A/N: The last one wasn't very Vauseman, so here's a little bonus chapter. I'm going to massage my poor fingertips for a while now. Have a great weekend everyone!
Piper was happy to spend most of Saturday alone with her Grandma at her house. She helped to tidy up the garden from the recent high winds that had scattered debris over the lawn and insisted on helping her with the cleaning, reaching into all the high places with ladders with a duster. She had a lovely day with just the two of them and briefly considered going straight home and avoiding the trip to see her parents for fear it might spoil the weekend. Alas, they already knew she was in the state, so she headed over to face the music and was relieved to find that Cal and Neri had also come over for dinner, lessening the pain.
Monday morning was running day with Pete and he picked her up at 6:30 sharp for the short trip to the park. Piper found it adorable that Pete was asking her what Polly's favourite food and wine were so that he could plan a surprise meal for her later this week. He wanted to do everything right and make her best friend feel special. Piper was so happy that Polly had found someone like that and she really liked Pete. He'd been there to support Piper and cheer her up when he had absolutely no obligation to. She was reminded of the time when Polly had insisted Piper took the day off for a spa day to prepare for a night out and wondered whether she should suggest that Polly did the same. It made her stomach turn to think what happened to Piper the night after being treated like a Princess in the spa all day though and she shook the thoughts away. Pete offered her another free month pass for the gym when her current card expired later this week, by way of thanks for giving him some tips for Polly's special night. Piper put up a tiny fight just for show, but she snapped his hand off with the chance to continue to go to the gym and classes. She planned on heading to yoga later before talking to Alex.
Getting back home to shower, she decided to close the door to the bathroom but not lock it. It was a first, but she could kid herself into thinking it looked locked to any potential intruder. She never took her eyes off the door handle all the while she was washing, but she managed it a smiled at her small win.
She tried the same thing that night when she got back from yoga and was towelling her hair dry when Alex texted to ask if she was ready.
"Hey, you survived a weekend with the Chapmans!" Alex waved at the camera.
"Hi Alex. I did. I can't tell you how. I'd have to kill you."
"And there's no space for a third body in your murder plot?"
"Nope. Strictly limited space. It's the way it goes with pre-meditated you know." Piper shrugged.
"I see you showered? How was it?"
"OK. I closed the door but didn't lock it. Twice today in fact, so baby steps right?"
"Baby steps is good. You feel OK?"
"Yeah, not as nervous as I thought. I watched the door, but I didn't have the anxiety that I sometimes get, so that was a relief."
"Cool. Are you gonna keep trying that and see how it goes then?"
"Yeah. I was going to ask you something though."
"OK, shoot."
"I still have Nicky's key for your place….And I was wondering if you'd mind if I tried the shower at your apartment?" Piper chewed her lip as she made the suggestion, feeling silly.
"Erm…..well I don't mind you going over to my place. But do you think that's a bit of a jump from where you are right now?"
"What, like a long way to go for a shower?"
"No. I mean it's showers that aren't your own that cause you the anxiety right?"
"Well, yeah. That's why I have to push myself."
"I don't know Pipes. What if you have a panic attack and there's nobody there to help you?"
"Maybe I can call you?"
"You can, but what if I don't hear it or I don't pick up before you flake out? I don't want you unconscious on the floor."
"How about if I just go and sit in it. No water. I'll just sit in the shower."
"When are you planning on trying this?"
"Tomorrow night?"
"Alright." Alex looked at her watch. "Do it after 8pm and I'll call you. I'd feel better if I could see you are OK. The internet passcode is by the TV and I'll text you the alarm code alright?"
"Yeah. Thanks."
They spoke for a while longer about Alex's plans for the rest of the week with her meetings and what things she had seen in London over the weekend. Piper told her about the meeting with John and the opportunity to get involved in the local trade events through Kevin and Alex was delighted for them both. She just needed to get the green light for the funding now and Polly was supposed to be setting that up for next week with their investor.
"I'm sure the money won't be a problem Pipes. If John says you've got a solid business case, you're on to a good idea."
XXXXX
Despite her bravery at suggesting going over to Alex's place last night, Piper was nervous all day about being there on her own. She knew her fears were irrational and there was good security at the apartment, but it didn't stop her from feeling sick as she parked her car and pressed for the elevator. Arriving on the top floor, the corridor was eerily quiet and she felt strange knowing that Alex wouldn't be inside waiting for her. She opened the door and entered the code to switch the alarm off before closing it and switching the lights on. The sense of comfort she felt from seeing Alex's coats hung on the hooks, her well-thumbed books on the shelves was unexpected. She had expected to feel like a creep stalker, walking around someone else's apartment when she knew they wouldn't be home. But she didn't feel like that at all. She wandered through to look into the bathroom where her shower nemesis awaited and put the light on. She shivered at the monster lurking in the corner. She'd get to that later. Switching the light off again, she made her way upstairs into Alex's bedroom and saw clothes strewn over the bed that she had decided not to take with her for the trip. Piper picked up a cashmere sweater and lifted it to her face. It smelled faintly of Alex, but mostly of detergent. Moving to the dresser, she picked up a bottle of perfume and smelled it. It wasn't a scent that reminded her of Alex. Putting the bottle back down, she ran her hands along the bed clothes until she reached the pillow, where she sat on the comforter and picked it up. She knew Alex slept on this side from the couple of time she had stayed over and the fact the brunette always preferred to sleep on this side, with Piper curled in next to her as they slept together. Bringing the pillow to her face, she buried her nose in the unique scent of Alex and filled her lungs to the point of bursting. If she could have held her breath and locked that away inside of her, she would. She had to breathe out eventually and put the pillow back down to lie against it.
"Fuck, I miss having you here."
Piper closed her eyes and concentrated all of her senses on inhaling the scent of Alex and feeling as close to her as she could get right now.
"How is that you can jump back into my life after 4 years and I'm like an addict craving a fix when you've only been gone for a week Alex Vause? How do you do this to me? What mind altering, no – life altering drug are you?"
She jumped a foot into the air when the phone next to the bed started ringing a few minutes later.
"Jesus Christ!" She put her hand to her chest as she reached out for the handset.
"Hello?"
"There you are! Are you OK?" Alex sounded frantic.
"Alex! Hi! Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?"
"You were supposed to call me at 8….I've been calling your cell for half an hour, there was no answer at your place and you're not online on Skype. I was worried you'd had a panic attack."
Piper check her watch, it was 8:45pm.
"Shit! Sorry Al. I left my bag downstairs."
"Downstairs? Where are you?"
"Erm…..lying on your bed?" Piper winced at how creepy that sounded.
Alex laughed. "OK….."
"Anyway, sorry. Time got away from me apparently. I'm really not creeping around your apartment like a crazy ex-girlfriend….except I totally am, aren't I? Shit. It sounds worse than it is. I'm not masturbating over your bed sheets if that's any consolation."
"It definitely isn't." Alex chuckled.
"I'll head to the shower now and do what we agreed I would be doing shall I?"
"That would be good."
"Right. Yeah. On my way. Wait – did you want to Skype? This must be costing you a fortune!" Piper suddenly realised she was chit chatting over the Atlantic.
"Yeah, get your iPad set up on my internet and call me back OK?"
"I will. Sorry!"
Piper took a few minutes to get set up and dialled Alex on Skype to check it was working.
"Hi stalker Chapman, you ready to creep in my shower?" Alex smiled, eyebrow raised.
Piper walked into the bathroom, putting the light on and closing the door behind her.
"Look, you're making it sound worse than it is. I was just making sure the place was OK while you're away. I'm practically house sitting for you right now."
"I don't see shower tiles yet. Are you in?"
"Yes. I'm there. This is pretty fucking ridiculous isn't it?"
"You pretending you weren't nosying around my apartment?"
"No. Sitting in your shower fully clothed while we video chat."
"Oh. That. Well, we're taking baby steps right?" Alex shrugged.
"Yes, we are."
"How does it feel?"
"A bit stupid."
"You want to push it?"
"How?"
"I don't know. Unlock the bathroom door?"
"OK." Piper stood and unlocked the door, returning to sit on the shower floor again.
"Still OK?"
"Yep."
"Cool. Not as nervous as you thought then?"
"No. I think talking to you is helping."
"Glad I can be useful sometimes."
"You're always useful. More than useful. You're my rock." Piper smiled and blushed a little.
"So what were you doing in my bed?" Alex smirked.
"I wasn't in your bed. I was on it. Big difference."
"Really? Explain that difference to me because I'm not sure."
"I was…tired. Suddenly."
"Suddenly tired you say? So why didn't you get in the bed? Why didn't you get inside my bed Pipes?" Alex smirked again and Piper felt herself blushing.
"Urgh. You're insufferable sometimes."
"And you're avoiding the question. Still doing good in the shower?"
"Yep, still feeling stupid sitting in my clothes in the shower. Fun old time I'm having."
"Have you got your shoes on?"
"No, I took them off at the door. Why?"
"Take your socks off then."
"Why?"
"It's about vulnerability, right? You're more vulnerable when your skin is exposed. You want to try it?"
"OK." Piped put the iPad to one side and took her socks off.
"Still OK?"
"Yeah, still OK."
"What next?"
"You want me to take more clothes off?"
"That's a question you never need to ask. I meant what do you want to do now? Close the door to the shower maybe?"
"Oh. Um….OK." She slid the door closed and stood in the shower now.
"How is that?"
"My heart is racing a bit because I'm watching you and the door at the same time now."
"OK. Well keep breathing and keep talking to me. Can you see me and hear me if you put the iPad on the sink outside the shower?"
"I don't know….I can try…." Piper managed to balance the iPad against the taps so she could still see the screen.
"You OK?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good."
"What are you wearing?"
"Alex….."
"Can you get your mind out of the gutter for once Chapman? I meant are you wearing anything you can't get wet? Like a watch or some super expensive dry clean only clothes?"
"I can take my watch off….why?"
"Because I wondered if you wanted to try standing in the shower with your clothes on so you weren't as vulnerable as if you were naked, but you had the unlocked door and a new shower away from home. Ticks a lot of progress boxes. But if it's too much…."
"No. I can do that. I will try and do that. Don't go anywhere OK?"
"I don't want to push you too much Pipes. Just tell me if you don't want to do this. Only you know how you're really feeling right now. You've already done a lot tonight."
"I want to try Alex. I want to try with you…..I'm gonna…..I'm gonna see if I can do it without my jeans."
"Pipes, don't go too far with this. We don't need to…."
Piper was already out of the shower and taking her watch and jeans off quickly. Her heart was racing as she leaned over to switch the shower on to warm up the water.
"Pipes? You OK? Come over here and look at me will you?" Piper picked the iPad up and brought her face towards the screen more so she could be heard over the water.
"I will be quick. Just a minute is all. I need to do this Al. Just….talk to me. Tell me what you ate for dinner tonight."
Alex started speaking and Piper walked under the warm water, closing the door behind her gently. Her hands were shaking and she stared at the door as though she could keep it locked with the power of her mind alone. She stood under the water and breathed through her nose and out through her mouth, counting to 60. She could really hear what Alex was saying, but she could hear her voice and it was soothing. Reaching to 60, she switched the shower off and burst out of the door for a towel.
"I did it Al! I did it!"
"What? You started already?! Fuck Pipes, I thought we were going to count down or something! Are you OK?"
Piper wrapped a towel around her shaking body and picked up the iPad, a massive grin pulled across her face.
"I did it. 60 seconds, bare legs and running water with an unlocked door!" Piper looked like she had won the lottery.
"Awesome. That's my girl. Fucking awesome Pipes." Alex grinned back at her with tears in her eyes.
They said goodnight and switched off so that Piper could get dried and changed into some of Alex's clothes. Alex had insisted she slept in her bed tonight so she didn't catch a cold by trying to go home now it was so late and Piper was only too glad to accept the offer. The chance to sleep on Alex's pillow tonight would top a great day off and she slid into the sheets for a particularly restful night of dreams.