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Note: So I've decided to give this story a shot and I'll try to show how Holly and Gail will deal with the new situation. Be warned I don't have a beta yet, so there will be a few errors.
The cold air of the night helped to clear her mind, while she was leaning against Holly's front door. Tears were burning hot on her face. Gail knew this was the right decision, but that didn't stop her from hurting, because she was leaving the person behind she loved. Holly was the sweetest, most amazing person she had ever met. She was unbelievably sexy, but also smart and caring. The brunette had accomplished something that nobody had ever done before, she somehow managed to get past her defense-mechanism Gail had built around herself. She didn't know when it happened, but it did. And Gail was glad she did, because Holly had shown her that there was someone who actually loved her as a person and accepted her, no need for the icy masquerade she had to put on on a daily basis. She gave her the feeling that her vulnerability wasn't a weakness. It was simply human, to let herself go sometimes and let someone else take care for her once in a while. And so she did. The doctor checked on her on the day Ford was running amok. She took care of her when she freaked out in the bathroom cutting all her hair. She helped her sleep at the night, when the nightmares returned because of the Ford incident. She was simply there for her. Gail hadn't experienced something like that.
Gail chuckled at the thought of her parents. They weren't there when she needed them. Nick and Chris they tried to be there, but she somehow couldn't let them. She didn't know why. Maybe because she knew that they weren't right for her.
But Holly she was different. More surprising was that even after all this time Holly had given her a second chance, because Holly loved her. Weeks ago Gail would have jumped at the opportunity, but not anymore.
She was sacrificing her relationship with Holly for Sophie, but she needed this. Gail needed something good and pure in her life and if she would at least try to make this work with Sophie, if she got through with the adoption, otherwise she would regret it for the rest of her life.
Finally, Gail brought up the energy to leave Holly's porch, brushing the tears away. Wondering what her future would bring to her and if she was given the chance to be a mom to Sophie, she walked to her car. She wanted them both, Sophie and Holly, but she was only human and juggling a relationship and being a mother at the same time, was deemed for failure, at least in her case, because she had a lot growing up to do on her own.
A few months ago it was unthinkable of her to adopt a child. The blonde was wandering aimlessly through her life without ambition, like her mother used to say. She didn't even want to think about the future at that point, because the plan her mother had for her was not hers at all. Gail didn't know what she wanted. Now, it was different. She wanted Sophie to be in her life. The adoption process would be hard and she didn't want to get up her hopes so much, but she had to try anyway.
The lights were flowing past her quickly. Gail drove purly on autopilot still deep in thought. She felt like she was leaving a part of herself behind, but at somepoint the blonde would get over it. It felt like she was missing a limb, but it would fade at some point she was sure of it.
Holly sat at the table starring out of the window into the dark of the night. The last month had been horribly, it was a constant struggle to get her life back, to get over Gail. She had known from the beginning that Gail was special. The brunette had never met someone like her before. This unapproachable woman with the prickly exterior who was also kind and soft and so full of love at the same time. She couldn't think of enough words to describe her. Gail was simply amazing. The time with her was one of the most exciting times in her life.
Holly was in the front row to witness the change in her ex-girlfriend. It was small, but it was there and she had seen it and it had amazed her nonetheless. God, she loved this woman and it was nearly killing her that the path in both lifes was so different that they couldn't be together.
But Holly couldn't be a mother, at least not right now. It was simply too much. She had studied for a long time and despite sounding extremely selfishly she wanted to live her life a little bit before she would take the responsibility of a child. It wasn't for her right now, she just wanted to take care of her own life and if she would pursue this relationship with Gail, she would have no choice but to be involved. Gail wouldn't be able to handle the demanding task to manage both of them alone.
Holly accepted her decision and she knew it was the right one, but it felt so incredibly wrong because she was yearning after her and her heart told her to make up with Gail, to beg her not to leave her.
Both of them had ruined their relationship, there was no denying that. Gail by leaving her in front of her friends without even giving the opportunity to talk about it and Holly by didn't giving her a second chance, when Gail was finally able to get over herself. This was what she regretted the most, not giving Gail a second chance, when the blonde tried to apologize. But she was simply too late. Holly had started to date again and the moment Gail stood in front of her saying those incredibly words. She was proud of her nontheless, but she couldn't just dump the woman she was with, to throw herself back into the arms of the blonde. It was not who she was.
With denying her the chance to apologize, she had forced the officer to open up to her and she was glad Gail did. But at the time it wasn't enough and now it was too late.
Yesterday Holly had been so glad that Gail appeared to be willing to make things right, but it was just the heat of the moment. The reason the brunette went to the station with that terrible excuse for a lie was to talk to her, but she hadn't seen her in so long, that she needed to feel her. Her self-control had been very low, because she was so worked up by bringing up the nerve to show up at the station and the fact that she tried to imagine how Gail would react had influenced her behavior, too.
When she laid eyes on her, the surprise evident in Gail's face, she could barely stop herself from kissing her in the hallway. When the door of the interrogation room was closed there was no stopping her. She needed to feel her and that's what she did, those lips and those softness everything came crashing down and she felt alive again. Holly had skipped one step, it was a bad habbit she had. In all parts of her life she was calm and cool, but when it came to her love life, she sometimes skipped steps or handled situations so badly. That's how she messed up her relationship before Gail, too.
Holly brushed her tears away and took the untouched diner, she had prepared back into the kitchen. That was not something she had imagined at all. Life was so unpredictable sometimes.