Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

Alice POV

I couldn't believe that I had missed this. Jasper was the very first vision I had and I had been with him for 66 years yet I still hadn't noticed this. I knew that he had been keeping something from me but I never realised just how bad this secret was. Seeing the vision of the love of my life hurting himself in Carlisle's study had put me through so much pain that Jasper wouldn't have even handled the emotion if he was nearby. How could I have been so stupid? He stopped removing his shirt in front of me to cover his evidence, he went hunting more often than usual; on his own and Jasper and Edward were constantly having disagreements about something that they weren't willing to share with us.

I had to stop feeling like this. Jasper was on his way to find me and if he senses what I was feeling, he would run away from me as well as he did with Carlisle. He had only been trying to help but Jasper just pushed him away. That was another thing; after all this time, had Jasper just been acting part of the family just to make me happy? Had he really lied to me, pretending that everything was okay?

I hated that he had been keeping this from me. He really hadn't trusted me enough to tell me about this. How much more was he hiding from me? My husband tries to kill himself and has been self harming even before I had met him. As much as I hate to think it but I have a bad feeling that he is still hiding something a lot worse. If not, why would he be suicidal? What makes him hurt himself? I know this all links with that bitch who had manipulated him when he was with her. If this started after he left her, was it possible that...that he missed being with her? Jasper was already hiding so much from me so why not?

I heard him before I saw him. He hadn't run to me like I saw him doing. Something had stopped him as he stood a distance from me. I did my best to hide my emotions but it's a lot harder than it sounds. Thankfully, relief was the strongest emotion that I was feeling so hopefully that was enough to hide the rest.

"You know" he stated.

Or maybe not. He looked rather afraid; like if I was to move closer to him, he really would run away from me. Maybe that's what he wanted all along.

"One week ago, I thought I had a husband that loved and trusted me. I thought that he told me everything I needed to know. But it was all a lie" I whispered.

He tilted his head with his eye brows close together as confusion crossed his face.

"Alice, I do love you...And I'm trying, I really am" he spoke pleadingly.

"You can't love somebody you don't trust and this isn't trying; this is giving up" I corrected.

He looked like he wanted to get closer to me but my words seemed to have scared him back. I needed to know the truth; the whole truth.

"This all started when you left Maria, why?" I asked.

Jasper looked around, looking for somewhere to run but hesitated to make a single step. He struggled to say something; he tried but he didn't.

"Is it because you want to go back there? To her? Do you miss her?" I questioned.

He flinched back a little. The look he gave me when we made eye contact showed that he was hurt.

"I can't believe you would think that" he whispered.

With one last look, this time he didn't hesitate before dashing off further into the woods. So that wasn't it? I was assuming wrong? I sped off after him, hating the fact that he was faster than me. I called out his name as I ran, wanting him to stop.

"Jazz please...Don't go" I begged.

He eventually got out of my sight but I didn't stop running. I wasn't going to give up because if I let him go, I would never forgive myself. I had no idea whether he was running for fresh air or running away and never coming back. I don't know what I would do if I never saw him again.

Despite not seeing him, I followed his scent that still lingered in the air. How far away was the distance between us? Please stop so I can find you. I really had hurt him. I shouldn't have just assumed that he still wanted to be with Maria. This self hatred and Maria may be linked but this couldn't have been it. Maybe if he was to just tell me then I wouldn't need to think like this.

Screams are heard through the forest and I rush to the direction that they are heard from knowing that it was the sound of Jasper's pained voice. If I were human, I would have cried at the sight of Jasper crouching by a tree. He was growling harshly as he ripped at his skin on the right arm; biting every inch of his already scarred skin.

"Jasper, no!"

I ran forward, ignoring his growls; wanting him to stop this right now. His growls only got louder as he bared his teeth after ripping out flesh in his forearm. Vampires were always at their most dangerous when they weren't in their right state of mind. They don't see others as people they know but as a threat. Being close to Jasper in this state, there was a high possibility that I could get myself killed but that was a risk I had to take. I couldn't let him carry on doing this.

"Go!" He growled desperately.

I refused as I wrap my arms around him, knowing that he really needed comforting at this moment whether he knew it or not. He tried to push me back but I would not let him go. He needed to learn how to let things out.

"Don't" he begged.

But not long after, he hides his face in my neck as I keep his arms clear from his mouth.

"I don't want her. I need you...please, don't make me go back there. I'm sorry Alice, please" he whimpered.

Why would I make him go back? What kind of person did he think I was? Jasper accidentally radiated his emotions as I felt panic and fear. He was so overwhelmed.

I did this to him

"I'm so sorry Jazz. I didn't mean to hurt you like that" I whispered to him, kissing his temple.

"I love you, Alice. I wouldn't do that to you. It's just so hard" he explained with worry.

"Shhh it's okay. We'll talk about this. I just need you to calm down about this" I whispered as I stroke his hair.

He forcefully nodded at me as he continued to bury his head in my neck; keeping my scent extra close to him. He was afraid that I would leave him but I, too, was afraid that he would leave me. He wouldn't though. He needed me to support him. How could I question his love for me when he was clearly going through a difficult time? I was such a horrible person.

I spent the next couple of hours by his side, giving him all the time he needed to calm down. In that time, I had sucked the venom out of many of his new injuries so that they wouldn't hurt as much. Plus, the flesh that he had ripped out of his skin would heal as long as I removed the venom from that too. It would still show a little scarring but it wouldn't be as obvious if I had left the venom in it.

"I don't think that I can stay here anymore" he whispered sadly.

He only ever stayed for me anyway. If I was the reason he stayed then he must be the reason I go. I wouldn't let him run on his own and I needed to stay by him. I wasn't keen on the idea of leaving though; not for my sake but for Jasper's. As much as he doesn't realise it, he needs the whole family to help him through this. We needed to find out what is troubling him and then figure out how to help him.

"Jazz, they can all help you" I gently spoke.

He shook his head slowly as if he were sure that he was impossible to help. I wouldn't ever give up on him. I don't want him to suffer like this.

"Well then, I'll follow you" I whispered.

He pulled back to look me in the eye. Both of ours were full of emotion, expressing sadness and love. He shook his head at me again.

"You can't leave them. They are your family" he spoke.

"You're wrong. They're our family" I corrected. "Besides, you are the most important thing that has ever happened to me. I wouldn't leave your side for the world".

He smiled at me as I said that and then he leaned forward to press his lips on mine. He didn't pull back but rested his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes and sighed.

"I know it's wrong keeping this from you but I hate hurting you like this. I have already done enough damage" he whispered.

"Jazz, it hurts me even more knowing that I can't help you because you won't tell me anything" I replied.

Would I ever be able to convince Jasper to tell me the truth about his time with Maria? Because this is clearly what it's all about. Jasper started laying kisses on my neck; something he tends to do when my worry gets too much for him. I put my hand through his hair and did my best to calm myself for Jasper.

"I don't want to make you unhappy" he whispered in my ear.

"As long as you are with me, I won't be" I assured him.

"But I'm the reason you're unhappy" he responded.

No matter what I would say, he would somehow find a way to blame himself for this. I would never be the happy and joyful person that everybody view me as if I never found Jasper. I was only unhappy because he was too. I didn't reply but instead, kissed his forehead.

"There you are" a recognisable voice stated.

We both looked in the direction the voice had come from to view my beautiful blond sister, Rosalie. Jasper rolled his sleeve down, covering his damaged arm as Rose walks closer to us.

"You have a vision, panic written all over your face and you don't even think of explaining anything before running away from me. Do you have any idea how long I have been look for you? And Jasper, aren't you supposed to be at home on suicide watch?" She questioned.

I felt Jasper stiffen at her question.

"Rose, can't you see that you're interrupting something?" I asked.

Rosalie wasn't exactly the nicest person in the world and when it came to Jasper, she really scared him with her tone. She didn't do it on purpose because believe it or not, Jasper was her favourite Cullen member, excluding Emmett obviously. I guess it might have been because both of them had their hearts ripped out of their chest by somebody they thought they had loved and she understood that. Jasper on the other hand, despite being an empath, thought that he was hated by everybody.

"Jasper, I can already tell by your face that you shouldn't be out here. Go home" she demanded.

"Rose, he just needs some fresh air. Give him a bre..."

"I'll go" Jasper whispered before kissing my ear.

Was it really that simple? Tell him to do something and he would just do it? He stood and nodded at Rose before running in the direction of home with Rose and I following not far behind.

Next up will be Edward's POV.

Please Review because I lacked them last chapter. I beg you!