Title: So It Goes
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Chicago PD
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Chicago PD and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The character of Ethan has been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: Hank Voight and his family try to cope with their struggles at home and work — and the dynamics those conflicting circumstances creat for their blended family in a time of transition. The series focuses on Voight, his sick and disabled son — and what's left of his family and their strained relationships, particularly that with Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead as they work at establishing their own lives as a young couple.
This is a collection of one-shots/scenes using the characters as represented in the AU established in Interesting Dynamics. The chapters currently represent scenes happening in approximately S04 of the series or early 2017.
As I continue to update, they'll just provide one-shot snap shots into the characters' lives and likely some recasts of scenes from the show.
This is not a linear narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's just scenes. It is generally set so it begins around the mid-point of Season 4 (or about January/February 2017) and may occasionally draw reference to (and have SPOILERS) from the series.
A notification is provided at the beginning of each chapter about where it happens in relation to the other chapters, if they are out of sequence. Chapters will be re-ordered semi-regularly (i.e. if you're reading this weeks or months after the chapter was originally posted, it's likely now in the right place, so just ignore the notification).
SPOILER ALERT: There are MAJOR spoilers in this collection from Interesting Dynamics, So This is Christmas, Scenes and Aftermath. This series also contains SPOILERS related to the finale of Season 3 of Chicago PD and will have occasionally spoilers from Season 4 of the show.
PLEASE NOTE: the previous chapter — Part 4 of Jay's POV, ALPHA OF THE PACK — was posted with less than 24 hours between postings so some people might've missed it, based on numbers. You might want to check.
Erin strained her neck, leaning off the couch as she heard the door into their bedroom area open. She saw Jay peek inside and see gave him a wave, assuring him it was safe to enter, jutting her finger in the direction of Ethan's bedroom – where the last time she'd gotten up to check on him, he was completely passed out.
That hadn't been Ethan's plan for the afternoon. But she was glad it was his body's plan – even if he might be a little frustrated or disappointed with it all when he did wake up. He needed it. He really needed to take these rest and cool down periods or else they were going to be in for a mess. But it'd still been a bit of a mess pulling him away from Jurassic Park after they'd finished with their lunch.
He'd immediately decided that he was ready and confident enough to brave the last few rides in the section – even though two of them were rollercoasters, though kiddie ones that looked beyond tame and the one – the Dino-Soarin', he'd refused to go on despite staring at it forever in his sulk, because he thought it was for toddlers. And it was. But now apparently he thought it'd be "like a reserve throwback Thursday – hashtag!"
And it was no wonder Ethan couldn't fit in – because she'd really tried to get that to make sense. But it didn't. In any way. He'd never done the stupid ride before. Though, there would be some sort of irony in her baby brother getting on a ride that he probably would've loved as a toddler but was only managing to get on it now. And after seeing the way he'd lit up most of the day – with each and every dinosaur they saw – he'd likely still look like that little boy if he did go on it. The one she'd play dinosaurs with on the floor of the front room of Hank and Camille's house. So she might be willing to let him go on it. But she wasn't willing to go on it with him. Because she wanted to get photographic evidence – for his #TBT, which she wouldn't let him post anywhere – but would shoot off to Hank.
Reality, was though, they hadn't gotten onto Isla Nublar: Reign of Indominus yet. Ethan was expressing firm – and vocal – interest in getting on that ride and seeing Indominus after having now seen the other dinosaurs, particularly the raptors and T-Rex. He wanted to see what they'd done with his fucking beloved (fake) monster. And Jay seemed to think that was a good idea. Erin wasn't so sure, though. Not after the Flying Dinosaur debacle.
She knew the majority of the rides at the park that weren't rollercoasters or kiddie riders were going to be like the Indominus ride. A 3D or 4D (whatever the hell that was) motion simulators that were rough and jerky and kind of intense. And if Eth decided he didn't like those either they might be kind of screwed for the rest of the trip.
So, selfishly, she didn't want him to make that decision until he got on one of the Harry Potter rides. She was going to be pretty disappointed if she didn't get on any of the Harry Potter rides. She might've skimped on her research when she had Eth and Jay charting out every move. But she had looked into Harry Potter. Because that was something she wanted to give to Eth – to share with her baby brother. To take him there for Camille. To get her little boy who lived down to see and experience the fantasy world she'd tried to share with all her kids. How she'd tried to bring that appreciation of literature into their lives gently by exposing them to a little bit of magic. That maybe they all needed even then. Erin wanted to see that world for Camille – and how Eth related to it. To just remember it for the family. Experience it for all of them.
But Erin's research into the offerings in the Harry Potter sections told her that though there were some shows and interactive experiences in the rebuilt immersive environments they'd built from the movies over there, the two main rides were these 3D/4D motion simulator things. The other few rides were rollercoasters – that she already wasn't certain they'd get Eth on, even though he'd whined the argument there at the lunch table that he "really wanted" to go on the Canopy Copter and the Amber Alert: Forbidden Mine Run in Jurassic Park. He likely was just presenting that as a way to try to exert his control and get to stay longer – even though he was fading in front of them.
They saw through it. Because both her and Jay knew the rides left in Jurassic Park were really only a secondary priority for Ethan, though. The real reason he was going to want to get back into that section of Islands of Adventure was because they hadn't yet let him go into Camp Jurassic and explore the dig site and the amber mines and the various abandoned building and paddocks in there.
Basically, it was just a giant playground. A play area for little kids to run off steam – and somehow it looked like kids still had a lot of energy to burn even after being in the parks. Erin wasn't entirely sure how they were accomplishing that. Between the heat and the crowds and the walking and the waiting – it was making her as a grown, healthy person ready for some fucking downtime.
But not Ethan. And with Eth and the word dig site always got him going – especially when this one looked massively sophisticated. Beyond that there was a climbing wall in there that he wanted to demonstrate his prowess on. Or, more likely, he just wanted to get to the top to be able to claim the prize that apparently was up there for those who made it. A prize that Erin fully expected wouldn't be anymore thrilling than the eggs full of junk he'd gotten at the trivia game show. And definitely not worth the $12 up-charge to get to do the climb.
They'd ended up having to pulled the adult card – and reminded him about who got the final say on the trip and how his attitude and behavior affected their decisions about what he was really capable of in a given day. They'd still gotten some crossed arm and sulking with that. But he'd relented. It likely proved they were hard-asses with him enough on a regular basis that he didn't want to test them. Besides, he also knew that they had a whole pile of homework sitting in the hotel room that they could just plop him down in front of any time and refuse to let him move from the desk in the room until it was done. He wasn't going to risk that.
And – even if he didn't want to admit it – he was fading and wilting in the heat too. And he was cold from the wet of the repeated adventures down the raft ride. They all needed to get out of the heat – and the air conditioning at the lunch restaurant wasn't cutting it, because in their soaking wet clothing, Ethan had just been sitting there with chattering teeth and shivering so much that you could barely tell if it was his tremor, if he was flaring with the humidity, or if he was just freezing.
That'd sort of worked out in his favor, though. Because Jay the Softie had ended up going back to the gift shop and buying the kid a fucking raptor DNA tshirt and a Jurassic Park beach towel. She'd raised her eyebrow at that. But he'd just shrugged at her, as he draped the giant towel over Eth's shoulders like a blanket and gave them a bit of a scrub in a small effort to warm him up until they got moving again.
Jay was more like Hank than he wanted to admit. When it came to Ethan. And she suspected – from the more she got to see him – when it came to fatherhood, she'd see more glimpses of those qualities too. Hank's more positive attributes – when he wasn't going completely off his rails.
But Jay fussed and worried about Ethan. Eth's situation at school didn't help. And him being sick and on a medical trial that involved one of the last chemo medications Jay's mom had been on – didn't help either. Some of it was clearly Jay projecting. He could get worked up and upset really easily when it came to Eth. And around the chemo doses – Jay became a bit of a mother hen. It was like he was trying to appease his guilt about not being around enough while his mom was sick and directing all of that into making sure Eth pulled through the other end of each dose unscathed. Or as unscathed as possible.
It'd lead to a lot of movie marathons in Eth's treatment weeks during the winter. Even earlier this month. It'd worked out OK. They'd worked on their Harry Potter marathon and had to watch ALL the Star Wars movies again. But there'd also been efforts to get him up to speed on other movies in the parks. It'd been a total boy fest. Ethan had loved getting to flop under loads of blankets on the couch in front of his flatscreen. Even Will had come over for some of the movies.
And, Hank had initiated a few movie nights of his own over at his place. He was working through a bunch of the old Hitchcock movies and Twilight Zone episodes with Ethan. Ones that him and Camille had watched. And, Ethan had told her one day that "I think Mom might've been a lot cooler than I remember. But I guess I don't remember much about her. But I think maybe Dad was cooler when she was around too." And it was a statement that had so much truth to it – but stung so much too. Erin had hoped that Eth didn't share that reflection with his dad – because it'd likely break his heart a bit more than it already was. And it was really those heartbreaks that had made him colder.
At their house, though, Jay and Eth had been watching Indiana Jones and Back to the Future and Jaws and King Kong and Transformers and Men in Black and the Mummy and Fast and the Furious and Guardians of the Galaxy and Beetlejuice and and Ghostbusters and Twister and the Blues Brothers. There'd been some minor deviations when Henry had been around – a reasonable excuse for them to indulge in some of the Muppets movies, and the Cars movies and the Despicable Me movies and the Shrek movies … apparently. Just like little brothers, having baby nephews came with benefits in masking your majority and revisiting juvenile interests and memories.
Erin had opted out of a lot of the movies. It was little too much of a sausage fest for her. And none of it was exactly high caliber entertainment. Though, it was slightly better than watching any of Jay's, Ethan's or Hank's documentaries. You could only hear so much about Planet Earth, dinosaurs or the Second World War on repeat. But, she'd still much prefer to sit with any of them when they stared at one of their sports games. She really just had to share space with them then and zone out.
Still, even though she got on Jay's case about projecting his baggage onto Eth too much – there was something nice about watching them spend time together. It was this strange telling glimpse into her future – and about the man she was investing her time and life with. About what having kids with him might be like. Not just the kind of man he was – but the kind of father he would be. It gave her glimpses at his approach to parenting. How he'd want to raise kids. And, maybe it was a bit of a crash course for both of them about what worked and didn't work. Or at least what worked and didn't work with that age group. Or maybe just what worked and didn't work with Ethan. Though, it was funny. The times they did volunteer to take Henry for an afternoon or evening so Olive could take a shift or work on school work or just get some errands done without the baby in tow – which really only came as a request so often, because if Hank was available, he usually swooped in before they got the chance. But, in a lot of ways some of the skills and methods they'd been testing out and using with Ethan they were adjusting slightly and applying to a toddler. Erin wasn't sure what that said about Ethan. Or Henry. Or kids in general. But it made her feel like maybe having a baby or toddler – though, likely insanely exhausting and occasionally tiresome all on its own – might be something they could both realistically handle. Sort of.
But seeing the time Jay and Ethan took together – it wasn't just about Jay's projecting and baggage. It was about Eth's too. About how insecure and upset he'd gotten in that first month after Justin died and her and Jay had given Hank and Ethan so much space. How she couldn't be around them or that house. And how much it impacted Ethan. How much he thought that Jay didn't want to associate with him or had only been friendly with him because he was her little brother. That Jay didn't really like him or want to spend time with him. They hadn't been able to let that fester. It was another relationship they had to work on repairing – for Eth's sake. One that she wasn't going to carry responsibility for having wrecked.
Because there was also just the reality that she knew Eth needed more than her. And he needed more than Hank. He needed that young man he could relate to a little bit more than his old man. He wanted that too. He wanted that friend and protector. That older brother. The one that he hadn't really gotten to have. And, Erin, supposed in a lot of ones, the one Jay hadn't really gotten to have either but didn't seem to mind being for Eth.
It'd been strange since Justin died watching Ethan trying more to reach out and connect with Jay. Some of it felt forced and desperate. But he so wanted it and needed it. It was the same reason he was trying so hard to let himself connect with Olive and find something in common with her and to share with her. And he was striving with all his little boy brain and attitude could muster to figure out how to be a good uncle to Henry. Rather than spending time with friends or his dad on weekends, he was regularly asking for Henry to get brought over to the house. If that couldn't or wouldn't happen, he was asking to go over to the condo to see his nephew. He was trying to play with him and teach him things. He was asking to take him down to the playground and wanting to be with Olive when she took Henry to the museum and the aquarium and the science center. He wanted to be involved. And he so desperately wanted to be someone that Henry would like too. Someone Henry would want to be around.
She knew Ethan struggled with that. That he wasn't entirely sure how to relate to a year-and-a-half-year-old. That sometimes he lamented that Henry didn't seem to like him or listen to him or pay attention or want to play. And it didn't seem to matter how many times they told him that Henry was still just a baby and was just treating him the way babies treated people. Henry just wanted to do his own thing and discovery things his own ways and interact with them on his own terms. That watching those discoveries and helping him learn how to interact with things was where the fun was supposed to come in. That the find of things that Ethan wanted to do with him – Henry wouldn't be that much fun at until he was three or four. Or maybe even more like five, six, seven or eight. That it wouldn't be until he was a pre-schooler or a kindergartener or a little boy in public school that Ethan had his little buddy that he seemed to really want.
And he just had to be patient and had to keep showing an interest and playing with him and talking to him and giving it time and developing that relationship. It was a process Erin had to go through with Ethan as a baby. But maybe with being older and a girl – and feeling like she had a responsibility to Ethan and as a member of that household and as a thank you to the Voights for all the sacrifices they'd made for her and how they'd fought for her – she just rolled with it better. It wasn't something that Justin had rolled with as well. And he was closer to Ethan's age when his brother was born. The age Eth was now with Henry.
But Erin was going to hope that relationship worked out differently than the one Ethan had established with his brother. She was going to hope that Eth didn't get frustrated or annoyed. That Henry lighting up when he saw Ethan and doing his little shriek of "My-Ewww!" and happy little dance made up for him not wanting to play dinosaurs or Hot Wheels quite the way Ethan thought they should be playing. And for him not being quite ready to show any interest in baseball yet and being far more interested in toddling full-steam-ahead after one of Jay's soccer balls than he was in learning how to catch any size ball. And she'd have to hope too that by the time Henry had developed into that funny little buddy for Ethan to relive parts of his childhood with and to share kiddie movies with and dig out long-lost toys and giant Lego sets with, that the young man Eth had grown into would still want to play and be that fun, go-to uncle for his nephew.
It was a lot to keep into perspective. But anything with Ethan was a lot to keep in perspective. But it did mean she wasn't getting on Jay too much about the way he was fussing over and doting on Eth so far on the trip.
She'd given him a couple warnings that she wasn't going to be the bad cop while he got to play good cop on the trip. But he'd given Eth that "dad tone" a couple times already too. The warning. And sometimes Eth seemed more scared to challenge Jay than her. He didn't talk back or give lip to Jay in quite the same way she got. But Eth did try to play Jay. Test him. See if he could find little loopholes or work around rules that Jay might not fully be aware of. But Eth was quickly learning that those loopholes and grey areas were becoming fewer and fewer with time. But it was still more likely that it'd be Jay who'd nudge and chip at his dad's rules a bit more than her. Spoil him – in a different way than maybe she or Hank did. Or at least he had different goal posts set up and different ways of scoring points – and sometimes Ethan seemed to like those rules of play a bit better. There were days they seemed either a little more motivating or achievable.
So her little brother had been thrilled with the purchases gifted to him that afternoon. His shirt got changed right at the table and Jay had taken him to the washroom to get him changed out of the bottoms that were as equally soaked. But they did carry extra bathroom emergency and embarrassment clothing for that side of Ethan with them. And thanks to Jay's military packing of their day-pack, it'd somehow managed to survive three fucking rides on River Adventure without getting soaked too.
And even though Erin knew that Jay had gone on his own bathroom run and disappeared into that gift shop to get the items because he couldn't stand sitting across the table from Eth watching him shivering and sat there fidgeting and verbally worrying that he might be going into a flare or that with the temperatures they kept the A/C at down there, he was going to get pneumonia again walking around wet like that, the purchases had been presented in one of those ultimatums Jay used with Eth so often. He'd done something, he'd received a reward or necessity because of it, and here's what that meant. And in this case, that meant that they weren't going to be going the gift shop again right then.
If they came back that night – which Ethan proclaimed as absolutely necessary – he could look after they finished the rides he wanted to go on – if, and only if, there was still time. And that they were only going to spend 10 minutes in there max. Ethan seemed pretty certain that there'd be that much time available time – because he'd undoubtedly make time – so he hadn't argued.
Besides, his attention got shifted to getting to take the new towel down to the pool and try out the lazy river and to check to see what movie was playing that night. Because her baby brother somehow thought he was going to survive a morning at the Jurassic Park, an afternoon at the pool, an evening back in the parks and then still be awake enough to go to the fucking dive-in movie that night. Mostly, because he was convinced they'd have to play Jurassic Park – one of them at least – at some point during their trip and he definitely wasn't going to miss it. Even though, they had all of them at home and he could watch them whenever he wanted and generally did.
Though, not in a pool. Apparently floating – and freezing – in a pool for two hours to watch a movie made it much more exciting. Erin wasn't sure she saw the thrill. But she knew he forced that supposed thrill on Hank whenever he took her brother to Lake Geneva for a weekend too. Ethan was way too easily thrilled. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.
Ethan had maintained his stance on wanting to go down to the pool when they got back to the hotel. He hadn't cared that wasn't her and Jay's plan. He'd gotten changed. And when Erin was still taking her sweet-ass time, in the hopes that he'd change his fucking mind, he'd turned on ESPN and started watching baseball, "There's only two innings left," Ethan had informed her. "And I'm watching Philly play after this. So you better be ready."
She'd rolled her eyes. But had humored him – deciding that a float around the lazy river or grabbing a lounger with her book and occasionally glancing up to make sure Eth hadn't managed to drown on his way around the fucking thing – might be just as relaxing as being cooped up in the room with him, listening to him watch baseball and refusing to sleep. Maybe it'd actually get him to sleep. She could assign him some chapters out of Harry Potter and toss him in a lounger with his new beach towel too and hope he ended up taking a nap that way.
It'd all been a moot point, though. Because by the time she'd finished doing a quick pool-ready touch-up shave on her legs and putting on her suit, she'd found him passed out in his bedroom, the dinosaur towel still wrapped around him and the game still going as white noise. Apparently Ethan's body wasn't down with his pool plan either. And based on the small smile that tugged at Jay's lips as he peeked into the room, Erin suspected he was still sprawled out like that.
He disappeared inside for a second. The television sound disappeared. Erin hadn't gone in for fear that entering and turning off the baseball might stir him awake. Jay was in the room for so much longer after the sound disappeared that she thought that maybe he had woken. But then she realized what he was likely doing was putting a blanket up over Eth. Or knowing Jay, he was probably setting up the heating blanket that Hank had insisted they bring along and getting it started over the kid.
A heating blanket in Florida. Though, Eth was always cold and Erin would admit that the hotel was keeping the A/C in the room at Arctic temperatures for them. Having the blanket with them likely wasn't a bad idea. Even though, she was pretty sure it was the cause of the overage charge on their baggage on the way down. And that they'd likely have to re-examine just how they were going to get everything back to Chicago if Ethan did end up spending his entire savings on everything he was seeing and thinking he wanted on the trip. Not to mention his ever-growing list of things he thought he should get for his Dad and for Olive and for Henry and for Eva and for Avery and for Evan and for Al and for Michelle and for Meredith.
Erin was pretty sure the only ones on the list who'd appreciate theme park souvenirs was likely Eva and Avery. And she planned on steering him toward key chains or mugs in the Harry Potter section for that, maybe with a pack of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans to share.
But she might be wrong. Will had done some pretty endless teasing about the whole trip in a way that had gotten Jay worked up more than once. Once to the point that she thought the two of them were going to have another blow-up. Only for it to calm enough with Will's weak mea culpa that he was sort of jealous since he'd wanted to go as a kid too, and that he'd really appreciate some Back to the Future or Jaws memorabilia, if they saw something decent. Because as much as Jay and Will butted-heads and carried a whole lot of animosity from their teens and twenties, Erin could see they were likely geeky, nerdy little boys who shared a lot of the same interests in their imaginary play and media consumption as a form of escapism when they were younger. They both liked the same kinds of ridiculous '80s and '90s movies with a smattering of things from the '70s that apparently their mom and grandfather had let them watch. Jaws at the cabin. An old fucking VSH tape of Jaws was actually still at the cabin. The player to watch it, though, was long gone. But the tape hadn't been something that had been let go of yet, though. And considering it was from his childhood memories of the cabin and his grandfather, Erin suspected that thing never would leave the place.
And it hadn't just been Will who'd eventually put in the request for some tacky souvenirs. Apparently Adam had asked Jay to be on the look out for an '80's retro Transformers tshirt that he was willing to pay prime dollar for. And Kim had messaged her that day asking if they'd been to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter yet and asking if she could bring back a couple chocolate frogs with the wizard cards for her niece. Though, seeing as she asked for a couple – and Kim only had one niece – Erin wasn't so sure they were all for her niece. Especially since Kim had been about the only one who hadn't had major commentary when she'd gotten wind about exactly what they were doing with their furlough. Nor had she had commentary when she'd seen the various Harry Potter books rotate through her locker or when she'd caught her reading one when she'd actually managed to sneak in a real lunch break in the break room one day.
Jay reappeared from Eth's room a minute later and walked through their bedroom area to join her in the little living area, pulling the sliding door almost shut as he entered. She gave him a look at that move – measuring if it was just to buffer the sound of them talking or if he had something more in mind. And if he had something more in mind, where she was at in her interest level. She was tired and kind of just wanted to keep flaking out. But she thought she could likely be easily convinced that maybe she was interested in something else.
But he had that little boy smile of his on his face. Mischievousness mixed with pride.
"Mission accomplished?" she arched her eyebrow at him.
AUTHOR NOTE: So I decided not to do the Part 5 of Jay POV of the day and put the information in this chapter instead from Erin's POV. However, the set up of it and her reflection of the day has gone longer than expected too. So it's also getting broken up. The Part 2 of Erin's POV will FINALLY get into some of the back-and-forth dialgoue that had been the original intention of the Jay POV Jurassic Park. But I guess I went a very different way with this all.
Of note to some readers, the previous chapter — Part 4 of Jay's POV, ALPHA OF THE PACK — was posted with less than 24 hours between postings so some people might've missed it, based on numbers. You might want to check.
Your readership, feedback and reviews are appreciated.