She needed better windows. By four in the morning, she was usually up because her room got so cold. She could feel his arms around her. He was tense, his breathing was hard and irregular. Without looking over her shoulder she could tell he was awake. "Are you freaking out?" She whispered, almost to herself. Surely, not loud enough to be heard.
"A little." He sort of mumbled back. Of course he was up. All the signs were there. A part of her wondered if it had accidentally been him and not the cold of her bedroom that woke her up this morning. She looked over at the alarm clock radio that sat idly on the night stand next to her bed.
"Why?" She still didn't turn around in his arms. In her mind, a million options seemed to present themselves at the same time. If it was Michael or Steven, she's know what to do. She'd wiggle a little, her butt pressed up against the man behind her and that little physical reassurance would be enough to quiet their mind. But that seemed cheap here. This wasn't supposed to be that kind of night.
"I don't know." When she expected him to pull away here, he got tenser. He was actually holding her tighter. "I'm nervous. I've managed to screw everything else up since graduation. All I can hear is Red in my head telling me that I'm going to screw this up, too."
That wasn't something that she was used to. Steven needed to have his back up against a wall before he admitted that something really mattered to him. Nothing ever seemed to actually matter to Michael with the possible exception of his van. Eric had insecurities but, unlike his friends, he actually talked about them. "Did you ever think that if you put it in your head that you're going to screw something up, that's what screws it up?
"I don't know." Eric muttered into her hair. "I feel like a lot of the things that I've done since I've been back have been me trying to blow up my old life and I'm wondering if this is just a part of that."
For a second, she felt insulted. It was like he was admitting that whatever feelings he had for her weren't real. But the unease rattled around like a maraca in his chest, echoing out of his mouth with every word. He wasn't manipulative, he was lost. And even that description didn't feel good enough. She felt it when they looked at each other. When that innocent but appreciative glint in his eyes elicited one of the few genuine smiles that she had to offer lately.
Finally, she turned to face each other. "What are you actually worried about?" She knew he had specific worries. Deep down, there was a part of him that still reacted like the jumpy teenager that she'd always known.
"I've been friends with Hyde since we were like eight. I've actually been friends with Kelso longer. You're friends with Donna." Eric paused. "I'm not worried about what if we don't work. I'm worried about what if we do. There are things I want to change, but I don't want to lose everything."
Now, that made sense. That was Eric. Not that he was always seeking to make peace, although he did that, too. Just that he was a bit of a creature of habit. He could afford to be. Eric had bedrock in his life. The thought of giving that up, or even putting it in danger, would naturally scare the hell out of him. "You can't give people a say over the things that make you happy." She put a hand on his cheek. "What Steven thinks or what Donna thinks, honestly, I could care less. We don't even have to tell them, if you don't want to."
Suddenly, the conflict that she felt inside of him shifted. He no longer felt tense. "Listen, I know what they're going to say." He almost buried his chin in his chest. "We hate each other, right? We always have. They're going to think this is us trying to get back at them, that it's not real and it won't last."
"We've kissed five times." She smiled at him sleepily. "Once in my living room and four times in here before we went to bed. Maybe slow down the tape in your brain. Besides, you think that's terrifying? I'm over here stressing about what your mom is going to say."
That shut him up. It was like he hadn't even thought about Red and Kitty. Of course he knew that Red liked her. For whatever reason, Red always had. But he never thought that she had nerves. Say what you wanted to about Jackie, but after only Kelso she probably took the most burns of anyone in their group and she always stood up to them. Her shell of self-confidence always seemed plenty hard. "I don't think you have to worry about that."
"And I don't think you have to worry about what's keeping you awake." She flicked the end of his nose gently to tease him. As they exchanged smiles, her clock radio came on to let her know that it was 5:30.
It's gonna take a lotta love
To change the way things are
It's gonna take a lotta love
Or we won't get too far
She reached over to punch the snooze button on the alarm clock but before she could reach it, he pulled her in tight and gave her another quick kiss on the lips. Her lips peeled back in to a gentle smile. He had little glimpses of spontaneity that peaked through that otherwise heavily planned exterior. But he needed to be challenged for them to come out.
So if you look in my direction
And we don't see eye to eye
My heart needs protection, and so do I
She finally caught the snooze button this time. They could use a little more sleep and there really wasn't much of a need to do anything until the parade this afternoon.
BAD-TIME-TO-BE-IN-LOVE-THAT-70s-SHOW
The staging area for the Winter Carnival Parade was at one end of the main drag in Point Place, behind a gated off area in the parking lot of the Catholic Church across the street from the Viking Lodge. Eric wasn't allowed out of his dressing room, inside the Church, until the first few floats had left the staging area. No one was supposed to see Santa Claus. Being in the basement of a church with the boiler turned all the way up, made wearing the Santa suit an experience in slow cooking.
He had to hold off on having Jackie attach his moustache and beard until they were about to head outside. Over the last few weeks, he noticed that on particularly warm days at work, the sweat would loosen the costume adhesive on the beard in particular. On really warm or really busy days at the store, they'd have to swap out beards at lunch to avoid any accidents with Santa's beard falling into some poor kid's hands
Jackie stood there in kitchen in the basement of the church with Eric seated up on a counter. He looked humorously out-of-place. Santa Claus, without his beard seated between a cutting board and a double sink. "You look deep in thought." She smiled. "You know, before I started kissing you, I didn't know you did this much thinking."
He laughed and his shoulders shook. "I was flashing back to ten year-old Eric." He looked right into her eyes. "I'm watching him in my brain standing with my Mom and Dad waiting for Santa's float in this parade. I didn't think I'd be playing Santa before the seventies were over."
"Best Santa ever." Jackie stepped between his legs. "How excited was little Eric for this parade every year?"
"I used to feel like this was when I knew Christmas was really close. This and the Christmas specials like Rudolph or Little Drummer Boy." The smile on his face was sweet but sad. "It's gonna suck to go away to school next year, I think I'd do this again in a heartbeat."
"You've got a few months before that yet." Her voice dropped an octave. After last night, she'd be lying if she said that she hadn't thought about what would happen when he went to school. Madison was about an hour and a half from here. "I might still be able to play and elf next year?"
"As long as you get to keep the outfit." He arched his left eyebrow at her and she giggled.
"I thought I caught you sneaking a couple quick peaks the last couple weeks." She leaned up and gently placed a kiss on his lips.
"Now, what would some little kid think if they walked in here and saw Santa making out with one of his elves?" His voice gave off a gentle air of mocking.
"Eric, if you think this is 'making out' then we have to have a serious talk." She playfully whacked him on the shoulder. The door to the kitchen popped open and a parade planner stuck their head in.
"Fifteen minutes, Santa." He looked down at his clipboard. "If you wouldn't mind heading out to the float now."
"Alright, it's show time." Eric winked at Jackie. She reached over and picked the prosthetic moustache off the cutting board. This time, as she pressed the fake facial hair her fingertips could linger on his cheek as she sealed it down. No more did it feel like the kind of guilty impulse she could allow herself only for a few fleeting seconds here and there. When she pressed the beard along his jawline, she really took a few extra seconds. In an instant, she could make him look so old. But where he used to disappear into the costume a few days ago, she could now see him clearly. He took over the costume instead of disappearing into it.
"I've got to get out there." She gave him a quick hug. "They want your elves handing out candy canes along the parade route, Santa."
"Then I guess you have a job to do." Eric kissed her on the cheek and Jackie walked out of the church. The parking lot was mayhem. Everyone was running around making last minute alterations either to their float or their costume or their marching band. Jackie was searching for Santa's workshop. The floats were supposed to be arranged in the order of procession for the parade. That would put Santa's workshop at the back somewhere.
"You! Girl!" She heard a gruff male voice call down the aisle between the floats. She turned to see if someone was calling her. Right now, she was surrounded by a group of men dressed as nutcrackers, so it seemed likely. She turned toward the voice and pointed at herself. "Yes! You!"
A man in his early fifties with thinning hair and a near permanent scowl came hustling up to her. "Didn't you used to work for Christine St. George?"
"For like a month, a while ago." Jackie tried not to scoff at the name of her former boss.
"But you have on camera experience?" He double checked.
"Yes, I did a couple segments on the show." Jackie paused. "But, she fired me."
"Doesn't matter." He waved his hands. "My name is Ted Grant. I used to be the producer on Christine's show. Now I work for the CBS affiliate out of OshKosh. My live reporter that was supposed to be along the parade but she just sprained her ankle and busted her high heels on a patch of black ice. I need a replacement, you're it."
"I've got to be one of Santa's elves." Jackie pointed over in the general direction of where the parade float was.
"Point me at your supervisor." Ted replied. "I'll talk them into letting us have you for the afternoon." Jackie shrugged and led them over to where the float was supposed to be. Sure enough, Mrs. Wessler was there coordinating the activity. The elves were supposed to be walking alongside the float while Santa and Mrs. Claus stood and waved from Santa's sleigh. Jackie guided the man from Channel 8 over to Mrs. Wessler and tapped her on the shoulder.
"This man wants to speak with you." Jackie stepped to one side as Mrs. Wessler turned and came face to face with Ted Grant.
"Can I help you with something, sir? We're a little busy here." She made a mark on her clipboard. "Well?"
"My name's Ted Grant and I'm the News Director at Channel 8." The gruff journalist chomped on his cigar. "I just lost a reporter to a patch of black ice and I'd like to take your elf here. She's got some on-camera experience, we'll mic her up but she said she needs your permission."
With a look of resigned exasperation, Mrs. Wessler lowered her clipboard to her hip. For a few seconds, she stared at Jackie. The reality was that she could afford to spare Jackie this afternoon and Jackie had done the best to pick up the shifts when the other elves would call in sick or had a scheduling conflict. But after almost a month, she knew that she needed to have Jackie Burkhardt around to get the best out of her Santa Claus.
But she could also see the anticipation in the younger woman's eyes. "She has my blessing." Mrs Wessler pushed a smile to her lips and then headed back to final float preparations.
"Fantastic." Ted growled and he point Jackie over to where a camera man was standing by waiting for them. "We want you to walk along the parade route. There'll be a few different camera guys stationed along the way. Here's a list of the order for the floats, right around halfway through the parade, the Mayor is going to be marching with the local Rotary Club. He's scheduled to do a quick three minute interview, the questions are on the page behind the one listing the floats."
Ted lifted the page and showed Jackie the four prepared questions. She took a deep breath. "What do I do until then?"
"So, Lou and Susan are up in the broadcasting booth near the end of the parade route." Ted took the big, bulky headphones from his cameraman. "With these on, you'll be able to hear everything they're saying throughout the parade. Just listen for your name when they throw to you. When they do, just banter with them about what you're seeing. Lou or Susan will ask you questions, do your best to keep the conversation light and funny."
"I can do that." Jackie nodded as she slid the headphones on and gave her hair a toss.
"I sure hope so." Ted turned to the camera. "Use your radio and let the producer in the booth know the name of our new reporter, which is…"
"Jackie." Jackie looked up as she got used to the microphone. "Jackie Burkhardt."
"Right." Ted grunted. "Make sure they know that up in the booth." Ted pointed the stubby end of his cigar at the guy behind the camera. "Alright, kid, just try to keep up with Lou and Susan and smile a lot. This can be a real good gig and you should have some fun."
"Mr. Grant?" Jackie called after the rumpled figure in the trenchcoat.
"It's Ted, kid." He turned back to face her.
"Thank you for this." She smiled meekly at him. For a second, you could see it affect the old man. A simple smile touched with a little holiday emotion crossed his face. His gruff exterior seemed to cover for his sentimentality almost instantly. "Just pay attention to Lou and Susan in your ears. We're about to get started."
She nodded and cleared her throat. After a few seconds, she could hear the deep voice of Lou Adams ringing in her headphones. "Jackie, we're at our last commercial break before the start of the parade can you hear us down there?"
"I can, Lou." Jackie nodded and a slight terror ran up her spine. She was about to go on air. Like actually on air.
"Alright, I'm going to be the one throwing to most of your segments. Susan is going to throw to you when you interview the Mayor, though, okay." In the background of Lou's voice, she could hear the commotion in the broadcasting booth. "You're going to do fine, just remember to take deep breaths."
"Thanks." Jackie somewhat grimly answered back.
"Also, Ted says you're wearing and Elf costume." Lou added. "Make sure the camera can see it. It'll set the mood for the audience."
"Won't it make me seem unserious?" Jackie questioned.
"It's the Winter Carnival parade, that's fine." Lou chuckled into the microphone that was attached to his headset. Lou Adams was one of the most respected broadcasters in the state. He was one of the first black news anchors in the Midwest and the first in Wisconsin. His deep voice and raucous laugh made him a fixture on local TV, particularly around Christmas.
She took her jacket off and handed it to the cameraman who threw it over his shoulder. He put a hand to her ear and watched as the floats started to roll out on to the street behind her. In her ear, she could hear the dulcet tones of Lou Adams and the light, melodious voice of Susan Simons joined into welcome people in their living rooms all over suburban Wisconsin to the Point Place Winter Carnival.
"And we're pleased to bring you a new member of our Channel 8 Team, Jackie Burkhardt is along the parade route today, giving us the on the ground scoop on today's parade." Lou paused and Jackie took a quick breath. "Jackie, how does the parade look today?"
"It's going to be the longest ever for Point Place, Lou." Jackie answered. "This year we have a record 37 floats, 4 marching bands including the Point Place High Vikings and later on, we're going to have a very special visitor all the way from the North Pole."
"Oh that sounds like one heck of a party you have on your hands down there, Jackie. We'll check in with you later to see how things are shaping up." Susan Simons chimed in. "Welcome to the Channel 8 Team!"
With that, the cameraman lowered the camera and Jackie took another deep breath. "Well?" She asked him for a quick review.
"I think Ted's going to tell me the camera loves you." He answered with a grin and they started walking the parade route.