Chapter 25

Interlude

Sanosuke looked out at the lawn where Kenji was giving Sakurako one last Kamiya Kasshin Ryu lesson before her departure for Manchester. He smiled. Something had happened between those two, he could tell. Something good. Sakurako lunged forward. Kenji deflected her blow and hit her softly on the back of the neck with his bokuto. Her hair suddenly came undone. Sanosuke's lingering smile slowly faded away as he saw the young woman's jet black hair cascade down her back. He continued to watch, distractedly, his mind drifting back to Japan. He didn't hear her come in.

"You're pining for someone, Sagara-san."

Sanosuke jumped. On his left side stood Yumiko. She was a rare sight in the manor at this hour of the day. Her eyes found the young couple. She observed them.

"What makes you say that?" he asked.

"It was my job to get information out of men. Occupational hazard, I'm afraid," she replied, without facing him. "The British find me too blunt. The Japanese even more so, if I'm completely honest."

She laughed behind her hand, a rehearsed gesture. She turned to him.

"You would do anything for Kenji. You love the boy like a father; you've proven it over and over. He brings you great joy. Yet something isn't right. I've been observing you. Something's missing. What is it? What ails your heart, Sagara Sanosuke?"

He looked her in the eyes. They had talked a lot over the course of the summer, but always about Kenshin and Kenji. Yumiko had always sought his approval before revealing anything to the young man. Even when what she had revealed had visibly shocked Sanosuke, they had never addressed it. So why now? Was it because she would soon give Kenji the last piece of the puzzle? Because she needed him to be completely available for the boy should he need him, and no doubt he would? Her face revealed nothing. Yet, he couldn't help but unburden himself. And so he answered with honesty.

"Kenji was raised by all of us, as you know. He was Kenshin and Kaoru's son, but he was also ours. We put all our hopes and dreams in him. We want for his life to be the best life any of us could have ever hoped for. But I failed him. I walked out on him when he would have needed me the most."

He clenched his fists. He turned to Kenji and Sakurako still practicing on the lawn despite a sudden fine drizzle.

"I was too proud to try and understand why Kenshin suddenly wanted to have control of what his son knew or not. I never paused to ask myself why. I was selfish. Had he not shared it all with us, the good and the bad? I was wrong, of course. He hadn't even shared half of it. We… I had no idea of the pain he was in, no idea of the ghosts that relentlessly haunted him. Had I known what I know now, what you told me, I would have acted differently. I would have stayed and been the true friend I should have been. The friend he believed me to be. And Kenji would have had a chance at loving his father. The gods know how Kenshin needed it. Not only did I fail Kenji, but I also failed Kenshin."

He shook his head and sighed.

"I tried to find Kenshin in China, and then in Russia. But it wasn't exactly the right time or the right place. When I finally found him he was so far gone he barely knew me. I never got to ask for his forgiveness."

His shoulders slumped. She put her hand on his upper arm.

"He tried to find you, too. He knew that you were on the continent. You saw his letters. He knew you were both working in Kenji's best interest. I don't think you need to ask for his forgiveness; there is nothing to forgive."

He nodded, yet he knew he probably would never let it go. He also feared that once he knew the truth, Kenji would reject him like he had Kenshin. He knew it to be completely illogical, as he had learned the truth himself only recently, but fear knows nothing of logic.

They remained silent side by side for a while, watching the couple spar. Darker clouds were amassing on the horizon. Pillars of light moved on the moors in the distance. Sanosuke could still feel the woman's hand on his arm.

"That is not all, is it?"

He looked at her. She faced forward, a soft smile on her face, like that of a mother keeping a proud, yet watchful eyes on her children. For some reason, Sanosuke once again felt compelled to tell this woman he barely knew everything. He understood the pull she must have had on a young Kenshin.

"Megumi. She was always a fan of Kenshin's. She loved him as much as Kaoru did, maybe more."

Yumiko nodded. She knew every member of their little family, most of them if only through Kenshin's words.

"But he chose Kamiya-san," she said softly. "Unlike Yukishiro Tomoe, had she lived, unlike Takani Megumi and unlike myself, Kamiya Kaoru was a blank slate. She hadn't been touched by war or the darkness of this world. She shone like a beacon and Kenshin would have crashed against the rocks without her."

"Yes, and just like yourself, Megumi never stopped loving Kenshin."

Yumiko smiled.

"Am I that transparent?" she laughed softly, a natural reaction. "There was something attractive about Kenshin that he wasn't aware of. He was broken, yet he didn't know it. He was a deadly assassin with the heart of a child. I guess he stirred our maternal instincts. We all wanted to save him."

She gave him a wistful smile.

"A fool's errand, if there ever was one. At least your Megumi could literally save him with her medicine. She did more than any of us ever tangibly could. But I digress. You say Megumi never stopped loving Kenshin." She paused. "And you never stopped loving her."

He stared at her, startled. He smirked.

"Am I that transparent?"

She smiled back at him, appreciating the humour. He grew serious again.

"She knows, of course. She's always known. We've come to what you could call an arrangement. I've asked her to marry me before I left. It wasn't the first time."

"Judging by your expression, she refused again?"

"Yes. I had always thought that it only was her love for Kenshin that prevented her from saying yes. I told her that I would never expect that kind of devotion. That night before we left for England, she finally told me."

He trembled. Yumiko frowned with concern.

"That… madman, he did... things to her. She never told anyone, not even Kenshin. She was beaten. She was raped... I can't even think about it."

Tears escaped his eyes. He wiped them away with his open hand. This had weighed on his soul since they'd left Japan. He'd managed to keep it locked in the back of his mind most of the time, but he could never completely forget that it was there. Megumi had made him promise he would never tell anyone about it, but he simply couldn't bear this pain all alone anymore.

"They hurt her so much... She was permanently scarred…."

He took a shaky breath. Saying those things only made them more real.

"She can't have children," finished Yumiko, a sad look on her face.

He pinched his lips and nodded.

"I told her that I don't care. That if only we got married we could maybe try to adopt Kenji, even if not officially. We could make things right by him. But she said she couldn't rob me of the chance of having children on my own."

He sniffed and wiped his face again.

"She called herself damaged goods." his voice broke, his last words but a painful whisper.

He put his hands on the window sill and leaned forward trying to regain his composure. Yumiko put her hand on his shoulder.

"All this time, Takani Megumi pined for Kenshin because she knew she couldn't have him," she said.

He turned to Yumiko.

"How do you mean?"

"If she couldn't have him, then she didn't have to face her own barrenness, her own inability to fulfill her role as a woman. Better spurned than inadequate. I think you might find that Megumi loves you, only you. And has for much longer than you think."

He squeezed his eyes shut and faced away from her. Fresh tears rolled on his cheeks.