A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter. I've had a few different people leave comments about their own stories relating to this storyline and I'm really touched to hear I'm treating the subject with sensitivity. To the reviewer who told me about massages in therapy, yes I do plan to take your suggestion and thanks so much for making it. Making it authentic and using real advice helps to keep things real and allow healing. It has been hard writing this chapter because I wanted it to be longer, but that would mean a longer wait. So, I've stayed up late especially for you tonight (it's my birthday!) so I can at least post a short update. Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I hope you like it ;-)
Piper's arms were aching from the glove work with Jess last night, but it was an ache that reminded her that she hadn't drunk anything, hadn't lashed out at anyone and hadn't sat alone in the dark crying. It was a triumphant ache as far as she was concerned and she didn't mind being reminded of it as she lifted her arms to tidy the higher shelves up on Saturday morning. She had the radio on in the background, but enjoyed the time alone, save for the clusters of customers that came and went throughout the day. She hadn't heard from Alex since yesterday and her instinct was caught between wanting to text her and wanting to let the brunette call first – be the fly Piper! She'd been so pleased with the progress they had made on Thursday night and waking up with Alex stroking her hair on Friday morning felt so good, so right. She didn't want to let any distance develop, like the ground might have to be made up again if she didn't put a stake in the ground and keep it there. It was really starting to hit home just how much she needed Alex and how she felt a little hollow whenever her girlfriend wasn't going to be around.
She had to start ignoring the nagging 'what ifs' and start to relax a bit more if she was going to let Alex into her life properly. All of those thoughts and actions had been proven mostly wrong – and even when Alex had done something bad, it was usually for a legitimate reason. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she decided to send her a quick text message.
'Hi Alex. I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place later, maybe bring your pyjamas and sleep over? ;-)'
She hit send and then quickly sent a follow up message.
She grinned as a reply came back quickly.
'What time? x"
'6pm and I'll cook dinner too? X'
'You had me at 'pyjamas', but you just sealed the deal. Shall I bring anything – other than sexy lingerie? ;-) x'
'No, just your hot self. X'
'Goes without saying. See you later. X'
Piper shut the store briefly for lunch and headed to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients, buying a cookery book and following the recipe as she walked around the store with it. She ran back to the store, laden with bags, to find Polly had opened up again and was leaning against the counter.
"Hey, I promise I was only gone an hour tops!" Piper gasped as she dropped the bags in the office and came back through, rubbing her aching arms.
"It's OK, I'm not spying on you. I just thought I'd call in and see you is all."
"Riiiiiight….should I be worried?"
"No. I just wanted to check we're good. I was a bit stressed out yesterday and Pete said I was a bitch to you on the phone last night….Was I?"
"Yes, but I will forgive you." Piper shrugged and stretched her neck from side to side.
"Good session at the gym last night?"
"Yeah, I beat the shit out of some padded gloves. You ought to try it. Apparently it makes you less of a bitch." Piper smiled sweetly. "Coffee?"
XXXXX
Alex dropped Nicky back home on Saturday afternoon before heading into the office to do some paperwork. She was looking forward to seeing Piper later, but was equally dreading the unavoidable topic of the investment meeting. Making excuses to not go tonight would be pointless as she'd only sit home alone and wonder what Piper would have cooked her for dinner. She had been telling Piper to try harder with actions instead of words, so it was only fair that she gave her every opportunity to do exactly that. She closed up the office and headed home to shower and change into some skinny black jeans and a cashmere sweater, wearing some light make up. She arrived outside Piper's place at 5:45 with her overnight bag by her feet and a bunch of flowers behind her back as she knocked on the door.
"Hey, you're early! Too excited to wait any longer?" Piper grinned as she leaned forward to kiss Alex quickly on the lips.
"I've pretty much been sitting on the stoop since you said you were cooking. I was worried there might be a queue to see this amazing event." Alex presented her with the flowers and stepped inside.
"Aw, thank you. These are beautiful Al."
"Well, I was shocked to see there were any left after you cleared out the wholesalers yesterday." Alex grinned as she took her coat off.
"Yep, I pretty much have a regular pollen apology payment these days. It's an 'apollengy'."
"You ought to consider an apology for that joke."
"You want a drink?"
"What are you having?"
"Water. I'm being good. But don't feel that you have to. I've got beer or wine in the fridge."
"I'll have a beer thanks." Alex followed Piper to the kitchen. "Mmm, looks good so far. Can I help with anything?"
"It's OK. I've got it covered."
Alex moved to stand close behind her and peered over her shoulder at the recipe. "What's on the menu then? Tarragon chicken….I'm impressed."
"I hope you'll still be impressed when it comes back out of the oven." Piper turned to kiss Alex's cheek as the brunette dipped to rest her chin on Piper's shoulder and circle her waist with her arms as Piper chopped herbs.
"I'm sure I will be."
Piper prepared three courses and pointedly refused to let Alex lift even a finger, instead having her sat on the opposite side of the breakfast bar drinking her beer throughout the cooking. She set the table and lit a candle before they settled down to eat, turning the rest of the lights out and putting a random playlist on her phone through the speaker.
"Is it too dark? Can you see your plate? I'll put a lamp on if you.-"
"It is kinda dark, but it feels like we're playing house in a power cut, so I like it." Alex answered, smiling at Piper's fidgeting and putting her hand over Piper's to stop her from getting up.
"It's not too cheesy?"
"It's nice. Really. It looks amazing Pipes."
"Well it might not-"
"It tastes amazing too." Alex stopped her and smiled when she saw Piper pulling her hair behind her ear for the 10th time as they were sitting down. "This bruschetta topping is the bomb. Have you made it before?"
"Um, no. I just got the recipe for it actually."
"Good choice."
They ate quietly for a while and Alex was increasingly aware of how anxious Piper was as she fussed over clearing the table and topping up drinks, not sitting still for too long. Alex tried to calm her a little with small talk about the food or how the construction work was progressing on the offices. She was conscious about brining work up as it might give cause to talk about PoPi or the rehab programme, so she tried to stick to safer topics. They finished their dessert and Piper was already clearing away the plates and insisting that Alex stay seated while she wash everything up.
"Pipes, please let me do that. You've done everything tonight and I'm starting to feel like a Diva sitting here. Come on, give me the drying job at least will you?" Piper relented and they cleared things away as Alex asked about how Piper was getting on at the gym lately. That seemed to take her mind off her nerves as she talked about the exercise classes she wanted to get involved with and the tension dissipated a little.
"So, um I thought we could watch a movie or something now. I've got some popcorn too."
Alex chuckled as she dried her hands on the towel and dropped it by the sink. "Only you would have an itinerary for a night in."
"That obvious huh?" Piper blushed and went to wipe the kitchen top again when Alex stopped her by stroking her arm.
"What is it?"
"Hmm?"
Alex took both of her hands in her own and turned Piper to face her. "You don't need to be nervous, OK?"
Piper scoffed and pulled her hands away. "You think I'm nervous?! Seriously?!"
"I do. But it's OK. There's nothing to be nervous about." Alex stroked her fingers over the blonde's back that she was now facing as Piper busied herself with pouring another glass of water.
"I'm not nervous Alex."
"Alright. Just seemed like you were. You can talk to me you know." Alex moved behind her again as Piper didn't turn to face her.
"I know." Piper relaxed into Alex's body as the taller woman nuzzled her hair as she spoke again.
"That was a really nice dinner you just cooked."
"Thank you. " Piper moved her arms over the top of Alex's, resting around her stomach.
"I'll let you do it again sometime."
"I might just do that, since you're such a well behaved guest."
"I am. Let me show you just how well-behaved I can be." Alex placed a sweet kiss below her ear before releasing her hold and taking Piper's hand, pulling her away from the kitchen. "Dance with me. But let me find something suitable…Wait right there OK?" Alex smiled and went to scroll through Piper's playlist, before grinning and looking up at Piper. "I can't believe you've got a 'cleaning tunes' playlist…" She turned the music up and hit play as the opening bars of Maxine Nightingale's 'Right back to where we started from' had Piper breaking into laughter. Alex sashayed back to her, theatrically miming the vocals and held her hand out to twirl Piper around. The pair of them mimicked some of the dance moves that Diane used to use when she was dancing to this on a Sunday morning whilst doing the dishes. Although Alex used to groan and roll her eyes when it was blaring through the kitchen so early on the weekend, Piper would join in and learn the moves, the pair of them comically singing into spoons and making Alex laugh as she waved them away from her. They span and shimmied their way through the song, laughing as they went until it faded and something slower came on.
Stopping in front of the sofa, Alex drew Piper closer to her. She moved her fingers slowly around the slim woman's hips, stroking her thumbs over the front of her pelvis. Piper reached up and slid her arms around the taller woman's neck, sliding her open fingers into the dark hair at the back of her head.
"That's the first time I've ever seen you willingly dance to that."
"Yeah, well you've had more than enough practice for both of us. Mom would be so proud of those zig-zag finger points." Alex grinned before leaning down to kiss Piper's forehead.
"I learned from the Master. That was fun." Piper pulled Alex towards her again for another kiss as the slow song played.
"Me too." Alex slipped her arms fully around Piper and pressed their bodies together as they swayed slowly. Piper leaned into the crook of Alex's neck and the taller woman rested her lips in her blonde hair as they moved slowly to the music.
"I've had a really nice night tonight with you Al."
"Yeah, it's been nice just the two of us."
"I was a bit nervous earlier…..I met with Julie this morning and she was suggesting things I could try to…you know….help us get closer. I had this whole night planned out that would end up with us trying some stuff…." Piper could feel her face heating up and was relieved Alex couldn't see it from her position.
"What kind of stuff?"
"Well….I brought some massage oils home."
"Massage? Hmm I like the sound of that." Alex stroked her fingertips in small circles over the top of Piper's tee shirt at the base of her back. "Were you looking for a volunteer? Because I've got to tell you, I'm an excellent volunteer for massage. You really won't find anyone more suited to the job." Alex carried on soothing Piper's back as the song changed to another slow one and Piper moved her hands to stroke Alex's neck gently.
"It was a suggestion from Julie. To help build trust and intimacy. You don't think it's a bit cliché?"
"No, I don't. I think it's a nice way to relax." Alex pulled away from Piper a little so she could see her face before continuing. "Pipes, is that why you were nervous before?"
"Yeah, I guess. Everything was leading up to that tonight. I just don't want you to feel like you're dating some 16 year old virgin."
Piper had expected Alex to laugh at that comment, but instead the brunette looked stern when she responded.
"I don't. Don't ever think that." Alex pulled back a little so she could see Piper's face, but the blue eyes were focused on something behind her.
"Piper, I mean that. Look at me please?"
The blonde sighed, angry with herself for saying anything because now Alex was making a big deal out of this.
"I want to be with you Pipes. I want to be there for you, to comfort you, look after you, to love you. I have no expectations for sex. Zero. You've been through a Hell of an ordeal and you need to get through that by working with Julie and getting this trial over with." Alex stroked her fingers across Piper's cheek, before tilting her chin up to look into her eyes.
"OK."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"What is?"
"You don't want to sleep with me because I'm damaged. I get it." Piper shrugged before breaking free of her embrace and striding to turn the music off. "I'm pretty tired now, so I'm heading to bed. You can stay up and watch some TV if you like. There's still a few beers in the fridge." She turned to walk to the bathroom and close the door. Alex followed and stood at the other side of the door.
"Piper. I didn't say that. That's pretty much the exact opposite of what I was saying actually. Were you even listening to me back there?"
Only silence came from the other side of the door and Alex was damned if she was going to stand there pleading with the blonde to listen to an explanation for the second or third time that week. She went to get another beer out of the fridge and sat on Piper's bed, waiting for the blonde to return.
"I thought you were done with this?"
"What?"
"Jumping to the worst conclusions about me. I thought you said you'd try. That you'd communicate better and talk to me about things instead of going off at the deep end."
"I did say that and I'm listening." Piper stood in the doorway, arms crossed over the tee shirt she had changed into for bed.
"I'm not guilty until I prove myself innocent here. Can you just rewind a minute and think about what I just said in there? I said I wasn't rushing you. I said I was mindful of the trauma you've experienced. I said I want to be there for you and be with you."
"All of which I could get from a friend Alex."
"I don't understand why you're pissed with me? I thought that was exactly what you needed from me right now. Can you just tell me in plain words because I'm missing something here?"
Piper moved from the doorway to sit on the edge of the bed before speaking quietly.
"I don't want you to be my friend Alex….I want you to be my lover."
Alex stared back at her, the stinging sensation in her eyes eventually reminding her to blink.
"All of that support you just talked about is nice, great in fact. But I could get that from Julie, from Polly, Steve, Cal, or Pete for that matter."
Alex's eyes were searching for an answer that she didn't have and she stayed quiet.
"I want closeness Alex. I want intimacy…..I want to touch and be touched. I want to be wanted….desired…I want someone to look at me, feel me as though I were a stream of cool water in the desert. I want to feel your fingers running over my skin, lighting up every nerve ending and goose pimple as they glide over my body. I want you to look at me like I was the first meal you'd had in weeks and devour every inch of me. I want to feel your mouth against my ear, whispering the dirty things you're going to do to me and making me press my thighs together in anticipation."
Alex swallowed at hearing Piper's words. Her heart was beating furiously now and her breath was uneven as she heard Piper tell her that she wanted her. She wanted to be fucked by her.
"You have no idea what it feels like to be with you and know what you're capable of making my body feel. How you've nurtured it to respond and need your touch over years of fine tuning…Only to become a museum piece encased in a glass display, now only looked upon as an exhibit by the master musician…I want you to want me Alex. To want me like you used to want me. I want you to look at me with that lust and hunger in your eyes in a crowded room and know we'd be leaving for either a bathroom stall or the back seat of a car any moment."