cry "All these kids are dead."
"I know baby"
"I could have stopped it" Lena sobbed into Stef's shoulder "I should have stopped it."
Stef shook her fiercely "Baby, you couldn't have. I am sorry that mom blamed you! She was wrong and hurting and just needed an outlet." Stef grabbed Lena's chin and forced her to look at her. "But you know me, you trust me. I am telling you this not as your wife, but as a cop. There is no way that you could have saved all those kids. Andrew had this planned longer then the detention. He just put a name with it when he blamed you. It just was just much deeper. It just is!"
"I can't." Lena shook her head "Stop crying."
"I've got you" Stef whispered holding her close rocking her in her arms "I've got you. I love you. I am here. Just feel me. Feel my love for you" She whispered she shifted Lena in her arms long enough to take off her shirt so she could hold Lena directly against her skin. "Feel me?" She whispered "Listen to my heart baby. Just listen baby. I've got you."
The Fosters
FB
Stef jumped and screamed "No! Mike No"
Lena was up quickly "Stef baby."
"Oh my god ow" Stef winced as her hazel eyes filled with involuntary tears.
Lena lifted Stef's shirt to check the wound. It was thankfully fine. "It looks okay."
"Do you think just woke any babies?"
Lena shook her head "No, not likely if you woke any it would be Callie, and she would understand it's a nightmare and roll over and put in some ear plugs or her iPod. She knows I have you. The other four not a chance. Are you okay?"
Stef sniffed "I am fine. I am not crying on purpose."
Lena's brown eyes locked with Stef's hazel "It's okay to cry."
Stef nodded "I know, I just. I see myself getting shot over and over. I see myself dying and our babies being left all alone."
"You're okay" Lena reminded her as she sat up in bed all the way and slipped off her shirt causing Stef to raise her eyebrow "Love, I am not in the mood."
Lena laughed "That sounds funny coming from you" She said as she guided Stef to her chest and situated them both so they were laying down.
"Just listen to my heart, feel the warmth of my skin on yours" She whispered "Feel me right here. Listen as my heart beats. See that you're safe? You're alive. The kids are safe. Everything is going to be alright. Nightmares aren't real. They can't hurt you. I am real. Just listen to my heart" She soothed "It's beating for you" She kissed the top of Stef's head as she lulled her recently released from the hospital wife back to sleep. Just holding her tightly in her arms.
"I love you my piece of work"
"Love you" Stef murmured back before she drifted fully to sleep listening to Lena's heart beat.