A/N: Straight talk from Dumbledore and the Potters. They haven't gotten enough screen time recently anyway. Maybe Sirius will make an appearance soon too.

missalex3030: Ok, now you're just setting yourself up for disappointment haha. I've already written something of the sort, but I wouldn't call it "epic"... Maybe less of a bang and more of a sizzle? But thanks for still being excited! I know I've been leading all of you on for a while now with these two.

S38: Hahaha sorry, but maybe soon...? And good question, but no, not yet. He'll make an appearance soon though.

MorningThief: Hello, and thank you so much! It's great to hear from another reader, and I'm so happy you're enjoying it! Thank you for the incredibly kind review!

snuffles95: Thank you so much as always! It's always wonderful hearing from you ^_^

sarahmichellegellarfan1: I'll leave that up to you to interpret hehe. And 5 days seems to be the trend lately, doesn't it? It's not on purpose - it just seems to be the way I've been feeling recently about updating. Thanks for being there, as always!

lovirosa: Haha thank you, thank you! And soon! Be patient with me!

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Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Chapter 35: Of Precious Moments with Precious People

The Order of the Phoenix met two days after the tragic mission in Wigtown to discuss what had happened and their next steps. It was a particularly grave meeting as the mission had been a great blow to their morale, even if it had been a great victory on paper. Even Dumbledore was present.

Marlene's body had been recovered by the Ministry - much to everyone's relief - along with the rest of the fallen Death Eaters. Seven had been arrested while another four had been found dead, including Evan Rosier. The massacre had been enough to earn a search warrant for Lestrange Manor, but nothing of sufficient suspicion could be found, not even Bellatrix's dagger, which had disappeared from Rosier's body. They assumed that the McKinnons' parents' bodies had been disposed of in some way before the Ministry officials had arrived. Rowan wondered painfully where they were.

Derek McKinnon had been unresponsive since being rescued. He had also been tortured and questioned, though not nearly to the same extent as his sister it seemed. The worst physical damage had been done to Marlene, but every gash and cut put into her skin seemed to now be engraved in his heart. He remained in St. Mungo's, unseeing and unhearing. Rowan had gone to see him earlier that day, but he hadn't even acknowledged the Healers, let alone his visitors. The disgust she felt with herself nearly doubled.

The Order discussed what had gone wrong, and it was agreed that nothing could have been done really to save Marlene. The McKinnons had been too injured to ensure a flawless rescue – they'd simply been too late. The Aurors within the group reported that Abraham Avery Jr. was pleading the Imperius Curse, which was becoming an increasingly popular excuse as the Death Eaters had been using it more often as of late. Many of his fellow Death Eaters seemed to be following his example. Rowan saw Minerva McGonagall bristle slightly at Avery's name and hold a hand to the high collar of her robes. She wondered if the bruises around her neck had fully healed.

Finally, at the end of the meeting, McGonagall and Dumbledore nodded to Rowan, and she stood nervously. Her hands trembled as all eyes were on her, and she was suddenly reminded of her father's funeral. But this was no noble eulogy – it was a declaration of cowardice.

"Hi, everyone," Rowan said quietly. She already felt her courage waning, but she forced her head to remain up with great effort, though she kept her gaze on the far wall.

"I wanted to apologize… for my behavior during the mission the other night," she breathed shakily. "I went against protocol and placed all of you in unspeakable danger. It was inexcusable, and I can't apologize to you enough. I'm just… so, so sorry," she apologized sadly. Her voice trembled, and her body seemed to bow with effort. Her head finally dropped in shame. She gazed at the polished tabletop with heat at the back of her throat.

"Rowan, there's nothing to apologize for," an even voice called out from down the table. It was Arthur Weasley. He peered down the table at her calmly, and she felt even more ashamed at the sight of her partner – she'd endangered him especially, again.

"Yes, you did go against protocol, and it was incredibly foolish, but we understand. You acted to protect Sirius, and Evan Rosier deserved what he got. None of us have the right to be angry. I think any of us would have made the same decision had we been in your place," he reasoned gently. His eyes crinkled warmly, and Rowan wanted to curl up and disappear in the face of his kindness.

"Yeah, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't even be here. You saved my life, Winnie," Sirius said firmly. A few small murmurs in agreement echoed around, but Rowan was still afraid to lift her head. Just because the more sympathetic members understood didn't mean that they weren't all okay with what happened. Moody was probably furious with her. Her face still burned with shame.

"I… Even so, I need to apologize... And I'd like to request to be taken off of the higher risk missions for the time being," she said shakily.

A series of indignant shouts were heard down the table from James, Sirius, and the Prewett brothers. McGonagall pounded the table for order. Rowan felt her face burn hotly and kept her eyes downward. Her chest ached with shame, but she stayed resolute. She lifted her head hesitantly to look at McGonagall. The older woman's lips were pursed tightly as she gazed at her searchingly.

"Are you sure about this, Delacroix? You've been an invaluable member to the high-intensity team. Surely, you won't be satisfied with the low-risk missions," she said carefully. She eyed the younger woman seriously, but Rowan shook her head.

"I know," she said quietly. "I know. It's just that I… I'm not in a right state after what happened. I- with Rosier… I nearly…" she trailed off. I killed him, she thought. It echoed through her chest. She breathed shakily.

"I just need some time to gather my thoughts before I can trust myself as a member of this team again. I need to know that I won't be jeopardizing the rest of your lives as well. I'd still like to be involved with the less critical missions and I'll even take on more night patrol shifts to make up for it, but I can't handle the thought of more dangerous operations for right now… I'm really sorry…" she said weakly. Her head fell again.

The other members remained silent for a moment, and she kept her gaze downward. She couldn't bear to look at her friends, who were all so much braver than she. She was a right coward. Her father would be ashamed to call her a Gryffindor.

"Well, if you feel that way, then I suppose we must trust your judgment. I will reassign you to the lower intensity missions for now in the meantime," Dumbledore said quietly. She looked up with surprise to see the old wizard gazing at her softly. He rarely came to meetings and even more rarely spoke in discussions, leaving the debates to the rest of them and speaking only as moderator and the final judge. Her face burned. There could be no greater shame than admitting cowardice to the greatest wizard of the age. He gazed at her gently over his half-moon spectacles.

"But just know that the darkness you feel isn't abnormal, Rowan. It's a voice that lies in all of us and is something we must all confront during these dark times. You are not alone when you fear the terrible things that of which you are capable. And it's the doubt, the abhorrence you feel in the face of those impulses that set you apart from the true villains. There is darkness in all of us, but there is always light to cut through it. Do not doubt the good that is in you, or it will tear you apart," he said seriously.

Rowan was sure that her cheeks would burn away. Dumbledore spoke the same words that Remus had the other night, but for some reason, despite all of her awe and reverence for the older man, she felt nothing but humiliation and a stab of anger in hearing them from him. She wished she could disappear.

"Evil men like Evan Rosier will always walk this earth," he continued quietly. "And they will hold mirrors up to your face that will make you question everything you've ever thought to be true – even your own nature. You will see things that will shock and even disgust you, but I assure you that the reflection there is a distorted reality. What you see is not how the rest of the world views you or how you should view yourself. You are much stronger, much better than what you make yourself out to be."

Rowan's throat constricted at Dumbledore's words. He looked at her knowingly, and she knew somehow that he could hear her thoughts. He smiled softly. She grimaced – he certainly heard them.

"Sometimes we lose sight of ourselves, and the only people who can guide you back are those who care about you. Do not close yourself off, Rowan. Take the time you need, but make sure to come back home to your family here. We'll be waiting for you when you're ready."

Her throat tightened painfully, but it was less severe than before. She still felt empty, but she tried to push the feeling away. She nodded.

"Thank you, Professor."

As the meeting ended, Rowan stood slowly from the table, letting the rest move from the dining room before she made her way to leave. She felt Remus' gaze burn into her from across the room and a terrible ache spread through her gut. She hadn't seen him since she'd woken up to find him gone two days before, and the last thing she wanted was to speak to him now. She didn't even know what to say, or how to think of their relationship at all. The thought of being alone with him made her stomach hit her throat with nausea. She just wanted to leave. She wanted him to leave her alone. She wanted to disappear.

But just as he moved towards her, her maelstrom of dark thoughts was interrupted.

"Oy, Winnie!" a voice called out from down the table.

Her head jerked up and saw James walking over towards her briskly. Warm relief washed over her like spring sunlight.

"Let me walk you home," he said firmly. His gaze was hard. It startled her momentarily. He then turned to Remus. "Can you make sure Lily gets home okay? I need to talk to this one," he said.

Remus' mouth held a tight line. He glanced down at Rowan, but she kept her gaze averted with embarrassment. She could feel his eyes burn into her. His gaze hardened minutely before turning back to James and nodding solemnly. James clapped him on the shoulder, and the light-haired man moved down the table towards Lily.

Rowan looked up at James warily. He smiled warmly at her.

"Ready?" he asked. She nodded and they set out together. He gripped her hand as they stepped out into the warm night, and she guided them both into the void.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked quietly as they walked down her street. She'd Apparated them a little further than she and Remus usually walked to allow them more time to talk. She imagined he was going to interrogate her and was waiting almost resignedly for the verbal barrage. They walked slowly with eyes focused ahead.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay," he said softly. She smiled almost wryly to herself.

"Yeah, I guess," she said. "I just need some time to myself to reflect on everything. The last mission was overwhelming."

James nodded gravely but didn't respond. They walked in silence for a few moments. Rowan looked up at the sky – she couldn't see the moon. She should use her time away from the Order to work.

"Have you talked to Barty recently?" he asked carefully. Rowan sighed tiredly.

"No, not for about five days or so," she said. She hadn't thought of Barty since before the mission in Wigtown. He was yet another man she dreaded speaking to.

James nodded. "What're you going to do about him?" he asked.

"I suppose I'll end our arrangement," she said softly. "No use in keeping it up anymore… now that Rosier's gone." She felt surprisingly empty at the thought – yet another failed relationship with a seemingly compatible man.

"Would you ever consider getting back together with Remus?" James asked.

Rowan's mouth twitched with bitter amusement. She thought hard about the question. It weighed down heavily on her like a burden.

"I don't know," she admitted. He looked at her with mild confusion, and she smiled thinly. "I don't know what to think anymore or if I even want to be with him. I still love him but…" She thought for a moment if it would be good idea to tell James her insecurities. He'd always been fiercely protective over her, even going so far as to pick fights with Remus when he didn't agree with their relationship. Remus certainly didn't need any more stress.

She nearly laughed. How could she still be worrying about him after he'd essentially left her again? It was cruel how her mind always considered his feelings first.

"But…?" James urged. She sighed.

"I'm beginning to think that perhaps he might just be in love with the idea of me and not who I actually am," she admitted softly. James' brows furrowed with confusion. "I think he sees me more as something to be protected, something abstractly good. Sometimes I wonder if being with him, even as a friend, is actually doing him more harm than good. I mean, most of our relationship has been based on longing at this point – doesn't that show how bad we are together in reality?"

She looked up at the sky again sadly. It felt empty to hear the words solidify after they'd been brewing in her darkest thoughts for so long. The sky was strangely empty as well. Her chest ached dully.

"What?" James asked incredulously. He gaped at her. She almost found it amusing. He stopped in his tracks, and she turned to look at him. The sparks in his gaze were unsettling.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" he asked. The sharpness of his tone gave her pause. She watched him warily.

"I don't know what to believe," she said honestly, shrugging slightly.

She looked away dazedly and gazed at one of the nicer apartment buildings on her street. One of the windows had an arrangement of yellow chrysanthemums in the windowsill – an autumnal flower. It was still unbearably humid, but she realized fall was approaching once again. Her arm tingled slightly – it had nearly been a year since she'd received those scars.

It had nearly been a year since Remus had left her.

"I think that's bull shit," James declared suddenly, interrupting her thoughts. She eyed him carefully but didn't respond.

"I know I can't possibly understand all the workings of your relationship," he finally said slowly, "but I can't believe that Remus would be so short-sighted and selfish to drag you on like this out of some vague obsession for your more abstract qualities, and if you feel that way, you should say something to him." His gaze was burning, but she only felt mildly warm. She took in his words almost numbly. They sounded very nice, but she knew that James' world was much more black and white than hers. Hers was stained red and green, which mixed muddily throughout.

Rowan sighed. "He hasn't been 'dragging me on' though," she countered lightly. The yellow blossoms in the windowsill hadn't bloomed fully. She found it disheartening – would it be this hot for much longer?

"We've been broken up for nearly a year now," she said softly, perhaps to herself mostly. James' expression still remained hard. "There's really nothing to discuss about us getting back together. Even if he still loves me, he's made it clear that we won't be crossing that line again."

She kept her gaze on the flowers. She thought of the flowers Barty would bring her and the way each bouquet had slowly died in its vase. She realized the monkshood blossoms still remained on her kitchen counter. She should throw those out soon too.

"That doesn't mean anything," James protested. Rowan looked back at him tiredly. He glared hard at her.

"I know you don't believe me," he said petulantly. She almost smiled guiltily at him. "I mean it though. He's always been in love with you. We all see it, even if you don't. If anyone was ever meant to be together, it was you two," he said fervently.

She wanted to laugh. Surely he was talking about himself and Lily? She felt her lips twitch with bitter amusement.

"No, James, I-" she started.

"No, shut up," he spat. She gaped at him with confusion and mild hurt. He hadn't spoken to her so harshly in years. It stung lightly in her chest.

"A lot has happened between you two over the past couple of years, and Remus is more fucked up than most," he said angrily. His eyes flashed dangerously. "But you, of all people, should know that he's more genuine and honest than anyone else. If he says he loves you, then he fucking loves you. What else do you need for him to do – write it out in blood?"

Her anger flickered, but it was overcome with grief. How could she make him understand?

"It doesn't matter if he loves me!" she argued indignantly. James opened his mouth as if to counter, but she cut him off.

"It doesn't!" she argued hotly. "What difference does it make if he doesn't care enough to stay?" She looked up desperately, as if searching for answers. It was cloudy with dark gray splashes against a black sky. She felt empty at the lack of moon.

Her hair clung to her face again in the heat, and she groped around her wrist furiously for an elastic band, tying her hair to the top of her head messily. She declared silently that she'd hack it all off at the first opportunity.

"Don't I deserve to have someone who cares enough to be with me?" she asked desperately. Her words evaporated into the sky. She wondered to where they'd float. She wondered if anyone would ever answer.

The two stood in the silent humidity together. The moisture in the air draped over them heavily. She knew they should keep walking – it was dangerous for them to be out there in the middle of the night, after all – but she couldn't find her feet. It seemed so petty to be discussing such a trivial matter as her relationship with someone she wasn't even with anymore in the midst of war.

"I know I don't have the words to convince you that what I'm saying is true," James said softly, "But it is. If I know anything, it's that Remus loves you. You just have to believe it. You're discrediting both him and yourself by doubting what you two have."

Rowan breathed raggedly, swallowing down her protests and sorrow. She knew arguing with him would do no good, and her anger was suddenly gone.

"If you say so," she responded quietly.

They stayed silent for the rest of the way back to Rowan's flat. Once they reached her front stoop, James stood on the stairs next to her. She could see that he had more to say, so she paused and looked up at him after pushing her key into the lock. He gazed at her intensely.

"About Rosier," he started carefully.

Rowan felt the blood drain from her face and her lungs constrict. James was the last person she wanted to talk to about this. He was a good man – a man with endless optimism and one who never thought poorly of his friends. It would destroy her even more to hear him tell her that she was still a good person – it seemed very empty, almost cheap.

"I know," she said stiffly. She wanted to drop this immediately. She was terrified of having this conversation with him.

"No," he said firmly, eyes hard. Her stomach clenched. Why couldn't he let this go?

"I know how you think. I can only imagine the internal struggle you're having right now because I know how hypercritical you are of yourself, but you really don't need to be. You're an incredibly strong and kind person, Winnie, and the world is better off with you in it," he said fervently.

Rowan wanted to curl up and die. He'd just said to her all the things she didn't want to hear from him. He thought she felt guilty for killing Rosier when, in fact, she didn't. She didn't feel bad. She felt bad for not feeling bad, in some vague, abstract sense. It had nothing to do with the fact that she'd taken a life but more so because she'd gone against all of man's most critical laws and felt absolutely no remorse about it. Didn't that make her nothing more than an animal?

"Stop it," he said quietly, interrupting her thoughts. She looked up at him, startled.

"Last year after Dad died, I was a mess," he admitted. Her side suddenly burned at the memory of the Frost Fire there as she'd pushed him out of the way of the curse. She trembled at the thought of John Potter's body lying still in the dark.

"It's a terrible feeling – knowing that you want to hurt someone and not being ashamed of it. It took someone like you to snap me out of it, and it took Lily's forgiveness to make me realize that I wasn't a monster," he said darkly. His gaze was hard. She faltered under its weight.

"You are not a monster, Winnie, so don't treat yourself like one."

Her lips trembled as his words sunk into her. They remained shallow, but they still hummed and resonated in her chest. She shook with effort to contain it, but she felt it frothing beneath her skin. His gaze softened as he saw her fight the tears down, and as he pulled her towards him, a few escaped, soaking into his shirt. It was so familiar, yet strangely lonely – his shoulders were so much broader than she wanted them to be. He was so much taller than she was. When had he become an adult? When had her best friend left her behind?

After a few moments, he squeezed her tightly again before pulling away and holding her by the shoulders. He smiled softly at her, brown eyes twinkling with warmth. Her heart swelled with gratitude.

"Thank you, Jamie," she said. She felt like her chest might burst.

"Of course," he said warmly. He then grinned. "Better get inside. Your face looks like it is about to melt off," he teased. She scowled and punched his arm roughly, but he just laughed and mussed up her hair. He said his goodbyes and hopped down the stairs, and with a pop he was gone. She stared at the spot for a moment fondly before moving inside, smiling for the first time in nearly a week.

Remus sat tiredly at Lily and James' kitchen table with a mug of tea in his hands. After he'd walked Lily home from the Order meeting, she'd insisted that he come in to catch up. It had been a long time since he'd stepped foot into their flat – when was the last time he'd really spent time with his married friends? He suddenly felt incredibly guilty.

Lily sat down across from him with her own mug and gazed at him thoughtfully. There was something terribly unnerving about her large green eyes. They always seemed to know what he was thinking.

"I wanted to talk to you about Rowan," she said softly.

Remus grimaced. Of course – James was probably talking to Rowan about him at that very moment. They'd most likely planned this in advance. They were just too well-intentioned for their own good.

"What about her?" he asked dully. He knew he couldn't avoid this, but perhaps he could steer Lily away from it quickly.

"When are you going to get your act together and ask her take you back?" she asked pointedly. Her tone was mild, but he could hear a bite there. He flinched slightly. He really didn't want to anger the redhead – he wasn't afraid of many people, but an angry Lily was one of those few that made him cringe with fear.

"What makes you think I want that?" he asked. He gazed into his mug. He thought carefully about how to get out of this conversation.

Lily arched a graceful brow. "Really? Are you seriously going to play this game with me, Remus?" she asked smartly.

Remus sighed. He knew he was already doomed. There was no convincing Lily out of this.

"I don't know why you even want me to. All I've ever done is make her unhappy," he said bitterly.

"Don't be thick," Lily snapped.

Remus looked up at her, startled. Lily had never spoken so bluntly with him. The only person she spoke to like that was James usually, and sometimes Sirius when he was getting out of hand with his teasing.

"All Rowan's ever wanted is to be with you. The happiest I've ever seen her was when she was with you. Were you not happy with her?" she asked. Her tone melted softly at the end, eyes large and shining. Remus felt his face burn.

"Of course I was," he said sourly. He glared at his reflection in his mug. It was distorted and trembling in the brown liquid. "There is no greater happiness than being with her," he murmured.

"Then why are you doing this to yourself?" Lily asked plainly.

Remus stared at her long and hard, almost disbelievingly, before gathering himself. "I'm a werewolf," he said simply, bitterly.

"So what?" Lily asked, arching a brow.

Remus' entire face screwed up with confusion. "What do you mean, 'So what?'" he asked incredulously. "It's everything. I can't… How can I be with her when I can't give her what she needs?" he said, slightly annoyed.

"What does she need?" Lily countered quickly.

Remus stared at her disbelievingly. How could this conversation still be going?

"Tell me what Rowan needs that you can't give her in a relationship as opposed to whatever you are now because you're certainly not 'just friends,' despite whatever you say," Lily said defiantly. Her eyes were blazing. Her hair seemed to highlight the burning heat radiating off of her. Remus felt incredibly small.

"You're worried about putting her at risk," she continued fiercely. Remus felt as if a wave was sweeping him out to sea.

"That's not good enough of a reason to me," she declared. "Rowan's never cared about something as petty as reputation – her career choice proves that, so you can't argue there. As for making enemies, she's already an Order member, so she obviously doesn't care about that either. So really, give me another reason."

Remus felt like his ears might burn off. He felt like a small boy being scolded by his mother for stealing chocolate from the cupboard. He hadn't heard Lily's know-it-all voice ever directed at him, and it'd been quite some time since he'd heard it at all. Memories of her robotically rattling off answers for Professor Flitwick in Charms class came rushing back. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"Well?" Lily demanded.

"I-I-" he stammered weakly, "I could hurt her. I could bite her mid-transformation." Lily snorted uncharacteristically.

"We all know what great lengths you go through to prevent that, so that's also void," Lily said fiercely. "You have your calendar memorized more than anyone else I know. Another."

Remus wanted to curl up and die. How had this happened? His hands seemed to be glued to his mug.

"I'm too poor," he said ashamedly. "My job is okay for now as a single man, but I won't be able to move up. I'll never be able to support her."

"Oh, come off it," she said bitingly. "Rowan's family has got enough gold to last her three lifetimes at least. And she's not exactly high maintenance – she's not expecting diamonds and designer clothes. That's not valid either."

Remus gaped openly at Lily now. He scoured his mind for another reason, something, anything!

"I can't-" he stammered with shame, "I can't give her children. What if… what if they're like me?" he whispered. His face burned. His stomach churned violently at the thought.

Lily's gaze softened, eyes shining with sadness. His entire body burned with embarrassment. That was the look he hated – why did she have to look at him like that? He didn't want pity. He just wanted to forget all of this.

"Have you even asked her if she cares about that?" Lily asked softly.

Remus' face continued to burn but he didn't respond. Lily's eyes welled up with what looked like tears. Remus' chest constricted with panic.

"How can you just leave her without even asking her what she wants first?" Lily asked. Her voice had taken on a shriller tone, eyes shining with unshed tears. Remus was sure he might implode with anxiety. Was he really so bad with women that he'd already pushed her to this point? How had she gone from Head Girl to hysterical in such a small amount of time? The panic increased.

"We've lost so many friends already!" she cried. "Edgar and Dorcas and Richard and now even Marlene!"

Remus was at a loss. Lily's eyes now leaked with wet tears, and he had no idea what to do. How had this conversation turned from Rowan to the war so quickly? He knew he should console her, but he was frozen to his seat, horrified and afraid.

"Everyday is precious," Lily whispered, wiping her tears away with cheeks flaming red. "How can you spend another minute away from her knowing that each day could be our last? She almost d-died the other night!" Her voice hiccuped slightly.

Remus' blood ran with ice. He'd refused to think of Rowan's risks in the war in that way for a long time, knowing the dark voices that followed. He thought of Rowan's face smeared with blood, the blank look in her eyes as he'd pulled her down the dark streets of London. What if Rosier hadn't taken Bellatrix's dagger? Would Rowan's body be lying next to Marlene's somewhere in a cold Ministry morgue? His entire body shook as his chest constricted painfully. He forced the thought away.

Lily reached across the table to grasp his hand tightly. Her eyes shined fiercely. Her lips trembled. He felt his throat clench tightly.

"You need to tell her how much you love her!" Lily said ardently, shaking his hand lightly but firmly. "You have to give her a chance! Would you be able to live with yourself if something happened to her and you never said anything? What if she were to finally move on and have that family with someone else because you were too afraid? Could you really accept that?"

Remus was overcome. The dark voice within him was roaring at the thought of anyone else touching her. He thought of Barty Crouch wrapping his arms around Rowan, her smiling up at the younger man with that bright light she used to reserve solely for him. He wanted to tear every limb from Barty's body. He wanted to take her until they both forgot there was anyone else in the world besides the two of them. His blood boiled, fire searing through his chest.

A jingling at the door snapped him from his dark stupor, and James was moving through the doorway looking tired but pleased. He grinned at Remus and his wife but then his face fell at the sight of the shadows on both of their faces.

"What's going on?" he asked carefully, moving towards the table.

"We were just catching up," she said nonchalantly, discreetly wiping the tears from her eyes. Remus looked at her, startled, but she just smiled at him reassuringly. Her gaze was surprisingly warm. "It'd been a while since just the two of us had a chance to talk. And since you were with Winnie, I thought it'd be nice to have some company while you were out." She got up and moved to the kitchen sink. He had a feeling she was trying to gather herself.

James didn't seem to believe her, but he kept his doubts to himself.

"Right," he said slowly.

Remus kept his gaze downward. James had always had a strange way of reading his mind, particularly where Rowan was concerned, and he didn't want to give him any opportunity to jump in where Lily had left off – James was fiercely protective of his childhood friend, and he had the feeling he'd come away with a few bruises if the other man started on the subject of his relationship with Rowan.

"I should get going. It's getting late," Remus said, standing from the table.

"What? But I just got home!" James whined. Remus laughed genuinely. It felt strange but relieving.

"Sorry, mate. Work tomorrow and all," he said, taking his cup to the kitchen counter. Lily took it from him gently and smiled warmly at him. Her eyes still glistened with tears, but she raised her chin to him confidently. He couldn't help but smile back. He suddenly felt very lucky to have Lily and James in his life.

As he moved to the door, James followed him. He put a firm hand on his shoulder before he reached for the doorknob.

"You should talk to Rowan, Moony," he said quietly, but firmly. "There's a lot you two need to discuss." He caught Remus' gaze with a hard look, and Remus' throat tightened again. He nodded solemnly.

"I will," he promised.

James smiled thinly and clapped his shoulder before opening the door for him. They said their goodbyes, and Remus stepped out into the night. He looked up at the sky – no moon tonight. He thought of Rowan's dark hair and the way her eyes would turn up towards the sky – had she picked up the habit from him? He wanted to see her desperately.

He Disapparated on the spot for his flat. He couldn't bear to face the sky.