AN- Sorry it took awhile, I was out of town for the weekend watching my friends kids. No time to write when chasing two little boys around! :) Good ep tonight huh? Well Enjoy! You guys are awesome!
Stef led Callie in the door and quickly found her family all in the dining area with an intense game of Monopoly going on.
"Love bug, go get ice for your hand" Stef instructed of Callie while she pulled up a chair at the table "Then come back here please."
Callie nodded and was about to leave when Jude stopped her "Wait! Where did you go Cal? Why did you just leave? Why?"
Callie looked around and saw all of her siblings and her grandparent's eyes on her as she blushed slightly "I needed to go and see mom Jude." She looking down "I needed to go alone. Before anything could happen before I could let go. I needed to talk to mom. I needed to Jude. I just did."
Jude crossed his arms over his chest narrowing his eyes at Callie. "I understand that Callie, however you have to remember now we are a part of a family! You can't just go do what you want anymore. Your choices effect this whole family! You have to communicate with us."
Callie nodded "I know, I am sorry Jude. It's an old habit, it's going to be hard to break."
"You better figure it out soon Cals" He shook his head.
"Okay, Jude enough" Stef said narrowing her eyes at the boy. "I love your concern for your sister, but I am the mom okay? She doesn't need to be lectured by you. I will handle it."
"Come on Stowaway" Sharon said standing "Let's go get your hand some ice like your mother said."
Callie nodded "Okay" She said but stopped her movement when Mariana spoke up.
"Um, guys where's mama?" She said scanning the two only seeing two of the three that had left this morning.
Stef picked up a piece that was still in the box "Deal me in" She said to Brandon before smiling at Mariana "Mama had a meeting to go to."
"What?! She went? But?"
Stef held up her hands "Baby, relax mama wanted to go and the meeting is at the Starbucks close to our home. The school is being cleaned today so no one is allowed in."
Mariana crinkled her nose at the thought. "But how's she getting home?"
"Mrs. Taylor" Callie gave her sister a reassuring smile as she mentioned the teacher that lived two blocks from here.
Mariana crossed her arms over her chest "I don't want her at the meeting. I want her home!"
"You can text her if you'd like" Stef said calmly "She wanted me to tell you that was still an option. However she needed to go to this. It's only going to be a few hours and you've got me. Everything is fine."
Callie nodded "The Starbucks is safe Mari."
"We thought that about school too" She mumbled.
"Callie, ice baby" Stef pointed as Sharon finally managed to get the kid out of the room.
Brandon propped his head on his hands as he bit his lip "I am nervous too" He admitted "I don't like mama being out of the house away from us right now." He looked at Stef "Will this ever feel better?"
Stef nodded "In time B, this is all new to all of us. There really isn't a right or wrong way to deal with this. I just want you guys to keep talking" She said seriously "Even if Mama and I don't know how to answer talking is the best way for us to work through this together."
"I really want mama home" Mariana sighed "I was fine when I thought she was with you, but after last night and now this morning I want mama."
Stef scooted out her chair and patted her lap "Come here Miss. Thing. Come have a mom hug."
Mariana bit her lip and blushed while Stef patted her lap again "Please baby? I need it just as much as you do."
Mariana nodded and pushed back her chair and slid on to Stef's lap letting out a soft sigh once she felt her mother wrap her arms around her. "This must be how mama felt when I first went back to work."
"After you were shot?" Jude asked as kneeling on the chair to move his piece.
Stef nodded "Yeah, I think it just makes us all feel uneasy. I think that's natural" She said as she squeezed Mariana close to her before rocking her slightly "I miss doing this with you" She whispered "You're growing up way to fast my sweet girl."
Mariana settled back against Stef content to just sit with her.
"Mom" Jesus said after a minute as he thought about what everyone else was saying "Mom, would it be okay if we texted mama and asked her to just wait there for us and then we all pick her up?"
Stef looked around at the faces who nodded "Please, then maybe we could go back to the beach or something?"
Stef glanced at her watch and nodded "Text mama" She told Mariana "Tell her to send us a text about ten minutes before she thinks the meeting will be done. Tell her we want to pick her up."
"Okay" Mariana climbed off of Stef's lap to go grab her phone while Jesus gave Stef a small bashful smile. "Thanks mom."
She winked at him with a nod as Callie and her mom came back into the room. Callie carrying the basket with medicine under her arm while holding an icepack on her hand with Sharon right behind her with the medical supplies.
"Stef" She blushed and cleared her throat "Mom, I didn't look at my arm this morning, will you do it? Please?"
Stef smiled at the girl and pulled out a chair next to her. "Come see Dr. Mom" She wrinkled her nose with a smile causing Callie to laugh.
"Grandma" Jude piped up "We're gonna pick up my mom and go to the beach!"
Sharon looked around the room and Dana and Stuart agreed "That seems to be the plan. I am thinking we pack some snacks for the beach, and then I'll take us all out for pizza late this afternoon early evening."
"Please mom?" Jude asked "That sounds like fun. Please may we?"
Stef looked at Jude's hopeful grin and nodded "Sure guys, that sounds lovely" She looked at Stuart "You don't have too…"
"I want to Stefanie" He warned "Don't argue with the parents."
Stef laughed "Yes sir, thank you dad" She added with a smile "My kids will love it and are so grateful."
Stuart smiled "It's my job to spoil them."
Stef shook her head but then pointed at the boys. "Go, pack up our beach stuff please. We'll have to take two cars today. SO you can fit it between both of them"
"Mariana and I will go pack the snacks" Dana said standing "Right angel?"
Mariana nodded "Yeah, sure" She said looking up from her phone "Mama says she'll let us know when we can come get her." Mariana nodded again as Dana led her out of the room the boys following after.
Stef watched them go before turning back to Callie. "Alright lets see what we've got today." She unwrapped Callie's arm smiling to herself at seeing it was just now pinkish color. It was still draining a little bit but no longer angry.
Callie stared at her arm while Stef began to clean it first with a wipe.
"Mom?"
Stef's movement stopped for a second as she looked to Callie. "The stitches come out soon?"
"On Monday after school, you and mama will go in together and get them removed" She answered while she resumed working on Callie's arm. Taking note she wasn't fighting or flinching as bad. So the pain level must have been much better.
"Mom" Callie said again her eyes still on her wound.
"Yes my love?"
"The scar is going to look funny" She said twisting her arm a little to get a better look. "I mean a chunk of my arm got taken out by the graze."
"I am going to go help the boys" Stuart said making a quick exit his stomach turning at the thought of his daughter and granddaughter going through something so traumatic and living with its effects.
"I think you'll get used to it" Stef said after a minute "And it won't always look so noticeable."
"Mom?" Callie brought in her lip biting down hard as she looked at Stef.
Stef put the medicine down as she smiled this was a little flash to how Callie would have been a child she guessed. So full of questions and asking many questions to get to her main question. Once Stef's hands were free from her stuff she placed her hands on Callie's knees letting her know she had her full attention right now.
Callie shifted nervously under Stef's gaze. She scanned the room and discovered everyone but Sharon and obviously the two of them were still there. "Mom?"
Stef grabbed Callie's hands "Whatever, you're trying to say it's going to be okay. Trust yourself to ask."
Callie brought in her lip and bit down again before blowing out a breath. "Can I see yours?" She whispered
"My?" Stef paused and raised her eyebrow before nodding "Oh, my scar from where I was shot?"
Callie blushed and nodded
Stef kissed Callie's hands before lifting her shirt and under shirt up to show her bare midriff.
Callie spotted the scar right away and studied it for a moment her hand hesitantly reaching out but she quickly pulled back and dropped her hand to her lap her cheeks turning bright red.
Stef grabbed her hand and kissed her fingertips "You can touch it love bug, it's okay"
Callie locked eyes with Stef for a moment before her hand reached out her fingertips tips light grazing the now lighter colored scar.
Sharon watched with her hand over her mouth as tears filled her eyes at the sight of this mother daughter duo.
Stef grabbed Callie's hand and held it against the scar for a moment or two "See, sweet girl its gets better. The memories aren't always going to be the first thing you think about when you wake up or the last thing you think about when you go to sleep. It gets better baby."
Callie looked down at her lap "Like the rape memories faded?"
Stef winced before nodding "Just like that. You remember when you think about it, but it doesn't take all your thoughts and focus."
"Mama" Callie whimpered "Is what I remember most about being shot. Feeling her on me, Seeing the blood. I see it every time I look at her. Will that go away?"
"More mama hugs will make it go away, and nice chats with mama. Talk to her my love. Pull her aside and talk to her baby girl. She wants that more than anything. She needs it just as much as you do."
Stef removed Callie's hand from her scar but held her hand tightly in her own "Do you trust me?"
Callie was quiet for a moment before she nodded "Yes."
"Trust me on this, some point before you go back to school on Monday, talk to mama. Really talk to her."
Callie nodded "If I do, will I still be in trouble?"
Stef narrowed her eyes at her daughter "What do you think darling?"
"I think there is going to be some kind of consequence for my actions this morning."
Stef nodded before picking up her the medication she had to put on the wound "Very good Callie. Smart girl. Especially since we've talked about the running."
"I didn't!"
Stef cleared her throat "Want to try that again?"
Callie groaned "You said if I did it again. I would be mama grounded."
Sharon eyes brows darted up "What? Stefanie you are going to mama ground that child? That's only happened once in this family to Jesus. Do you remember how much of a punishment that was to you and Lena."
Stef began to bandage up Callie's arm "We will air this again tonight, however for the beach you need it bandaged. And second of all mom it was not a punishment for Lena and I. We were tired by the end of it yes. However we are willing to do what it takes to grab our children's full attention. That's how much we love them."
Sharon nodded "I understand that."
"As for this one, Lena and I haven't fully talked it out. We were too emotional to do so fairly."
"But I want to know" Callie sighed "I need to know."
"You don't need anything at this moment. You want to know that's different. You are safe." Stef reminded her "You know that no matter what Lena and I decide your consequence is going to be that it's done out of love and not anger. This is why we waited Cals"
Callie nodded "I understand. I just don't like not knowing."
Stef tapped her chin "That's because you're my daughter. Just like me toots."
"Aint that the truth" Sharon mutter "And Callie, thank you now for showing Stef what it was like to be a parent to her."
Stef looked over at Sharon her jaw dropping. "Hey now."
"I only speak the truth baby girl" Sharon smiled as she got up and moved over to Stef kissing her cheek then moving to Callie to kiss hers. "I love you both" She winked "Now I am going to go pack for the beach."
"Thanks mom, I love you too."
Stef brought Callie's done arm up to her lips and laid a soft kiss on it. "All done."
"Can I go upstairs and get ready?" Callie asked as she looked at her arm.
Stef shook her head "Not yet, when I go up you can. Right now I am here and I need to clean up this game."
Callie groaned "I am mama grounded."
Stef just winked before she began cleaning up the pieces while Callie sank low in her chair.
The Fosters
Lena twirled her stir stick in her chai tea and tried to pay attention to what was being said but she just couldn't. Her thoughts were on her kids. Seeing Mariana's text them wanting to pick her up. Made her heart beat faster. Her kids didn't like that she was away from them again. She didn't like that she was away from them again.
"Are you okay Lena?" A voice shook her from her thoughts.
"Oh, I am sorry" Lena said shaking her thoughts away as she looked around the room taking in the sights of her coworkers. All with grim expressions on their faces and tired eyes staring back at her. "Did I miss something?"
"We were going over Monday's schedule" Kariana said calmly "We want grief counselors there, and all school assembly after home room."
Lena bit her lip and nodded "Sure, yeah I get it. I am sorry I am just..."
"Focused elsewhere?" Julie Thorton an English teacher spoke up "me too."
Lena's eyes traveled to Julie "How's Hadley Joy doing?" She asked "She was in the classroom that had the most deaths?"
Julie nodded "She was, she saw everything and pretended she was dead. She's not the same. The last few days have been so difficult for me. For her. I just hate myself" She mumbled "For not going after her when the shooting started."
Lena shook her head "Julie, you couldn't have. You had a class room full of thirteen year old kids to get to safety."
Julie shook her head "Doesn't mean I couldn't have tried."
"There was no way you could have gotten to her." Lena said finding those words very familiar.
She shook them away "Anyone check in on Triston Carters family?" She asked remembering the student in her school that his mother one of the sectaries."
Kariana nodded "I did, they are grieving the loss. This is hard"
Lena rested her chin in her hands "I don't think we are going to have an answer on how we are to handle this."
Julie let out a sarcastic laugh "Right?!" She pushed her fingers through her curly red hair "I haven't slept in days, I can't honestly say I've been thinking about my classroom. I've been focusing on Hadley Joy."
Lena massaged her temples as her phone lit up for the tenth time in twenty minutes. She picked up and ran her fingers over the screen before holding it up. "This is text messages from girls. Eight from Mariana two from Callie, this is where my focus is" She said honestly "And I too have been up every night for long hours, Soothing kids or myself. This is a living nightmare and here we are all sitting around plotting out Monday as if life is supposed to go back to normal?! How can it? What kind of message are we sending the kids?"
Julie put her elbows on the table propping her chin up with her hands "I don't know, we have kids that lost classmates, we lost coworkers. Favorite Staff members are gone. It's tragic and heart breaking and my focus right now is on my own kid. Lena I don't know how you're sitting here so calm and collected."
Lena threw her head back and let out a laugh "I am not calm and collected I am freaking out inside. My heart is beating so fast right now. I feel as if it may fly out of my chest! Why?" She tilted her head "One may ask? Because I am feeling separation anxiety from my kids, I don't know how to sit here and plan a Monday when I am dreading Monday."
Every room in the room nodded "Does Monday seem to close?"
More heads nodded but shoulders slumped "But they have to be back in school." A teacher piped up "And since they have to be back in school, the least we can do is be on the same page as a united front on how we are going to show this kids love and make them feel safe in our school. If I could I would hold each and every one of them safe in my arms."
Lena pushed her hand through her curls and nodded "Yeah, me too. Alright, I've got an hour more in me to plan Monday. Then I need to go home to be with my babies."
More nods around the room as they agreed with her. "Alright back down to business" She said passing the meeting back over to Kariana before responding to her girls text messages.
The Fosters
"Lena, your ride is here"
They had just finished up the meeting and Lena looked up to see Mariana quickly flying into the the Starbucks.
"Open the conference room door" Someone stated seeing the girl through the window.
The door open and someone called out to Mariana.
"Mama" She called softly as she entered the doorway before all but running to Lena. Wrapping her arms around her tightly. "We're going to the beach as a family Grandparents as well."
Julie glanced at Lena "You guys leave the house?"
Lena laughed "Yeah, Stef's idea it's been helping the kids realize they can be safe outside of the home."
Mariana kept her arms around Lena but kept quiet.
"Well, we won't keep you any longer Lena" Another teacher spoke up "Thank you for all you did today. Now just go be with those kids."
Lena nodded as she looked down at Mariana "That's the best thing I've heard all day."
"You're riding with us" Mariana pulled her hand as she talked animatedly. "Callie, and mom Jude and Jesus and I. The rest are in the other car. B wanted to make sure the grandparents could get to the beach so he rode with them. The rest of us all just wanted to be with you."
Lena waved goodbye to her coworkers and smiled at Mariana "And I just want to be with you my sweet babies."
The Fosters
FB
Stef stood in front of the mirror studying her ugly angry scar as Lena entered the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed. She stopped in her tracks as she watched Stef trace the outline of the scar.
"This is ugly and mean" She whispered as she fingered the outside of it.
"The stitches just got removed honey" Lena reminded her
"But it's ugly" She said again as her eyes filled with tears "And it's reminder of how I almost died."
Lena cringed "I know."
"You're never going to look at me the same" Stef let out a whimper taking Lena by surprise.
"What did you say?" She asked begging her to repeat it.
"It's ugly, it makes me ugly."
"Oh baby" Lena shook her head as she moved up and wrapped her arms around Stef "I think you're beautiful inside and out. The Scar doesn't change that. If anything it just shows me how brave my wife is."
"You'll be able to make love to me, seeing this every night?" Tears falling harder and faster as Lena held her crying wife. "I'll kiss it every night before bed if I have to. It doesn't change how beautiful you are to me. Baby it doesn't make me love you any less. Yes your job scares me" She admitted turning Stef around so they could have eye contact. "However it doesn't make me love you any less. Honey there is nothing that could happen to you that would make me see you as ugly. You are the most beautiful person in the world, because you are my Stefanie Marie Adams Foster. Nothing will ever change that. In fact my love for you only grows stronger every day."
Stef wiped her eyes as she locked eyes with her wife taking in what she said.
"I love you my gorgeous girl."
Stef let out another sob before wrapping her arms around Lena holding onto her. Taking the love in her wife had to offer. "I love you too."
"Never worry" Lena whispered into her ear "You've got my love always and forever."
Stef nodded against her. "And you mine" She whispered "Are the kids sleeping?"
Lena nodded "Yes, Mariana and Callie are both battling a fever. They caught some cold bug. I've dosed them up with cough syrup. Put a humidifier in their room and given them fever reducers. They are out the boys just went down. We are good for awhile."
Stef nodded "Until we get a visitor knowing that most likely Mariana would be joining them. "Can I just lay in your arms."
"You never have to ask baby" Lena whispered as she gripped Stef's hand and brought her to the bed with her. The two curled up just resting in each others arms. Sometimes words weren't needed. Sometimes it was just being tucked away safe in the arms of the ones that you love the most that bringing a calming sense to those out of control anxiety ridden emotions.
Stef lay in Lena's arms and no longer felt afraid of her scar, and no longer feared going back to work. For she knew that no matter what happened. She had Lena's love and that's all she needed.