One minute.
Eren's face is cherry red, his head is pounding and his breath is coming in pants. His pulse is drumming in his ears and he feels light-headed.
Levi thinks he looks like he's just cum.
Except for that fact that he's upside down, Eren is the very picture of post-coital bliss.
He himself probably looks the same. There's only so much composure one can maintain when hanging upside down from a church ceiling.
Hopefully though, Eren will just give up already, and Levi can claim his reward. There's no way he's going to lose to this brat, not when it was said brat's stupid idea to put this on their list.
Besides, he wants Eren to fuck him.
It's a big problem when both you and your boyfriend like to bottom. Which is why Levi stipulated rewards for their bucket list. He's confident he'll be able to claim all the rewards anyway - Eren might be 18 now, but Levi's got almost a decade on him and youth is no match for experience.
Or was it age is no match for beauty? He's never been good at these stupid idioms, no matter how much Erwin is fond of spouting them at him.
It's been 2 minutes by the church clock.
By now, Eren's got to be feeling it. There's no way he isn't getting ready to give up, not looking like all the blood in his body has rushed to his head. He looks like a cherry tomato, ripe and ready to burst.
He definitely can't last much longer.
Reassuring himself with that thought, Levi tries to catch Eren's eye.
Which is difficult, since both of them are screwed shut while he chants something under his breath.
Is the idiot counting?
"Oi. Brat."
Eren gulps, or swallows, or attempts to. Mostly, he just makes a sound like a dying cat, the way he did when he saw Levi wearing a garter belt for the first time.
His eyes are still shut though, and it's annoying.
Reaching his hands up to his pants, Levi carefully unbuttons the pocket and removes a small piece of paper. It's Erwin's list of errands, the one he's meant to be completing now. He feels absolutely no regret in scrunching it up into a tiny ball. In fact, it gives him a perverse sense of pleasure.
Smirking, he narrows his eyes at the dangling boy behind him. This will be harder upside down, but he's sure he can do it…
There! The ball of paper hits Eren squarely in the forehead, and he jumps slightly and opens his eyes to meet Levi's shitfaced grin.
"Answer me next time," Levi chides.
Eren grimaces back at him. Oh, this is fun.
"So, brat," he continues cheerily, "How's it hanging up there?"
Let no-one say that Levi doesn't do humor. He's hilarious and underappreciated. Severely underappreciated, judging by the sound of Eren's groan.
"You know, you look like you've just cum," he adds.
Wow. He didn't think it was possible for Eren to blush anymore with all the blood already in his cheeks, but apparently there was still some blood just hanging around.
You'd think with all that blood going to his brain, the brat would at least be capable of speech.
Levi thinks some encouragement is needed.
"Come on, brat. Did you lose your voice? Maybe it fell out when you flipped upside down."
All this blood going to his brain is making him strangely giddy. He feels like he's floating, something he hasn't experienced since he stopped taking pot when he was 19.
Back then, if he'd known that hanging upside down from church rafters would give him the same sensation as smoking pot, he'd have spent his lifetime living in high-ceilinged abbeys. Erwin would have had an easier time of it when he found him in the rafters anyway, rather than finding him in a back alley selling his body for drugs.
Those were dark days. Levi doesn't really like to think about them; they make him cringe, the way embarrassing memories of his twelvie days do. It's just as well that Eren never asks about his youth.
Levi's glad that Eren is the age he is, sometimes. It means he can see his own fucked up childhood in perspective.
An upside down perspective, he thinks, giggling a little.
This position is really getting to him. The giggle has been enough to catch Eren's attention, and his widened green eyes are fixed on Levi with an upside down expression of incredulity.
This only makes Levi giggle a little more.
Eren is looking extremely concerned now, and seems to be struggling to form words.
"Levi?"
Ah, so the brat can speak. Levi was beginning to worry there.
He gives Eren a grin and says, "Congratulations!"
"We can stop if you're not feeling well, Levi." Eren actually looks so concerned for him, bless his naïve little soul.
Why should they stop? Levi sees no reason to stop. He's feeling giddy and happy and wants to reach out and take Eren's hand.
Why hasn't he ever told this brat that he loves him?
Eren should know, though. How could anyone not love the adorable, green bundle of concern hanging upside down from the rafters? But maybe he should tell him, all the same. Levi remembers being stupid and having to have everything told to him at that age. He makes a mental note to show Eren just how much he loves him later.
Maybe, if he does, they can hang off rafters more often. Levi's having fun.
3 minutes.
Just then, Eren's hands slip from where he's being holding them at his waist, and the expanse of fabric that he's been holding up billows over his head.
His Survey Corps cape, green and winged, is hanging over his head like an inverted teacup.
Levi can't help it. He giggles again. And some more. And before he knows it, he's in full blown hysterics on the rafter.
He's laughing so hard his eyes have shut, his stomach is cramping and he can barely breathe, but he feels more alive than he has in years.
He's aware that Eren is flailing about and yelling at him, arms tangling in the folds of the cloak as he tries to right himself, but he doesn't care.
The last time he laughed like this, he was high on weed. That was years ago, and then Erwin turned up and set him and Hanji straight.
Sometimes Levi wonders if it was worth it, losing the ability to laugh like this.
The thought is sobering, and he manages to catch his breath and – finally – ease the cramping in his stomach.
Sometime during his hysterical fit, Eren has managed to right himself and is sitting up on his rafter. The red has faded from his face, but the puppy dog expression of concern is still there.
Well, not concern, per se. Now its more like bewildered amusement. Eren really is a puppy dog sometimes. Levi's been called a cat. A fussy, petite cat, in Hanji's ecstatic words. When Eren heard that, he laughed for days.
But Levi's the one laughing now. He's still hanging around, while Eren is very much upright on his rafter.
"Guess what, Eren," he calls cheerily from his inverted viewpoint, "I'm topping tonight."
Eren groans. "That wasn't fair! I thought you were suffocating, or about to fall off the rafter!"
Levi just smirks. "You snooze, you lose, brat."
Eren whines again, but Levi can see the tilt of his mouth and the relaxed posture. He really isn't as unhappy about this as he makes out. Maybe he lost on purpose…
Well, Levi can work with that too.
He swings back and forth on the rafter, using his momentum to right himself in one movement. He combs his hair back with his fingers, reveling in the way Eren's eyes follow his every move.
Just to test the brat, he stretches his arms over his head, balancing gracefully on the rafter, and allows his shirt to ride up enough to reveal a strip of skin. He yawns, then tilts his head back and shuts his mouth, flicking his tongue of his lips.
His face is still red, and he knows Eren's feeling the full force of the post-coital-bliss look.
Oh yes, he's definitely feeling it. Eren is licking his lips and staring at him openly, leaning forward until Levi's worried he'll fall off the rafter.
Apparently Eren's worried about that too, because he says "Stop it, Levi."
"Stop what?" He asks innocently, swinging one leg over to straddle the rafter.
"That! Licking your lips and showing off and being so fucking attractive-" Eren stutters to a halt, blushing again.
Oh, Lord. Well, Levi's going to have fun with this. He fixes Eren's wide eyes with his own and slowly rolls his hips forward on the rafter, placing his hands on the wood in front of him to balance.
"Is it a crime, for me to look attractive?" he purrs at Eren. Maybe Hanji's description of him as a cat had some merit after all.
"It should be," Eren mutters, "I almost fell off this rafter."
Levi laughs lightly. "I'd catch you if you fell, princess."
"Shut up! You're so tiny, I'd just squash you flat!"
Well. Eren's asking for it now. Insults to his height are one thing that Levi just doesn't stand for. He cautiously brings his legs up to crouch on the rafter, then stands in one fluid movement. Holding his arms out to his sides, he begins to walk across the rafter.
He's not unduly worried about falling. Eren insisted that they both wear the 3DMG, and so he has a safety net literally built into his body. Not that he'd ever fall off, though.
He steps onto the crossbeam connecting their rafters, glancing up to where Eren is sitting. Or was sitting – he's scooting back on his rafter, an expression of pure fear on his face. But he doesn't have the guts to stand up and walk, so Levi just smirks at him as he comes to a stop in front of the cowering idiot.
Eren's not looking scared of him though, Levi realizes in disgust. The expression of relief on his face is enough to tell him that he was scared for Levi.
Tch. As if he ever would have fallen.
Levi crouches back down to Eren's level and sits in one smooth movement, straddling the rafter.
Fuck.
That was a shitty idea, he realizes. He's just straddled the rafter with enough force to cause a lot of pain to his balls.
Fuck, it hurts.
"Levi, are you okay?" There's Eren again with the concern.
"I'm… fine," Levi grinds out, suppressing tears, "I doubt I'll be able – to have children, though."
"Good thing you're gay then, isn't it?" Eren asks with a smile. Apparently, the concern only extends so far. Fucking brat.
Levi takes a few minutes to recover. Sometime during those few minutes, Eren shifts forward on the rafter and leans his head on Levi's shoulder, rubbing small circles into his back. The pain is gone now, but he's not minding the pampering at all, so he sits quietly.
At least, he does until he remembers why he came over here.
As soon as he does, he sits up, dislodging Eren's head from his shoulder.
"Levi? Wha-" Eren's confused speech is cut off as Levi smirks at him, leans forward and kisses him.
It's a short kiss. No tongues involved, which causes Eren to whine in complaint when Levi pulls away.
"Needy brat."
But Levi himself is just as needy, and so he shifts forward and kisses Eren again, swiping his tongue over his lips to gain access to that hot, needy mouth.
Suddenly the space between them is way too small. Levi shuffles forward and straddles his legs over Eren's. The position is precarious and unbalanced, but they are too caught up in the kiss to care.
Eren leans his hands backwards on the rafter so that Levi is half sitting on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Levi leans forward more in response, reminding Eren who's in charge here, who won the competition, who's getting fucked tonight.
He didn't hang upside down for that long for nothing.
He shifts against Eren's lap, the motion making Eren groan into his mouth. For the moment, they forget the rafter, forget the bucket list, forget everything except for the kiss.
And that's their downfall.
Literally.
One minute, they are kissing. The next, Eren has slipped sideways, dislodging Levi from his lap, and they are both falling from the rafter.
Later, Levi will remember Eren's shocked face, the sickening sensation of freefall and his complete inability to grab his 3DMG. So much for that safety net.
He won't remember 'screaming like a little girl', no matter Eren insists that he did.
He will remember the way Eren never let go of him during the fall, holding him tight like they were still kissing.
And he will definitely remember the moment when something yanked Eren up in midair, and Levi with him thanks to Eren's arm around his waist, and stopped their fall about 5 metres above the pews.
Eren's maneuver gear, looped around his waist and attached to the ceiling, has saved them.
At first, Levi can't breathe. His heart is racing painfully, and Eren's arm is digging painfully into his stomach.
Then, he laughs shakily.
"Holy shit." That's Eren, exhaling with a shudder.
Levi can only nod in agreement.
"Levi, can you get down? Only, you're really heavy," Eren says.
"Yeah…" He reaches for his maneuver gear and shoots it at the wall. "Let me go."
Eren does so, and he swings towards the wall, landing wobbly-kneed on the floor. Meanwhile, Eren has somehow lowered himself to the ground and is kneeling in one of the pews. He's praying, it looks like.
Actually, prayer might not be such a bad idea. Not when their lives have just been saved in a church. Making sure no-one's watching him, Levi shuts his eyes and mutters a quiet thankyou to whoever up there gave Eren the foresight to hook himself to the ceiling.
Sentimental moment over, he walks over to his shaky boyfriend.
"Are you okay?" Some sentiment is still called for, he thinks.
"Fine," replies Eren, albeit a little shakily, "You?"
"A lot better than I would have been."
Eren laughs quietly. "You're welcome, Levi."
"Don't get cocky, brat."
He doesn't need to say more than that, so he steps forward and pulls Eren into a hug. If he's feeling a little emotional, it can be put down to the excess blood to the brain and their near death experience.
But despite their brush with danger, Levi is content. He might have failed to save them both, but it doesn't matter.
Because Eren will always be his safety net.
A/N
This fic is now retitled Inverted Teacups on ao3 - hope you enjoyed this chapter!