Letting Go, by LadyVegeets
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need." - Lao Tzu
07 - After Glow
Her body, skin pale as the new moon, moved over his, grinding… grinding… His scarred hands grabbed her tiny waist as if afraid she might dissipate into the night and leave him aching and alone. He helped set their rhythm until they both groaned, gasped, and melted against each other.
She crooned against his mouth. "Vegeta, I have something to tell you."
Alarm bells rang in his head. "What is it?"
"WARNING. WARNING. IMPACT IMMINENT."
Vegeta jerked awake and blinked open bleary eyes in confusion. He was alone. A cold sweat dampened his body, his Saiyan uniform sticking uncomfortably to his skin. He had taken the armor with him when he left Earth, determined to return worthy of wearing it, or not return at all. An angry red light flashed in the spaceship as a siren blared. STORM APPROACHING. WARNING. WARNING.
Vegeta tried to get up, but the moment he did his legs gave out and he fell to his hands and knees on the metallic floor. Pain lanced every fiber of his being. He was exhausted, having trained to the brink of death on this god-forsaken hellhole, a barren planet that felt as empty and scarred as he was. But at least it was distraction free. He had landed here, intending to put everything on the line.
Transform or die. No excuses.
He trained and trained and trained until, on the verge of passing out, he crawled to bed and prayed for a dreamless sleep that didn't come. Rinse and repeat. It was grueling. The routine hadn't felt quite so taxing back on Earth where he had home-cooked meals, a soft bed, and a warm body to greet him at the end of each day. In space, it was too easy to lose track of time without a rising sun or gracious hosts to remind him of meal times. He trained to the point of no return with nothing but a hard cot to retire to, and freeze-dried packet food which he rationed sparingly. Who knew how long he would be out here for.
Staggering to his feet, Vegeta stumbled to the computer to take in the report. A giant electrical storm was ripping across the planet's surface. Frowning, he forced his body to comply and made for the door. Shoving it open, the smell of ozone blasted him spears of lightening burst across the skies, illuminating the desolate planet and splintering the earth into chalk where it struck. He smiled, the raging intensity of the weather outwardly echoed his soul. This is just what he needed to fill that gaping black space inside him.
He headed out to meet the storm. He trained for hours, his body pleading for rest which he ignored.
Transform or die. No excuses.
A rock fragment shot past his cheek. Looking up, he saw meteors falling. Goddamnit it, the ship! He had to protect it, or he could kiss his chance of ever getting back to Earth goodbye.
Why Earth?
A vision of blue eyes, flushed cheeks, and pale skin filled his mind, but as quickly as it came he banished it, and replaced it instead with his nemesis: Kakarot. That third-rate buffoon — and everyone else — would be in for a shock to see what a real Super Saiyan looked like. Oh, how they would all tremble at the sight of him, forced to acknowledge that he was the superior Saiyan.
But gloating would have to wait.
Launching into the air, Vegeta hurried to defend the ship from the hail of rocks that pelted down from the angry skies. Blast after blast, he vaporized every meteor that threatened to penetrate the ship's hull. It should have been child's play, but he was already on the precipice of collapse. There was nothing else he could do but empty his mind and lose himself to the rhythm of destruction.
The last rock exploded into dust at the touch of his ki. The air stung as he sucked it in, thick with dust and buzzing with energy. There was a strange weight in the air, and a shadow settled over him. Vegeta turned. What he saw gave birth to a dread he hadn't felt since coming face to face with Frieza on Namek. A meteor, as large as a city, fell towards him. He was running on fumes. It was ironic, really, to think that he, Destroyer of Worlds, would be taken out by the remnants of one.
No. Not like this.
He screamed and threw his arms forward, blasting the meteor. The giant rock slowed but didn't stop. Creeping onwards, it continued its deadly descent.
You'll die the same way they told you that your people had.
Filled with an incomprehensible rage, Vegeta dredged up the last fragments of his energy and put all — every last piece of himself — into blowing up the oncoming rock. His body was splitting from the inside out, overwrought. Finally, mercifully, the meteor shattered.
But so did he.
Thrown backwards, he was flung through the air and smashed through rock, his bones breaking on each impact. He didn't have the energy to protect himself; only her suit kept him in one piece. He struck the earth hard, a plume of smoke bursting in the wake of his crash. As the dust settled, the wet sound of his breath rattled heavily in the ensuing silence. But death didn't come; he was too good at surviving. Never give up. That had been his mantra, the only thing that had sustained him and got him up every time he was struck down. You've only lost when you believe you're beaten. Refusing to give in kept him going.
Vegeta clawed his way out of the debris and saw the ship still intact. There should have been relief, triumph, satisfaction, but he felt none of those. Something tore at the very fabric of his being. He had nearly died to save one lousy ship, but what the fuck else did he have?
His people and enemy were gone, and every day that he couldn't transform chipped away more of his pride. Kakarot could turn it on and off as easily as a fucking light switch…
He had lost.
He had nothing, was nothing. Vengeance and pride had spurned him on for years, but what of them? Who was he? A fool, and a worthless one at that. The universe wouldn't even blink if he died. He didn't matter. Maybe he never had. He couldn't save his father or his race, he couldn't kill Frieza, and if the boy from the future was to be believed, he was destined to die a quick and inglorious death at the hands of some androids. He was a failure. All his life he had struggled and fought for nothing.
A giant wave of emotion surged up and engulfed him, far too reminiscent of the despair he had felt when he cried at Frieza's feet. He had failed then too. Fortune had seen fit to give him a second chance, but he had wasted it.
Slamming his shattered fist into the ground, Vegeta swore in frustration, but the physical pain couldn't mask his emotional loss. He was done. Fuck Kakarot, fuck the Super Saiyan, fuck her, fuck everything.
Putting a hand over his face, Vegeta finally did what he hadn't allowed himself to do with her, and let it all go.
…
…!
What…?
What was this? This sensation? It burned. It swept over him, overwhelming, igniting every nerve and vein with liquid fire, and shredded his mind and body. It scorched his lungs, forcing a scream of agony from him. Light, more blinding than the electrical storm, burst outwards, and energy erupted from deep inside to spill without end. The pain ebbed, and through the fire of his mind, Vegeta realized that he lived.
Amazed, Vegeta looked down at his torn hands to see wave after wave of energy sluicing off him. His body thrummed with it. It filled every atom of his core with a godly strength.
He was… this was…
The Super Saiyan!
At last. At long last! The Legendary was his! Maniacal laughter burst forth as he launched into the air and held out his palm. His ki-blast burst clean through the planet and shot out into the depths of space, trailing off further than his eyes could see. It was real. This was real! He had done it, all on his own.
Basking in the afterglow of his achievement, Vegeta turned back to the ship. It was time to reclaim his title. He would show them who was the strongest, and prove his superiority. He didn't need their validation, no, they simply needed to be taught a lesson. After all, he didn't need any of them, not a single one of them. Never had, never will. He was invincible!
Just wait until they saw.
~xoXox~
AN: Aaaand we all know how well that turned out, don't we? :/
Thus concludes my entry for the 2017 October Vegebul Smutfest hosted by ThePrinceAndTheHeiress.
MarcellaDuchamp has pointed out that the song 'What You Do To Me' by John Legend is a very appropriate fit for this fic, and I would strongly agree.
Can you believe I wrote a serious canon-ish 3 year-gap story? Wonders never cease, huh? Now, back to some AUs…
Thanks to everyone for your encouraging and kind comments! 3 Nothing motivates a writer like some hungry readers XD 3