Hey again! Thank you for the reviews for my previous chapter and thankfully I have managed to update quick.
Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.
Carlisle's POV
After coming back from the hospital, I had taken Jasper to my study while I could focus on a few things that I brought back from work. Despite feeling busy, I knew that Jasper felt the complete opposite as there wasn't much to do in here. When Jasper is usually bored, he spends that time with Alice doing whatever it is that she wanted to do. Shopping was an example because it helped him control his thirst around humans but other times it was just spending some alone time together; relaxing somewhere in the woods. I kind of felt bad forcing him to be stuck in a room but he drove himself to it. I would rather have him bored than running off somewhere while suicidal.
I was taking quick glances at him when I felt the need to just to make sure that he was okay; observing his facial expressions although his face appeared to be very plain. That wasn't new with Jasper; considering that he could read people's emotions, he always did his best to cover his own but I wasn't stupid. I have always been curious about his mood and knew that they were negative most of the time. I just wonder why.
A wave of panic suddenly hit me, followed by fear. Why was I panicking? Why did I feel so afraid? There was no reason why I should feel this way and that usually meant one thing; Jasper. I turned my head to look at him hoping to find the answer to the unneeded emotions. He wasn't looking at me so he wasn't purposely making me feel this way. He always really focused when changing people's emotions and you could tell by the strange look he tends to give them. But right now his eyes were focused on his knees as he sat on the floor with them pulled up to his chest.
He seemed very deep in thought which is another thing that he tends to do a lot. Sometimes he thinks about negative things so deeply that he forgets where he is and accidentally makes people feel how he feels and it really does pain me knowing that he hurts so much. What really happened to him before he and Alice found us?
"Jasper" I called in hope that he would hear me and stop.
He didn't and instead he tensed up and then all of a sudden, he bit through his sleeve, putting pressure on his wrist. In an instant, I was by his side to try and make him stop whatever this was he was doing. This is new, I'm sure it is.
"Jasper, stop" I tried.
It only seemed to make it worse as he crushed his wrist harder. Seeing him hurt himself forced me to intervene. I put my hand on his wrist to see if he would realise where he is but it wasn't working. I wanted to pull Jasper's wrist out of his mouth but I didn't want him to hurt anymore than he already was.
"Stop it! Let go" I told him.
Why was he doing this? I was so confused. Maybe it was because right now he wasn't even here with me. He was somewhere else and I needed to bring him back.
"Jasper, look at me" I instructed.
He still didn't listen. He let out a small whimper so the pain must be starting to hit him. As soon as he comes back to me, we will be having a long talk. Had he been doing this before? How long? How often? What was troubling him so much? I hate that he knew so much about us but we knew hardly anything about him; not even his own mate.
"Stop Jasper, right now" I firmly said.
All of a sudden, the whimpering stopped as well as the emotions that Jasper was radiating not so long ago. He lowered his wrist from his mouth revealing a sleeve with teeth marks. I looked at him with concern although I knew that he could already feel it. He returned the look with a fearful expression, probably searching for anger within my emotions. He wouldn't find any.
I carefully grabbed his wrist but just as I was about to pull up his sleeve to look at his wound, he moved his arm away and rushed to the other side of the room.
"Jasper, let me see" I spoke.
He shook his head rapidly, clenching his fists. I knew that he was self conscious about his battle scars but I couldn't help but think that he was hiding something else. Perhaps this really wasn't the first time that this has happened.
"I'm fine. It doesn't hurt" he mumbled.
"Come here" I instructed.
He didn't move but looked at me in a challenging way which had a bit of a head tilt with it.
"Jasper" I spoke sternly.
I hated speaking this way; especially with the most nervous one in the family but I needed my question to be answered. I needed to look at his new wound and maybe a few more if he has done it before. I had to know. He flinched at my tone but hesitantly walked forward. I held out my hand and he warily placed his arm there and looked away. I slowly began to raise his sleeve up where I viewed the bite that had just occurred but curiosity got the better of me and I carried on rolling it up.
A little further up, I already began to notice that there were already a few more fresh bites on his arm and I hadn't even looked halfway yet. With a sigh, I rolled the sleeve back down and looked at him. His eyes were still on the ground, afraid of what I would think of him.
"Why?"
It was all that I could manage. I had never realised just how bad Jasper was until we caught his suicidal side but I hadn't known that he was harming himself either. I couldn't believe that I never noticed this.
"Wasn't me. I...I came across a vampire on my last hunt and he.."
"Don't lie to me, Jasper" I suddenly shouted. He flinched back but I still continued. "I just witnessed it with my own eyes".
He eyed the door, probably planning to escape.
"How long?" I questioned.
He hesitated and shifted; expressing how uncomfortable he was feeling right now. I wasn't surprised. I had just found out a secret that he has hidden from us all for some mysterious amount of time.
"How long?" I repeated more sternly. I hated scaring him but he always told the truth when I did.
"A while" he whispered.
I raised my eyebrow; letting him know that I wasn't satisfied with his answer. I wanted details. I needed to know everything so that I could help him; he sure needed it.
"Ever since I left" Jasper mumbled.
"Maria?" I asked.
He nodded, still wary of what would happen next. Jasper had joined our family in the 1950's but I was unsure of when he left his previous coven so he has been doing this for over 60 years.
Edward had been keeping this hidden from me that long too.
I absolutely hated myself right now. He had been suffering like this for over 60 years and I have failed to notice it. I had failed him and I had always wondered why he hadn't quite fully excepted me as a father.
Well Carlisle, that is you're reason. You knew he was in pain but you failed to look further into it.
How could I have been so stupid?
"Why didn't you ever talk to me about this?" I questioned.
"Because I knew you would be angry" he answered quickly this time.
"I'm not ang.."
"You're angry now" Jasper interrupted.
"Not at you. I should have known this" I replied.
He fell silent, unsure of what to say next. I didn't understand why Jasper had thought I would be angry when I found out that he had been harming himself. It wasn't something to get mad about; it was a cry out for help.
"You can talk to me now" I persuaded.
"No. No talking. I don't want to talk" he quickly replied.
"Jasper, I know you're not much of a talker but I would rather hear it from you rather than Edward" I explained.
I knew that he hated Edward's ability to read minds. Jasper was more likely to give in this way because he had no idea how much Edward might tell me so I was expecting Jasper to limit his information as much as possible.
"That's just it, isn't it? Ever since Alice brought me here, you have wanted to know all my secrets. Is that why you have Edward? It is, right?" Jasper accused.
This was very unusual for Jasper. He has never spoke like this before; he just kept his words short, polite and simple. Is that what he thought of us? Of me?
"Edward is here because he is my son; not because of his ability. Just like you, you are here because..."
"Don't say it. I am not your son. I am only here for Alice; it has only ever been for Alice" he darkly spoke.
It hurt to hear his words. I always thought this but to hear him say it was just painful. I always did my best to treat him like family but I failed him. He was too broken; something that he wasn't willing to discuss.
"I know" I whispered.
"And for that, I don't need to wait for your permission to leave. I'm going to find Alice" he stated.
I realised that he was taking advantage of his hurtful words to state the fact that I really couldn't force him to stay here. I wasn't going to give up though; especially after what I have just found out. As he turned to make an exit, I rushed to the door, blocking it.
"You can't just lock me up in here" he spoke.
"You may not realise it, Jasper but I care about you. I'm not just gonna let you go knowing that you're not okay" I explained.
"You don't get it do you? I'm messed up, Carlisle. I know that so you don't have to remind me. But the real problem is that you think you could just fix me up because you're a doctor! Well guess what Carlisle; it doesn't work like that" he said before turning around and suddenly smashed his way through the window.
I followed him out and window as I did my best to keep up with him but it was difficult. As each second went by, he was getting further and further away until I gave up running. It was pointless. Now Edward wasn't here, Jasper was the fastest. I wouldn't get to him by chasing him down.
My phone suddenly went off in my pocket with the sound of a text message so I took it out and read it.
It's okay. He's looking for me; nothing will happen. Alice x
I sighed in relief. He hadn't ran off to hurt himself some more; he just needed Alice but another question was added to my collection of plenty. What did Alice see? Does she know too? Well if she doesn't, she will soon. This isn't something that I could keep hidden from everybody. I needed to warn them about this so that they know what to look out for but for now, I need to talk to Edward.
So what do you think of this chapter? I know Jasper seemed a little harsh with Carlisle but he was just letting it all out. He has been hiding for too long and he is just misunderstanding him.
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