The Mark of Love
Alec found Magnus sitting on the edge of an enormous Japanese soaking tub set against a wall with a window that framed a spectacular view of Manhattan. Magnus was leaning forward; his elbows resting on his knees; his head in his hands; his clothes dusty and burned in places; and his hair in disarray. Something softened in Alec's chest when he saw Magnus looking so tired and so human. He had none of his usual glitter or glamour, yet he was still so familiar; still the man with whom he had spent nights and days in hotel rooms like this one, laughing, talking and making love. A mixture of affection, compassion and yearning washed over Alec and he wished he could erase all the suffering and pain of the last few weeks. He wished they could forget the days of absence and sorrow.
Other thoughts irrupted in Alec's contemplation; words and images that threatened to erase and replace affection and compassion with other feelings, dark ones, borne of pain and suffering. For an instant, the Inquisitor's voice echoed in his mind saying things that confused Alec; things that once had sounded true, but that now, filled him with doubt.
Alec became painfully aware of the dark and sinister rune on his chest, of the things it symbolized, of what he had done because of it, and anger and shame threatened to overcome him. He brought his hand to his chest and touched Magnus' amulet there, in a gesture that had become instinctual since that night Jessica came to his room and he momentarily became the man he never wanted to be. Since the moment that he hanged it around his neck, the arrowhead had become a sort of talisman that warded off dark thoughts and dark memories. At the beginning, the amulet had reminded Alec of what he had lost, of the parts of himself that he had left in that hotel room in Barcelona. But over time, he had realized that the feeling of the metal against his skin brought him certain calmness and peace, and that it helped him focus. It was not only a reminder of Magnus; it was also a lifeline to what he had been and what he wanted to be again.
Looking at Magnus, Alec let the feel of the amulet push the dark thoughts away leaving just the compassion, affection and gratitude. For at the risk of losing his own life, Magnus had saved his; he had come through for him when Alec needed him most. Khuno had been determined to kill him and, when he looked at those evil eyes, Alec had been certain that he was about to die, that no matter what he did, Khuno was stronger, faster, more powerful. In Rome, Alec had been too busy and preoccupied to pay much attention to Khuno, but now he had a chance to look the man in the eye and what he saw there was deep seated arrogance and hatred. Khuno was certain until the very last moment that he would prevail over Alec. And he almost had.
Alec had been exhausted and queasy from fighting and portal travel. He had also known that he didn't have enough time to nock an arrow before Khuno released the ball of energy that had been gaining in strength in his hand. For an instant that felt like an eternity, Alec had been certain that the last thing he would see in this world would be the evil eyes of that warlock, and the triumphant smile that rose to his lips. But instead, Magnus had stepped in front of the fireball and it had hit him right in the center of his chest. Alec saw the veins in Magnus' hands, arms and neck glow red and orange as if the magic had entered Magnus' body and was running wildly through his system. The manacles had turned red with heat and fire, burning Magnus' skin before Magnus redirected the magic towards Khuno, killing the warlock instantly. The impact threw Magnus backward with tremendous force and he landed on a heap on the ground, unconscious and injured. Alec had run and, grabbing Magnus, dragged him away while calling for Jace and Kat to retreat. The manacles and the electrum cuffs fell from Magnus' wrists and hit the cobblestone with a clunk, smoke still rising from them.
Magnus had saved him, Alec thought as he took a step in the warlock's direction.
The gentle touch of hands undoing the shoelaces on his boots brought Magnus back to reality; to the smell of sulfur, smoke and burnt flesh that had become more intense with the presence of another body in the room; and to the sensation of the hard and cold surface on which he was sitting. He looked up and saw Alec's crouching figure in the semi-darkness of the room, his black clothes looking even more frayed after their ordeal. The only break in the blackness of his outfit was a white collar beneath his Shadowhunter jacket. Odd, thought Magnus, Alec rarely wore white specially on missions. Alec's face was turned downward intent on the task of loosening the shoelaces and Magnus could see once again the city lights reflected on Alec's silky black hair, and he wished he could reach and run his fingers through that hair the way he had done so many times before.
After helping Magnus off his boots, Alec got up and turned towards the shower stall that extended along the whole side wall of the bathroom. He opened the glass door and turned on the water, testing it to make sure it was warm enough but not too hot. He didn't want the water to hurt the burns on Magnus's body. He also flipped a light switch on the wall, and a light came on in the shower, which he dimmed a little so it would not bother Magnus' eyes. He then turned back towards Magnus and reaching for his hand, gently enticed him to stand up.
Magnus felt frail and wondered whether his legs would hold him, but he did get up. Alec supported him by the elbow for a minute until he was certain that Magnus was stable on his feet. Then, slowly and silently, he helped Magnus into the shower, getting in after him, unconcerned that his clothes would get soaked. The water felt refreshing and restoring as it run through Magnus' hair and down his face, and he sighed deeply, feeling like his lungs were releasing the last of the dark energy from Khuno's magic blast.
Gently and slowly so as not to cause him unnecessary pain, Alec began to undo the buttons on Magnus' shirt watching for any sign of discomfort, keenly attuned to Magnus' every reaction. As the water washed away the stench of smoke and grime, Alec perceived once again the familiar scent of forest and fresh mountain air that he always associated with Magnus, and the scent awoke a multitude of feelings and sensations that had been dormant since the night Magnus walked out of his life.
Although thousands of thoughts, questions and recriminations should have occupied Alec's mind at that moment, his thoughts were completely calmed and his mind was at ease. If he had things to say, he felt no compulsion to say them. His only concern was to not cause Magnus more physical discomfort, not to make the burns or injuries in his wrists or any other part of his body pain him any more than necessary. His mind was more focused than it had been in days and all he could think of was this moment, this room, and this man injured and hurting.
Magnus wanted to ask Alec what he was doing, but Alec's gentle and tender touches were the first such gestures Magnus received in a long time, not just from Alec but from anybody. He was just too tired to protest, resist, or even wonder about the meaning of Alec's actions. He was just so glad to be here in this bathroom with the man whose touch he had longed for so long. Magnus kept his eyes on Alec's face, not noticing that they didn't hurt as much anymore, and neither of them felt the need to say anything. There was nothing to say at this moment that could make it more perfect, everything else –the questions, the explanation, the attacks, the fate of the Institute – was left outside the room.
Alec continued to slowly but with steady hands unbutton Magnus' shirt, beginning at the collar and moving downward. When he was half way through, Magnus stopped him by placing his hands atop Alec's. "I can do it," he whispered, feeling momentarily self-conscious. He was, after all, the High Warlock of Brooklyn; he could take off his own shirt.
"It is okay, Magnus, I got it," Alec replied, his voice steady and certain. So, Magnus removed his hands, feeling surprised and thankful. For after everything that Alec had gone through, he had not lost his capacity to care and put the needs of another ahead of his own.
As soon as he was done with the buttons, Alec began to peel Magnus' shirt off, careful not to touch Magnus' skin, specially any spot that could cause him pain, but then a breath caught in his throat. As he uncovered Magnus' chest, Alec saw the scar atop the warlock's heart; the mark left by the spell that Magnus had cast the night he left Alec; the spell that allowed Magnus to keep safe that which mattered the most to him. Alec looked up at Magnus, the question plainly written on his face, before gazing down once again as if to make sure that his eyes were not deceiving him.
With tentative and shaking fingers, Alec traced the contours of the scar. It wasn't strictly a scar or a rune but he didn't know how else to describe it. For there right on top of Magnus' heart, as if it was nestled between skin and flesh, was the omamori charm Alec had given him months ago. Alec could see clearly the rectangular shape against Magnus' golden skin, the rich red and gold of its design, its white ribbon swirling in gentle curbs starting at the top end of the charm, curving along its edges and then disappearing deep under the skin like tendrils reaching for Magnus' heart.
Alec lifted his eyes towards Magnus' face once again and the warlock's eyes were waiting with a guarded expression.
"What is this?" Alec asked, awe and confusion filling his mind.
"You know what it is," replied Magnus, his voice low.
"But why? What did you do Magnus?"
"I thought there was no coming back from where I was going, and I knew that Annaliese and Khuno would try to find you and kill you. I was also afraid that they might try to spellbind me to participate in their plan. It is a protection spell. It ties my life force to yours; it shields part of my magic from their influence, and allows me to keep you out of their reach." That was not the whole truth, but it was as much as Magnus was willing to reveal at this moment. "This spell and the amulet you are carrying around your neck prevent Annaliese from tracking you," Magnus added and, lifting his hand, rested it against the amulet on Alec's chest, the arrowhead he had carved from the metal he and Joshua extracted from the Hades stone. He couldn't see the amulet under Alec's clothes but could feel its presence, the pull of its power, the warmth and energy it emitted.
"Why?" Alec asked again.
"Because it is my fault that you are in the middle of this mess. Because I didn't do my job properly all those years ago and now you are paying the consequences. You said once that I was your responsibility; well, you are mine too."
Alec smiled for the first time in what Magnus felt like years. It was half a smile, just a hint, nothing like the broad smile that illuminated rooms with the strength of a sun, and that had haunted Magnus' dreams since he left this man he loved and would love for the rest of his life. Alec rested his palm against the omamori charm and was surprised to feel two hearts beating there. He then brought his other hand against his own chest and closed his eyes. Somehow, he knew that he would feel his own heartbeat echoing in the way the charm gently pulsated on Magnus's chest.
"The spell allows me to feel your heartbeat, and as long as I can feel it, my life force protects you," Magnus said gently, his hand resting atop the hand on Alec's chest.
Alec let the feel of their hearts beating together reverberate throughout his body. He imagined himself reaching beyond the agony and memory runes Dearborn had drawn on his chest; beyond the memory of pain; beyond the altered memories and planted thoughts of the Inquisitor; beyond the experiences of the last few weeks until he found, deep in a corner of his soul, like a hibernating plant whose roots have continue growing, the love he had felt for Magnus all along, the love he had unconsciously but resolutely protected.
After a long time, Alec opened his eyes and looked into Magnus' own eyes. He then lifted his hand from Magnus' chest and brought to the side of his face. His gaze shifted down and towards Magnus' lips, and Magnus felt the pull of those eyes and the familiar anticipation and desire they always provoked in him. After an interminable moment, Alec's lips finally claimed the warlock's mouth, ending, once and for all, the wait, the anticipation, the absence that had darken Magnus' world. The kiss was deep and unguarded, full of passion and longing, full of anticipation, hope, yearning and the thirst of those of who finally find water after wandering the desert for too long.
Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's waist and pulled him towards his own body, feeling that he was finally coming home; that he was finally reuniting with the half of his heart that had been missing. With gentle movements, Alec finished peeling Magnus' soaked shirt off. His own clothes were also rapidly getting drenched but Alec didn't care, for at that moment he was exactly where he wanted to be. He stopped and broke the kiss when a groan of pain escaped from Magnus' throat as the fabric rubbed against the burns on his wrists and arms.
"Are you okay?" he asked in a whisper.
"Yes," was Magnus's short and brief reply as he reclaimed Alec's lips.
Magnus searched for the bottom of Alec's jacket and, after fumbling with zipper and buttons, finally found the comforting sensation of Alec's skin. With uncontained hunger and desire, he removed Alec's jacket and sweater, but stopped when he saw the runed mourning tunic Alec wore underneath. He looked at Alec, the question evident on his face.
"The day I lost you, I also lost part of myself, and then things happened and, for a while, I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt that part of me had died that morning in Barcelona and that I would never be whole again." Alec's words were full of pain and sorrow, and Magnus understood what it was like to feel the pain of absence as if it was death.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked.
"No right now," Alec replied and kissed Magnus again, reaching for his belt buckle, wanting this moment to be pure and untainted by the memory of what the Inquisitor had done.
Alec and Magnus peeled each other's wet clothes off, letting the water wash away, not only the grime, smoke and dust accumulated over the last twenty-four hours, but also the sorrow, resentment and pain of the last few weeks. The sound of water also sheltered them from the outside world, allowing them to forget, at least for now, everything else going on around them. They kissed and run their fingers through each other's skin for a long time, recognizing each other's scent and touch once again, reclaiming each other's bodies, as if they were new lovers. Despite their intense desire, they felt no compulsion to rush their lovemaking, wanting to not leave an inch of skin untouched or un-kissed.
After a long while, they stood naked facing each other, Alec's runes and scars and the omamori charm on Magnus' chest glittering under the water, desire plainly evident on their bodies and eyes. Alec turned off the water and reaching for Magnus' hand guided him out of the shower. He then gently dried Magnus' skin with a soft towel. Magnus did the same, and as he run the towel over Alec's back, he kissed and licked the water drops left behind.
"Make love to me warlock," Alec whispered in Magnus' ear, causing goosebumps to raise on Magnus' skin. Magnus smiled broadly; for the words reminded him of the last time he made a similar request. The words were appropriate, he thought, for when he had made the request, the words had marked the beginning of a long absence; the words now marked its end.
Magnus was now the one to reach for Alec's hand to guide him out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom and the shelter of a bed where he would do all in his power to erase every sorrow that his absence had caused Alec.
That night, Alec and Magnus made love over and over, each getting their fill of the other. Each time, they made love with increased passion and desire, as if with each climax, they brought down the walls that each had had to put up to survive an existence without the other, and as the walls came down, unrestrained desire poured out.
Alec was demanding, enticing, generous, and he took Magnus over the edge over and over, as he too came undone in the arms of the warlock. Every time that he climaxed, his desire began to build up again, with more intensity and hunger, as if he couldn't satiate his thirst. "Teach me, show me how to love you. I am a fast learner," Alec had pleaded with Magnus the first night they made love. Now, however, it was Alec that taught Magnus how to love him, and Magnus learned and rejoiced in the pleasure of discovering new ways to bring and take pleasure from Alec. Magnus thought once again that he had never truly made love until he was in the arms of this Shadowhunter.
Sometime later, Alec felt that he was floating in a state of complete and singular connectedness, linked to everything around him; as if he was growing roots that reached towards the earth; as if his senses were tendrils reaching from the center of his being towards the universe and towards Magnus. Alec could feel Magnus building up to a climax behind him; his forehead resting against a spot between Alec's shoulder blades; his hands firmly holding Alec's hands as if he needed an anchor; his breath caught in his throat; his muscles tense. As the most sublime of sensations overtook him, Alec felt that his soul transcended his body and became one with Magnus' soul, as they both climaxed at the same time, each calling the other's name, staking a claim on the body and soul of the other, demanding and offering at the same time.
Time seemed to stop and for what felt like an eternity they both remained still unable or unwilling to move, as wave after wave of pleasure washed over them, taking them deeper and deeper into an ocean of ecstasy.
Alec eventually relaxed and he let himself fall back on the bed, Magnus following suit and coming to rest with his chest against Alec's back, his arms wrapped around Alec's waist. Alec searched for Magnus' hands and nestling them in his own hands, brought them to his lips and kissed them, Magnus's scent and his own mixing on the warlock's skin.
He became aware that it had begun to rain outside, and, for a while, Alec listened to the rain tapping on the window, its rhythm in tune with the beating of his and Magnus' heart. Eventually, however, his desire awoke once again, and he knew he had not yet sated his thirst for Magnus. He turned and looked at Magnus' lovely face; that face he had loved since the first time that Magnus looked past Jace and towards him; that face that now appeared illuminated by the city lights streaming through the window. He kissed Magnus again, deeply and sensually as his desire reignited with the force of a fire that he had thought extinguished.
"I am not done with you yet warlock," he whispered in Magnus' ear, and he smiled when he heard a breath caught in Magnus' throat and goosebumps rise once again on his skim. Magnus wanted him too, he knew it, with a desire as intense as his. It was Magnus who now sought his lips but instead of kissing him, he bit him gently but oh so seductively, enticing the fire inside Alec to burn hotter. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and run a hand up and down his back rejoicing in the feel of Magnus' hard muscles, and in the way his skin responded to his gentle touch. He journeyed lower until his hand reached Magnus' buttocks and he pulled Magnus to him with strength borne of absence and desire.
Magnus' tongue teased him, liking his neck, and running along his collarbone. Alec entangled the fingers of his other hand in Magnus' messy hair, pulling his head gently backward, exposing his neck so he could kiss it. He stopped on that spot where Magnus' Adam's apple was, and he kissed that spot gently before continuing upwards towards Magnus' ear. "Magnus, how can I still want you so much?" he whispered.
Magnus' only answer was another kiss, deeper than the ones before, his tongue demanding and claiming Alec's mouth with unexpected hunger. How can I want you so much? Magnus thought but didn't say, because his body was already saying it for him and no words were needed. As he made love to Alec, he felt his magic powers replenish and his vision become clearer, as if he was absorbing the energy that he and Alec were producing and using it to heal himself. Or perhaps it was Alec the one healing him with his love.
At one point Magnus heard the rain tapping on the window, and he fleetingly thought that it would be nice to cast a spell that would transform the rain into stars that fell on them, but the thought left his mind as soon as it formed because he was distracted and he didn't need magic at that moment. That night, there was no magic, no Shadowhunter runes, no Downworld or Nephilim, just two bodies, two souls and two spirits interlinked in an unbreakable bond.
As the first hints of daylight began to color the dark sky, Magnus and Alec finally fell on the bed for the last time, spent, contented and sated.
"I might be a warlock, Alexander, but even may powers have limits, especially now that I am weak," he whispered teasingly. "Are your trying to kill me?"
"This is the only way I can keep up with you," Alec replied and smiled, that broad and beautiful smile that made him look younger than he was. He rested his head on the pillow and sighted deeply and contently, one arm under Magnus' head, the other on the omamori charm on Magnus' chest, feeling the beating of his own heart echoing there.
Alec stared deep into Magnus' eyes for a few silent moments until the exhaustion, the emotions and the exertion of the last several weeks finally got the better of him and he closed his eyes, and fell into a restful peaceful sleep.
As Magnus stared at the peaceful sleeping face of the Shadowhunter, he thought that he had never wanted to belong to anyone before. For so long he had endeavored to live without a plan, or a timetable, or someone to account to. He had thought life was an adventure and that he was free to live it as he pleased. But, in truth, he had been lonely, alone, untethered, unclaimed until now. Feeling his heart linked to Alec's heart, and his life tied to his, he felt freer, and more complete than ever before in his long life. Magnus fell asleep soon after, a deep sensation of peace expanding from the spot on his heart where Alec's hand now rested to every single cell of his body.
"Alec, wake up. Come on Alexander, wake up" came the urgent and concerned voice of Magnus, reaching across the darkness of the nightmare and pulling Alec out and back towards the waking world. Alec opened his eyes and the morning light hit his pupils, momentarily blinding him. His heart was beating fast and Alec thought it would scape his chest, and sweat covered his forehead. He let his eyes adjust to the light and as they did, Magnus' familiar and lovely face came into focus, his eyes full of alarm. Alec realized that his hand was clutching that spot on his chest where Dearborn's rune was. He felt pain there, as if in his sleep, he had been trying to claw the rune off his chest.
"What is going on?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
"You were having a nightmare," replied Magnus. "I couldn't wake you and you were clawing at your chest."
Alec took a deep breath to calm his racing heart and removed his hand from his chest. Magnus looked at him, deep concern in his eyes and then shifted his gaze downward and towards Alec's chest. Alec heard the breath caught on Magnus's throat and his own eyes followed the warlock's gaze.
"What is that rune?" Magnus asked, his voice full of sudden apprehension. He knew every single rune edged on Alec's skin, and after years of dealing with the Nephilim, he understood the meaning of most of them. But this new rune on Alec's chest was like no other he had ever seen before. He brought his hand to the spot, but as soon as his finger touched the edges of the rune, he felt an electric jolt and quickly removed his hand. He had not noticed the rune the night before. It was not surprising, Alec had kept him unusually distracted, and he couldn't remember whether he had felt a similar reaction when he had run his hand over Alec's chest as they made love.
"That rune feels angry. What is it for?" he asked. When he failed to get an answer, he looked back at Alec's face.
"Alexander?" he asked, the apprehension, for some unexplained reason, threatening to become full-blown panic.
After a moment that felt endless, Alec looked up at Magnus, his eyes guarded, but still unable to completely conceal the mixture of sadness and something else that Magnus couldn't identify.
"This is the punishment I got for loving you," Alec said, his voice full of pain and sorrow.
"What?" was Magnus's astonished reply.
"I want to tell you," said Alec. "But not here; this story has no place in our bed. And, I need a coffee and I suspect you will need one too," he added, a faint smile lifting the corner of his lips but not reaching his eyes. Alec turned, got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. As Magnus saw him walk away, an abyss opened in the pit of his stomach threatening to swallow all the joy and happiness of the last few hours.
This is the chapter I have been waiting to write for a few weeks. It is still far from perfect, but here it goes. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think.