Chapter 26

For everything a reason

A lazy drizzle had overtaken the moor. Plunged in increasingly early darkness, the estate loomed like a behemoth on the horizon. The wet gravel crunched under Kenji's boots. He pulled the collar of his frock coat up, not yet used to feeling the cool air on his bare neck. Joined by his sister's little family and Sanosuke, he had accompanied Sakurako to York, hoping to spend as much time with her as possible before her train left for Manchester where she was to attend school. As a gift, he had arranged for Fersen to take him to his barber and tailor. Sakurako had barely recognised him at first but he would forever cherish the look on her face when she had. Unsurprisingly She had immediately given her seal of approval to his new English look. In true Sakurako fashion, she had even managed to find a photographer to immortalise his transformation forever.

He had meant to stay with Ai in York for a few days, but seeing Sakurako go had put him in a somewhat gloomy mood. And so he had decided to return to the mansion early. As per usual, the carriage ride had made him rather queasy, and he had chosen to walk from the gate home, a choice he was now regretting.

His mind had been quick to set aside the tremendous fear he had felt a few days prior when he had talked of his father to Sakurako. The feeling of relief had actually motivated him to tell her everything he knew. She had proven to be as good a listener as she had been a talker. Sharing this information with her, retelling his father's stories in his own words had put his life in a different light. He had to admit that one of the reasons he had returned home early was also so he could be completely alone with Yumiko to hear the last chapter of his life story.

He reached Yumiko's house only to find it completely dark. It was too early for her to be in bed. He headed for the mansion. Part of the staff had accompanied the rest of the family to York and the remainder had been given the evening off so Kenji was completely alone when he entered the house. Not to sure where to store his hat and frock coat, he took them off and left them on a chair in the hall. Most of the lamps were off but he could hear the sound of the piano in the distance so he decided to follow it. The wooden floor creaked under his feet as he made his way through the empty corridors. It seemed that the shadows were populated with ghouls and fiends awaiting his passage to assail him. He couldn't help but shudder. He was glad to finally reach the drawing room. Light seeped through the ajar door. He walked in.

A woman, her back to him, sat at the piano. He long black hair was undone, cascading down her back to her waist. She wore a dark red robe. He body swayed with the music, which Kenji soon recognised to be Lachrimae, one of his favourite pieces. He assumed she was a servant, taking advantage of the empty house. He stood near the door and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment. When the final notes subsided, he opened his eyes and clapped. The woman jumped and turned around with a small cry. When she saw him, she jumped up, causing the bench to topple over.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

Kenji suddenly realised that this was none other than Yumiko. He had never seen her with her hair down or without makeup. He took a step forward. She backed away.

"It's me, Kenji!" he laughed.

Yumiko squinted.

"Kenji? What… I thought… " she started to laugh. He walked the few steps that separated them and set the bench straight. Yumiko kept her eyes on him the whole time, an amazed smile on her face.

"Look at you! What a transformation!"

He couldn't help but blush.

"I owe Sanosuke money now…" she mumbled.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Never you mind. I thought you were only coming back in a few days," she said. "Ai?"

He shook his head.

"They stayed behind. I just didn't feel like playing the tourist in York."

He gestured to the piano with his chin.

"I didn't know you played."

"I don't really play unless I'm all alone here. I don't normally go around dressed like this either," she said, pointing at her western style robe with a slightly embarrassed look.

He gave her the once-over.

"You look good this way."

She laughed with her hand in front of her mouth.

"My, my. You're slowly turning into an English gentleman."

xxx

Outside, night had fallen and the rain intensified. They sat by the irori, finishing their simple meal by the soft light of two lanterns. Kenji had changed into a yukata, making him even more aware of his new haircut. Yumiko had braided her hair. At first glance, they looked like imposters sitting where the true occupants of this house could normally found. Kenji liked the idea of a new self, although he would not have been able to explain it in such precise terms. He felt different and this new image was helping help settle in this new persona.

They had discussed Kenji's trip to York and Sakurako's departure but they now sat quietly. Yumiko, legs extended, arm resting on a kyosoku, nibbled at piece of apple. She shot a glance at Kenji.

"Sake," she said.

"What?"

"This is the perfect night for sake."

Without another word, she walked to the tansu, kneeled and opened one of the cupboards. All the while, she exaggerated her movements, acting a caricature of her old self. He chuckled. She sat back down, graceful uncorked the bottle and poured him a cup. He returned the favor.

"We should be drinking atsukan, but I am too lazy to warm it up. Also, you are now too English to care."

They laughed and cheered. He took a sip. It was delicious. Yumiko smiled at him.

"I used to do this every night. And I was younger than you are now! Hard to believe, I know. I haven't had a customer in such a long time! What stories should I delight you with tonight, go-shujin-sama?"

He grinned and finished his cup. She poured him another. Embolden by the alcohol, he didn't hesitate.

"I think I would like to hear the rest of my father's story."

She nodded, her face suddenly serious. She'd been waiting.

"I have had time to think since you told me about Sakurako's grandfather. As you know, I didn't wait long to tell her what I knew. But in that short moment of uncertainty, when I just couldn't decide what to do, a great fear overtook me. I can't put it into words," said Kenji

Yumiko kept silence, giving him time.

"I felt like I was about to lose everything. I had both the means to find happiness and the very tools to destroy it."

He looked her straight in the eyes.

"To be honest, I felt angry, too. Angry at my father, angry at you… but also angry at myself. Had I come so far seeking the truth only to hide it myself? I didn't notice just then, but once the fear was gone, once I was able to think clearly again, it hit me. What if my father had been in the same situation?"

Yumiko pinched her lips. He took another sip of sake and continued.

"I'm not good with this stuff, but I…" he sighed and looked away, rubbing the nape of his neck. "I know it's ridiculous, but right now I want this to be the truth more than I have ever wanted anything else."

He stared at his cup. He could feel the heat on his face. He would have been hard pressed to say if it was the sake or embarrassment.

"Kenji, I'm sorry my revelation put you in so much distress, but I'm also glad. I think you will appreciate what I'm about to tell you a whole lot more now."

She filled his cup. He filled hers. She put the bottle away.

"The war left your father scarred more than he ever admitted. However I truly believe that for the time he stayed with your mother, he found solace. Sadly, the past caught up with him."

She shifted her legs and pushed her braid behind her shoulder.

"Soon after I left for the Netherland, you father reinstituted me as his official confidant. Letters came from Japan at regular intervals. They were filled with the minutiae of daily life, nothing extraordinary but they made me happy, especially since, for the first time, I got to confide in him as well. Our epistolary relationship was like any other. That is, until the Kitakami jiken."

He frowned. Why was that vaguely familiar?

"On December 15 of the 19th year of Meiji, Kitakami Fumiaki and his family were found dead in their Tokyo residence. The official statement was that Kitakami had killed his entire family before committing seppuku. Their death was so gruesome that it even made international news. Go get me that green bible, will you?"

Kenji complied. He remembered the name now. Mothers would tell their kids Kitakami was going to come for them when they misbehaved. He handed the book to Yumiko and sat back down. She set it down next to her and shifted to grab a book of sutra from the tansu. She thumbed a few pages then, finding the one she was looking for, she carefully pulled a piece of washi and a broadsheet from the fold of two pages.

"Your father and I had developed this tactic to send each other compromising content during the war. No one bothered checking dull religious books for subversive materials."

She handed the broadsheet to Kenji. It gave a detailed account of the Kitakami murder and made it clear that the man had had dealings with the law in the past.

"That was the official version of the news. At least in Japan."

She grabbed the heavy bible and showed him the back pastedown, still torn away from the cover.

"You told me this is where the utagaruta card was hidden."

He nodded. She flipped the book over to reveal the front pastedown.

"Had you been unlucky, this is what you would have found."

Delicately, she ran her finger at the base of the spine, slowly pulling at the pastedown. After a somewhat alarming tearing sound, the rest of the card paper gave easily. Two yellowed newspaper clippings fell to the floor. She arranged them on the tatami for him to see. They were from an English newspaper based in India

Gruesome murder in the Japanese capital, read the first one.

Foul play suspected in murder of man with ties with the Ishin Revolutionaries was the title of the second one. She didn't give him time to read further.

"By chance, I received both your father's letter and the Indian newspaper clippings at the same time."

She handed him the folded piece of washi. Kenji realised he was seeing his father's handwriting for the first time.

Shiwasu 16, Meiji 19

Yumiko,

I am in shock. I knew Kitakami from the war; we were in the same kiheitai division. Although he had a good 10 years on me, he was always kind to me. The others feared me, but he took me under his wing. I hadn't seen him since joining Katura's entourage Fate made us meet again a few days ago in Asakusa. He recognised me immediately (obviously.) I was so surprised. We got to talking, and I learned that unbeknownst to me, Kitakami had also joined the hitokiri ranks for another general. Sadly, he didn't manage to leave the fray after the war and found himself the puppet of the Ishin government. He told me tales of violence, blackmail, and forced involvement in policies he simply couldn't agree with. He told me he feared for his family. He had tried to sever his ties to the Ishin only to be met with threats. We left with the promise of meeting again. He was a good man. I can't believe what they say. His daughter had just married and was expecting a child…

###########

Your friend

Himura

"I don't know what he meant to write there," she said, pointing at the line of text that had been scratched out," but he must have been really worried to censor himself. I immediately sent the bible to him, with the two hidden articles."

She handed him the English clippings. He perused them quickly. Here, the suspicion clearly fell on the Japanese government. Kitakami's gruesome role in the revolution was highlighted as well. Kenji looked at Yumiko, hanging on her lips.

"I didn't get any news from your father for a very long time. I feared the worst. What if they had intercepted the bible? What if they had found out about Kenshin's connection to Kitakami…?"

She reached for the tansu again and pulled out a large ledger. She turned the pages until she found what she was looking for then handed it to him.

"Then, in June of the following year, I got this letter."

Yayoi 23, Meiji 20

Yumiko,

Thank you for the silk. Following the incident that we know and with this confirmation of my fears, I have taken it upon myself to put as much distance as possible between Kenji, Kaoru, and myself. In the past few months, my nightmares have intensified as I pondered this conundrum. I can't bear to imagine such a gruesome fate befalling my family. Upon reflection, I realise now that my past has already endangered everyone several times. If they are ready to retaliate in this manner, I have no hope. My allies are fast disappearing. I am starting to wonder of I ever had any. I simply can't win this fight. I am completely ensnared. It is a miracle that I am still alive. I have told Kaoru-dono. I am afraid I have broken her heart again. She deserves so much better...I leave in the morning to perform an assignment I can't take the risk to refuse. I should get some sleep yet find myself unable to move as the little one is asleep in my lap.

The letter ended abruptly without a signature. Kenji set the book down with shaky hands. Yumiko gave him a wistful look and set the volume aside. He could see in her eyes that she wanted to comfort him. She didn't.

"I…" he began. The words eluded him.

Overwhelmed, he covered his face with his hands. He sighed loudly. Despite the alcohol, his mind was sharp. It all made sense now. Sanosuke's row with his father. Everyone refusing to give him any information about the past. His father's refusal to teach him Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. Every step of the way, Kenshin had tried to put as much distance as possible between himself and his son. Every step of the way, he had tried to make sure that no close connection could be established between himself and his loved ones. This sword of Damocles had dictated his every decision. His father had lived in constant fear, a fear that was beyond Kenji's understanding