A/N: Sorry for the delay! We had a big deadline at work, so I've been in turbo nonstop for a while. Here's the silence before the fall.

Also, I'd read somewhere that J.K. Rowling compared lycanthropy in her story to the HIV/AIDs epidemic and prejudice. I just realized how appropriate of an analogy that is in this chapter considering the history of the HIV epidemic in the US.

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Chapter 57: Of the Faults of Happiness

Was it a sin to be this happy?

The question rang through Rowan's mind for what seemed like the hundredth time that evening. Around her were the numerous faces of her friends and allies. In her arms was the comforting weight of her godson. Her boyfriend's arm hung around her shoulders casually. His own face glowed contentedly as he spoke with their various friends. How was this not a dream?

It had been a week since that intense full moon, that night of miracles. Though she'd intended on keeping the results of their experiment quiet until they had run a few more trials, Fabian had immediately run home to his brother and told him the good news, and they both, in turn, told their sister Molly, who had, of course, informed the entire Order. Rowan thought dryly that she should have known this would happen.

And so, here she was at another raucous gathering of Order members and company, surrounded by tipsy laughter and raucous conversation. In addition to the usual party members, her colleagues had joined her to celebrate - after all, it was as much their success as hers. She noted happily that Amrit and Lescos were conversing amiably with Arthur and Kingsley to the side. Isaac was speaking in hushed tones with Mad-Eye Moody, which Rowan found somewhat amusing - could there be a more eccentric pair? Although she felt as if she were jinxing herself with the early celebration, she couldn't help but be swept away by her friends' kindness - what a blessing it was to have so many people eager to celebrate her successes.

"Winnie, is he getting too heavy?"

Rowan looked up to see Lily peering over at her from the couch with a concerned look. Rowan smiled and shook her head.

"No, he's perfect. Stop worrying about it and just relax!" she chided. Lily smiled tiredly and sank into the couch. Rowan grinned - clearly the new mother was still not getting much sleep.

Rowan peered down at Harry. He was still so frail, and yet such a present weight. She was pleased to see that he was awake, gazing around at the room curiously but calmly. His bottle-green eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape. Rowan smiled gently.

"You look good together."

Rowan looked up at Remus, to see him also smiling quietly. Her head cocked quizzically, pulling a wider smile from him.

"You and Harry - you two look good together," he repeated. Rowan felt her cheeks flush slightly, though she wasn't sure why, but she grinned goofily.

"We're cute, yeah?" she giggled, pressing her cheek gently against Harry's chubby face. A quiet coo bubbled from his mouth.

He grinned. The hand that hung on her shoulder rose to thread its fingers in her loosely tied hair as he leaned against her slightly.

"Adorable," he agreed, knocking his head against her affectionately. He craned his neck down a bit. "You'd look better with your own though," he murmured. "With ours."

Rowan's face burned this time. She lowered her face in an attempt to hide her bright red cheeks, but Remus noticed, of course. He grinned and pulled her tightly into his side.

"Not yet though, right?"

Rowan grinned bashfully but shook her head in agreement, leaning into him. Then suddenly, she was blinded by a searing flash of light.

"Agh!"

She and Remus both recoiled in pain. Harry grunted slightly and whimpered, but he quieted as Rowan pulled him into her chest reflexively, cradling him comfortingly. Her own eyes still stung, however. Dancing lights floated in her line of vision as she tried to steady herself. Finally, the form of a young man began to take shape again slowly. It was Sirius. He was grinning toothily and holding Mina's camera in his hands.

"God damn it! What the hell, Sirius?" Remus hissed, rubbing his still watering eyes.

Sirius simply barked out a laugh. "You two were looking way too cozy for me to not take a picture! Trust me - you'll thank me later!" he promised dramatically before prancing out of the room with camera in hand. Rowan gaped after him.

"What an idiot," she muttered. Remus nodded in agreement as he blinked away the lingering blindness.

"Remus!"

The couple looked down to see Billy Weasley peering up at them with an anxious expression. Rowan smiled at the boy's face - he clearly adored the older man. He'd be leaving for his First Year at Hogwarts in just a week. It was no wonder that he could barely sit still. Molly had told her earlier that she'd been forced to hide his new wand out of fear that he'd get expelled for underage magic before even starting school.

"Can you show me those defense spells one more time? I think I got some of the wand movements mixed up," he said eagerly.

Remus grinned crookedly. "You're not going to need those for at least another few years, you know," he said cheekily.

Bill pouted. "Yeah, but I want to be ahead of the game! Come on, Remus!"

Remus smiled with some exasperation and nodded. "Okay, okay," he conceded. A smug look fell over his face. "Go find Sirius. He can be our test dummy." Bill laughed, running ahead and from the room, calling for the other Marauder.

Remus turned toward Rowan with a grin. "Gotta go beat the shit out of Padfoot."

Rowan laughed softly, accepting the swift kiss on the cheek from him. "Give him an extra hex for me."

Remus flashed her one more boyish grin before running off. Rowan smiled fondly after him before jerking slightly at the sound of a sharp whimper. Harry was beginning to cry.

"Looks like it's time to eat again."

Rowan looked up to see Lily rushing forward.

"You can go up to my room. No one should bother you there," she offered. Lily smiled thankfully.

Rowan handed Harry off to the redhead gently but reluctantly. She watched the pair wander off for a bit of privacy with a twinge of longing. She knew she wasn't ready for a child of her own yet, but she couldn't help but crave more time with her godson still.

She realized she was now alone. She looked around the room to see her friends all standing about in various conversing groups and suddenly felt strangely awkward. She discreetly stepped out of the room and made for the kitchen. Perhaps her mum or Alfred needed some help.

Peering around the corner and down the hall, Rowan wandered down the long corridors. She gazed about the dimly lit halls and thought of her mother's plans to renovate. Surely, the house could use some more light, she thought to herself. The walls could also use a new coat of paint - something lighter. The deep red and gold had always been a beloved family color palette - for Gryffindor pride, of course - but it certainly left something to be desired in terms of interior illumination. Perhaps a paler yellow would be better.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a tall, lanky form. She grinned and scampered after it. Just as she was about to turn the corner, she opened her mouth to greet Alfred, but then caught herself when she heard murmured voices - he wasn't alone.

"... -n't need to apologize."

"Incorrect. I should. I should have."

"No, really, there's no need! It's been years, Isaac. I'm telling you - there's-"

"It does not matter how much time has passed. My behavior was reprehensible. I should have apologized long-"

"No. Look - what happened in the past is in the past. We've both moved on. I've moved on. I-"

"Ro-wan!"

Rowan cringed as a sing-song voice rang out next to her. Both figures turned and saw her peeking around the doorway. Alfred froze, eyes wide and mortified, and beside him stood Isaac, looking blankly at her, though she saw a flicker of surprise in his eyes. She grimaced ruefully towards them and then turned back to the source of the interruption - it was James.

The Marauder seemed to pick up on his intrusion and the awkwardness of the situation quickly. He looked between both parties dumbly before letting out a strange, high-pitched laugh.

"Ah haha... ha..." he chirped. He then stopped and looked to Rowan. "Have you seen Lily?" he asked shrilly.

Rowan wanted to punch her friend for being so dense. She cringed and bit back a groan of frustration.

"Upstairs. My room," she bit out.

James nodded quickly and then scampered down the hall as quickly as he'd come, leaving the two older men and Rowan standing awkwardly in silence.

Barely three seconds passed, and yet it felt like a short eternity. Rowan's mind screamed at a million thoughts per second, flailing hysterically at her to figure out a graceful way of exiting.

But before she could, Isaac spoke up.

"It appears that I am intruding."

Rowan's head jerked up to see Isaac moving towards her to leave. Her face burned, lungs hitting her throat.

"No, Isaac! No, I'm the one-" she protested. But Isaac's hand reached forward and patted her on the shoulder quietly, effectively silencing her. His pale eyes gazed down at her evenly, and then his lips quirked ever-so-slightly upward into a gentle smile. Rowan gaped dumbly at the soft expression. His fair features seemed to capture what little light the room held and reflected it outward in a single gesture.

But then his hand slipped away, and he stepped out of the room and down the hall. He was gone.

The hallway suddenly seemed much dimmer in comparison. Rowan turned slowly to face Alfred, who was staring down at his feet, eyebrows furrowed and mouth twisted almost angrily. She hadn't seen him look so frustrated in ages.

"Alfred?" she called quietly.

Alfred didn't respond immediately. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing steadily. She noted that his hands were flexing tightly. His long fingers were taut and rigid. She could see his back muscles strain beneath the tailored lines of his dark robes.

Finally, his hands went slack. They hung at his sides for a moment like broken pendulums before he opened his eyes. She could see the effort still evident in the stiffness of his neck, but then he smiled in that patient avuncular way. She let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. She smiled crookedly but said nothing. Alfred sighed and then gazed down the hall before speaking.

"Let's get some air, shall we?"

It was still rather bright out. The yellow sun stung Rowan's eyes a bit as she and Alfred stepped into the Delacroix grounds. Rowan remained barefoot, her toes sinking into the warm grass. Alfred looked down and noted her bare toes with a small frown of disapproval but said nothing - he'd learned years ago that there was no use in reprimanding her on proper footwear.

They sat down in the grass beneath Rowan's apple tree. Her father had planted it when she was born, and it now stood about 15 feet. The branches were much too thin for her to climb in her adulthood, but she still knew all of its twists and knobs by heart. She and James had climbed over it countless times as children and fallen out of it nearly half as often. She felt a bittersweet ache knowing that she couldn't climb it anymore as she once had.

The two sat silently for a moment, relishing the heat of the late summer and the quiet sounds of the birds. It had been a good amount of time since Rowan had really enjoyed a moment outside - she'd been stuck in her laboratory so often recently that she and Remus had barely enjoyed the summer at all. She made a note to herself that she should suggest a weekend at the beach soon before autumn started to peek around again.

"So... me and Isaac," Alfred finally started.

Rowan nodded. "You and Isaac," she echoed.

Alfred looked up at the sky through the branches of the trees thoughtfully. Rowan admired the lean line of his neck and his angular, chiseled features. She noted that he was becoming even more distinguished-looking as he aged. He'd turned 41 this year, hadn't he?

"As I'm sure you've guessed by now, he and I have some... history."

Rowan nodded again and waited for him to continue. He seemed to struggle to find the words to continue and Rowan also looked upward to relieve him of the weight of her gaze.

"He was a year ahead of me in school, in Ravenclaw. I met him through the Dueling Club in my Fifth Year," he started slowly. Rowan imagined a young, gangly Alfred and a fresh-faced Isaac in their Hogwarts robes. She noted that blue and bronze suited the pale man.

"Well, he was..." Alfred lingered, "he was beautiful back then. He still is now I suppose, but back then, I remember thinking he was the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen.

"I'm sure you can imagine how hard it was, being a closeted gay teenager, especially in a house that prides itself in its ferocity. I don't regret that I was sorted in Gryffindor - I don't think I'd have it any other way - but it was difficult being surrounded by male peers who prided themselves in their brand of machismo when I was naturally rather effeminate.

"I met and befriended Isaac around October of my Fifth Year, and we quickly became very close. Though we were a year apart and in different houses, we clicked right away. I asked him to tutor me in Potions, and before I knew it, I soon found that all of my evenings and weekends were filled with time in the library with him or afternoons out on the grounds together. I thought he was the kindest, gentlest person I'd ever met. He was also first in his year. I wanted more than anything to be someone worthy of his affections. Within a few months, I was head over heels in love with him - my very first love."

Rowan thought back to her Fifth Year and nearly smiled at the similarities between her experience and his. She remembered the pain of balancing her friendship and romantic attraction to Remus. He'd also been so kind and intelligent. How difficult it must have been for Alfred - he'd had to struggle with hiding his sexual orientation on top of everything else.

"I spent months trying to sort it out. I stayed up hours every night trying to convince myself that I didn't like him, that I wasn't gay. I was able to get through a year of this without slipping up," he continued.

"But in March of my Sixth Year - his Seventh Year - I mucked it up."

Rowan perked up at this. She didn't dare look at him, but she could hear the gravel of long-buried anger in his voice. Was it directed at Isaac or at himself?

"I'd spent over a year convincing myself that Isaac was straight - that he didn't want anything to do with me in that way. I don't know if it was just the blindness of hope or simple foolishness, but no matter what I did, there was always a voice at the back of my head whispering that he felt the same way, that he loved me back."

Rowan's throat tightened. She knew how this story was going to end.

"It was March... We were in Hogsmeade together, just me and him," he said quietly. "It was the first day of spring - an unusually warm day for so early in the year. We'd done the usual rounds to the Three Broomsticks, Honeydukes... you know.

"I don't know what happened," Alfred murmured, "still, now, after all this time. I don't know why..."

Rowan listened carefully. She knew it was long-gone, a thing of the past, but for some reason, her heart still ached.

"I kissed him," he said plainly. His voice breathed still of shock, as if he still couldn't believe his own actions. "I kissed him in the middle of the street, with all of our peers around. Just like that."

Rowan stared hard on the grass between her toes. There were two stray blades, sticking to the bottoms of her feet, peeking up between her toes. She imagined them floating away with the wind, but there was no breeze. Her chest felt heavy, lungs tight with the summer heat.

"I kissed him, and everyone saw," Alfred repeated quietly, mostly to himself it seemed. "Everyone saw, and they knew. They knew I was gay.

"I'd thought, in all that time, that even if Isaac were to reject me, we would still be friends. He would feel uncomfortable, but we would get past it and still be friends.

"But as soon as he saw all of our classmates standing around us, he shoved me away. I'd never seen him look so horrified."

Rowan heard the slightest of trembles in Alfred's voice and felt a deep despair in the pit of her stomach. She could count all of the times she'd heard that quiver in him perhaps on one hand. She leaned against him tentatively. His bony shoulder was so familiar.

"'What is wrong with you?' That's what he said to me. He said, 'How could you do that? What is wrong with you?'" Alfred said quietly. There was no bitterness there, but even after 25 years, she still heard the hurt.

"Everyone heard it. They saw it. No one said anything, but they all stared," he said, voice trembling. He laughed softly, bitterly. "God, even now, it's still horrifying to think about.

"I ran. I just bolted," he breathed. "I wanted to vanish. I'd never been so humiliated in my life. I've never once felt that way since." He breathed deeply, releasing it through his nostrils tightly. Rowan saw his tightly fisted hands in the grass. They released and deflated tensely, as if he were forcing himself to relax.

"We didn't speak again for the rest of the year, but the damage was done. Word traveled quickly - everyone at Hogwarts knew I was gay within two days. My reputation recovered well enough - I was popular enough already that I was able to bounce back with my new identity relatively easily. My housemates were much more accepting than I'd thought - I can't tell you how grateful I was for that - but I'd lost Isaac. I'd lost my best friend. After he graduated, I never saw him again.

"So you can imagine how shocked I was when he showed up here - even more shocked when you told me he was a werewolf. I never would have guessed that that's how life turned out for him after all of this time," he murmured.

Rowan let Alfred's story wash over her. She'd known the man nearly her entire life, and yet, there was so much she didn't know about him. How had she never asked him about how he came out? How had she never asked him about his school romances? Their stories lined up in so many strangely similar ways, and she'd never known.

She thought to Isaac. She couldn't imagine the stoic man raising his voice or lashing out at anyone, let alone Alfred. Had it been difficult for him to see Alfred again? Had it been awkward for him to work with her after realizing her relationship with Alfred? There was so little she knew about her benefactor. He obviously felt some remorse for his past mistakes, so she couldn't really resent him, but the image of his past relationship with her uncle-figure was now burned into the back of her mind. Would he bring it up with her later?

"Well, we should head back in."

Rowan was pulled from her quiet brooding as Alfred suddenly moved forward, standing to his feet steadily. Rowan looked up at him with some confusion. From this perspective, he seemed as tall and invincible as he had to her when she was a little girl, but she couldn't miss the subtle, anxious look in his eyes, the worried line of his mouth. She stared a bit longer before he turned back down and smiled.

"Come on, you little monster. That boyfriend of yours is probably wondering where you are," he teased quietly, offering a slender hand to her.

Rowan couldn't help but smile at the name. She hadn't heard him call her that in a long time. She smiled warmly and took his hand, standing to join him. The red sun shown above the horizon, blazing hotly across the vast grounds of the Delacroix estate. Despite there being no breeze, she felt a strange static in the air.

Isaac didn't seek Alfred out again for the rest of the evening, and the latter made no move to speak to the former. As he left later that evening, Isaac shot Rowan and Alfred that soft smile again but said nothing more and glided from the house silently. Rowan frowned after him and wondered if she would ever be able to read the cryptic man.

Alfred, too, retired quietly for the evening. After he and her mother withdrew from the last remnants of the gathering, Rowan was left with Remus, Sirius and Mina in the kitchen.

The four sat catching up on gossip over firewhiskey and butterbeer. It had been a while since the two couples had been able to just sit and talk. Rowan was quite warm with the libations and affection for her dear friends. As she looked between Sirius and Mina, she noted that, while Sirius hadn't yet followed through with his confided intentions to propose, they both looked particularly happy. He had one arm draped casually over her shoulders, and the other rose every so often to flick his dark hair from his face handsomely. Rowan continued to be awed by how impressively beautiful they were together.

About thirty minutes into the conversation, Sirius leaned into his girlfriend with a broad, proud grin. She shot him a half-glare, but was obviously somewhat pleased. Rowan smiled confusedly as she watched Mina fight the smile from her face.

"Tell them your big news!" Sirius prodded.

Remus perked up a bit. "News?" he echoed.

Mina's mouth twisted slightly with conflicted expressions. Sirius grinned amusedly at her half-embarrassed, half-flattered grimace.

"Sirius," she whined.

Sirius snickered and leaned against her a bit more, teasing her further, but Mina wouldn't budge.

"I'm going to tell them if you don't."

"Don't!"

"I'm going to."

"Sirius."

Finally, Rowan groaned. "Oh my god, you two are killing me. Just tell us already!"

Mina turned away, strangely embarrassed, but Sirius seemed grow a couple of inches in his seat. His chest puffed out a bit as he pulled her in closer, which turned her cheeks a pretty blush.

"Mina's been promoted! Lieutenant Mina Surrey," Sirius declared proudly. Mina shrank a bit with embarrassment.

"That's fantastic! Congratulations, Mina!" Remus exclaimed.

"It really is! You should have said something!" Rowan scolded. "We should've been celebrating your promotion tonight as well!"

Mina smiled but shook her head. "No, tonight was about you, Row. Mine is nothing compared to what you've accomplished. We can celebrate my promotion later. Sirius is just making a fuss."

But it wasn't just a fuss. The Auror department was probably the most competitive out of all of the Ministry. Very few Auror Academy students were accepted into the department each year. Really, it was amazing that James, Sirius, and Mina had all been accepted straight out of it at the same time, so such a quick promotion to the rank of officer was even more impressive. Rowan marveled at her friend's accomplishments.

"So what changes now? New responsibilities?" Remus asked.

Mina nodded. "Yeah, I'll be reporting straight to Moody now and get my own platoon of Academy cadets. He wants me to start taking on more leadership in the Order too, so I'll be heading up the Dolohov Manor mission too. Frank obviously can't now with his baby."

The content of Rowan's stomach dropped suddenly as she heard Mina's soft response. She hadn't thought of the coming raid in the past few weeks in the light of her more urgent concerns. She hadn't taken part in such a high intensity mission in a while. Her hands ached slightly at the thought.

"Oh yeah," Remus acknowledged sullenly. He squeezed Rowan's knee under the table reassuringly. "Have you all decided on a date yet?"

Mina and Sirius shared a dark look. "In a couple of weeks," Mina said quietly. "We have information that You-Know-Who himself will be there sometime then, so we have to get the night right. And with the Longbottoms and James and Lily out of commission right now, it's even more delicate. I'd rather Arthur not come either, but it depends on if I can rally enough members for this one."

Rowan had to fight the tremble that shot through her, keeping her gaze hard. You-Know-Who... Lord Voldemort - she had never seen the elusive Dark Lord, despite spending all these years fighting against him. Many of her friends and comrades had been unfortunate enough to come face to face with him several times during their missions, but he still remained faceless in her mind. She squeezed Remus' hand tightly. Evan Rosier, Bellatrix Lestrange - these figures meant nothing in the shadow of their leader. She couldn't even fathom the cruelty of which he was capable.

"We'll be there."

Rowan's head shot up at the hard voice and was taken aback to see that it had come from Remus.

"You can count us in. Just tell us when and where, and we'll be there to back you up," he declared.

He was staring hotly at their friends, head raised high. He squeezed her hand almost painfully, and she gaped dumbly up at him. Who was this man? She felt heat score through her - was it his?

Sirius beamed at his friend, and Mina seemed to deflate with relief, smiling gratefully. Rowan noted the tired lines beneath her eyes almost guiltily - she wasn't the only one who had been overworked.

"Yeah," she said quietly, but confidently. She was surprised by the tone of her own voice, how her response came so naturally. But now that it had slipped from her lips, she felt as if they had branded it into the fabric of reality. "Yeah," she repeated, harder this time. "You have two spots on your teams filled with us at least."

The two women shared an affectionate gaze. Mina looked at Rowan with an intense look of gratitude. The corner of her mouth twitched for a moment, eyes crinkling. Rowan smiled warmly. She knew the brunette wasn't particularly expressive, but the simple movements spoke volumes to how relieved and thankful Mina was to have Rowan and Remus on her side. She still looked as fatigued as ever, but at least some of the burden had been lifted.

"Thank you," she choked out quietly. Sirius' chest puffed out.

"See, you'll get enough people in time. You're doing fine," he said encouragingly, gently. Mina leaned against him slightly and let out a small breath, closing her eyes momentarily, as if pressing the statement into her heart. When Mina opened her eyes again, they held a bit more of that familiar intensity. Rowan also sighed with some relief. She knew that if anyone could lead them into this mission, it was Mina and Moody, and as long as Sirius was at Mina's side, she was invincible.

As they lay in bed at the end of the night, Rowan laced her fingers with Remus', pressing her cheek into his shoulder as he laid on his back. She thought back to the heated look in his eyes as they'd spoken to their friends and tried to meld it into her own form. She didn't know where this confidence had come from, but she hoped she might absorb some of it for herself.

"Sirius and Mina have really grown up, haven't they?" Remus said quietly. Rowan smiled into his skin.

"I was thinking the same thing earlier," she murmured. "I don't know how Sirius can have any doubts regarding their relationship. It seems obvious to me how much she needs him."

Remus nodded, staring up at the night lights of the street as they danced across the ceiling. "True, but I suppose it's easier to see when you're removed from it."

Rowan hummed in agreement but then fell back into her thoughts for a moment. She still felt the remnants of Remus' previous fire. It flickered against the lining of her stomach and at the back of her throat.

"I'm sorry for just volunteering you for this mission," Remus whispered. "But it feels important. I feel like we have to be there."

Rowan smiled quietly and nodded. "It's okay. I'm glad you did. I don't know if I would've had the courage to say yes otherwise, and you're right - it does feel important. We should definitely be there. The Order certainly needs us now more than ever." She leaned against him a little more, curling her legs into herself a bit. "I have to admit that I was surprised though. I wasn't expecting such a response from you."

Rowan could see the small quirk of Remus' lips without looking at him. "I know. I wasn't expecting it either, but it just sort of came out before I knew it," he admitted. "It was just kind of visceral. I guess you're rubbing off on me."

Rowan felt him shift against her and she looked up to see him turning over slowly, releasing her fingers. He rolled onto his side and propped himself onto his elbow so that he could lean over her. His kind face filled her vision, light hair glowing in the white lights of the London street below.

"You know I'll always be here, right? We're going to make it through this mission together." He raised a slow hand to her face, stroking her cheek softly. Rowan's chest tightened, but she smiled softly. She ran her thumb over the small scar at his lip gently. It twitched upward fondly.

"I know."